leave room for progress
planning out my dreams laying on your chest
life is so sweet, so perfect
life is so good, am i deserving?
ive been hurt before, ive wished for more
but right now i am content
i am no longer drowning in my head
no longer wishing on candles for your hand
to intermingle with mine, to rewind the times
to when you got me high
once upon a life, prince and knight
oh our love story
was clearer than blue skies

an anaconda squeezing its meal
you just wanted to feel
to reap
a panda chewing bamboo trees
you were on cruise control
never knew the damage you caused
your negligence, oh my god

our love bloomed
the wind drifted us apart
was this my story from the start
the man who saved me from the well
the only man who ever helped
set me free, unearthed me
but my freedom is riddled with flashbacks
of my hands gripping your back
my perpetual prince, your absence weighs heavy
my perpetual prince, keep me second guessing

goon in love
too soon to trust
that's my inner dialogue, just a fire moving along
gazing above
wondering what watches over me as I repeat the mistakes set out forth for me
generational trauma, nature works in cycles
generational drama, focus on plastic idols
daydreams in the white room
unfaithful to the divine fruit

producing buckets on buckets of mucus
in my bed being useless
Wondering why i am so **** useless?
my brain won’t work, my body is disconnected
not even sure what I am representing??
Who am I repping, too busy tripping?
both ways, on the via rail today
thinking of the things i say
Was that me, am i too deep?
shallowness is not appealing to me
rather dive into mysteries
you like that i am an enigma
curated chaos charisma
you like that i am an enigma
surfing on tsunamis, dissolving sigma
I S A A C ?
I S A A C the enigma

clean fit, ***** city
manz gripping the waist because i’m too pretty
breaking it down on Yonge street
breaking it down for the young me
that had to hide, inner child suicide
now i surf the waves and follow the tides
imagining what it would be like
to be a son of skyscrapers
imagining what it could be like
if i left my nest i’ve built
home is where the heart is
but where is mine
i think i found it in the rainbow

the one who cuts us, we become
spew the same venom, too numb
to reflect, reject, the rejection
instead harness the sweetness
that grew bigger and bitter
burdens piling on top of each other, stressing out each other
cats in cars, birds in caves
displaced, misplaced, disrespectful space
where is the worldly womb
too tired of this white room
100 nights awake in this room
100 nights without you

I was always frightened
hiding from what happened to happen
constantly stressed no come down for the wicked
apprehensive to tenderness
running from abandonment
no rest for the wicked

I was always dodging
insults, punches, and negativity
didn't believe that love would kiss me on the cheek
these hounds, hounds of love are after me
I can’t come out of my warped fantasy
I run and jump; the sea catches me
too afraid to confront what is happening

king of rats
mediumship, situationships
dreams showing me your daily slips
your kiss with her, your lips on his
your hands on him, your striptease
pretty please you begged me
pretty please you strung me along
all along, declined your calls
thank god, he had some sense
thank god, I never sent that text
thank god, I let it drift off into the ocean
nature will take its course, I will heal my corpse
writing stories until my dreams show me
the next thing, my next path
I will align, I build an altar, a waft
crossing the waters, no knife in my back

all the wells are empty
the wars are lost
all the children cry
but we focus on our capital instead
homeless crowd the streets but we blissfully sleep
in our egyptian cotton sheets, in our bed of lies counting sheep
praying away all the evil eyes
welcome to the end times

les enfants jouent dans le jardin
c’est dur, je ne comprends pas
tes vies sont différentes de mien
je me sens comme un méchant
comme un adulte, mais en même temps non
c’est trop pour moi, je suis occupé
je ne suis pas bien, je ne peux pas t’adorer
les enfants jouent dans le parc
je guéris avec mes arts
avec des cartes de tarot
je suis empereur, un magicien
j’ai connu les règles
mais je les ai cassés
c’est dans au passé
tu ne me comprends pas
je suis un nouveau moi, je suis un roi
tu ne pourrais jamais me comprendre
depuis le début
j’ai vu, je t’ai vu
mais tu ne pourrais jamais me voir

2 times 2 is four, as my life path
always wonder if I am on the right path
wish I could calculate my path, extract the unknown
prove it with words and numbers, not just inner knowing and tarot cards
math is more believable to the severed body
I use other means to understand my body
holistic, artistic, there's always another way
deterministic, statistic, no place for the grey
calculate how best to waste your days

I need a wishbone or a loophole
sick of you and this old soup bowl
I thought this plague would fade away
I thought your chest was my favourite place
tarot cards led me astray, I guess
I try to never compress, I try to focus on my dress
a ring that makes me smile or a vibrant hue
anything to forget about you
how about when you made butterflies erupt in my stomach
how about when you made me think I knew what love is
floating on the shipwreck waiting to be brought to shore
these moments allowed me to process and plan
for my next project, my next attack
you thought you could beat me down
think again

it is hard for the truth to come out of my sealed lips
played the victim and I take my role seriously
we were just on the same water, passing ships
the sun and the moon meeting in an eclipse
only for a moment but the moment was potent
wishing for more moments like this
rips and rips until I finish my zip
hours and hours until I finish my shift
you are the one thing my mind cannot slip
the one man that drives me to drink
so I don't think, just a couple of sips
now I am covered in my sadness as the sunlight peeks through
such a naive little boy, never knowing what to do
what to do

