I want the atmosphere
to be filled
by your grace
always-
but not always
am I able
to see you.

I don't know how much
you had to drink but I know
you were completely out of your senses.
I couldn't quite make out the words,
but I guess even then,
it felt good to hear some affection.
Oh, how terse the mind is deceived
so easily by the false mask
of a bottle of ***.

Our first drink of *** was sweet.
It coated our tongues
with spice and the back
of our throats with a burn.
For a moment
I was scared,
because oh,
how easily one can get hooked.

Shakira on the radio,
a gin and tonic or maybe four.
The night is young, baby,
and we aren't
getting any older.

Your silence
did not imply that you
had nothing left to say-
no, quite the opposite.
I heard everything crystal clear
from the silence that followed-
a silence so deafening,
I wasn't loud enough
to respond.

We teach ourselves
to not feel a thing,
yet end up feeling
it right to the core.
Perhaps everything
can not work out the way
we tell ourselves it should.
Perhaps we are merely
powerless creatures.

I wasn’t sure if it was
the pounding of my heart,
the gentle autumn touch,
or your smile I call art
but it happened all too fast
Under the radiant moon
it happened like a dream
a dream too good to be true

Even the bad ones are good-
they remind me of how poorly
reality measures up.

For some reason,
this is the one day of the year
where we place an immense amount
of pressure on ourselves
to have fun, to be social.
On Valentine’s Day,
you’re either with your partner
or you’re not.
On Christmas, you’re with family.
On your birthday, anything goes.
But on New Years,
you’re either out
having a blast or
you’re all
alone.

You can’t be replaced,
it’s an impossible feat
so carry on, stranger.
It took me too long to realize
that we aren’t toys, tools,
or parts of some machine;
we exist for ourselves.
what did you come here for,
comfort or a poem?

My heart spilled open
hoping the news wasn't true-
too little, too late.

9:31 PM
14/12/19

The Christmas Blues
are falling like snow-
they chill me to the bone.
I'm all wrapped up
in the Christmas Blues
just like the presents
underneath your tree

One common misconception
about night owls is that it
isn't about staying up late,
not to party or to relax,
but the feeling the silence
and the darkness brings.
In this solitude we find peace of mind,
we find the atmosphere to create,
to work and to unwind.
The world is asleep and I
have never felt more alive.

Poets born and die
with every stroke of the pen-
so live fast, write young

12:13 AM
18/6/19

it's all about who
you eat pizza with at
two in the morning

10:49 PM
2/7/19

Every time I see our pictures
Only one thought runs through my mind
and I have nothing left to say.
It’s not that I have no words for you,
It’s that they always slip away.
Every greeting, every compliment
weights down my heart
as I remember you’re no longer mine.
All I can do now is hope that,
every once in a while,
you see those pictures
and I cross your mind once again
that you feel me in your veins
and maybe cause your heart
to skip a beat;
maybe I can make you smile
one last time.

I soar
like a meteor
directly into your heart
but the closer I get,
the more I begin to crumble
and lose myself to you.
Smaller and smaller
until I'm but a pebble
barely making a noise
upon your window.

All these drinks bring back
memories of all that I
would like to forget

9:59 PM
14/11/19

I find that we poets have
a quiet desperation to write
that keeps us hanging onto life.

Alone in a dream,
Alone wide awake
It’s in my bloodstream
It’s more than I can take
I fell asleep with a memory
It’s always the same mistake
when dreams are only temporary
It’s more than I can take

Your love
is a lifesaver
in case you didn't know.

I think about our future cat
that is, if you wanted more.
Would we have too many to pat
or would they be ours to adore?
We'd argue over countless names
in between our countless grins-
these perfect moments hung in frames,
soaked in pure love and the finest gins.

There is nothing
on this planet more beautiful
than seeing a daughter's smile
in her mother's eyes
even when heartache is an
ingredient for something so heavenly.
The sun and moon could learn so much
from this baby girl’s warmth and glow.

These early hours
of the morning have never
been friendly to me

2:04 AM
5/12/20

You can’t keep me out
You thought you had a choice
You thought you had a thought of your own
I’ll destroy you and waste all your time
I’ll make you think I’m all there is to life
I use you up as you go down the line
I am lust

Oh how nice it would be
To drift in and out of existence
I know that I’d truly be free
To do this at will, such brilliance
I would say goodbye to these hollow days
And goodbye to every soul around me
I would close my eyes as I drift into a haze
To have a choice, I know I’d feel truly free

Patience is one of
the softest forms of love that
someone can practice

10:22 AM
26/6/22

In your eyes
A fascinating insight
A window
For a soul of glass
A fragile heart
A delicate mind
Torn apart
One too many times

Every smile,
every touch
and every word
we ever shared were
poems unto themselves.

If you're not up there
in heaven
when I get off this wild ride,
then dying isn't really an option-
is it?

We’ve been out there, alone
Chasing something that isn’t there
It’s taken me far too long
To realize that everything,
Everything we’ve ever wanted
Everything we've ever dreamed
Has been right there in front of us
Right there in each other’s eyes

Ten haikus later
and I'm still trapped on this plane
in need of a drink

6:21 PM
9/7/19

Every person
comes with their
own legion of demons so
pick a Hell and
make it yours.

Another Christmas
without you and it doesn't
become easier

6:45 PM
23/9/21

Can we still salvage this kiss
from over seven-thousand
miles away?
Were our lips destined to repel
like the north and south pole?
Or will they find a way
like a heart to a soul?
What were we thinking
when we never said goodbye?
what were we thinking
when we ripped our souls apart?
Can we still salvage this kiss,
as damaged as we are?

the city is a
distant monument to our
one summer in love.

We live in troubled times.
The Amazon is burning and yet
no one will answer for these crimes.
Such is the twenty-first century
when the polar ice caps are melting
and there's no one to answer their plea.

Dear Diary;
I think I've figured out
why I enjoy staying up so late.
It's 2:44 am
and the world is quiet.
No one expects anything from me
nor do I expect anything from anyone.
It's just me
and the silence.

You are an angel
straight from the city of light.
I am a sinner
but when I'm with you,
I strive to be
a saint.

Have you ever noticed how
all your friends and family
could come together for
one big party and the
only thing we'd notice
is that the one person
we want to see
is not there.

I saw you,
daydreaming yourself into a world
that is kinder than the one we live in.
Good for you,
that kind of peace
is hard to find.

I'd rather be certain
of the saddest reality
than uncertain about
a hopeful fantasy.

Last night you came to me
Just a dream at three thirty-three
And then you kissed me
I almost felt your body
And when you held me
I couldn’t wake, I couldn’t flee

It hurts
day by day.
I can feel you fade
and slip away,
through my fingers
that were never yours
anyway.

it is an odd thing
to hold someone close and
lose them regardless

12:27 PM
14/9/19

the cold of winter
can ruin a lonely heart-
brace for the cold, love

8:34 PM
7/12/19

My poor heart
It’s seen better days
If only it could restart
And get out of this faze

my poor heart
When will it ever learn?
It isn't all that smart
It cannot help but yearn

My poor heart
it’s getting out of hand
if sorrow was an art
I’d be the best in the land

My poor heart
Just one more beating
I’d fall off the chart
and hide until spring

I have come to realize that
we, humans,
have a religion-shaped hole
in all of our hearts.
What do you fill yours with?

I am no longer anxious
because I have you.
I carry you in my heart,
I feel you in every beat and
all my sorrow
and stress melt
away from this soul.

loving you did hurt,
but I didn't know it would
cost me my own heart

11:06 PM
12/6/19