Imagining your lips trailing soft delicate kisses across my skin
Leaving little goosebumps in it's wake
My body tingling in response as you send shivers down my spine
Feeling your breath, hot on my neck as I arch my back in a primal response
Your fingers lingering in the most sensitive of places, calling out a dark sudden urge inside me.
You toy with me, cradled away from the world
For a night I am yours, lost within a sea of blankets and soft, delicious moans.
I am your marionette and tonight, you're pulling on all of my strings.
Control me, puppet master.
Your every wish is my body's command.

You are sweetness embodied
And I am the Devil, just begging for you to sin.

One bed, two hearts
Lips meet, fingers touch
Welcome home

Life forces intertwining, strangers if not for a moment when their two worlds collide.
And somewhere lost to the years your soul recognizes one another.
Even if you don't care to admit it out loud.
Getting caught up in a sea of possibility, the unknown darkness creeping up into a new dawn.
And yet there he is beside you, for twelve hours ago you were strangers to an extent.
Meeting for the first time.
However you are still strangers now, as you lay side by side un-touching.
The words which escaped his drawn out perfect lips, ring through your head.
The scent of alcohol and cheap beer still linger in your mouth and cling to your unwashed skin.
You muster up everything in your being not to give in to the temptation laying beside you.
Because lord knows you want to.
But you already realize this is just another game of cat and mouse to him.
And no matter what, he will always be the victor.

Opposite side
of the street
From where I sat
Yesterday
Pubescent victory
Two days
in a row
It’s different
here
since
you left me
Though
your talent
unprecedented
Marked
egotistical
a youth of misunderstandings
Caregivers absent
Childhood demanded
Look at you now
In your glass house
Surrounding yourself
With self doubt
Layered toxic masculinity
Existing to fornicate
Tempt fate
A love story just beginning
Meet me where you first told me
About your mother
And your brother
Star crossed
lovers
May will always
Haunt you

@RhetoricalCuriosity

I am a tree
At least, that’s how I see myself right now
My leaves have turned green and inevitably they will fall off and I will become barren, even the trees change
But we don’t want them to
I always admired my strength, though lately I am not strong
I feel the warmth of the late spring breeze on my skin
Something I waited for all winter,
But now that it’s here it feels wrong
Everyone is in a blissful stupor
Screaming none-sense at the local bar
******* and flirting with intoxication
Drowning whatever sorrow or filling whatever void with mindless stupid things
I hate them
I hate the men brawling in the streets, after a night cocking about trying to impress females
Silence can be comfortable which is why I’m drawn to winter
Spring is a hopeful time, but how come it’s never easier each time you have to pick yourself back up?
Twenty eight and I don’t know what I’m doing
Two months, coasting through this tangible blissful ******* proud for all the wrong reasons
Maybe I never had anything
The trees sway, rustling of leaves through the breeze
I can’t imagine they enjoy when they lose their leaves, either.

You think I don’t see
But I see everything that’s presented to me
Tranquility
And convocation
Is your conviction
To your addictions
You don’t admit to
Reflecting
And avoiding
While playing the victim
I contemplate
How much I’ve changed
While you’re still the same
Even though you’re different
Disdained
While I took abuse for my inspirations
You were jealous
How life has changed since
I stared trying
Instead of crying
About why I didn’t
And I’m sorry
It’s retribution
If my words resonate within you
You just ask yourself why
Instead of
condemning
I’m a prophet.
-Rhetorical Curiosity 21.

Cigarette smoke tickles my lungs as I inhale the closest thing I ever got from you.
I don’t smoke but you did most of your life.
Truthfully, I smoked often after your death;
Feeling though if this was a way to feel your presence.  
Though it only irritates my lungs.
One night I drank 3 bottles of wine;
I don’t drink.
I burnt a hole in my couch singing “before you go”; hadn’t lit up anything other than marijuana since then.
Smoking wouldn’t bring my father back.
Wouldn’t repair the trauma he caused during my youth.  
31 years old doesn’t prepare you for the death of your father.
The three months you gained weight
Didn’t leave your bed
Pushed many of your friends away because rejection sensitivity.
And cried so hard you nearly threw up
3 months of worsening binge eating where you felt so full you couldn’t breathe
Severe depression
And oddly enough suicide ideation.
Misplaced guilt from abuse that wasn’t your fault.
Sweat soaked sheets from chaotically descriptive  nightmares
Unrelenting dissociation.
Even longer tangling with delicious self hatred, words your father used when he would belittle your body while you developed an eating disorder at his hand.
My thighs are getting bigger
-insert self loathing here-
I won’t repeat those abusive words;
As I’m trying to heal.
5 nights shy of 1 year.
I can say I finally like myself.
The other side of shutdown reared it’s caressing warmth;
The chrysalis of self discovery erupting like a volcanic convocation.
Complex post traumatic stress disorder.
I wear this diagnosis like a badge, proof of my experiences.
I miss you.
Though I am not unhappy you’re gone.

The notebook of my mind breathes poetry
Constant thoughts, filtering in and out with a desire to be heard.

