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Apr 5 · 725
take one for the team.
lillie Apr 5
you keep being told
that you are
worthy of love,
but you keep
on refusing
what you deserve
because all that
you've ever known
is pain.

confounded
and always so lost,
you don't even know
if shedding your
years of tears
is worth spilling
onto the floor.

inflicting pain on your own,
before anyone else does.
self-sabotage.
Mar 23 · 181
on the edge.
lillie Mar 23
no matter how much
i try to keep
holding on,
change my ways,
and look in the
******* mirror
that i hate so much,
i just can't see
a different
kind of me.

crying myself
to the temporary
peace of slumber,
sometimes i wish
it would last
forever and ever.

don't you get
too close,
for i lose all
common sense
when i no longer
see the light.

i'm sorry.
i've hit rock bottom.
Jan 15 · 333
shadow.
lillie Jan 15
you lurk within
and stay between
the things
that i say
and even
the things
that i do.

you show up
whenever
i hold my standards
way too high
for others
yet give excuses
for when i
fail in the eyes
of the world.

you say that
you protect me
from the dangers,
but i say
that you're a child
who has been hurt
over and over
that you have
built walls
and a throne
that is false.

the darkness
is what we humans
tend to fear,
yet it an aspect
that lies within
every each and one
of us,
for we are all
souls craving
everything material
but nothing
spiritual.
"shadow work is the path of the heart warrior." - carl jung
Nov 2020 · 170
hidden.
lillie Nov 2020
sometimes,
i just don't know
how to get
other people
to listen to me
in return.

i give them
all my time,
all my love,
all my attention,
yet it just
feels like
i don't get
reciprocated
the same way
enough.

i need
a listening ear
and a shoulder
to cry on, too,
you know?

please
help me.
shadow work.
Nov 2020 · 101
balance.
lillie Nov 2020
judgement
is something
we know
that must be
done fairly
and given
an unbiased
answer.

he inscribed onto
the scrolls,
every action
that affects
the history that
we make,
for lessons
to be learnt.

the truth will always
have its way
of unfolding among
the people
heavily.
Dedicated to one of my gods, Thoth, Egyptian god of writing. ♡
Nov 2020 · 267
rise.
lillie Nov 2020
she watches over
those who
plan carefully
and strategically
for the battle
that they
are about to
face within
and about.

overseer of
those pursuing
knowledge,
wit, and wisdom
scattered among
books or
in your everyday
life.

a goddess of
thorough thinking who
has always been
enabling victory
now influences the worthy
abundantly.
Dedicated to my goddess, Pallas Athena, goddess of wisdom and war. ♡
Nov 2020 · 142
heart(h).
lillie Nov 2020
warmth and
kindness is
embodied
in the flames
that keep you
from tripping
in the dark.

it can protect
as well as
keep you
away from
being harmed.

her loving and
everlasting glow
shall be
touching to those
invited to stay
at a place called home.
Dedicated to my Matron, Hestia, goddess of the hearth ♡
Nov 2020 · 201
98°11'07"
lillie Nov 2020
it was on
this very day,
that one
among eight
shining stars
was allowed
to grace
upon the
earth.

a soul
whose passion
lies heavily
on music
and the arts.

they truly are
a beautiful,
loving, and
kind sun drop.

ups and
downs,
they've been
through
it all.
for kim hongjoong. ♡ // thanks again, apollo! uvu
Oct 2020 · 221
a hundred days.
lillie Oct 2020
all the same,
no matter
how much
time passed
us by,
my love for you
will always
stay the same
even after
a hundred days
of pouring rain.

ups and downs,
twists and turns,
my heart will
never stop
to yearn.

always.
"I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough." // Thanks again for the help, Apollo!
Oct 2020 · 143
positions.
lillie Oct 2020
step up
your *******
game.

i can see
through the
jealousy
that you
hide inside
of your heart.

don't you dare
get mad
at me,
for your envy
is as ugly
as your
egoistic bruise.

i won't
hesitate to
switch things up,
you underground,
with me
up above.
Inspired by Ariana Grande's "Positions."
Oct 2020 · 236
the reason.
lillie Oct 2020
you say that
you aren't
perfect or
maybe even
not enough
for me.

but i will
tell you
this:
you are
the reason
why i can
find hope
in every
single day
i wake up to.

you are
my Heather.
Inspired by Conan Grey's "Heather". Wrote this for 19981107. I hope you like it. ♡ // Thanks, Apollo!
Jul 2020 · 190
you *were* good to me
lillie Jul 2020
memories
or the
personㅡ
which do
i really
even miss?

