My patience tends to run out
Like the last bit of sand
That falls oh so quickly
In a second's span
As if she is at the end
Of my life's hourglass
In order to get to her
I must conquer my past
The girl who awaits me
She, who shares the same soul
The one I am fighting for
Who stands above, on her own
The character that I long for
She, who embodies my goals
Nurtured by the love I will give her
Can't wait to see how much I've grown

They call you the girl made out of glass
A princess, so fragile and naive
Who cannot hold an ounce of darkness
Always the one who is deceived

You are breakable, but not weak
You are stronger than they believe
Shards of glass cut through so easily
Piercing each of their misdeeds

Every part of you is just as deadly
With every shard, you are complete
How do you hold such an honest heart
No need for illusions to achieve

Your rise to a better reign
You will become a fiercer queen
To start a revolution
In ways the world needs

A girl born from the embers
And raised within hell's heat
Derived from the ashes
Of every ancestor deceased

As you are made of glass
When you break, you do not bleed
Shaped by mental wielders
One, who was forged to lead

Caged inside of my ribs
She is the inner child in me
Holds my heart as hostage
In return, for her to be free
How do I satisfy her
A wild child, is she
True freedom and happiness
Cannot be given entirely
As she rattles my heart
Against my ribs so violently
Causing my chest to ache
Reminding me indefinitely
I have neglected her for too long
I pay the price regretfully
For as long as I am alive
She is trapped within me

I tore my heart out
Though I can still feel how it beats
I wanted to feel no more pain
As I lie still in defeat
To no longer feel good or bad
Was painlessness really worth it?
To no longer feel happy or sad
I don’t know if it’s really a merit
I try to put my heart back in
But my body no longer accepts
My body is cold, heartless
It sees it as a foreign object
My body fights to live
When my mind has given up
It threw away my heart
Without pain you cannot love

There was a girl who had a heart of gold
With the strength of a tattered sleeve
For her body wasn't strong enough to hold
The valuable price of the burden she carried

She pulled her heart along each day
With the worn out string attached
For she carried enough love for the world
Her empathy could not be matched

There were those who saw the value in her
And used her for their own greed
Pleading her to spare them some parts
She gave to those she thought were in need

She gave them the most shiniest of parts
Until she was left with scraps and crumbs
They left eagerly with gold filled pockets
She was left wondering why she felt numb

She could not see the beauty in herself
As she had given those parts away
It became routine to create more gold
Even when those she gave did not stay

Left alone with the single pound of gold
With no motive of creation to spare
Her last piece was so dented and dull
How could someone love what was beyond repair?

She laid down with her last piece in hand
As the darkness of the earth engulfed her
Letting go of the life she no longer had
Unknowing to her own rebirth

Her body fused with the last piece of her heart
Not knowing that it was a seed
She created a strong armour of gold
To protect the valuable life she carried

Sometimes I feel hollow and empty
The beating sensation of my heart
Is but a rattling noise in my chest
Nothing to keep it still
Nothing to keep it in place
Strings of the heart
Torn and severed
Tangled within its own
My heart lies in a pile
Of strings untied

Your anxiety, I want to meet her
I want to get to know her just as well
Why she hurts you and says those things
Why she created your own personal hell
Why she shakes your vision and distorts it
So all you see is lies
Why she hides you from all comfort
But exposes insecurities you despised
I want to understand her
Why she fights so hard to be known
She wants someone to acknowledge her
You don't have to fight her alone
When she shakes your heart
So much your mind feels dizzy
I am here for you and her
You just have to call out to me

I was entranced by him
Until his riptide brought me in
Into an ocean of infatuation
Where I was left stranded

His waves came and left
To me, like mixed signs
Struggling with my emotions
Robbed me of clarity and sight

I was then pulled under
Falling further from the light
As my heart weighed heavier
From this growing feeling inside

His eyes resemble the ocean's trenches
I was captivated by curiosity
Of what lies beneath the shallows of him
The depths of his soul intrigues me

I use to see home like a prison
A place that chained down my soul
Times have changed, I have progressed
Here, I realized I have the most control
I use to see my room as a place
Where I was trapped within 4 walls
But now it is a sanctuary, a refuge
A place where I'm almost free from it all
I wanted to get to know the world and its people
And I still haven't seen it all
Though now I see my home as somewhere
A place I can heal every time I fall

Humans are sociable creatures
Sometimes I don't feel human
I have more emotional connections
With objects than with people
Maybe that is the reason why
I can let go of people so easily
And yet can't let go of something for so long
I'm not scared of being alone
I am scared of wanting to be
I should yearn for human connection
But sometimes it just feels
Like a social obligation
If I'm not human
What am I?

