Quivering, my hands try to hold
the thing most beyond man’s control.
My bloodshot eyes cannot behold
the weariness I can’t console.

My achy bones refuse to move
to encounter the vague unseen,
to meet what latent dreams disprove
in the fog of the in between.

I’ve not adjusted to the light.
I tried but my eyes weren’t prepared.
I want the end to be in sight—
the insight of which I am scared.

When will at last I be awake?
Is this the day I understand?
I stumble out into daybreak
to hold the future in my hand.

Everything withers, e’en leaves of a tree,
Lush and full of life, verdant canopy.
The years take their toll, brittle death sets in,
The floor greets darkness the bare tree lets in.

The living have their time, then fade away,
Life lasts a moment, death years and a day.
We perish, and the preserved go rotten,
What we did, who we were, long forgotten.

Our long days belie our shortness of years,
The ground remains dry, unchanged by our tears.
Nothing yet lives that won’t see its last dawn,
There is no forever; all will be gone.

Plants return to earth, and us back to dust,
We live in denial; should we adjust?
Everything withers, e’en leaves of a tree.
I know this, yet, I am compelled to be.

Faith is what holds broken shards together.
Pieces left over of something shattered.
Faith sweeps them, delicate like a feather,
From the mess into which they’ve been scattered.

Faith takes the brokenness and makes it whole.
Jagged pieces must be handled with care.
Faith softens them with power to console.
They will rebuild with belief they’re all there.

Faith is the power to compel healing.
It is the life force of recovery.
Faith is glue between cracks that need sealing.
Knowing the broken will heal is the key.

Faith broken hopes come back stronger redeems,
Like a mirror whose scratches disappear.
Faith sculpts new life out of broken down dreams,
As if out of sand new glass could appear.

Faith takes the chaos of a broken soul,
Faith resurrects it if given control.

When every window is a mirror,
When you cannot see real life as it is,
When you think the world shows yourself clearer,
Then that reflection of you is amiss.

When how you feel is how you think you are,
When abandonment makes you run away,
When your own anger leaves you with the scar,
Then it’s you who are the one you betray.

When the same brokenness repeats itself,
When the same cries of resentment are spilled,
When unable to see blame in yourself,
Then your prophecy becomes self-fulfilled.

When you accept you have goodness inside,
When you forgive and accept affection,
When you let yourself be loved from outside,
Then at last you will see your reflection.

I waited…
Waited for the music to stop
So you would stop all your dancing.

I waited…
Waited to get your attention
While the attention was on you.

I waited…
Waited my turn to be seduced
While you seduced another man.

I waited…
Waited for the dimming spotlight
So the spotlight could shine elsewhere.

I waited…
Waited on your flirtatious kiss
While you kissed every man that night.

I waited…
Waited to partake in your lust
While my lust played me as your fool.

I waited…
Waited for the music to stop
So I could stop fantasizing.

If he resists his tendency
To inhabit his fantasy,
Would he welcome reality,
Over his made up tragedy?

Open to let his eyes be true,
Perceiving real as something new,
Made to feel life like his dreams do,
When dreaming is all that he knew?

To live for real to no avail,
His fantasies would never fail.
He kept the world behind a veil,
No real people matched his tale.

You’d say all his fantasy does
Is fantasize imagined flaws.
He’d love the real him because
He was fantastic as he was.

What if I could read your mind?
Know your thoughts…
And feelings
And whether they are changing
By a lot...
When actions
Seem to change just a little.

What purpose my confusion?
You are a…
Mystery
Because the real that I see
May be real
Only to me
Because I want it to be.

Each and every thing you do
Happens here…
But there too
In my world of fantasy
Where it makes
Perfect sense
And true love explains it all.

So what if I get it wrong?
Just a fool…
Not worse off
Because a fool can still hope
And will hope
Forever
Happily in fantasy.

My imagination is so feeble,
For no matter how hard I try,
My image of how beautiful you are
Is nothing like reality.

My best dreams are so ineffectual.
For no matter how lucidly,
My clearest dreams of you and your beauty,
Are dull compared to the real you.