my heart,
it aches
for it
longs
affection
it once received

yet it knows
that you
took it
for granted

thus,
i conclude,
i only miss
the memories
i made with you
before
you changed
Inspired by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler's "you were good to me." and personal experiences.
Jul 2020 · 158
heartbeat
lillie Jul 2020
indie music
playing
out loud
from my
smartphone

cold draft
of wind
coming from
the window

my little
dog
happily
playing with
their
bouncy ball

i guess
the details
are the
most beautiful
Maybe I'm falling in love with living again.
May 2020 · 158
ask.
lillie May 2020
people always
ask,
"how was
school?"

or maybe,
"how was
work today?"

why is it not,
"how are
you doing?"

because
that's more
like
listening
rather than
hearing.
And people wonder why some don't open up to them.
Jan 2020 · 180
eye of the lense
lillie Jan 2020
it's not that
the camera
can't see
your beauty

it's the fact
that it cannot
fully grasp
that you
are such
a beautiful
soul,
inside
and out
kuvankaunis - wanting to take a picture of a person because they're so breathtakingly ethereal
Jan 2020 · 655
afterglow
lillie Jan 2020
your disheveled yet
soft hair that's been
run through
and through
with my hands

your chest
that heaves
in breaths in a
way to
calm down
the leftover
excitement

your eyes
that look at me
with such affection

your lips
on which
i placed
countless kisses
all over

our hands
entwined ever
so loosely
yet stays
as it craves
the other's
touch

you're so
*******
beautiful
inspired by rupi kaur's "milk and honey" / "the loving" section
Jan 2020 · 140
hotel del luna
lillie Jan 2020
the soul
does not
rest comfortably
until
they have completed
their goals
or
part with a loved
one

guest house
of the
moon,
please
take care
of the one
who departed
from me
who i
cherish
so
for my late grandmothet
who passed away
when 2019 slipped
and 2020 came
Dec 2019 · 218
02:02am
lillie Dec 2019
sitting
in my room,
phone in hand,
thoughts
all over
the *******
place

typing
then clicking
the go
button
to put out
whatever
is in my mind
at this
very moment
to the world

what the hell
it'll be
better
(i guess)
when i finally
get
some sleep
tired
Dec 2019 · 259
sagabal
lillie Dec 2019
in the midst
of it all
despite the
foundation
being of
toxic ground

a flower
found its way
to bloom
after plentiful
struggles

i am
that flower
191222
Nov 2019 · 262
heaven
lillie Nov 2019
the concept
of an afterlife
qualified
only for
the most
holy of holies
is what scares
me
the most.

what if
i've been
good
my whole life,
but one part
of my heart
makes my
entry
rejected?

so what if
i'm gay?

at least
i'm not
as immoral
and hypocritic
as
you.
"without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven? without changing a part of me, how do i get to heaven...?" - heaven, troye sivan
Sep 2019 · 215
barely
lillie Sep 2019
presence
of mind,
no longer
there.

neither
is the will to
give all
of my
best,

nor the
time to
know
how to
let it
out.

i'm just
barely
surviving.
and i'm on the verge
of a mental breakdown
Aug 2019 · 274
mirror|rrorim
lillie Aug 2019
i see not
my beauty
but the ugliness
and the negativity
that the world
has filled
in me.
It's amusing how a mere reflection of me speaks louder than both my words and actions.
Jun 2019 · 297
love
lillie Jun 2019
it's a mess of
our hair strands
being tangled
and our breaths being
matched by its
timing

the closeness
of our lips
yearning to
feel the other's
desire

our hands
being entwined
like puzzle pieces
that were meant
to be

oh, how lucky
i am
to be me
and how unlucky i was after that heartbreak.
Jun 2019 · 234
café
lillie Jun 2019
the aroma
of the coffee
was not what
kept me distracted.

nor was it
the loud voices
buzzing all
around me.

the people
talking about
how their day
wentー
that was not it
either.