Why does the tips of my crown
Resemble the bars of this cage
With those outsiders who come
To view me outside of my reign

My fierce and untamed nature
Does not fit with the oppressed
A queen outside of her kingdom
Still does not make her powerless

My roars cannot break the glass
It's echos drive wild and restless
All I can do now is sit and pace
With all this power without an outlet

My sharp claws are nature's daggers
Not enough for this man made surface
I am fed with no need to hunt
I am no longer the primal huntress

I am separated from my kind
With no use for my defences
I learned to live for only those
Who desire my entertainment

Soon my freedom will come
My escape is simply inevitable
I lie in wait as I gather my strength
This cage doesn't define my potential

Friendship is a two way street
Where we meet in the middle
If you make me your whole world
We're no longer on the same level
Friendship isn't ownership
Especially when I didn't ask of you
You say you know what's best for me
I know what's best for me too
I asked for a friend not a follower
I am not your god, saint or idol
I asked for a friend not an owner
You are important to me but not my all
Friends forever doesn't mean
We're always together
Best friends doesn't mean
We are at our best
Only when we're together
I asked for equality
Not to be put onto a pedestal
I am not higher or below you
I just want to be your equal

I tried to get over you
But in a way, you wouldn't let me
I tried to avert those eyes I love
Yet you still had to look at me directly
I saw you as more than a friend
However, I still had to be friendly
I tried to let this friendship fade
Only life wouldn't allow it entirely
Those weird signs or connections
As if the universe likes to taunt me
How we coincidentally meet
In the oddest places unexpectedly
Now we are closer than before
You've seen the side
I desperately tried to hide
Now I can't hide it anymore
Today you comforted me
You hugged me out of consideration
I only felt your kindness through your touch
For once, without ill intentions
Maybe I'll get over you
Or you've settled in a special place in my heart
At least for now my heart is mending
And our friendship can finally restart

More understanding and acceptance
Be understanding and accept it
If all I do is understand and accept
What is there to be mad about
What is there to hate
If there is no reason to justify it
How can I indulge in these basic human emotions
When logic and reasoning
Command my heart
All this pent up rage
With no outlet to rid of it
I fear that someday
It will turn into animalistic madness
Because you didn't allow me to feel
As if I had to ask permission
To be upset yet every time I ask
Just understand and accept it
How high I've built my tolerance
It is impenetrable
How difficult it is to shake me
And how strenous it is
For my feelings to escape
Every barrier they break through
Each time, they deteriorate
Barely making it to the surface
Only decades old emotions
Are strong enough to make it through
Lifelong sadness and anger
That will take centuries to sooth

I don't want to live an inevitable life
Grazing my hand along the borders
Inside the box of my comfort zone
Under perceived superior orders

I was given a voice with wings to fly
Yet, I hover underneath a lid
Of expectation and norms
I used to believe in such a myth

I'm not good enough and never will be
I became susceptible to that truth
But it was only a different opinion
From someone who wasn't my muse

Creative artistic expression
Sparks the fire behind my eyes
A flame that burns at the core of me
With those who try to dim my light

They try to put me out with lies
Until I become ashes and doubts
Be practical and realistic, they say
I asked, is being myself not allowed?

I let those voices get to me
Residing in my heart's cracks
They were the first to break me
From spewing unwanted facts

What is fact and what is fictional?
As though you decide my fate
My dreams only happen inside me
And stayed there as I grabbed the bait

I should want that mundane future
A tried and true pre-written path
In order to support the ones I love
I play a character so miscast

Because to live that kind of life
I neglect what I want the most
To endlessly create, knowing I'm free
Without the limits I grew up to know

Unknowingly, I taught myself
To behave on how others treated me
Constantly, being the good child
Just made life easier to breathe

I thought that if I behaved
It would make it easier to love me
Inevitably, I had neglected
Many of my wants, hopes and needs

I still think needs are only desires
And desires are luxuries
So I am left with a tired soul
That is in dire need of me

