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Sep 2019 · 196
you are just like a kid
Carter aunders Sep 2019
listen to me closely            
I have a lot to say            
please do not talk              
for I am already so distraught    
please give these words some thought
I think that you're crazy                                                            ­      
you drive me insane                                                           ­                 
talking about how I leave you alone                                                          
t­o stand on your own                                                              ­        
do you forget you were the one to leave                                                            ­
you text me at night      
telling me you are not alright
do you forget that neither am I
you hang around the out crowd                                                            ­
but you still don't fit in                                                               ­   
the life that you live in
does not pique my interest
I want to live optimistic
you think you can outlive the oblivion
yet I still love you
you are my best friend
i hate that i cant leave you
Sep 2019 · 234
the locks
Carter aunders Sep 2019
I guess I just dislike my hair
I keep saying how much shorter I want it
Even though I love my locks
They stole my keys
A misunderstanding
Standing in the middle of my life
Locks on the house
Double down the doorway
Cut them all I say
who put all of this here anyways
Jul 2019 · 471
Jul 2019 · 862
false preface
Carter aunders Jul 2019
have you ever been stuck
inside your own mind
it's as if you have locked eyes
with a different conscious in light
or darkness
I can't see
but I have vision
a question
where is silence
I have never wondered
but who
has anybody discovered
the quiet of no thought in mind
w or ds
scattered into l e t t e r s
make me believe
and sink into
a false phantasm
where things lose all meaning to me
I cannot explain this disorienting feeling
an experience left unexperienced everytime
chaos havocing my intellect
two hours have passed.
Jul 2019 · 175
we ruin everything
Carter aunders Jul 2019
touching everything and nothing
  all at the same time
    simply just existing
      but more importantly,
        thriving with
                                 life of all kinds
                                   being destroyed by mere human life
the world is not ours
we can save the world
Jul 2019 · 508
Carter aunders Jul 2019
smell of dust and days of
summer sweat                  
I mean                                                             ­     tears of confusion                
   are you sure this                                                    feel the skin flex and move
feels right this time I don't                                                        arou­nd the
think I can handle feeling                                                        mu­scle
that close to heaven's gate again                      to close to the bone

yes it hurts to fall from heaven                        
especially when you feel as if you crawled all the way from hell
PSA if you are viewing this on a phone website the structure of this poem will make no sense to you at all

I need you
but I cannot lose you again
Jul 2019 · 649
Carter aunders Jul 2019
today I am going to sit down and write
this is a simple task for some
but for me and my chaotic mind
it is a fearsome brutal acceptance of my own
personal destruction
a free day on my schedule so today will be a day of self riddance
Jun 2019 · 284
Carter aunders Jun 2019
we were intertwined
in a life full of lies
consuming thoughts
of losing you
pulling at my spine

disconnected from intelligence
treacherously deciding
who is it that brings me happiness

I am almost sure it is not you
for you exhaust me
I am lost in his intimacy

He wrapped his love and comfort around me
by only a thin thread
easy to break through
but as I refuse to move
the thread remains intact
wrapped around my hips
of where your hands caressed so gently

I tied my love to your hair
thousands of strands flowing everywhere
I hope sometimes they fall
masking your eyes
to remind you that they´re still there

how could it be you would let me fall asleep
even as we only held each other in secrecy
I would have to leave before morning

she wishes we had nothing
is it jealousy
somebody taking away her best friend
but I can´t get you out of my head
im still waiting
Jun 2019 · 361
flowers are pretty
Carter aunders Jun 2019
you once said
flowers are to you as you are me

you were scared to pull my stem
in case I would leave my roots behind
you were scared I would die