My most eloquent words lose their meaning,
For no matter what words I choose,
My language too simple and imprecise
For the indescribable you.

Memory. These memories are
Exhausting. Clawing, attacking
Me. Weary and hurt I fight them
Desperately. In self-defense
Bloodied. Battered by longing to
Forget. Flailing hands before my
Face. Their relentless assault, it’s
Vicious. I pray for mercy from
Memories. They take all of my
Strength. If I could defeat one I’d
Forget. Each and every one.

Did you know when you woke today
that I would fall in love with you?
That your eyes would be seductive
sirens attracting me to you?

When you delicately opened
your lips at dawn to breathe, did you
know that first breath would draw me in
to your heart and deep love for you?

How many times were you to smile,
not knowing how much I’d love you?
Were you truly that unaware
that pure beauty is to see you?

How many years have passed till now,
my eyes waiting to behold you?
Did you know this moment would come,
searching for beauty, I’d find you?

What could compare to that first kiss?
To the expectation of bliss?
Testing the softness of her lips,
Awkwardly touching noses’ tips.
As her pink lips open a touch,
As you slow from pressing too much.
The first time that she tilts her head,
You touch her cheek with words unsaid.
The first time you slide down her chin,
And she lets your upper lip in.
The dream you had seen in her smile,
Is there for you to stay a while.
You taste her and smell her perfume,
With feeling too much to consume.
Sugar has never been so sweet,
As when your tongues finally meet.
You don’t need to open your eyes,
Each movement’s a perfect surprise.
Tongue and lips touch delicately,
With powerful intensity.
Love at first sight waited for this.
Nothing compares to your first kiss.

Before the finch sings or the rooster crows,
before eyelids raise or the sunrise glows,
before the sky transforms from midnight blue,
I’ve already begun my thoughts of you.

Before the alarm’s ring has hit my ears,
before the fog of sleep in my head clears,
before the grass is soaked with morning dew,
the day has started with my thoughts of you.

Before I extricate myself from dreams,
before the birds bathe in the dawn’s sunbeams,
before the coffee calls for me to brew,
my heart and soul begin to call for you.

Before I can arise from where I lay,
before everything that starts my day,
before anything else I have to do,
my day’s begun with loving thoughts of you.

Forever is the moment
The bedside clock strikes midnight
As the insomniac cries,
“How long will I stay awake?!”

Forever is the moment
Staring at the dead of night
Seeing the most starlit skies,
As our lasting Heaven’s sake.

Forever is the moment
Lonesome poets start to write
Words to memorialize
Constant and persistent ache.

Forever is the moment
When finally things feel right
And hopefulness fills the eyes,
And no hearts are left to break.

Been sure of my love since we begun it,
But I’m not perfect—in fact far from it.
I know how much patience loving me takes,
So forgive me for these coming mistakes:

My restless sleep that disturbs you at night.
When I hurt your back from hugging too tight.
For being distant when I’m deep in thought.
For each time it was my fault when we fought.
For not telling you which dress you should wear,
‘Cause if I’m with you I really don’t care.
I annoy you with an unfunny text.
You tell me and I still forget what’s next.
I get impatient while standing in line.
You doubt me when I say everything’s fine.
I let my ego get out of control.
My apologies dig a deeper hole.
I cry like a baby just from your touch.
I try too hard ‘cause I love you too much.

While I try to be better than ever,
I’ll still need your forgiveness forever.

I’ve escaped, slipping through a narrow crease.
Here I was, trapped by every emotion.
One instant, overwhelmed here’s my release!
Intensely, feelings put me in motion!

Slowly traversing flesh from which I came,
Others like me sharing in my descent.
Mortal grief and elation all the same,
I can never know what my presence meant.

Unwelcome, destined to be wiped away.
I was fine, watching the world in my eye,
Bewildered, thousands of feelings per day,
Now no more, which feeling bid me goodbye?

I come in truth impossible to lie,
And oh so hard to hide when I appear.
Wish someone would have warned me she would cry,
I’m nothing but a single wasted tear.

I’m so immersed in thoughts of your beauty
That I see it when I see anything.
I can’t describe it,
Angry at myself,
That my poetry is insufficient
To tell how beautiful I think you are.

