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Kitt Sep 6
Purify through fire and fury
Scourge away imperfections
But in doing so, sear away the layers of myself
That I never knew I would miss
Until now, with raw baby flesh left
Pink, bubbling burns.

Sit down, little fool;
These words are not meant for you
Your little ears are too soft and sensitive
For such a scalding reality.
Kitt Sep 5
I found healing there
It's like He was speaking to me in my Walk
‘Chew your gum, girl,
For the smells they pump through the pipes is meant to tempt you.
Lascivious meats and unholy spices’
So redeem yourself when you stray
Gosh, heck it all and **** it
But under God, Hell awaits the ******.
‘I am covered by the blood of the lamb
So I shall be saved’
Same chapter, different verse
I am ****** all the same.
lilly grace Mar 17
i watch birds fly every day
i watch cars drive every day
i watch planes soar through the sky every day

i watch people falling through the ground every day
a few times a week i see children morph into nightmares
a few times a month i see my friends walk through walls
every so often i can smell a church burning down somewhere

every once in a while everything goes quiet
all the colors around me shift either 4 shades darker or 2 shades lighter
i want to be lighter
i want to be able to lift off the ground just like the birds

i want to be so light that i can slither through molecules
as thin as a paper

i want to walk through walls
i want to morph into something scarier than my nightmares
i want to remember what it feels like to not be scared of falling through the floor

i want to burn down a church

and then cry and beg for forgiveness at the feet of the lord

i had to, i'm sorry.
it was the only way to feel like he's truly gone.

i want to be high on the feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs.
but i can't find anything that raises me up enough to feel that.
diphenhydramine morphs children into nightmares.
dextromethorphan makes people fall through the ground and walk through walls
the devil himself makes me remember the smell of a
but i've never seen a church burn down

perhaps it's just my mind manifesting my thoughts into physical sensations
Dresden Feb 6
religious trauma
poisonous pedagogy
spiritual manipulation
emotional exhaustion
religious duality
child abuse
psychological distress
25 years of control. 1 year of freedom. So many more terms to learn.
chasing rain Dec 2022
if i exposed myself,
every feeling,
every thought,
every miniscule detail
that forms my body,
my brain,
my identity—

i would be dead to you.

(thankfully, though,
i’ve gotten the memo early.)

it’s obvious now,
you never wanted a child.

you wanted a robot, ready to reprogram.
a servant, to do your bidding.
a doll, to dress up the way you want.

you wanted perfection,
not a child.

you wanted perfection,
not me.

you are not my god,
and i will never be made in your image.
—and i know you will never accept me
Kayla Burke Oct 2022
I am Sin
In its purest and rawest form.
& for that, I have no shame
as fire in the bible resembles

And so
as this fire
burns between my legs
flickering images of your full, yet delicate figure
cross my mind.

I turn into myself
& wish me anew.
my fingers cupping and twirling
so gracefully...
as I scream my confessions

I'm born again.
Breaking free of religious constraint. Indulging in pleasure is natural & when wanted, a beautiful thing.
lilly grace Jul 2022
i lay in my bed typing this with one hand on my brand new laptop

i think it's getting bad again

i'm moving out in 19 days for college

i can't get the memories to leave me alone

my dad was the one who bought me this laptop as a gift for college

i can still feel the touches of the man who couldn't keep his hands
off of me
i will never be the same

my parents pay for EMDR therapy
it's expensive
it's not covered by insurance
i feel guilty

i feel like i ruined this family dynamic
we don't go to church anymore
church is where the man worked
church was where i suffered
the cold brick wall all the way at the back of the building
behind the pews
everyone's backs to me
as i stood in silence while
he ruined me

it's time to go to bed
maybe i'll feel better tomorrow
sorry this one is kinda dark
aye Mar 2022
he swore to me he was a man of god
a man of god who performed the ungodly
he had a rosary wrapped around his arm
pearl white beads strung around his protruding veins
the crucifix dangled between his thumb and index finger
the same thumb caressing my bud
the same index finger soon to pluck out the petals of my flower
i, starved, took a bite of the apple.

as we shared the fruit in a forbidden kiss
i thought to myself:
“did jesus die for this?”
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
lilly grace May 2021
When I tell you this story, remember it may change: god loves all (but not really).
Leviticus 18. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” Leviticus, I don’t like you. You are the reason why people hate us. god makes no mistakes. he is the one who loves all. he who loves all (“unless you’re a ******”).

Unless you’re a ******. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. But apparently, we are the sticks. A bundle of sticks. The fuel to your hateful fire (the fire of your demise, not mine). Hate kills. We’ve all seen it happen. June 12, 2016 (only four years ago). Suddenly the pulse stopped beating.

Dad. All a kid wants is to make their dad proud. What about when dad isn’t proud of you? What if dad isn’t proud of you all because of something you can’t control? Can you hear me, Dad? I love you. Will you say it back? “The bible says it’s wrong.”

Coming out of the closet: a metaphor for LGBT people's self-disclosure of their ****** orientation or of their gender identity (Wikipedia). Hey Dad. Remember when I came out? I cried. Mom yelled at me while you stood there, stoically, with the look of a man who just lost his youngest child. You quietly told me you loved me no matter what because I will always be your daughter.  You haven’t said you love me since.

Do not use our love as an excuse for you to hate. Why are we the disgusting ones? Your attitude reflects in the eyes of the devil himself. I wish I could make them understand. The love I have for her, he has for him, she has for her. It’s no different than the love she feels for him and he feels for her. We are all the same. God loves us all. God created everyone exactly the way they should be. Love is the basis of this religion, yet you cherry-pick those who you believe are deserving of that love. You attempt to take on the role of a God that is not yours to assume. Only God can judge. God can judge. Can judge. Judge. You are not God. Are not God. Not God. God. I guess things really can get lost in translation.

“I don’t hate anyone, I just don’t agree with it. In the bible, it says it’s wrong, and I place my faith in the bible because it is the word of [G]od.” One could argue that’s not hateful. And to any other (“normal”) person, it probably appears fine. “It’s their religion. It’s their beliefs. Just respect it and move on.” But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Can you hear us? Screaming from the pits of hell that you said we were destined to burn in?  It’s not the hell you’re thinking of, though. It’s hell on earth. A hell that you created for us through your twisted up version of this religion that’s supposedly based on “love”. One we have to live through every day. “I still love you, but I don’t agree with your choices.” That gets tiring to hear after a while, you know? Replaying on a loop in our heads, day after day, night after night. “I still love you but…” The unacceptance is exhausting our minds. It’s not a choice. Why do you think we’d choose this? Why would we choose to live a life where so many people hate us?

June of 2019. I went to Baton Rouge Pride. You drove me, dad. You drove me there and walked in with me. Granted, you didn’t know about me yet, but you went with me anyway. Once you saw that I was with my friends, you left. Mom said you went to get coffee. When I asked why you left, she simply offered that you “just aren’t comfortable with this type of thing”. You’re still not comfortable. Sorry about that.

Dear Leviticus. I still don’t like you. You are the reason why people call us *******. You are the reason why people call us *****. You are the reason people think we’re disgusting. You are the reason why people hate us. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” (You are the reason why my dad no longer tells me he loves me.) Thanks god.
i wrote this for my english class at the beginning of this year. thought i'd share.
Arya Noel Mar 2021
I told you from the beginning...
If you touch me,
You'll hurt me.
You heard me,
So you laid your hands on me to pray
The best intentions can be harmful.
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