I tend to give more compassion
And acceptance towards everyone else
Though, when I take a look inwards
I cannot give it to myself

I look at my loved ones' flaws
And think there is more to love
Yet, when I confront my own faults
I conclude that I am not enough

I put myself to such a high standard
While giving myself no steps to use
I try my best to attain and fall
Then berating every mistake I do

For so long, I've been my worst enemy
Trying to tune out my own voice
All the conflicted yelling and screaming
I just desperately tried to avoid

Except, disregarding my inner voice
Overlooks her out as well
I am left confused and lost
Wondering what created this hell

My inner voice who sings
A voice so smooth, it soothes
The cracks and scars I've accumulated
From years of self-abuse

The gentle, quiet voice inside me
She, who understands and adores
Who only wishes what is best for me
Is a girl worth trying for

I will try to believe more often
That I am more than enough
The care that I keep searching for
Can be made from my own love

To my depression
Why do you associate death with freedom?
Because life tends to suffocate me
It doesn't have to be that way though
You can make life more lively
Then break my mental cages and chains
That weighs on my soul so heavily
I cannot, only you can
Why is that?
Because you have made the locks that burden you
So only you can make the key

I find myself
Paranoid and uncertain
I fear that indulging in it
Would justify it being taken away from me
Like currency, I have to work for it
Constantly, to maintain it
Like a luxury, I am not use to it
I have learned to not be dependent
To not make others
My reasons for happinesss
Maybe, it wasn't meant for me
Or else, why would it leave?
To prove every flaw in my hopes
The unfamiliarity causes my body stress
I am use to the chaos of the waves
The stillness of land
Causes me more sickness
Abnormality is my sane
So it feels unsettling to rest
Like a child being held for the first time
After being separated for so long
You cannot simply expect
Them to feel safe
When all they ever felt
Was the absence of it

It's so odd how families end up
When there is money involved
The pain runs deeper than any debt
And is much harder to resolve
You realize family is just a word
And blood is just a vital fluid
It's not vital to keep them close to you
If in your family, you feel excluded
Because I grew up knowing family
With much associations of pain
If you asked what family meant to me
It feels like a ball and a chain
I can't help but think of family
As a social obligation
To stick with those who **** you dry
Playing on good intentions

I don't want to be
The center of attention
There for all eyes to see
I want to be acknowledged
And recognized for just being me
I don't want to be known
For my struggles
But I want to be noticed
When I'm struggling
Not for everyone to see
Just one is enough
Just one who understands me

Every time I hit rock bottom
There is no way but up from here
Until I realized there's an underneath
That held even more despair
Closer to hell, closer to the depths
Of the underworld that lies beneath
I have yet to explore this world
In the deepest trenches of me
How far will I fall
I am actually digging deeper
So hard that I have to crawl
I am my own keeper

How often it is to fall in love
With someone who hurts you
It's easy to say, just leave them
It will hurt less I assure you
They say nice guys finish last
And girls fall for bad boys
What happens when you fall in love
With someone you couldn't avoid?
When friendship is what led you
To a love that runs too deep
Enough to confuse your heart
And give you the inability to sleep
When you fall for the nice guy
Don't misinterpret his words
He won't lie or mistreat you
And that is why it hurts
His kind actions will displease you
His kind words will give you hope
His kindness is what you love and hate
He makes it harder for you to cope
When he breaks your heart with hugs
When he stabs it with kind gestures
When you cannot leave or it will hurt him
And the last thing you want, is his discomfort
There comes a point when being with him
Is like a slow suffocating suicide
A reverse abusive relationship
One too difficult to leave behind

As life goes on
It often gets harder
I have to keep moving
Become better and stronger
Sometimes I fail to catch up
I feel exhausted from it all
I want to take a break
But I can't, so I crawl
Because what I'm tired of
Is living life itself
That if death were to come for me
I am reluctant to tell
I would welcome him with opening arms
And hug him until I fall
Asleep for all eternity
Finally free from it all

You are like a box of kleenex
But you are more than a box of tissues
You are there when I am sick
Or whenever I cry over personal issues
You are there to help me
Clean up my messes
You are there to comfort me
With my life stresses
I need to take you everywhere with me
In pocket form, when I travel too far
And traveling gets easier
When there's one in the car
You help me aid others
When they are sick or need help
You can never have too much kleenex
Or a mother's love for yourself

