sitting
in my room,
phone in hand,
thoughts
all over
the *******
place

typing
then clicking
the go
button
to put out
whatever
is in my mind
at this
very moment
to the world

what the hell
it'll be
better
(i guess)
when i finally
get
some sleep

she spreads goodness
in a way that
not everyone could
see her for
what she truly is.

but she is hidden
behind the darkness
of the night sky
and the clock's
busy, ticking hands.

taken for granted
during both the
breaking dawn and
dusk of day.

yet she still does not mind.

it was on
this very day,
that one
among eight
shining stars
was allowed
to grace
upon the
earth.

a soul
whose passion
lies heavily
on music
and the arts.

they truly are
a beautiful,
loving, and
kind sun drop.

ups and
downs,
they've been
through
it all.

My imagination always running
Yet can never be put on paper
Where have my ideas gone?
Where has my inspiration disappeared?
It feels like my mind is just a static
Quiet, awkward, eerie
I can grab a pen
Yet I can never write down the words that I want
I am not an artist
Nor am I a person to even write down this poem
What does one look for in a work of art anyway?

Am I just putting myself down?
Or am I just really not meant to be a writer?
My blank mind
My blank papers
Scattered
All over
My bedroom
My trash is, piling up with drafts
Scribble, scribble
Then throw
What a waste, what am I doing?
Should I still use this talent of mine?
Or do I just think that it's a talent?

I feel like 'The Thinker'
Always indecisive
Always hesitant
Always...thinking
Never...doing
I look at the people around me
And see that they are better than me
My world slowly turning black and white
Like the color of the music sheet and piano keys
Yet, why do I always bring myself down?
I will never know the answer of my very own question

I'm still here
Thinking, thinking, thinking
I want an idea to hit me like a storm
Yet my brain doesn't seem to work
A static it truly is, my brain
In my bedroom you will see
My blank mind yet full of imagination
Scattered along with blank papers

you loved and destroyed me
*but came back with tragedy

your disheveled yet
soft hair that's been
run through
and through
with my hands

your chest
that heaves
in breaths in a
way to
calm down
the leftover
excitement

your eyes
that look at me
with such affection

your lips
on which
i placed
countless kisses
all over

our hands
entwined ever
so loosely
yet stays
as it craves
the other's
touch

you're so
*******
beautiful

all the same,
no matter
how much
time passed
us by,
my love for you
will always
stay the same
even after
a hundred days
of pouring rain.

ups and downs,
twists and turns,
my heart will
never stop
to yearn.

always.

past in a glaze,
   a veil of haze,
   cannot reminisce,
   lost time with
   you.

hold me close
   in your arms,
   as my memories
   fade away from
   me.
heal my broken heart,
   for i am not an
   artificial being,
   for i go on
   feeling.
take me away from
   the void of fears
   and making experiences,
   as you open up your
   heart.
i'll always remember
   the time we spent
   together, in this selfish
   and limited
   lifespan.

people always
ask,
"how was
school?"

or maybe,
"how was
work today?"

why is it not,
"how are
you doing?"

because
that's more
like
listening
rather than
hearing.

judgement
is something
we know
that must be
done fairly
and given
an unbiased
answer.

he inscribed onto
the scrolls,
every action
that affects
the history that
we make,
for lessons
to be learnt.

the truth will always
have its way
of unfolding among
the people
heavily.

can you see
these scars
that have embedded
itself upon
my forever-
aching heart?

i look at
the mirror
and always
see someone
who i no
longer know.

i can't
get back
what i lostー
a genuine,
loving smile;
and time that was
wasted in
believing
false hopes.

the pain that
i will always
feel everyday
can only be fixed
by these
artificial
bandages.

presence
of mind,
no longer
there.

neither
is the will to
give all
of my
best,

nor the
time to
know
how to
let it
out.

i'm just
barely
surviving.

the aroma
of the coffee
was not what
kept me distracted.

nor was it
the loud voices
buzzing all
around me.

the people
talking about
how their day
wentー
that was not it
either.

it was you,
the unique presence
of your loving soul
that sat across
from my chair
that made me feel
at home
amongst strangers.

mornings--
they aren't always
pretty.

sometimes,
it's grey
like the rain
going over
your head.

at other times,
it's complete
darkness,
like the difficulties
of life.

how ironic it is,
that bitterness
can make it
better.

as i play these notes
the melody that i am playing
cannot be heard
for i cannot feel the piano connect with me

the world is black and white
just like piano keys and music sheets
happiness can no longer be found
for you faded away

the violin that you loved so
leans against the wall
gathering dust bunnies
waiting for you to play it again

where have you gone?
what i had in my heart was you
the inspiration to keep playing
the music that i once heard before

under the cherry blossoms
we made an agreement
but yet you slowly disappeared
and created your lie in april

I saw a
    fluffy cloud in
    the sky, shaped
    like a broken heart.
That's when I,
    got back to
    the murky past,
    and thought of you.

just shut up, alright?
you were never there for me

I open my eyes and
see that the day has given me
a dull grey attitude again because of
the depression that I hide
from within, a smile to go along with it
to avoid the questions that people ask
that always seem to hurt.