you plucked a few petals to take with you
and watered me with hope
my roots are growing
stronger and stronger
waiting for you to replant me somewhere else
little did you know my petals are full of pollen
and it left its residue all over you
everybody brushing by spreading it throughout
her seed is not the same as me
she is wild
and will grow with no control
but there's only one me
still growing
waiting for your gentle pull
so our roots can finally intertwine
are you in love with her
because I still feel our love divine
Jun 2019 · 2.1k
hold me to a vase in place
Carter aunders Jun 2019
birds are made of trees
where do they hide from me
whispering wishes of insecurity
casting around like a clown
becoming somebody
false dreams
no witness
I need jeans
that have some pockets
deep enough to stuff
my wallet
full of envy and greed
two hundred dollars in the hole
knowledge from believing I can finally leave
sunkissed absence marking my feet
sore and tender
shoes of soul
legs shaking
arms quaking
mind racing
bruised breast
disguised wrists
deep from the core
sliced and discarded
nothing more
sore spine
open flesh
juicy and ripe
no milk in sight
feelings are lies
telephone polls
and spiderwebs
splinters in my eyes
where is all of this going
who is it meant for
explore me
if you please
forced jaw
broke open
dry tongue
do you miss me
scattered thoughts all in a blob
Carter aunders May 2019
let´s be honest
I have been trouble thinking straight
lately, I don´t have anything to say
I´m exhausted, overtired, sleep deprived
stuck in this careless empty abyss of no real thought
or process
But I´m stuck in this funk
now how should I tell you
I am still in love with you
seemingly accurate I cannot think of anything else to add to this piece
i miss us
even tho we were never really more than just a fling
May 2019 · 480
Carter aunders May 2019
what's the point
of stating my mind
into all the ends of abyss
retaliation of the dead dinosaurs
continuous leave
I won't greave
for endless peace
or prosperity
I am not scared of being alone
tonight I will walk for the streets
we committed each other
but not rightly
sneak out before the night disappears
nobody hears
through the creaky stairs
tails following behind
eyes closed
run away freight
ill stand in front of the train
take away this pain
jealousy distraught
you don´t act like yourself anymore
have you ever been in love
May 2019 · 178
apple in the woods
Carter aunders May 2019
crickets chirping
break the most silent
of nights
into shores
on banks
filled with trees
you and I
walk the line
of the road
past midnight
stars shine bright in the sky
candle lit
I found the skinned limbs
seemingly exposing
the presence of everything we were meant to be
in a world
of endless prosperity
blow out the smoke
apple picking
from the dark countertop
mistakes and deep slopes
it was cold outside
and I felt alive
stolen moments
broke me free
you are the other half of me
May 2019 · 183
labeling theory
Carter aunders May 2019
on my way home the other day
one sat beside me and wept

saying how one felt so sorry
for how hard it must be
to be
and I said


she didn't care
she didn't even bother to hear
cause I am what I am for seen to be

it's a simple misunderstanding

but when she looked up
and I saw her pale face
she was sad and she was terrified & seemingly
completely disfigured
this distorted version of her was sitting right next to me
pleading to me
I choked on back my tears
until I couldn´t breathe

I wanted to cry
tell her everything I´ve been holding inside
but the torment it would bring
to her from me
was too harsh of news to bear

to my fragile mother

she´s told me time after time
that the things I do are not alright
but she didn´t listen before
so what´s one year more
of living in utter horror

what do you think I´m trying to achieve
your happiness means the world to me
your eyes don´t light up like they used to before
and now I stay up late at night
listening for the door

when I got home yesterday
my room was torn apart
all of my things scattered along the floor
I thought to myself
I cannot do this anymore

I picked up my belongings
and tried to stay strong inside
I keep telling myself everything is going to be alright
I do not want to die

I knew from the start
he was going to tear us apart

I know I´ve been told
we can´t just toss him out on the road

but when you´re scared to walk around your own home

you feel lost and confused

I wait and wait for the day that I can move
so far away
I will miss you
so much

but things here aren´t okay
and for some reason, that´s how they have to stay
Apr 2019 · 188
glory theory/?
Carter aunders Apr 2019
The mind and the intellect
Governed by


Quenches its thirst by
logic and understanding

The heart

Governed by bliss
Quenches its thirst by


Of the soul
Governed by


Quenches its thirst
Being nature itself

Action is governed by
all the three
But quenches its thirst by spontaneous being

Spontaneous being is possible
With the synchronization of


To the synchronization of


With the frequency of


To the right kind of


With the synchronization of
heart energy
To the abundance present in the universe

The synchronicity of the energies
With the frequency of the ideal
Brings about peace and prosperity in the world

The energy of the ideal power
Is what some call God in real
The ideals of the energy of God
Are nature, abundance, bliss

May you all acknowledge God
As the energy form
Rather than the personified story
Explained to make us realize
To realize the actual thing of the ideal living
So forth ideal being ultimately achieved
With victory of nature as a whole, abundance, bliss and the truth over the opposites
The victory is the synchronicity
Apr 2019 · 218
this is real
Carter aunders Apr 2019
I'm so hungry
my stomach is rumbling
through mass destruction

food makes me want to puke
up the lies that are holding down my truth

I'm so tired
my eyes keep closing

though these thoughts run wild in my brain
my mind is wide awake

I'm so scared
I'm so angry
I'm so lost
I'm so alone
I'm so weak
I'm so nieve

why did I trust you
why would you do these things
putting me in the middle
of my sanity and my family

I was finally happy
someone, please help me
my heart has beaten around 661,059,360 times, and when i focus hard enough i can feel my heart beat take over my body
Apr 2019 · 715
Carter aunders Apr 2019
i still call you, just to hear your voicemail.
i wish one day you would pick up the phone.
but at least i can still hear your voice


i needed to call today
i dialed your number
and i knew there would be no answer
but today
all i heard was an automated voice message
now all i think about is what happened to you
this was a draft, but today the phone didn´t even ring
and i feel so lost
what happened to your phone
what happened to you
will i ever see you again
what am i supposed to do now
why do i still miss you
Apr 2019 · 273
live under mind
Carter aunders Apr 2019
I've been doing some reading
on some things
those of which do not matter to this article of self-consciousness
the glory
of the unknown theory
have you ever had that feeling
i cannot begin to deepen your physical understanding
i will change the world
this is my glory
this is my understanding
i hope you find yours
Apr 2019 · 140
Carter aunders Apr 2019
i wish i could lay in the bathtub
in the middle of the night
i wouldn't plug the drain