it was you,
the unique presence
of your loving soul
that sat across
from my chair
that made me feel
at home
amongst strangers.
dedicated to: my feelings of unrequited love
May 2019 · 772
long distances
lillie May 2019
i long to be
more than just
the person that looks
at the screen
to keep in touch
with what you're doing

you say that
you're just
a click away
but it feels
more lonely
without you
actually here

the photos that
you send of you
from somewhere
miles away is
somewhat comforting
for my aching heart

but can you
just stay here?
stay by my side

the bed's just
a reminder of
an empty space
and it hurts
to see it
everyday
"hearts will still beat for the ones it loves, even if they're far apart from the one they adore, right?"
May 2019 · 451
picture
lillie May 2019
the cold, breeze
of the wind
that made your
hair become
a playful mess

the smile
from your lips
that showed
happiness
felt within

your clothes
hugging your
strong, tall
yet huggable
figure

all these
features
of you
that i came
to love

i took it
in a snap,
in the form
of a pictureー

a tangible memory,
frozen in time
"oh baby, i just wanna see that twilight. wanna see that with you."
May 2019 · 343
in need of: mending
lillie May 2019
what has once broken the heart
into pieces that were dreadfully
unrecognisable

can no longer be pieced together
by the five lettered word
that i waited to hear from you
from so long
"--she was taken for granted by her lover's own free will and they had the foolish courage to apologise about it."
Apr 2019 · 249
bandages
lillie Apr 2019
can you see
these scars
that have embedded
itself upon
my forever-
aching heart?

i look at
the mirror
and always
see someone
who i no
longer know.

i can't
get back
what i lostー
a genuine,
loving smile;
and time that was
wasted in
believing
false hopes.

the pain that
i will always
feel everyday
can only be fixed
by these
artificial
bandages.
20190426 // "ーAnd it just so happened that I no longer knew who was being reflected in the mirror, that I smashed the glass then saw my true form."
Jan 2019 · 282
touch
lillie Jan 2019
you,
who stands afar from me,
shines even brighter
than the rays at sea

far apart,
still, i adore you,
and i love you

yet,
you don't even
know me

but that's
okay,
because you're
out of my reach

i just long
to hold
your hand and say
"thank you for everything"
"You're the best thing that happened to me."
Oct 2018 · 359
ambiguous
lillie Oct 2018
past in a glaze,
   a veil of haze,
   cannot reminisce,
   lost time with
   you.
Inspired from the visual novel of The Arcana.
Oct 2018 · 519
paroxysm
lillie Oct 2018
to feel is to
be human

to be human
is to live

and to live
is to go through life
its challenges
the ups and downs

the silhoutte
of a roller coaster
which either
makes you fret or bet

yet i am
i am tired
exhausted
of it all

feeling aches
in my heart
from memories
of neglect

what a catatonic
person i am
to even still feel
such an outburst

all at once
One in a million of my breakdowns.
Sep 2018 · 670
home
lillie Sep 2018
she,
in a simple nightgown
he,
in cotton pyjamas

nearing dusk,
as they laughed
while holding
the others hand

bare feet brushing
along the
soft bristles
of the rug

the radio
softly playing
a tune of
jazz

what a time
to be alive
Based on "Dance to This" by Troye Sivan and Ariana Grande.
Sep 2018 · 512
à couper le souffle
lillie Sep 2018
alone,
looking as lovely,
as a blossom
in the midst of Spring.

i see no haste
although
you are not of
an amiable ambience.

your eyes gaze and
speak of a million lies
you've heard
yet withheld.

fastened onto a
seat of comfort;
yet so tense
and susceptible.
Based on Juan Luna's painting of "Parisian Life."
02.09.2018
Aug 2018 · 487
last shards of hope
lillie Aug 2018
Oh, Rizal, hear our plea
For in our country's reality
The corrupt grow more powerful
As the elders become boastful

Pinned down condescendingly
By others buzzing like bees
With this ignorance that doesn't die
We feel that we can only try

But we will fight even as we cry
Our voices put down, may it never be pried
Away from the truth, we are shied
Now await our pent-up battle cry

We will march along the over-trodden streets
Along with the sound of where our hearts beat
For justice and for fairness
We bear your wish with gladness
Response poem to Jose Rizal's "A la Juventud Filipina" written in the Classic Style.
Apr 2018 · 603
11:11
lillie Apr 2018
she spreads goodness
in a way that
not everyone could
see her for
what she truly is.

but she is hidden
behind the darkness
of the night sky
and the clock's
busy, ticking hands.

taken for granted
during both the
breaking dawn and
dusk of day.

yet she still does not mind.
"...I am that 11:11."
Oct 2017 · 508
tao lang po ako, 'nay
lillie Oct 2017
"Anak, bakit ayaw mo ba ngumiti sa mga larawan? Mahal ba ang presyo ng ngiti mo?!"