These scars that hide behind
my long-sleeved shirts or the sleeves
of my jacket, are the marks of when
I couldn't handle life anymore.
Yet, I am always persistent, even if I am
already hopeless, worthless and pained.
I still hold on even if I've been doing that for long.

I am a soldier who fights my demons alone.
A battle with a pre-determined winner yet,
I should try to manage not to lose.
I wear a mask to hide the tears that
I always shed every second of the day.
And, even if I always fight back,
the monster that fights me, always comes back.

Scared of my own past
  Now I can't really look back
  Memories were bad
Don't remind me now
  For I have decided that
  I should look forward

it's not that
the camera
can't see
your beauty

it's the fact
that it cannot
fully grasp
that you
are such
a beautiful
soul,
inside
and out

the lies that
i spread
around this
hopeless
little
world
are more than
just words

i hate how
i can
easily spread
lies to gain power
yet i become
blind to
what will
happen
to my friends

i have lived in vain

dont touch me
the world nor you doesn't deserve me
i'm as stupid as can be
so let me fall
to where
i belong

i hate living for my own

i am so insensitive
secrets are these
they can
be lies
they can be
a person
a place
yet
can slip from our
mouths and
through our
actions

up to this day, i don't know why i'm still alive

forgive me for destroying you

by words you're described
  my fantasy you've taken
  all over my thoughts
yet you're fictional
  but i really need you so
  yet so unreal now
this fictional love
  so it has come between us
  but you can't grow old
this feeling is weird
  loving someone who can't be
  there for me at all

run as wild as you can
as free as the bird in its land
smile more, it fits you, I’m sure
in this life, that’s merely pure

fall quickly, get up more
take a break, then dance some more
sip in your wine from its glass
then lie down on the tender grass

in this life, we’re forever young
as if we’ve never been stung--

let's talk about life as our voices fade
by the night's sparkles and sunlight's shades
sorrow ensues and happiness becomes blue
memories come back as we forget about it too

our hearts grew fonder and fonder
yet came haste then you were such a bother
hold me close yet let me go
for i am the wind that must flow

watch me from afar as you leave
for i am not responsible when you grieve

all real and vivid as it seems to be
none of it can be felt completely
a fluffy vision being reeled to our consciousness
suddenly evolving into a great nightmare
*
human voices always
ruining the good dreams
yet are life-savers when
we have our worst nightmares

indie music
playing
out loud
from my
smartphone

cold draft
of wind
coming from
the window

my little
dog
happily
playing with
their
bouncy ball

i guess
the details
are the
most beautiful

warmth and
kindness is
embodied
in the flames
that keep you
from tripping
in the dark.

it can protect
as well as
keep you
away from
being harmed.

her loving and
everlasting glow
shall be
touching to those
invited to stay
at a place called home.

the concept
of an afterlife
qualified
only for
the most
holy of holies
is what scares
me
the most.

what if
i've been
good
my whole life,
but one part
of my heart
makes my
entry
rejected?

so what if
i'm gay?

at least
i'm not
as immoral
and hypocritic
as
you.

She approached you for she had no doubt,
Tapped your shoulder so you could turn around,
Turn around to face her,
To face her and see her scars,
The scars that you caused indirectly yet to so painfully,
That she didn't know what to say,
Her mouth opens, finding for words to speak,
Yet she closed it again for she did not know,
A heavy heart you caused her so.

What happens in a year
May quite be so queer
Yet the events that I can't forget
Are in the colors of a painting palette

Yet there is this person who never
Managed to at least get mad at me, like ever
A person older than me
Who now made it easy for me to see

To see the things people never thought about life
Yet the attitude he always displays is always blithe
He is a master of mine who thought me many
So that I may overcome any

Here I am grieving for him to stay only now
As I silently curse myself while I beg as I bow
Please remain here with me
Because with you, I feel so free

But yet you want to leave to let yourself fly
So... Here is my hello and my goodbye...
I will miss you so
Please take care of yourself so you may not go down low

sometimes,
i just don't know
how to get
other people
to listen to me
in return.

i give them
all my time,
all my love,
all my attention,
yet it just
feels like
i don't get
reciprocated
the same way
enough.

i need
a listening ear
and a shoulder
to cry on, too,
you know?

please
help me.

she,
in a simple nightgown
he,
in cotton pyjamas

nearing dusk,
as they laughed
while holding
the others hand

bare feet brushing
along the
soft bristles
of the rug

the radio
softly playing
a tune of
jazz

what a time
to be alive

the soul
does not
rest comfortably
until
they have completed
their goals
or
part with a loved
one

guest house
of the
moon,
please
take care
of the one
who departed
from me
who i
cherish
so

what has once broken the heart
into pieces that were dreadfully
unrecognisable

can no longer be pieced together
by the five lettered word
that i waited to hear from you
from so long

