As a rose you will rise from the cold wet earth,
Dirt will cover your leaves at first,
But eventually you will show your full beauty,
And share it with the world

Many people fear the dark,

But there is nothing out there

Nothing to be afraid of

The darkness is safe

For as in the darkness you don't have to hide

You don't have to lie

For there are no judging eyes

Respect for everyone on here who acts so sweet,
Little acts of kindness everywhere,
Intelligent poetry and clever comments,
Supportive people and sometimes a kind private message.
Being on here restores my faith in humanity.
The people on here are beautiful, all in their own way.
Never I will say without flaws, we are all humans here.
No, we aren't without flaws, that us the best part,  we accept each others flaws.
Respect for everyone here who votes on my poetry.
I am happy with people like you.
And the nice comments on here, on my works and on the works of others, I am proud to be part of this community.
And to anyone who send me kind private messages, you are the best.
Respect for everyone on here, first of all for being human beings.
Secondly because you being so wonderful.
Respect and thank you

Don't think for a second I am going to wear a dress and watch Titanic or The Notebook with you- We are going to have a Firefly marathon whit too much food and I'll wear a hoodie, or Watch Mad Max Fury road, but darling, don't expect me to be like the other girls- on somedays I even ain't one, and even when I am- Star Wars and Harry Potter are still favorite- Star Trek and Supernatural, Sherlock and Doctor Who, so you better keep up with my geekyness or you won'the know when I love you.
I love you- I know
Because sweetie I am a geek and a fangirl ;)

I should not look,
She is a girl,
And so am I,
But she is pretty.

He is hot,
I kinda like him,
But I may not,
For he is a boy like me.

A girl and a boy,
Both loved,
Not by eachother,
But by me.

I look in the mirror,
See a body,
But it is not me,
Just my (fe)male version.

I hate it, I hate it
I can get them out of my head
I hate it, I hate it
The voices in my head
I hate it, I hate it
It is driving me mad

That we are no boys nor girls.
Neither male or female.
Don't fit in the system.
That we are non-binary.
Doesn't make us any less real.
We are just genderqueer.
Don't forget about us.
We excist.
We are just non-binary.
Genderqueer.
Gender fluid.
Agender.
Transgender.
Multigender.
Genderbi.
We are still humans.
We just have a non-binary gender.
That is all.

Smile child, my love, my lady dove,
You are beautiful,
Your smile fills my world with light,
Smile my child, my love, my lady dove,
For your smile is the most beautiful,
And fills my heart with light,
Even in the darkest of times

Oh little child.
Don't judge.
Show some respect.
For an old man who thought the war.
Fought for our freedom.
For someone who is openly gay.
Someone who does nothing but love.
Show some respect.
Don't judge.
Just because someone is not like you.
Show some respect.
Oh little child.
Help making this world a better place.

It makes me sad to see how fragile your happiness can be.
I wish I could see you smiling for ever.
Not because you are the most beautiful when you smile, you are still beautiful in your pain.
I just wish you never had to know pain.
I want you to be happy because you deserve it.

When I have to be strong for you,
When you are scared after watching a horror movie.
It is so hard.
Cause I constantly feel like breaking apart.
I am always so afraid,
Of my own thoughts like my wish to ******* die.

We were on the train,
Traveling from Amsterdam back home.
There was this adorable little kid,
He asked me to play with his toy car.
We played for about fifteen minutes,
Before his mom said he had to go,
The little kid was so upset and yelled:
But I want to keep playing with that boy.
He made my day.
He was closer to the true than everyone else,
Correcting his so called mistake.
That adorable little kid made my day by calling me a boy,
And for now one person is enough.

Dear people,
I wanted to create a group chat with people from the LGBTQ+ community on Hello Poetry,
A place where we can share our problems, seek advice, give tips and talk.
A chat where people can find support and people who they can identify with.
The group is open to join, I used the application called Kik.
The name of the group is: HelloPoetryLGBTQ+

when you're born a girl.
But don't feel like one.
When you are forced to go swimming and expose your body.
The one that causes all the pain and dysphoria.
Oh how much it ***** having boys staring at your *****.
When you want to be one of them.

I am telling you what I feel,
But you don't seem to listen.
You don't hear the words I am saying,
The pain in my voice.

I am yelling at you,
But you don't hear what I am saying,
I scream ,
But you are deaf for my pain.

And I scream,
Try so hard to be heard,
But you don't seem to listen,
Am I not to be heard?

You think I romanticise suicide?
That I can find glory in death?

You're wrong.

I don't hope for romance, there is no romance in laying six feet deep.

Being defeated by your own mind holds no glory, there is no pride in suicide.

You say...
Get over it.
You can fight this.
It's only in your mind.

And you're right.

It's only im my mind so stop telling me how I feel.

So shut up.

I know it's weak.
Selfish... but it is my choice.
I know you think it's a choice to be happy.
If it was did you really think I would choose this?

sadness
pain
depression

Suicide

Trying to write a goodbye.
Wondering about the music for my funeral.

Suicide

I'm always scared but fighting.
I am weak but never giving up.
Never giving in.

I don't think this is fun.
This is suicide your talking about.
No romance.