I’m so immersed in thoughts of your beauty
That I see you, always, effortlessly.
Just seeing you once,
Though it’s not enough,
Was enough to make me always see you
So beautiful is always in my life.

I’m so immersed in thoughts of your beauty
That I’m not sure you actually exist.
Are you just a dream?
Imagined image?
Maybe I can’t describe your pure beauty
Because reality can’t measure up.

I’m so immersed in thoughts of your beauty
That my heart is broken with frustration.
Give me forgiveness.
Wish I could tell you…
But no words or verse will ever convey
That you are all the beauty in my world.

An end to war
The world is free
All sickness ends
The blind can see
These hopes have less
Futility
Than hope you’d fall
In love with me.

To never sin
To never die
Go back in time
To learn to fly
Those hopes can’t match
Futility
Of hope you’d fall
In love with me

To hold the stars
To swim on land
To outrun light
Count grains of sand
Not even their
Futility
Match hope you’d fall
In love with me.

If I had one
Ability
I’d use all my
Capacity
But it would be
Futility
You’ll never fall
In love with me.

From what did God make angel’s wings?
Or melodies that birdies sing?
Did He put stars in Heaven’s sky?
Why create man to ask Him why?
How has He no end and no start,
And yet still fit within our heart?
He made me be but why make me?
Why did He make one plus two three?
No one can understand God’s plan,
Or why He has concern for man.
So while it might make sense above,
I simply can’t explain our love.

That there is still air left to breathe,
The sky has not run out of blue,
My thanks for them a fraction of
As grateful as I am for you.

The past that made me who I am,
The chance to live for something new,
I’m not as thankful for these things
As grateful as I am for you.

The land on which to live and breathe,
The plenty of the ocean blue,
My thanks for them a fraction of
As grateful as I am for you.

The words I write of who I am,
When read again with feeling new,
My thanks for them could not surpass
As grateful as I am for you.

Which is the skin we must outgrow?
Walls we push against hard and slow.
To knowledge we’re afraid to know.
Restraints that keep telling us no.

What limits are holding us back?
Things we have we think that we lack.
Closing our eyes to turn light black.
Compassion feels like an attack.

What pressures are keeping us small?
Expecting we have to please all.
Afraid to jump in case we fall.
Ignoring doors built in our wall.

What good comes from our comfort zone?
We’re still while friends pass us alone.
Growing our fear of the unknown.
Destiny no longer our own.

This love is not the one you’re haunted by.
You are not subject to demons’ torment.
That scar is not enough to terrify.
That ghost of hurt is not malevolent.

Not everyone you see will wear a mask,
Nor every feeling from some witch’s spell.
No monster gives you poison when you ask,
Nor is your tale a ghost story to tell.

Your life is more than just a vampire’s meal.
You might find peace below the fullest moon.
Tonight for once release the fear you feel.
Redemption from your fear is coming soon.

Though heartbreak is your scariest thing yet,
To miss new love’s a scarier regret.

The hands of time
Count our endless moments.
The hands we hold
Energize love through touch.
The hands that give
Take away our torments.
The hands that heal
Can remedy so much.
The hands that bless
Bring grace upon our soul.
The hands that serve
Make sure we’re not alone.
The hands that write
Use words to make us whole.
The hands that love
Are the best hands to own.

Residing at depth so deep,
Encapsulated by madness,
A heart once broken heals itself.

Darkness itself has no meaning
There, where light has never been seen,
The place that hearts must go to heal.

The infinite is closer than
The distance away from sorrow
A heart must travel to be healed.

A place no love can penetrate,
Where loneliness is redundant,
Broken hearts become whole again.

In that beyond, the seconds tick,
As time, ever the master waits.
Time, immanent time, heals the heart.

The endless mercy of her love
is a sustaining salvation.
Her judgment of my feeble soul—
the most awesome revelation.  

Her love is a merciful hand
to the undeserved in despair.
She judged my woeful heart’s intent
and placed her absolution there.

