I miss you already
And I can't say
That I wish you would stay
But I do wish
That the time
will pass quick.
So there's won't
Be too much time to miss
Your perfection.

If I am not your peace, will you come home to me 10 years from now after a stressful work day and want to talk to me? Especially if there are problems in life? Or will you come home emotionally numb and f** me and then shut me out all over again? Why is this your coping mechanism?

Hey, you
are stronger than you know
And I promise that it shows
Even if you don't see
You're more powerful than you think
You can acomplish anything
even when it feels like you're sinking.
you've got it in you
to prove
everyone wrong.
you. are. strong.
Please believe it.

I contradict myself.
I know.
But it's only because
I really don't know
What I want.

In any case
I plan to continue
My paradoxical ramblings
and nonsensical thoughts.
Because how else am I supposed to get my mind across
the gap created
by my indecision?

Disreguard me
if you will.
Because nothing that escapes my lips lately
is of much consequence anyway,
really.

Though I guess if you have the desire
and attention
to listen close
to my lack of direction,
You might discover
that something in me
is slowly progressing.

It's all nonsense
and mumbled nothings.
But I guess
sometimes
It's really something.

Some nights
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And in His mercy,
let me die as I sleep.

But instead
He fills me with His view of reality
And in His mercy
He brings me His peace.

Simple honesty,
Consistent transparency,
That is what you give me.
Everything happening so organically.

This all feels like a dream— the highest are so high and the hues are so pure but just like when I’m dreaming, when something hurts it burns and stings and bleeds.

I feel like I crossed oceans for you.
And I feel like instead of even crossing puddles for me you've been splashing me with the water in the gutter and telling me that it's raining, because you know that the rain captivates me and you're sorry that you got my hair wet.
I feel like I crossed oceans for you and soaked my soul in my desire for you and you couldn't even step across a puddle for me, even though it was only inches deep.

Remember that even without me you are everything.

“It’s not you,” You tell me.
But I can’t make you see that security is always fleeting. But I will not be. And I just want that to be enough.

I just want to be enough.

hollow words and hollow hearts, searching for the missing parts.

This silence
Between us
Used to make my heart
Believe in love.

But maybe
The truth you hid
Is that it's just
lust
And lies
And cloudy skies.

Now it's...
Something wrong
a skipped line in your favorite song
And a city collapsing
Under the weight of our unsaid words
Everything going unheard.

I know the weight
that your tone of voice carries.
It's scary.
And I know you can hear the meaning
Behind my "I'm sorry"

And I'm sorry about that.

And just when I think I'm okay...
"What are those scars on your leg?"
"just don't worry about it" I say
it's all going to hell
I don't know what else
there is
to say about it.

I’ll wait forever
He said
I’ve never known a love like this.

You put on quite a show
“All is well
There is hope.”

But dear do you forget that I see inside your soul?

I want to change my ways, you say
Every day
the same.

Yet you’re Holding on to the rudder to keep the ship going south
Each day getting further from the course.
Have you forgotten that the stars are urging you north?

Did your compass break,
My valiant captain?
Or did you forsake
Your commitment to your King?
What first caused your faith to shake?
I never thought that this could happen...

Do the pirates have your soul?
Did you sell it for the promises
Of beautiful women and gold?

Was I kidnapped
Is this a Dream
Or is the life I thought I had
Just not as glittering as it seemed

I am more whole than you ever made me.

I am that girl. The strong girl. The conqueror. The positive one. I am the one who surprises everyone. The outgoing, social one. The happy one
And thanks to those people, that is also who I want to be.
But this girl is also the girl who constantly dissappoints herself. She is the one who loves and forgives everyone without second thought, but struggles to love and forgive herself. The weak, fragile, and afraid one. The one who sees how bad things could really get. The one who realizes that the “rock bottom” that she hit in the past was just a lucky ledge, caught on the way into the dark abyss. She, the terrified little girl, with monsters in her mind, She sees that it gets darker, and is constantly praying that the sun in her life won’t set. But she’s also one who loves the pitch black silence of middle of the night because it’s nice knowing that the world she’s putting on a front for is asleep and unaware.
She is the one who has struggled and suffered. She is the one who always will. But she is the fighter, not the quitter. She, herself, is victory.

There is so much that nobody knows.
There is so much more to me.

I noticed today
that things have changed
Things don't look so dreary, babe.
The sun is shining
so much brighter, darling.
My smile
is actually coming from inside
me
and it's reaching my eyes,
really.
It's plain to see
in the way I choose to view
my life.
It's nice.
Want to come with me
On this journey?
Say yes,
I'd be happy.

I'm falling
again.
Into a deep
dark
hole.
And I don't know
if I want to crawl out
Again
Or let myself fall
while it gets
deeper
and darker.
Until I can't see a thing.

In your arms I find home
And in your skin I wish I could burrow.
In your chest hair I weave my fingers
In your legs I tangle mine.
And when you leave, the feeling lingers
And the warmth left by you
Is like the moment my skin feels the sunshine.

Are you sure
You want to keep me?

I nod my head,
Happily.

I want to keep
Who you’re becoming.

You are the one
I’ll never stop loving.

The thought of you.
it kills me.
it always has.
I wonder if it always will

The thought of you
used to make me soar
with butterflies, I’d take off
And In my heart I’d be with you.

The thought of you would **** me
And I wish I could fold a map
and be closer to you.
if only.

The thought of you kills me.
you didn’t leave.
you didn’t stay.
we’re inbetween.

and I don't know
I'm just alone.
I think.

you made it through yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. You’re doing better than you think. Keep holding on.

I try to find the words
But not even you could
As we sat in silence
Sighing. Realizing
We don’t have it down to a science.
Somethings wrong
That we should be able to fix
But we can’t find it
Because you don’t know what it is.

When I fall, I fall hard.
And each time I only shatter my heart.

stupid girl.

I wonder if you see me as fragile or strong. I wonder if you think that I’ll break your arms. are you careful with my heart , are you afraid that I will fall apart?

Or I wonder if you know that I am strong, despite the fact that I have been wronged? Do you know that I have strength  despite the fact we both know I can break.

I wonder what you know.

I might love you
But won’t tell you
Because recovery
Is still coming
Along
But I love being with you
Dancing to my favorite songs.
I am falling in love with you
And I know you love me too
Please don’t go

We were sailing to eternity
When you turn to tell me
There’s a hole in the hull...
(“I didn’t mean to, honestly,”
You plead).
our ship is flooding quickly
And the reel is struggling
To maintain stability.

S.O.S.
Save me
From this feeling,
I’m drowning.

I have never regretted something so much as the moment I realized I betrayed your trust.

The words to ask for help are so closely within my reach
And I'm silently begging
"Please
save me
from me."
Because I can't even start
to explain
this pain
That is stabbing yourself in the heart.

It’s hard to admit
I’m this in love with you.
Under the surface, fearing
It’s too good to be true.
And you are so good
How could I not be?
And when I consider it
It’s easy to admit...
How I love you.

Trust yourself and let yourself be afraid. Two emotions and conflicting ideas can exist in one mind and one soul at the same time. Come together with yourself and accept it. And then, take the step.

You treat me better
Than I’ve ever known
But just yesterday
A new seed was sewn
Your personal fears,
They became my own.

My heart is in such a fragile place.
I don’t realize until it suddenly starts to ache.

Because nobody is expecting you to be perfect today. All anybody wants from you is that you try to be better tomorrow.