Oh snake master, with your deep eyes and your skillful tongue
Please uncage me and let me run my scales wildly through your hands
Hold me steadily, strongly as you tame me
Freeing me from the confines which house me
Oh snake master, your skin cool to the touch like mine
Pale white and smooth
We are different from each other, but similar
My blood runs cold while your veins pump warmly, coursing through your being
Oh snake master
Run your hands across my tiny body
Hold me firmly while you speak
Whisper softly to me as I wrap around your neck
Gripping you tightly as I become comfortable
You are not afraid
Oh snake master
Tell me your secrets
I am content here, now coiled around your arm
Your eyes glisten with hope, face handsome and young
I want to surround you, to find home within your warmth
Oh snake master
I feel your heart beating
You have me bewitched under your charm

Oh snake master
Oh snake master
Oh snake master

Snow capped trees, barren otherwise
Lifelessness embodied, an empty space
Missing the swaying leaves, breathing life across a vacant sky
You can be home, happy, whole and yet still find little cracks in the foundation of your mind
A drifter caught within a sea of self concern
Medication is a mask, incompleteness wrapped like a bandaid lacking self care
One is not the definitive answer or solution without extradition of the mind
The crime being expecting happiness to be the cure for all
Twenty five versus twenty eight is ample, delusions burst through effort, finding security and peace
Lost became foundation, trivial expedition became vitality
Imagine unrelenting happiness with nothing holding you down
Not clinging to others problematic existences became necessity, a long relationship with my wellbeing
Visible weight lifted my psyche, and I rose
Winged creatures exude strength and I consider myself an enigma
Defying the odds set out, engraved deep within the roots of my youth
A powerful message of succession crawling forward trying to heal my mind from years of ignoring mental illness
Echoes of the psychological pain
Being a product of a schizophrenic ruled woman, melding myself into all that I am
I’ve had little to offer in my lifetime besides kindness, I stand behind myself and my family
Despite my flaws and after all this time
Battling through the ages of time,
I am home.

Souls
Embodied inside flesh, bone, blood
Searching
Across distances and lifetimes as they say
Awaiting the day you reconnect with that missing piece
The one who will breathe a new life into you
Electric pieces combine
Fizzing, sparking, fulfilling
Creating a whole once again
Soulmate
Seeking what you once had within
To become what you shouldn't have to live without

Your love was the equivalent of getting tangled up in a spiderweb

Drowning in an unrelenting sea of my thoughts and feelings. A new wave crashes against the deck before the last wave is quelled.
It's endless, however it doesn't feel like a sea of hopelessness.
I am vastly built with all of these mechanisms, some good, while some are bad and could use a little fixing.
Incredibly headstrong, and my heart is constantly exposed.
Where as many aspects of myself stays the same, there are parts like the gears of a clock which are constantly moving. Changing, growing and replenishing.
Even though it's never proven a good trait, I tend to romanticize things, people, places...
A gorgeous smile in a dim-light room.
Eyes screaming "I want you", while you're fighting with your conscious not to give in to the temptation of what's before you.
Nights like this, alone in my bed. Wind howling outside and my mind being overly contemplative.
I find myself wanting to reach out to someone, to make some sort of post that intrigues someone enough to have a conversation with me.
But I'm so far from that person.
Hold it all in, keep it to myself like I always do.
These feelings will pass, but I don't want them to.

I've been sitting here,
Dwelling upon a time where I no longer live,
Where your voice has been calling out to me from the darkness.
Caution, the past reads to me,
"Proceed with Caution".
You're a stranger to me but so terribly familiar,
The epitome of unknown territory.
With the allure of a once recognizable ground,
Seductive, blue-eyed trickster that with one sharp glance had swept me off my feet.
Set ablaze,
Forever appropriate burden of timeless enchantment.
Attachment,
Insatiable hunger to quell these building thoughts,
Longing for a time in which it's impossible to return.
What shall be our fate?
My lost friend, the time traveller.

These thoughts for you are unrealistic
Motion sickness, trying to get my heart to fix this
Wrong time, right pleasure
Make my knees weak where you buried your treasure.

Maybe I'm chasing a fairy tale.
A deep rooted facade, sending blind fools head first into heartache.
Maybe I'm chasing a dream.
Just out of my grasp, slipping blissfully through my fingers as I wake up from my slumber.
Maybe, just maybe what I lust after isn't so far fetched after all and I too have become jaded.
I've seen irrevocable and wild love, brought forth by gut busting laughter.
Smiles so wide you feel your face might split open seam to seam.
Your souls dancing around one another unable to sit silently for too long.
Moments pass and it already feels like you've been apart too long, even if you've spent days with them.
I know this exists; that warmth, the desire.
An urgency.
A fire coursing through my body begging to be released.
I know this irrevocable, passionate love exists.
But I don't know if it'll ever be waiting to be received by me.

~
~
I've lived a thousand lives
And died a thousand deaths
Within the pages of my notebooks
~
~

I loved you, even though I wasn't supposed to.
And when those memories are gone, I'll miss you like a friend.

I have hair dye all over my face, and yet haven’t been able to recognize myself in months.
It all hurts, knowing that what you felt was supposed to be forever got derailed somewhere along the line.
You aren’t mine, but I’ve been holding on desperately hoping that you’d come back to me.
That first month, the year and a half that followed.
I guess I believed you when you said you weren’t going to date anyone anytime soon.
8 months isn’t soon, but it’s pouring salt in wounds that haven’t healed.
That wide **** over an excessively bleeding heart.
Hopeless.
Romantic.
But never with you.
Hopeless.
You gave everyone else so much more than you gave me.
Hopeless.
I don’t know how to come back from this... pain.
This feeling that I was never enough through the unfolding of our lives.
But seeing you wrap your arms around someone else, when I craved physical affection from you and you couldn’t give it.
That’s the worst part.
The idea in which you can be happy without me.
And they keep getting younger.
Twenty six.
I guess I’m getting old, thirty in a few months.

How do I bring yourself back from months of heartache after you?
bur more importantly, how do I manage to still stay friends with you while you date someone else.

Will the hopeless romantic be anything less than hopeless?
And when will someone love and dedicate time to me?