She cannot love without mercy,
as the living depend on rain.
She judged my spirit perfectly.
Her kindness washed away my pain.

The mercy with which she loves me—
the greatest blessing one can give.
Her judgment’s better than my own,
it makes the world in which I live.

She's already saved me from myself
By being my alternate path
Away from destroying the self
Towards forgiveness of my self-wrath.

She's the voice I always ignored
It was a voice no one would speak
Sought to put my neck to the sword
She was strength the times I was weak.

How often will she pull me back?
I keep leading her to the brink.
My fears have me under attack
But she doesn't care what I think.

My poor judgment speaks its dissent
"I'm not worth the man you expect!"
With patience she sees my intent
And I change to earn her respect.

Such love feels so undeserving
From depth where my broken heart bleeds,
Her depth of love is unnerving
But I'll be the man that she needs.

Your love is like the horizon,
perceived no matter where I stand,
unclear which world that it lies in,
in and beyond my outstretched hand.

Your love is like that distant line
where heaven meets the earthly plane,
the beginning of my sunshine
that bounds a limitless domain.

Your love is like the horizon,
connected wherever I go,
comfort I idealize in,
the only constant that I know.

Your love is like that distant line
that never will recede from view.
Surrounding me and only mine,
I’m there in the center of you.

You exist, and I wonder how.
Of desires I feared to allow?
From dreams, did God make you somehow?
By my design are you here now?

I longed for hair silky and black,
Hung to the spot I’d rub her back,
Who’d be my aphrodisiac,
By you I am taken aback.

Your hips are curved to my design,
Perfect taste when your lips meet mine,
Made as if by a poet’s line,
I am a man but you’re divine.

I saw you before I could see,
A thought I thought inside of me,
I sculpted you in fantasy,
How is it you have come to be?

I know what it feels to miss you,
Both yesterday and right now.
What if missing you never stops?
How could my heart recover? How?

The last time I didn’t love you,
Was the moment before we met.
But I’ve loved you more every day,
I haven’t forgotten you yet.

Can’t remember not loving you,
Those lonely years did not exist.
Emptiness in me without you
An emptiness I can’t resist.

If I had to stop loving you,
My heart would have to stop beating.
I chose not to live without you
The moment of our first meeting.

I know what it’s like to miss you
When you’re gone for just a minute.
I don’t want to live without you,
What’s my life without you in it?

I could have been more careful than I was.
I didn’t have to love you,
Or let my heart be broken,
Enough to let you in there,
Suffocating me, lifeless,
But beating for you so that you could breathe.

I could have been more selfish than I was.
I didn’t have to love you,
Or break pieces off of me,
Breaking them off one by one,
Till I was a shell, shattered,
But able to put you back together.

I could have been more angry than I was.
I didn’t have to love you,
Or hold you so innocent,
As innocent as a child,
Withholding judgment, calmly,
But letting you turn fury back on me.

I could have been more knowing than I was.
I didn’t have to love you,
Or confront my need to give,
Giving so you would love me,
Till I left my tank, empty,
But looking back I learned what I should be.

If I shared with you every thought I think,
If I shared with you every dream I dreamt,
If I tried to see you each time I blink,
If you’re the meaning of each word I meant,
If yours were the heartbeat inside my chest,
If yours were the voice I hear speak to me,
If my need for closeness gave you no rest,
If being yours is all I want to be,
If some part of you is what makes me whole,
If your hand were all my hand ever held,
If your love alone inhabits my soul,
If you were the only grace I beheld,
If all that I have is my love for you,
I have enough if you feel that way, too.

If my eyelids were a canvas
Upon which I could paint your smile,
I'd never open them again,
I'd sleep forever and a while.

If I could see in every cloud,
The gentleness of your embrace,
I'd leap from the tallest building,
And try to float away in space.

If the sparkle of each snowflake
Shined like the glimmer in your eyes,
I'd get buried in a blizzard
Until my frostbitten demise.

If I could find a piece of cloth
To hold me close the way you do,
I'd have to mummify myself
So I'd be always held by you.

If there were ever such a mind
In which you were its only thought,
I don't have to imagine it.
That's just what loving you has brought.

