I find myself
Paranoid and uncertain
I fear that indulging in it
Would justify it being taken away from me
Like currency, I have to work for it
Constantly, to maintain it
Like a luxury, I am not use to it
I have learned to not be dependent
To not make others
My reasons for happinesss
Maybe, it wasn't meant for me
Or else, why would it leave?
To prove every flaw in my hopes
The unfamiliarity causes my body stress
I am use to the chaos of the waves
The stillness of land
Causes me more sickness
Abnormality is my sane
So it feels unsettling to rest
Like a child being held for the first time
After being separated for so long
You cannot simply expect
Them to feel safe
When all they ever felt
Was the absence of it