I feel like a fool
You know how I feel about you
But it's not enough to whisper almost words
So smile, play it cool.
I'm sorry if I'm hurting you.

I’m sorry
for bleeding
on you, my sweet,
When you didn’t even cut me.

Forgive.
Even if they don’t deserve it. Let it go. Take a breath. They don’t matter anymore.

Love, when you pray, I smile.
Not because of my love for the Almighty, but because yours shows so much in your words. And your relationship with him shows in your tone. And I smile each night I hear you speak to Him.

Sometimes, you tend to internalize. I used to hate it (and I’ll admit some days I sort of do), but now I understand why you do.

My heart was ice
But I met you
Before I was ready
And patiently, you
Waited for my availability
I kept hold
Of all the cold
Until I chose
To let go
And let you in
To melt what had frozen,
And you were there for all of it.

I am terrified of hurting you
And I can tell that I am
Or at least I feel like I am.

I am my own worst enemy
And my own best friend
I’m sorry if that’s exactly who I have or will become for you, too.

Father,
I know you’re listening:
Please, lift me.

Hosanna
Blessed are Ye.
Please, save me.

My speciality is hiding
A turtle in my shell
A people pleasing personality
Developed by the days of destructive anxiety

I’ve been broken by so many things
And people
and I thought I’d been repaired with gold,
but it seems I’ve been left a bit unstable at the core.
So I guess the only solution is to carefully crack me open once more.

I could fight to be strong
Be patient
Until one of my Diagnosis
Decides to take me.
Or I could just take control
and do it myself

Can’t decide which will win out.

Will I ever be able to trust you again
If admitting what you did
Was not in your plan?

“It’s you.
It’s always been you.
It’s always going to be you”

I want you to know that my heart is yours. You have me hooked. And I never stop thinking about you. And I’m falling in love with you but I’m trying so hard not to. I’m afraid to let go because in one way or another, even if you catch me, history says I’ll sooner or later be dropped from your arms, off a ledge.
And my wings aren’t repaired yet I’m not ready to fly.
And I wish I could tell you all of this.
(I hope you don’t think me saying it’s okay is a lie)
But I’m so broken that the connection between my heart and my mouth was severed by the shards.
So instead I support you in what you want and wish that you could read my mind and know that even though it’s okay, it hurts. I wish you knew that in order for me to learn to trust you enough to stop putting up walls, you need to be persistent. I want you to want me but not out of obligation.
I will always leave the door open.
I hope you don’t feel inclined to use it.

Foreheads close
And noses cold.
Your love reached in
And warmed my soul.

Head over heels
On solid ground
I’d like to say you’ve got me, now.


Please keep me safe and sound.

I’m sorry for being too much
And I don’t deserve to feel like too much
But I do
And it has very little to do with you
Your only choice is if you want to help me believe differently.

Floodgates
(Safety)
Holding back the feeling
A shift
in the wind
Turns to overflowing
The Pain,
Leaving me reeling...

You didn’t intend to do this
But you know what they say
About the road to hell.
And it’s full of near misses.

He whispers
I am so in love with you
I didn’t know it was possible to be so in love,
But I am so in love with you
And I don’t think I could live
without you.
I don’t ever want to live without him.

I am terrified
Of how deeply I love you.
Because the last time I fell in love..
it was...
It was my truth built on someone’s lie.
But I know you can sympathize.
And my fear can not reach the depth of my love for you.

Are you thinking of me, too?
I’m laying awake
Slivers of moonlight
Whispering
As they intrude
And all I can think about is you.

‪I was so afraid of getting hurt I never imagined the possibility of me hurting you
I’m so sorry if I do.

I am your silver lining in your search on a stormy day.

You use that tone with me
Or do these things to me
Because you’re hurting
Over something
That isn’t me.
You’re “just saying”
But as a result I’m paying
For your insecurities
That you’re passing on to me.

Has your heart ever hurt so bad it made your hands tingle?
What about your fingertips go numb?
Like frostbite forming inside you
As if My heart being frozen over
So long ago,
Though it’s starting to warm
Each time a small breeze comes
The ice descends through my veins
Freezing me until the whole is numb.

It was those late hours and those lonely nights that she took a step back, and doubted herself. And she hated herself for those nights. Because she it was in those quiet doubts that she proved to herself that she was not worth trusting. Because her spirit was not yet in control and her demons got the best of her and she failed again.  But she will try again. She will start again. And tomorrow will be a new day so her new start begins in this moment. In this moment she will begin again learning to love herself.  In those dark quiet hours she prayed, and pleaded and released, and surrendered and she began again to believe in her strength

‪Sitting alone in my car at a park‬
2am and the tears start
You drive away
because I say it’s okay
But the stitches in my heart
Are tearing apart.

I love you so much
And I promise
I’ll do everything in my power
not to ***** this up.

In the darkness here at night
I lay awake
And question why
I’m not enough to satisfy
Your lust, your love, or your desires.

As my heart breaks,
at the thought of her, or them,
Ready and waiting for you,
If you’re ready to crawl back to them,
My hands shake.
I wish that you would hold me tight
And then I think twice...

The way you pluck, and play
my chordae tendonae,
Is quite the show, I’d sure say.

And I can still smell a hint of you
Laying in my sheets,
And imagine you’re next to me

And so I bury my face
Reminiscing
And hope you’re also missing me.

And I can still dig into my closet
thankfully
And pull out your (my) favorite hoodies.

And Your toothbrush is still on my sink
And I can still feel your arms around me
And I can still smell you next to me

You are not everything that I want
You could be.
You are on your way there.

I’m tearing myself apart
For fear of tearing you apart.
I’m so sorry,
If I’m breaking your heart.

“I’d be lying
                                           If I said I wasn’t falling”
                                            Written in invisible ink.

Tell me when it’s safe to take the leap.