I woke this morning, inevitably,
(Thank goodness), and air rushed into my chest.
I thought not of life, invariably,
But the joy (thank goodness) gives me no rest.

I woke up and I fell in love again,
With a woman who (thank goodness) loves me.
Heartbeats and breath are no comparison
To a lover (thank goodness) fine as she.

No sooner had the sunlight hit my face
I woke (thank goodness) ever more full of love.
While life as its own reward has its place,
I’ve her in my life (thank goodness) above.

Each morning I fall in love more deeply,
Waking up (thank goodness) to have the chance.
New day new chance for this love to greet me
With life (thank goodness) and also romance.

The meadow, fragrant of hyacinth and lilac
I lay among their stems, dewy grass in my back.
The pale blue of the sky holds the corona true
Swelter beneath the star, yellow at war with blue.

Distant petals, floating on gusty zephyrs fly
Squinting at reds and pinks, pollen dust in my eye.
A rushing bubbling stream carries away my mind
O’er pebbled bed beneath through twist and turn and wind.

A droplet escapes free and nibbles at my toe
As nature overwhelms with what the meadow knows.
Love is to be immersed—Just dipped my toe and yet
It was a pool of you, and my whole body’s wet.

Impervious.
The defense of age.
Our hearts become small.
We’re loathe to engage.
We put up a wall.

Impervious.
In an armored suit.
Seeking protection.
To be resolute.
Avoid connection.

Impervious.
To one more heartbreak.
We like to think so.
But that’s our mistake.
Our hurt makes us grow.

Impervious.
I have tried to be.
It was just pretense.
For your love found me.
It pierced my defense.

Impervious.
Was never a thing.
I was closed off to
Almost everything—
Everything but you.

Time spent in obsessive contemplation
Of infinite paths of infinite ifs.
How many if only buts today alone?
I could be infinitely different.

My head hurts, my soul is so uncertain.
I’m this, and not infinite other ifs.
I am from mistakes of pure carelessness,
I am random intentional choices.

My world is what it is, but is that all?
What remains of other infinite ifs?
I have memories of worlds that weren’t,
Of worlds that might be infinitely worse.

There is an unknown me inside of me,
Who pursued some other infinite ifs.
And yet, what if I chose right every time?
What if that unknown me is also me?

If you ask me how deep a love should be
Don’t seek an answer quantitatively.
Love’s to be measured qualitatively,
Except that I love you infinitely.

If each love is its own variety,
Which one is the one between you and me?
Is it type one or type one hundred three?
My love for you is love infinity.

If you ask how much love I give to thee
For fear love might exceed capacity,
Man never loves to his ability.
Except me—I love you infinitely.

If you need me to love descriptively,
Each day I love you more infinitely,
I need new numbers mathematically,
For I love you more than infinity.

Insecurity unnerving.
Innate need to feel deserving.
There’s so much I aspire to be.
But no success has been for me.

Capturing all the love that’s near,
While to be unloved is my fear.
Wishing this thought could be unlearned--
Feeling that love has been unearned.

Sometimes I wish I could just live,
Without this tired narrative.
That my ambition for success,
Based not on fear I’d be loved less.

Who needs to stand out from the crowd
Just to make the pretty girls proud?
Nothing I’ve done has been my own.
I’ve just been scared to be alone.

I’ve done so little just for me.
And now I see the irony.
At last admired and adored,
For motivations I abhorred.

If God created the World
        and all its Beauty to see,
What Beauty inspired Him,
        like your Beauty inspires me?

If God created the World,
        As Art for eternity,
What vision did He behold,
        Like yours is beheld by me?

If God created the World,
        where Love makes Man want to be,
What Love motivated Him,
        Like your love motivates me?

If God created the World
        within His own timelessness view,
What causes God’s timelessness
        Like those moments I’m with you?

If God created the World
        to bring living Life anew,
What made His life worth Living,
        like mine was not before you?

If God created the World
        but lived in His Creation,
What a World He would create,
        with you as inspiration!

I write about beauty thinking of you,
And the awe in my soul from what you do.
I write about dreams that you made come true.
Words are mine but inspiration is you.

