I want the atmosphere
to be filled
by your grace
always-
but not always
am I able
to see you.

For some reason,
this is the one day of the year
where we place an immense amount
of pressure on ourselves
to have fun, to be social.
On Valentine’s Day,
you’re either with your partner
or you’re not.
On Christmas, you’re with family.
On your birthday, anything goes.
But on New Years,
you’re either out
having a blast or
you’re all
alone.

Even the bad ones are good-
they remind me of how poorly
reality measures up.

You can’t keep me out
You thought you had a choice
You thought you had a thought of your own
I’ll destroy you and waste all your time
I’ll make you think I’m all there is to life
I use you up as you go down the line
I am lust

There's a riddle-shaped hole
Cutting deep in my heart
but I gave up in it
Long ago
I swore I had
Accepted defeat
But every now and then
I'll catch myself
Digging at
The riddle-shaped hole
You left
So long ago

it's all about who
you eat pizza with at
two in the morning

10:49 PM
2/7/19

In your eyes
A fascinating insight
A window
For a soul of glass
A fragile heart
A delicate mind
Torn apart
One too many times

Every time I see our pictures
Only one thought runs through my mind
and I have nothing left to say.
It’s not that I have no words for you,
It’s that they always slip away.
Every greeting, every compliment
weights down my heart
as I remember you’re no longer mine.
All I can do now is hope that,
every once in a while,
you see those pictures
and I cross your mind once again
that you feel me in your veins
and maybe cause your heart
to skip a beat;
maybe I can make you smile
one last time.

There is nothing
on this planet more beautiful
than seeing a daughter's smile
in her mother's eyes
even when heartache is an
ingredient for something so heavenly.
The sun and moon could learn so much
from this baby girl’s warmth and glow.

Oh how nice it would be
To drift in and out of existence
I know that I’d truly be free
To do this at will, such brilliance
I would say goodbye to these hollow days
And goodbye to every soul around me
I would close my eyes as I drift into a haze
To have a choice, I know I’d feel truly free

I think about our future cat
that is, if you wanted more.
Would we have too many to pat
or would they be ours to adore?
We'd argue over countless names
in between our countless grins-
these perfect moments hung in frames,
soaked in pure love and the finest gins.

I wish to be a
man of hope again but this
life is just too cruel

11:16 AM
22/12/19

I soar
like a meteor
directly into your heart
but the closer I get,
the more I begin to crumble
and lose myself to you.
Smaller and smaller
until I'm but a pebble
barely making a noise
upon your window.

Your love
is a lifesaver
in case you didn't know.

Another Christmas
without you and it doesn't
become easier

6:45 PM
23/9/21

Patience is one of
the softest forms of love that
someone can practice

10:22 AM
26/6/22

What was scary as the monsters
Was living in my head
all along.

Shakira on the radio,
a gin and tonic or maybe four.
The night is young, baby,
and we aren't
getting any older.

Throw me to the sharks
and let me see how the beast
inside of you thinks

6:09 PM
9/7/19

Every person
comes with their
own legion of demons so
pick a Hell and
make it yours.

If you're not up there
in heaven
when I get off this wild ride,
then dying isn't really an option-
is it?

Have you ever noticed how
all your friends and family
could come together for
one big party and the
only thing we'd notice
is that the one person
we want to see
is not there.

We’ve been out there, alone
Chasing something that isn’t there
It’s taken me far too long
To realize that everything,
Everything we’ve ever wanted
Everything we've ever dreamed
Has been right there in front of us
Right there in each other’s eyes

Last night you came to me
Just a dream at three thirty-three
And then you kissed me
I almost felt your body
And when you held me
I couldn’t wake, I couldn’t flee

It hurts
day by day.
I can feel you fade
and slip away,
through my fingers
that were never yours
anyway.

Can we still salvage this kiss
from over seven-thousand
miles away?
Were our lips destined to repel
like the north and south pole?
Or will they find a way
like a heart to a soul?
What were we thinking
when we never said goodbye?
what were we thinking
when we ripped our souls apart?
Can we still salvage this kiss,
as damaged as we are?

I'd rather be certain
of the saddest reality
than uncertain about
a hopeful fantasy.

I have come to realize that
we, humans,
have a religion-shaped hole
in all of our hearts.
What do you fill yours with?

You are an angel
straight from the city of light.
I am a sinner
but when I'm with you,
I strive to be
a saint.

Every smile,
every touch
and every word
we ever shared were
poems unto themselves.

I don't know how much
you had to drink but I know
you were completely out of your senses.
I couldn't quite make out the words,
but I guess even then,
it felt good to hear some affection.
Oh, how terse the mind is deceived
so easily by the false mask
of a bottle of ***.

the cold of winter
can ruin a lonely heart-
brace for the cold, love

8:34 PM
7/12/19

I am no longer anxious
because I have you.
I carry you in my heart,
I feel you in every beat and
all my sorrow
and stress melt
away from this soul.

do you ever get the feeling that
The closer you connect with someone,
the further away you feel?
do you ever get the feeling that
when you think of someone so much,
that every thought seems real?

My poor heart
It’s seen better days
If only it could restart
And get out of this faze

my poor heart
When will it ever learn?
It isn't all that smart
It cannot help but yearn

My poor heart
it’s getting out of hand
if sorrow was an art
I’d be the best in the land

My poor heart
Just one more beating
I’d fall off the chart
and hide until spring

There's someone out there
who feels better just because
you are in their life

7:46 PM
19/8/21

Every time you
think about if he
is thinking about you-
you are letting
him win.

it is an odd thing
to hold someone close and
lose them regardless

12:27 PM
14/9/19

We live in troubled times.
The Amazon is burning and yet
no one will answer for these crimes.
Such is the twenty-first century
when the polar ice caps are melting
and there's no one to answer their plea.

She won't break your heart,
but she will test its limits.
Fair?
Probably not,
but neither is life,
and life provides
opportunity,
not justice.

If someone told me
you’d be mine
sending me your love
all the time
I would have laughed.
But it seems as if
This endless fairytale
is in our eyes again
such a perfect story
and a dream so intense
this isn’t making sense.

We teach ourselves
to not feel a thing,
yet end up feeling
it right to the core.
Perhaps everything
can not work out the way
we tell ourselves it should.
Perhaps we are merely
powerless creatures.

it has been a while
since I've written anything worthy
and it has been quite a while
since we last talked.
Perhaps these factors are related-
all I know is that I wrote
some of my favorite pieces
when we kept each other up-
when you were still in my life.

These early hours
of the morning have never
been friendly to me

2:04 AM
5/12/20

I wonder if you know
how to love me when I’m down.
Not only through affection, but  
to be a shining light in these
tunnels of darkness.
I constantly battle my demons-
will you be the angel by my side?
Are you able to fill the void
when a piece of me is
missing from my soul?  
I want you to be here through
the dark days, not only the bright.

**** fascism and
**** communism and ****
coronavirus

7:20 PM
4/6/20

There’s a song
In your heart
It screams for melody
A harmony to tear you apart
A thousand notes
All in one
A heavenly sound
That can't be undone

How long has it been
since you felt the butterflies
flying from within?

3:49 PM
5/11/20

the city is a
distant monument to our
one summer in love.

Awake and thinking about you
and all things we didn't say.
On nights like this I find myself
wishing you were still in my reach
We both still live in the same big city
but it’s not the place we knew.