Opo, nay, ang sabi ko lamang sa loob ng kaisipan ko. Kasing mahal ng halaga ng abuso na ginawa mo sa damdamin ko.
Sep 2017 · 516
caffeinated silence
lillie Sep 2017
mornings--
they aren't always
pretty.

sometimes,
it's grey
like the rain
going over
your head.

at other times,
it's complete
darkness,
like the difficulties
of life.

how ironic it is,
that bitterness
can make it
better.
Jun 2017 · 414
untitled
lillie Jun 2017
I hate to admit that,
Even if I hate you right now,
To the degree that spells out,
"So much,"
I can't deny that,
I am still,
Inevitably still,
In love with,
You.
to the one that got away
May 2017 · 172
heavy heart
lillie May 2017
She approached you for she had no doubt,
Tapped your shoulder so you could turn around,
Turn around to face her,
To face her and see her scars,
The scars that you caused indirectly yet to so painfully,
That she didn't know what to say,
Her mouth opens, finding for words to speak,
Yet she closed it again for she did not know,
A heavy heart you caused her so.
A one-sided breakup has shattered her into shards of glass you can no longer touch to save her.
Jan 2017 · 768
forever young
lillie Jan 2017
run as wild as you can
as free as the bird in its land
smile more, it fits you, I’m sure
in this life, that’s merely pure

fall quickly, get up more
take a break, then dance some more
sip in your wine from its glass
then lie down on the tender grass

in this life, we’re forever young
as if we’ve never been stung--
--by reality.
Nov 2016 · 3.3k
freefall
lillie Nov 2016
let's talk about life as our voices fade
by the night's sparkles and sunlight's shades
sorrow ensues and happiness becomes blue
memories come back as we forget about it too

our hearts grew fonder and fonder
yet came haste then you were such a bother
hold me close yet let me go
for i am the wind that must flow

watch me from afar as you leave
for i am not responsible when you grieve
Inspired by Petrarch's Sonnet 307.
Apr 2016 · 878
artificial soul
lillie Apr 2016
hold me close
   in your arms,
   as my memories
   fade away from
   me.
heal my broken heart,
   for i am not an
   artificial being,
   for i go on
   feeling.
take me away from
   the void of fears
   and making experiences,
   as you open up your
   heart.
i'll always remember
   the time we spent
   together, in this selfish
   and limited
   lifespan.
[ Plastic | Memories ]
Apr 2016 · 1.9k
shinsengumi code
lillie Apr 2016
my dear don't
    be afraid to
    take flight and
    call out for help
we will and
    have promised to
    protect you,
    on our word
a samurai will
    and never will he
    abandon his orders
    *to protect you
"I *choose* to defeat you. And I *choose*, to protect her, from you."
Apr 2016 · 388
stowaway
lillie Apr 2016
from words you say,
    to the things that
    you do just
    to joke on me
they leave an
    unhealable scare
    etched upon
    my aching heart
a thousand feelings
    bottling up, inside
    of me,
    a time bomb
And I can destroy you slowly by surprise.
Mar 2016 · 736
rain
lillie Mar 2016
my dearest child,
    the tears you've
    shed, now lay upon
    the earthy
    soil.
it has grown
    to make a
    beautiful and
    fragile
    soul.
your kindness may
    not be seen, yet
    fear not, for the
    light, shines through
    you.
It's what holds us together within.
Mar 2016 · 812
the postponed ignition
lillie Mar 2016
waiting for a spark
    your eyes lock
    on my dark and
    hopeful ones waiting
for the right
    kind of love
    you'll someday give
    out to me
Here and waiting for it.
Feb 2016 · 344
cut it out
lillie Feb 2016
just shut up, alright?
you were never there for me
Ten word story.
Feb 2016 · 478
Clouds
lillie Feb 2016
I saw a
    fluffy cloud in
    the sky, shaped
    like a broken heart.
That's when I,
    got back to
    the murky past,
    and thought of you.
Clouds
Feb 2016 · 802
Mixtapes
lillie Feb 2016
my heart goes boom,
    along with the,
    beat of the stereo,
    loud and alive.
the sound of my heart,
    boom, clap-- it goes.
    it makes me smile,
    for this time.
then it goes on--
    subconsciously humming
    to the tune,
    of your heartbeart.
You're the mixtape of the tune of my heartbeat.
Feb 2016 · 1.2k
Promenade
lillie Feb 2016
it all just went on-
    he asked her with,
    she accepted,
    while I broke.
it took me days,
    i kept seeing you
    in my mind, I'm,
    heartbroken and desperate.
we seemed like
    strangers to our,
    souls calling out,
    our lost chance.
Last chance.
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