I write about blue skies thinking of you,
And miracles based on things that you do.
Love is a fantasy that you made true.
My poetry is inspired by you.

I write about hopes thinking of you,
And seeing God’s hand in all that you do.
Lies I believed you made no longer true.
Art that I see is inspired by you.

I heard wondrous words coming from you,
And watched all the new things you liked to do.
You made my tears when you swore it was true—
It was I who was inspiring you.

I prefer the gray.
I don’t want to choose between dark and light.
I like it that way.
No one can tell me if I feel alright.

I prefer the gray.
It can be whatever I want it to.
I like it that way.
Why pick joy or pain when both can be true?

I prefer the gray.
An aching heart can have a smiling face.
I like it that way.
Why must my emotions have their own place?

I prefer the gray.
What you think I mean is for me to know.
I like it that way.
When the words confound you just let them go.

I wish I’d known you longer,
Met earlier, been stronger.
I wish I’d not spent those years,
Without you, with all those fears.

I wish that our paths had crossed,
Met earlier, I’d been lost.
I wish I’d have had the chance,
Without you, knew not romance.

I wish I had known your name
Met earlier, it’s a shame.
I wish I’d known who you were
Without you, past life’s a blur.

I wish that though we never
Met earlier, forever
I wish endless love and so
Without you, I never know.

What have you paid for this nothingness,
This refusal you have made your own,
Wearing discontent like shamefulness,
To be greatest at being alone?

What satisfaction your martyrdom,
Your stubborn turning the other cheek,
The Queen of the loneliest kingdom,
Self-loathingly bragging she is weak?

What appreciation have you earned,
Playing the role of unlovable,
Who knows more than the lessons she learned,
Too scared to be discoverable?

What’s worth being unworthy of love,
Flaunting beauty as only a tease,
Fallen from that pedestal above,
If you smiled once you’d find love with ease.

I have but one humble request.
Forget not I who loved you best,
Not I whose love will never rest,
With all my love I loved you best.

Acknowledge to me only this.
There is none else you want to kiss,
Mine are the only lips you miss,
As yours are those I want to kiss.

Assure me that you realize.
You see the love inside my eyes,
The tears of joy of joyful cries,
Of your image inside my eyes.

Promise me this one thing you know.
The closeness of our love will grow,
Coming together fast or slow,
Come closer so my love will grow.

If nothing else let this be true.
Devote to me as I for you,
Making love as only we do,
Love me for me as I for you.

Between intention and action,
That gap is filled with processes.
Mental. Emotional. Unknown.
What penetrates those recesses?

Between intention and action,
What moves across that connection?
Feeling. Need. Pain. Inertia. Fear.
What motivates that direction?

Between intention and action,
There is the indispensable.
Devotion. Love. Strength. Soulfulness.
Are our lives comprehensible?

Between intention and action,
Do we call on our sense of awe?
Pathos. Concentration. Wonder.
That’s where we enter kavanah.

I can’t stop thinking of lips,
Glossy, pouty and luscious,
A tongue that twirls, darts and dips,
Sensing a sense so precious.

No feeling exceeds kissing,
More than any sense of touch,
If lips on mine went missing,
I’d miss nothing else so much.

Dreaming of red lips on mine,
With a tickling tongue atrill,
Feather soft tongue’s tip so fine,
I cannot hold my heart still.

Use a tongue to enter me,
Grab my face to *******,
Taste as sweet as sweet can be,
Kissing’s where my love comes from.

Let not this love fall into discontent,
Nor my eyes accustom to her allure.
Let not the sight of her cease wonderment,
Nor my passion bore with beauty demure.

Let not my lips stop quiv’ring for her kiss,
Nor my fingers ache for her velvet hair.
Let not my arms embrace with avarice,
Nor my desire leave anything to spare.

Let not her beauty ever be passé,
Nor my heart not yearn for her naked breast.
Let not making love miss a single day,
Nor lying beside her allow us rest.

Let not me take for granted her boudoir,
Nor my love for her wane even a bit.
Let not my lustful eyes ever look far,
Nor my body ablaze become unlit.