i would pick off my skin
peel it back
starting from the tips of my toes
i wish i could extricate
all of this body

my soft smooth skin
laying beside me

my raw
***** and muscle
vein and bone

would you be scared of me
would you please stay
i feel like a liar
i say im fine
i wish i could tell you these things
but would you be scared of me

is there anyone out here that listens to me

im surviving
but my mind is dying
i dont want to be stuck inside anymore
Mar 2019 · 1.2k
i laughed
Carter aunders Mar 2019
"you could write poetry"
he joked
i laughed

there's so little you know about me
but that statement taught me so much about you
the people around here are weird
///cant seem to trust anybody
i'll keep writing
Feb 2019 · 308
he moved in so i moved out.
Carter aunders Feb 2019
Self centered
Low life
Stuck up
Somebody came to mind
For me
It happens to be
One and only
I tried so hard
She didn't see
Nor care
She's not looking for me
Just him
He has become known
As perfection
Which happened
To be enough
For her to forget
About the
One and only
I love my mother more than you could imagine, the pain, the hurt, and everything else she has put me through made me who I am today. But this, man, who walked right back into my moms life, tore our family apart, and she doesn't care because she didn't want us anyways. I wonder if she ever thinks about me....
Carter aunders Dec 2018
I'm never going to stop loving you
and it's destroying me
i was once told the first person you think of when you wake up, is your true love, but you never leave my mind.
Nov 2018 · 309
the torture of timing
Carter aunders Nov 2018
i try to push these thoughts to the back of
my mind
my mind is thinking of you all
the time
the time isnt right for
Oct 2018 · 2.8k
Carter aunders Oct 2018
I often get this feeling
where eyes have come to focus on me
they keep popping up in the dark
like in the cartoons on t.v
the race begins
my heartbeat is almost going faster than my thoughts
but not quite
¨what is your purpose in this mess we call life¨
¨what are you doing
what are your goals¨
the list goes on and on
repeating in my mind
am I supposed to want to keep living
all I want to do is shut down
from all these fake expectations
but they´re made up in my head

I just wish I knew
why am I alive
to fulfill these expectations
but the ones I made for you
better me
I find it strange when I look into your eyes
I'm not imagining an endless starry night
the world around me doesn´t
but when I look at you i can finally
              b r e a t h e
I see a fire in your eyes
not anger, nor fright
but the calming sense of a wild familiarity
a crackling, thriving light
bursting through the cold night
my heart floods with an endless sea of visions
even when your focus seems far off in the distance
I get this feeling every time our
eyes, hands, or lips greet
I feel at peace
resting among the clouds
I feel such a deep affection
it is more than alright
but is it alright for me to say what´s on my mind
what love is this, I cannot say everything enticed behind it
you do not need starry skies or a stomach that´s full of a million butterflies
you shouldn´t have an expectation
and my words don´t need to have diction
I know what´s in my heart is right
and finally, my mind is more than satisfied
you make me a better me, thank you to anyone who reads this.
Carter aunders Oct 2018
i compliment the girls in the hallway
some wave
and some smile
and some don´t even say thanks
it doesn´t matter to me
because i know the words that i say
will stay inside the brains
of the girls who need to know
that they will be ok
just a few kind words might make someones day.
i take it to myself to compliment at least 3 people a day
thank you for reading this, i hope you can take it into your life to say just a few nice things to anyone, even if you don´t know them it might turn around their day
but don´t let the people who just turn away ruin your day. compliment yourself just as often. you are beautiful, you are brave, make everyday hold just a little more positivity
Oct 2018 · 1.0k
right, write
Carter aunders Oct 2018
i would rather write than speak
but i wish through these words you could hear me
i do not like to be
open, or vulnerable
and if you are reading my writing
please do not look at me
imagining these words rolling and flowing off the tip of my tongue
makes me
small, shrinking endlessly
into possibilities of you
and me
          and me
                    and you
you reading these words
makes me insecure, scared, and alone
i wish i had the voice to be heard
i am not scared of you
but of what you will think of me
May 2018 · 181
Carter aunders May 2018
Have you ever just sat and listened to a clock
Tick tock tick tock
I like to sit and listen to help me unwind
Tick tock tick tock
The sound is quite satisfying if you keep an open mind
Tick tock tick tock
You can sit and listen
To every second
And minute
And hour pass by
The only true constant in life is the theory of time
They say it will never stop but
How will we know if were all meant to die
Our life we live is in such a small glimps
But we all blindly abide by the passing time
A clock ticks like a heart beats and
I hope every tick tock, pump, and thump
Is a pulsing, pounding reminder that you are alive
So please do not give up before the end of your time
In the end everything will turn out fine
Tick tock tick tock
Tick tock
this is my first ever poem out in the public, give me lots of feedback please!!

— The End —