She had a sweet voice made for lullabies
Among the people who sang like sirens
She was but a whisper without an echo
Singing along voices that could cross oceans

A starling surrounded by suns
A subtle breeze against a hurricane
A dim version of what she could have been
A candlelight beside a fireplace

People tend to undermine her existence
Telling her she was never quite enough
Her quiet and subtle nature was forgettable
She only deserved an equivalent love

Even so, she stands with her small stature
Without wavering after the day has rest
Into the night she preserves her light
Guiding and accompanying those who feel any less

She was the lullaby that touched separated hearts
Reunited with the harmonized whispers of song
She was a knight of light who guards a single child
In her presence, the night can do no wrong

She didn’t have to be the action pack thriller
She was a bedtime story that lulled you to sleep
The narrative you asked to be read each night
Because it is a tale your heart wants to keep

Gentle and calm, soothing and soft
In a harsh world that demands sharp edges
Her hidden strength was how despite it all
She preserved her softness from all the wreckage

I want to think
That my love had no chance
Or else I'll never stop wondering
I want to believe
You wouldn't ever fall for me
And we'd have nothing
But a pain filled ending
I want to see your eyes filled with her
Like I looked at yours so lovingly
So I can find nothing but pain in you
And find happiness elsewhere willingly

I use to wonder
What was wrong with being single
When I had my time back to myself
I had space, solitude and freedom
But that's just it
That abrupt lack of another person
Too soon to settle
You're left with a void in your heart
A gap in your mind
Unknowingly, you make room for two
You are left with all this space
What do you fill it with?
Who is your last thought at night
Or your first thought when you rise
Or every spare moment in between
Who do you think about in the silence
Or who lives in your daydreams
As if you are a house
And he is the furniture
Then he moves out
You are still a house
Though you no longer feel at home

Misery loves company
We love what is familiar
I find myself often going back
Falling down each time even further
Dark hours seem to consume my life
I find daylight hours to be scarier
No illusion for reality to hide behind
No darkness to act as a filter
Unfortunately, I see through lies
Making cliche words inferior
No amount of love has yet to find
A way to break in my exterior
I gravitate to like-minded kinds
Though my light keeps getting dimmer
As though my mind is frozen in time
Keeping me in an abandoned winter

Read their letters, every time you relapse
That is what they were written for
Read them with each occurring setback
To be thankful that you were born

Hug them, with your last bit of sanity intact
Emotion puddles all over the floor
Blurring words I desperately wanted to hear back
From people I so lovingly adored

Each attempt is like a new beginning for me
Commemorating the death of my past self
As I close the book to write a new page
Another memoir for life's bookshelf

The feeling when I relapse
As though I have to start over again
Right back to the beginning
When I was so much closer to the end
Depression is like fighting a demon
That regenerates every time
Sometimes it takes longer
I start to think everything is fine
As I get stronger, it also gets stronger
But then I fail to catch up
So then when it gets stronger
Whatever I do doesn't seem enough
The demon then consumes me
So I submit to gather my strength
Through tears and mental perseverance
I escape to battle it again

I want to keep my inner child alive
The more mature I become, the faster he dies
I want to keep his wonder in my eyes
As my curiosity blurs along with time

Who he is, is getting harder to define
Losing his small hand's grip from mine
Maturation is going to make me blind
The vibrancy of my colours subsides

His childish traits are falling back inside
The outside world and him do not coincide
Hardening my heart that use to be kind
Leaving with his pieces that use to be mine

He retreats to the corners of my mind
Burying himself in memories of time
Because that is where his happiness lies
In my childhood when the world was wide

I place myself behind too many lines
Building a box using all the right signs
Growing up into expectations assigned
Resorting to a life so simplified

When the heartstrings have severed
I trust romance a little less
In attempts to save myself
From more emotional stress

Though love without the flame
Cannot be love at its best
But I am scared that I'll burn out
And be broken like the rest

Emotionless and tired eyes see
That true love can be intense
Full of tears and excruciating pain
Crying over something so complex

After every fresh new heartbreak
My heart still fails to address
Why after every heartache
My mind bleeds in protest

Because after every broken love
There is more that I suppress
In order to protect myself
I just love a little less

When the heartstrings have severed
I trust romance a little less
In attempts to save myself
From more emotional stress

Though love without the flame
Cannot be love at its best
But I am scared to burn out
And be broken like the rest

Emotionless and tired eyes see
That true love can be intense
Full of tears and excruciating pain
Crying over something so complex

After every fresh new heartbreak
My heart still fails to address
Why after every heartache
My mind bleeds in protest

Because after every broken love
There is more that I suppress
In order to protect myself
I just love a little less

My love encapsulated
Fragmented into words
How do I send more than my thoughts?
To make it known that you are heard?