lavender, lilac, and strawberry
I taste energy like yours rarely
make my cheeks redder than cherry
you have an essence, it is a blessing
you taught me lessons, such a blessing
I thought I was unlovable you showed me the contrary
make me sing like the giddy canary
was too used to solitary
read my feelings like a library

demonic, my self-sabotage is chronic
after a couple of gin and tonics, music is electronic
your body like a comic, I wanna read, I wanna see
something about you was made for me, made to be
my little teddy bear to sleep with, I'm wearing no underwear that's my secret
come and plant your seed then reap it
illogical thinking who needs a reason?
I just need you in this bed until noon

you attract more flies with honey
like moths, to a flame, you bug me
ready for hot humid summer days
ready to have my picnics by the lake
my family I have crafted, my kin in essence
my family I have drafted, my purest expression
truest of true, brightest of blues,
chatter filled dinners, loved filled rooms
I prayed for times like this, the flowers in bloom

unravel, untied, our love my love has died
it was yours then mine, but now it rests in pockets of time
pockets of sunshine, rack my memories to re-find
recollect your light, re-experience your mind
maybe if I hold on to it tight enough, the frequency i’ll be riding on
will re-attract you back, to re-tether our hands together again
maybe that's too idealistic, maybe that's against the laws of physics
maybe I am just as stupid as this dream is
maybe I am broken for a reason
I don't know, I just thought it was special
the most saturated jewel tones
I don't know, I just thought it was something
the most beautiful to the most unknown

ive been going out every weekend
i dont know if its bad or good
i don’t know if im sad or masking
I dont know if i am replacing habits with other bad habits
maybe im the bad habit
the liable rabbit that fell down the rabbit hole
i always seem to overflow
producing tears by the bucket load
i didnt mean to unload too much
unfold too much, save that for drunken spring brunch
grateful for my team, i know that much
but its hard to me to show my real love
but i live and i learn, i larbour and earn
i wait for my turn, the tables always seem to turn
take a left, trust i’m right, work the day, come alive at night

they are polluted by my delusion
they were born to ruin
my tears are acidic and my burden is heavy
my fears are basic and I feel incomplete already
it's a lot to wrap my head around, especially when my feet are not on the ground
I'd rather ride the clouds or catch a wave
who determined that life had to be so grey, day in and day out
paychecks in and I already spent it, this hole I cannot get out
my teardrops are acid and my god I cannot hold them in any longer
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbor.

its been 2 years, I grew so much but I still carry the same fears
the fears that you kissed, your hand I still miss
I always have the memories but even those start to slip
it's all the ****, it's all the daydreams
my days start to bleed, I need a trip
I need to escape, I need a bridge to get across these violent waters
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbour
I return to that day in your car where the rain fell so hard
could barely hear rain on me on the radio
I think of you no matter where I go
I see you with your boo in Turks and Caicos
I see you living it up and not day goes
by where you don't
cross my mind, got myself in so much trouble in the pursuit to find
someone that shares your light, someone that takes their time, someone who is actually worth my time
you just wished me a happy birthday and I wish the convo never ended
I feel without you I am suspended
not able to move, not able to do anything but cry
as I watch the only good man I’ve ever met thrive
I wish I could say you were ****, I wish you hurt me harder
maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck like this, loved me better than my father
maybe I was just a pitstop til you found your forever
maybe I was destined to find better
but on these cold march nights, it's hard to keep that in mind
but on these cold march nights, I just want you in my sight
drown in your light, love you as you deserve
maybe that's what it boils down to
never met someone who
was worthy of my love, worthy of my touch

I'm 20 now, my logic still unsound
I still linger around and use **** to drown it out
I try to be perfect, be an adult, and keep working
but I am not perfect, it hurts knowing that it hurts showing that
but vulnerability is a virtue, I continue to work to
to shine my light to shed light on what might
be brewing under the surface, for a random observer
I'm 20 now, I hate the way it sounds
almost like the tik tok of a clock, I’m an adult now
my prime is coming to an end retail therapy to pretend
I'm not where I want to be, I'm not happy where I am
do I keep put on the track I'm on or do I switch lanes instead
too many tabs open in my head, too little time spent out of bed
I need to get on my own feet, I need to plant these seeds, I need to not burst at the seams
because I'm 20 now, cant wait to see it out
wondering where ill be, who’s beside me, and if I’ll still doubt

I feel the crack of the dead leaves underneath my feet
reminding me I stay wondering around this dead place
once upon a time this was an oasis, once upon a time it was colourful
now it is all dead, storms more violent than the ones in my head
I guess I feel comfortable here, I imagine there's nothing to fear
make friends with the bloodthirsty, prove to myself I am unworthy
of anything better than this bitter taste
deserve anything better than this polluted waste
I swim in the chaos, I dive into the unhealthy
goodness is too overwhelming

I lost the plot and that's fine
I lost my mind within the lines
of my aquamarine journal
oh the feelings it holds under lock and key
oh the feelings I keep just for me
the pages filled with my metaphorical tears
the pages filled with my realistic fears
describing my intrusive thoughts
outlining my dreams of yachts
It is so distant yet so near
my journal is where I disappear
it houses the memories, my souvenirs
my breath that you took, the lyrics to my next hook
all lies within my aquamarine book

cultural burnout, the hurt bubbling up
cannot put a lid on it any longer
the feelings keep getting stronger
my muscles ache, my brain is dazed
cultural burnout, the days slip away
the workweek is all I know
I barely ever leave my home
no escape, no break
inside the cage, this lake