Oh, Rizal, hear our plea
For in our country's reality
The corrupt grow more powerful
As the elders become boastful

Pinned down condescendingly
By others buzzing like bees
With this ignorance that doesn't die
We feel that we can only try

But we will fight even as we cry
Our voices put down, may it never be pried
Away from the truth, we are shied
Now await our pent-up battle cry

We will march along the over-trodden streets
Along with the sound of where our hearts beat
For justice and for fairness
We bear your wish with gladness

you lied to me, idiot
you told me that we would play songs together
you told me that you would play with me
for the last time in your life
before you truly left me *behind

under the petals of the cherry blossoms
i was just a friend of yours who seemed so ordinary
a person who just wrote scores to a music sheet
whose fingers haven't touched a piano in years
stuck in the past of his horrible memories

you keep bugging me for canelés
you keep hitting me with your shoe
you keep pestering me to keep practising
i hate the way you see me as just a friend
but i really don't know what made me love you

you hid a secret from me at the start of april
henceforth, i was able to know about it
to know about it by seeing it without warning
that you were at your last days during the winter months
your hand slipping from consciousness, losing its grip

these music sheets i was never able to grasp for long
you gave them back to me, the energy that i've lost
to play the music full of words and expression
for i truly cannot be good with my own words
but through sounds, i can reach your heart

for the last time, i played, i played out for you
my heart pouring its feelings onto the piano
as if it was my very own, indulged to its melody
you face before me one last time with your violin
before i knew it, you left me with tears streaking down my cheeks

*you may be an idiot, but i love you very much

i long to be
more than just
the person that looks
at the screen
to keep in touch
with what you're doing

you say that
you're just
a click away
but it feels
more lonely
without you
actually here

the photos that
you send of you
from somewhere
miles away is
somewhat comforting
for my aching heart

but can you
just stay here?
stay by my side

the bed's just
a reminder of
an empty space
and it hurts
to see it
everyday

it's a mess of
our hair strands
being tangled
and our breaths being
matched by its
timing

the closeness
of our lips
yearning to
feel the other's
desire

our hands
being entwined
like puzzle pieces
that were meant
to be

oh, how lucky
i am
to be me

it's been there, then it's *gone

the day came
when i thought
that Love
wouldn't come
knocking
on my door.

i opened it,
expecting
my knight
in shining armour,
but all i saw
was a mirror
and a goddess
holding it up
to me.

she was smiling,
even if
my flaws
were brought
to light.

here,
here,
and here.

she said,
what a beautiful
being i am.

shining her
light
upon the shadows,
all i saw
was a hurt child,
wanting to be
loved
and feel loved.

she embraced me
as i embraced
myself.

love.
She changed me.

you keep being told
that you are
worthy of love,
but you keep
on refusing
what you deserve
because all that
you've ever known
is pain.

confounded
and always so lost,
you don't even know
if shedding your
years of tears
is worth spilling
onto the floor.

inflicting pain on your own,
before anyone else does.

my heart goes boom,
    along with the,
    beat of the stereo,
    loud and alive.
the sound of my heart,
    boom, clap-- it goes.
    it makes me smile,
    for this time.
then it goes on--
    subconsciously humming
    to the tune,
    of your heartbeart.

in the name
of god
i was
demonized.

i bled tears
from lashes
of the
outrage of
my mother
who recited
verses
when i was
buttered.

my cries
echoed
in the
hollow walls
of my
father's
beating heart
as he
uttered
blasphemous
monologue.

it was not
sin
i was
absolved of,
but rather
of love
that i
desperately
needed.

this peculiar, petty feeling
i have, never felt it before...
thoughts of you in my head keep reeling
but it won't last forevermore

you keep turning your head to take a glance
and your curious eyes caught my sight
oh how it wants to make me dance
it even makes my heart take flight

yet, these overflowing feelings that I take hold
no matter how many time I talk to you
there is no spark or an ignited fire to behold
no longer will there be the button of undo

such a waste my words that my mouth has formed
knowing that you don't like me is such a forlorn

no matter how much
i try to keep
holding on,
change my ways,
and look in the
******* mirror
that i hate so much,
i just can't see
a different
kind of me.

crying myself
to the temporary
peace of slumber,
sometimes i wish
it would last
forever and ever.

don't you get
too close,
for i lose all
common sense
when i no longer
see the light.

i'm sorry.

to feel is to
be human

to be human
is to live

and to live
is to go through life
its challenges
the ups and downs

the silhoutte
of a roller coaster
which either
makes you fret or bet

yet i am
i am tired
exhausted
of it all

feeling aches
in my heart
from memories
of neglect

what a catatonic
person i am
to even still feel
such an outburst

all at once