You say your worries to me
All through lyrical terms
I will keep singing your melody
To remind you what you deserve

So let us sing your song again
Erasing your pain with every verse
In every silent moment beyond
Please put yourself first

In those quiet instances
I know how it can get worse
How silence can be deadly
When pain becomes your worth

Yet, in those still moments
I am given the most to learn
Of self love and all its intricacies
And why it is the hardest love to earn

Is it okay to be for me to be selfish?
I have finally obtained all of my pieces
Before, I would just give them away
To whoever, even if it wasn't needed

So forgive me when you ask
Why I don't let my heart be vacant
Let me attain some inner peace
And solitude while I'm still present

For so long, I was someone else's
Before I chose to become my own
You may see it as possessive
To want to keep my heart alone

A mate to my soul is true happiness, they say
You would say they would be my better half
I want to be complete by myself for now
Self love is what I want to attract

Maybe someday I will find them
When I am fully grown and complete
But I wouldn't mind if I found my true love
In the deepest part of me

I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently

She realized she was like a novel
Born in a world that didn't care to read
So she started to hate herself
Like a truth amongst lies perceived
She was like the hard truth
Based on a grimm story
Living amongst fake lies
Shallow and sweet with a happy ending
Surrounded by people
Who only read summaries
Who couldn't dive deep enough
To read her full story
So she waits for a person
With a long enough attention span
A fated reader, with depth similar to her
Who can read as much as she can

The world was made to break you
But you don't have to agree
Do not side with those against your truth
It is not you against me

It is us against the world
The two of us to defy the odds
For many years, I was alone
I alone, to pay the cost

Prove to me that love is real
I hold scars only you can sooth
My greatest pain comes from inside
Now I know what to ask from you

Sing me compliments and affirmations
To replace the screams of hatred
Hold me tight yet oh so gently
The gesture has been long belated

Stand with me with our heads held high
For you and I will rewrite the world
Finally standing on the same page
Restarting the memoir of this girl

Life took away her wings
A vital and precious piece of her
She laid there, defenceless and vulnerable
She had encountered life at its worst

What is a butterfly without her wings
No appearance to hide behind
She had to live with what was left of her
Life sadly had not been kind

She questioned who she was
With her new inability to fly
Her newfound lack of freedom
Awaited a fate she could not fight

Without her wings, she began to crawl
Reverting back to a childlike state
For an end gives rise to a new beginning
Her positivity was something innate

Her downfalls made her climb higher
Pain didn't bother her anymore
Her fear to fall had diminished
She was stronger than before

Her fighting spirit emerged out of her
Giving form to new wings
Her tears nurtured and shaped them
She began her new chance at living

My heart wants to go in many directions
Unable to choose a path to take
Endless possibilities and personas
Each piece of me wanting to separate
I want to master each craft
Yet be the jack of all trades
But how can I, when I am born
With mortal's time until decay
Each passion in me burns so bright
There is no obvious lit way
I am unable to choose which path to pursue
A confusing conflict that ensues each day
My heart wants to explore each one
But I am only born with one heart to play
Can anyone understand this yearning
And burdensome feeling I try to convey
How spoiled am I to be burden with choices
Picking one should be mere child's play
Yet when I do I'm still not satisfied
I want to do more to my dismay
If I could, I would break my heart
So each piece could have their way
To fulfill their inner purpose
To live how they were made

In love at its simplicity
A love of stitches and bones
A pumpkin king and his queen
A love story so holiday known
Curiosity and intelligence
Risk taking and cautiousness
She sought for her independence
He was persistently adventurous
They were match made opposites
Though likewise they yearned for
Something meaningful outside their grasp
That couldn't be found within their norms
He sang to finish her song
She replied in harmony
A simple duet to simply express
Their love at its simplicity

Most people would want to travel
To the ends of other worlds
But for me, I am merely fascinated
Of the universe inside this girl

