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 May 2014 Rick Smerglia
haley
He pushes me away
But pulls me right back in when he wants something
He wants to see a little skin
I gave him what he wanted foolishly thinking the boy who wanted to see me naked also wanted me as a person
I play the game waiting for someone to win
We're just going in circles
He wants my body and I want to be loved
He wants to mess around and I want someone to stay in my life
We're like fire and gasoline
I let him go trying to end this silly game once and for all
But he slithers his way back in my life
And I let him stay
I know he will never love me
I can't make him love me
He only loves my body
Some hear rain. Some hear the cracking whip
that illuminates a star-dusted sky. Some
hear cold tremble of white fur, soft eyes, as
the intake of breath becomes softer with each.
Some hear the startle of the ants dwelling,
a swell of bodies together in fear,
as the tree bark cracks.
Some hear the gentle ***** of the quivering forest,
a harrowing descent into whiskey dark.
Some hear hollowed out emptiness
that rain makes when knocking on a tree,
inside smelling of pine and empty
nests. Safe here, safer, save her. Drip
drip goes the pine, as a thick gaze falls
upon a branch too far to reach.
Alone, where some hear soft crackling
of the fire embracing wood, she can hear
the stream of mumbled prayers from her to
the tawny owl to the dry-creak bed,
soaking into each crack like a parched breath.
Does she imagine she will ever leave?
still, be still, still be—here, always.
Some hear tired maples sleeping by
rivers, their roots flowing like smoke to
find something beautiful, yet lost.
Is it loneliness, she sees?
Do they wander without ever reaching?
The panther’s paws are placed
in the wet dust of morning.
The grass is dewy, soft under the
hard boot-tread of her feet.
She can wait until the stars align in
the saddle-shape of soft leather and emptiness.
She can wait to cry in the dawn, where
the grey is ugly and she is still broken.
But she is alone and lost in a patchwork quilt,
a soft sinew that will don a snowcoat soon.
But the night is long and she is endless,
her arms stretching to the treetops,
her lips brushing against weary memories
that she has her whole life left to uncover alone.
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made.
There they are.
Orbiting around me just out of reach.
I want to hold on.
But I have lost my hold on the things I want and love.
Circling around beyond my grasp.
Strange.
Distant.
Empty.
Translucent.
The sensation of being detached.
I realize I am losing myself as well.
My fears are pulling them away.
My dreams, my loves, my very soul.
At first, in a panic I struggled.
Lunging and grasping at air
I wanted it back, what fear had taken.
And so I fought.
Gathered every shred of what I had inside.
I reached out to reclaim myself.
To clutch tightly a piece of the life I had, in my hand.
To pull it back to my center.
If it had returned to it's place, the rest would have followed.
I would have conquered the fear that tried to conquer me.
Relaxing, I would have allowed my life to flow and ebb.
Around me, but in control.
But I failed.
Miserably.
In trying to get it back, I lost even more.
Doing what I thought was my will, I did theirs.
I watch it all fade out into the darkness.
I won't try again.
Let it happen, I don't care (but I do).
And so I sit.
Writing this pathetic missive of a failure that didn't have to be.
This is a memory of a time in my life when I felt that all was slipping away from me.
And I woke from the most deceiving dream.
And I woke with empty,
burning holes inside of me.
And I wasn't the light anymore,
I was just a girl.
Just a girl.
One day I was beautiful.
And the sun grew from my skin.
Or at least you told me so.
Or at least you told me so.
And I smile but it doesn't feel right.
And I don't know if I'm awake, or if,
I’m barely alive.
I just know that one day I was beautiful.
And now I'm just a girl.
Just a girl.
Love so strong so sweet in my eyes
Never would have known it was heartbreak in disguise
You were my sweet my treat in life
I didn't know how to live until you arrived
Love makes things clear but it also makes you blind
Here I am thinking my worst days are behind
You were my first kiss, my first everything
Now I get the feeling you were just using
So sweet in the beginning now so fake
You tricked me till the end but now I'm awake
I see now that you were just playing a role
Thought you were the real thing but you're just fools gold
Lovely light casting shadows in the night
Auras aglow making it all a beautiful sight
The water dancing with golden flecks of light
My heart is content and the weather is just right
Walking alone my heart gives a happy sigh
Just the magic in the air my angels and I
You said you'd come to tea
so I made a cake
chocolate sweet; maraschino filled;
girdled with a satin blue ribbon;
set out the prettiest plates;
hand painted with forget-me-nots.
And from the darkest corner of a drawer
found a single candle to celebrate the day.
I'd understand if you had 'phoned,
but now the chocolate lends a bitter taste
and even the despairing posies have given up all hope
as the candle's flame flickers my ever waiting shadow.
copyright © Caroline Grace 2010
An empty park picnic table
cooled by the light,
whispering breeze,
spotted by the burning
life-giving sun.

I see us there.
chatting,
laughing,
enjoying each others company
in this never-ending summer.

I see myself
dressing up as the wife,
laying out a picnic basket
and table cloth.
Pouring iced tea
into a chilled glass,
Watching the condensation
slide down your fingertips
as your throat
gulps in the refreshment.

I lay a blanket
on the grass,
inviting you to come sit.
We lay.

And that chuckling breeze
picks up
and lifts the whole of
my 1950s homemaker dress.

You smooth it back down,
lowering your hand on my hip.
The wind has stopped,
but you keep smoothing away…
down my thighs,
across my backside,
up my back,
until my head is
cupped in your hands
nearing closer to your face.

I would not call it a kiss,
because a “kiss” is too
short a word, too precise
and too emotionless
to fit this phenomenon.
You embrace me fully
leaving no passion unaccounted for,
no ounce of me left untouched.

I succumb to your embrace
and we start to make love when…

A car horn beeps.
I blink.
Look around, and remember
that I’m sitting in a
library parking lot
looking at an empty picnic table.
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