The girl in the looking glass
She, who shares the same face
Such a multifaceted being
A rarity one cannot replace

For so long I have observed her
Yet, she surpasses my expertise
Facts about her turn into fables
She is an ever-changing entity

Observations become opinions
And conclusions are commentary
Assumptions are only illusions
For those who try to define me

How odd when she cries
Her face doesn't move
Tears spilt from her eyes
They are the only proof
Of her feelings inside
How does she sooth
The sadness she hides
That distort her truth
How much has she cried
That she's no longer in tune
With her emotions, pushed aside
She had given up to pursue
When she's dying inside
There is no grimace to prove
On her face, in her eyes
Her smile holds no truth

Your presence is passive
Only a few see your passion
As those who overshadow you
Always seem brighter
Your beauty shines just as much
Though differently, in the moments
When most are unaware
You are one whose mind flourishes in the dark
Or whose love gives more
After the sun has left
Through late night talks
Or late night thoughts
You are a comforting light
To those who seek it
As you stay with them in their darkness
You are the child
Of the man in the moon

She had sun-kissed skin and moonlit eyes
An angelic eclipse in human form
Sunspots freckled across her cheeks
Like a newfound constellation of warmth

She had a smile that sparkled like starlight
That contrasted with her night coloured hair
It flowed so subtly like passing clouds
Gleaming strongly against the daytime flare

She carried a heart as bright as the sun
And her mind that glowed like the moon
She was an embodiment of healing light
With a calming aura that could subdue

Her greetings were like the sunrise
A timid light with soft spoken words
And her goodbyes were like the sunset
A sweet ending in colourful allure

She radiated a vibe of twilight
A serene disposition of pure intent
She was every thing and in between
She would be one of my biggest regrets

If only I could make her see her born beauty
How she does not need to change or chase for more
For the people who judge the darkness between the stars
Chasing the intangible beauty of society’s lore

I love to create
To call something my own
As if something innate
That I've continued to grow
Based simply on my thoughts
And surrounding interpretations
Polished with my passion
And by my own expectations
As though I am a mother
That continues to birth
Child after another
Growing with each verse
My love continues to grow
With each poem that I write
I hope to never run out of words
To keep this passion alive

Sometimes it doesn't feel like me
What I'm living in is foreign
What I want versus what I need
In a way it feels distorted

I was use to deprivation
In a way it was my pride
I didn't need or wanted as much
Even now I still don't mind

Overwhelmed with newfound freedom
I am free. Still, I am lost
I'm no longer trapped or controlled
But that was all I was ever taught

I was raised by maps and manuals
Now you give me a pen to write my own
Opening various paths around me
Paralyzed in anxiety to take even one alone

If recovery meant burning all of my maps
And rewriting all of my manuals
Letting go of strict rules and superior words
To be mortal than something mechanical

Lived long, misunderstood
I search for understanding in excess
To compensate, what has come so late
To drive me out of my sadness
I appreciate those who listen
Those who seek to understand
I worried being unrelatable
Would distance me more from them
Because how can you love
Something you don't understand
How can you accept
Something less than human
Sometimes I don't understand myself
So I don't expect for you to try
Though I wish for someone to decipher me
Who knows me better than I

I can't change the way I was raised
But I can change what I believed
Though, it's like pulling away my skin
Because it was always a part of me
Shedding away the belief
That emotions are a burden
Don't tell them you feel this way
It's even worse when you're uncertain
Peeling away the belief
That people weren't meant to stay
If you depend on them more
They'll leave right away
Keep loved ones close
But only close to your walls
Don't let them see
What you've been through, at all
Peeling my skin like mutated armour
That slowly hardened and evolved
Only to expose my sensitive insides
That stings with each resolve

Suicidal thoughts and suicidal callings
A part of me urges to pick up the phone
It keeps ringing, with sound stinging inside my head
Becomes ear-piercing when I'm alone

Frequent missed calls that I intentionally miss
Why do I keep putting even more distance
I'm so tired, exhausted from all the resistance
It seems fatigue is the only thing that's constant

I dial and then leave the phone hanging
I lack courage to go through with the call
I dial, frantically pressing all the numbers
The longer the number, the more I stall

The phone rings from the other side
But I hear my own voice instead
She says, it's going to be alright
With a click, the call ends