Empty of joy and glory.
Suicide.
A way out.

I loved you and you loved me.
But our love turned toxic and dissapeared.
It did hurt at first but I am over it now.
And I don't grieve the lost of our love no more.
Cause beauty can grow from pain.
And after destruction there is place and time to create.
What is broken can be fixed again.
But only when it is worth the time and effort.
When not, we still have the memories to build on.
And beauty can grow from pain.
After the fall we can rise again.
Stronger and wiser than we were before.
And that is why I don't grieve what we once had.
It is dead now and made place for new life.
More beautiful and than what was before.
This is why I don't grieve us falling out of love no more.

Am I the only one who wonders,
what ants do all the time?
When they walk seemingly without a pattern,
do they know where they are going?
What do ants think of us, do we scare them,
or are we not importand enough to care about?
How do they communicate?
Can they be sad?
I keep thinking about the ants?
Do they ever think like this, about the flies? Or spiders, or butterflies?
Who will ever know...

A hero in a book or movie.
Fighting the evil queen.
Reclaming a homeland-or mountain.
Saving the world with a companion in a blue boxs.
Leading a rebelion.
Beind captain of a ship- Serenity or the USS Enterpise.
Cathing a serial killer.
Or stopping a psychotic well dressed villian.
One man or woman saving the world.
When I was younger I wished I could be like them.
But now I can barely fight the demons in my mind.
Why would I dream of saving the day when I am not sure I want to live another day?
Life is no fairy tail.
This is not Middle-Earth or Narnia.
There are villians and monsters yes but not ones that we can defeat during wizzard chess or with a want or lazer sword.
They are just as real and dangerous.
But the live in our minds.
I tried to run from the watching tv series and movies and reading books.
Dreaming of another life.
But eventualy the demons got closer to chatching up.
And no hero will be able to safe me.
I will have to fight the monsters in my head myself, all on my own.
And I hope that I will be strong and brave enough when that time comes.

Pretty girl walks down the streets,
But no-one knows,
She is actualy an he.

I am locked up in this body,

In this world of lies,

And deep down I know,

I will never be free

Even if I lived a thousand years I would not find the words to describe the beauty of a kind and happy smile.

Empty swings.
Playground left behind.
No children playing or running.
No people here laughing.
Or just talking.
Just a mother alone with her mind.
All the happiness gone.
Blown away by the cold northern wind.
The same wind that chilled you.
Killed you.
Took you away.
My sweet child.
And now I am here.
Just me.
A childless mother and her mind.
Standin by the empty swings.
At an empty playground.
Left behind.
I just stand there.
Mourning your untimely death.
Missing your beautiful smile.
Your warm laugh.
Oh my sweet child.
Every day I mourn your death.
Curse the cold norther wind that took you away.
The wind that took a mother's child.
The most precious thing.
Oh my beautiful child.
And every day.
I come back.
To watch the empty swings.
And look back at the past.
To mourn your untimely death.
And every day I watch this empty swings.
The swings you used to play on.
Till this cold northern wind took you away.
Now a mother comes to the empty swings.
Every day.
Crying for the lost of her son.
A childless mother at an empty playground.
All  happyness long forgotten.
There by the empty swings.

The black monster,
It is in my bed,
I can feel it,
It is warm against my leg.

My body is a curse,
A boundry I cannot cross,
for tommorow it will be a bless,
my body is a cage,
my mind the captived one,
my body is like a prison,
for my very own soul

Your place is here.
Stay.

Don't move.
This is where you belong.

Don't complain.
This is where you should be.

The voice of society.

Stay here.
This is where you belong.

Shut your mouth.
Don't complain.

Be happy with what you got.
With where you are.

The voice of society.

Telling you to stay.
Not to do a single thing.

You aren't allowed to change.
For this society might not agree.

The voice of society.

Putting you down.
Telling you to lay back.

Don't you dare to disagree.
For the voice of society is strong.

The voice of society.

Yelling at you.
Ignoring you.

You cannot be who you are.
Just stay here.

Don't you dare to move.
Don't you dare to complain.

For the voice of society might disagree.

Not a girl nor a boy but still a person.

Don't try to walk away.
Don't you bother to run.
Lower your pace.
Hush now, don't speak.
Why would you even bother?
You can't outrun the darkness.
It is al in your mind.
So accept your fate.
Welcome the darkness.
Stop running, my child.
The darkness will catch up with you anyway.
So why bother to run?
When it is so much easier to just accept your fate.

It was when darkness spoke,
That I realized I was all alone.
No company,
An everlasting solitude.
The darkness my only friend,
Everything I ever had.
I was so alone,
Always alone
But I did not know,
What company was.
Never I knew love,
There was only emptiness in my heart.
And then softly,
The darkness spoke.
The darkness whispered at me,
Told me to listen.
I was scared,
But I recognized the voice.
The cry for love.
It were my own thought
First heart when darkness spoke.
And I never felt so alone,
As the time my darkness first spoke.

In the mirror,
Sadness reflected.
Shattered dreams,
And hopeless smiles.
In the mirror I stare,
seeing thousand of broken pieces.
Empty eyes,
waiting for death to come out of the mirror.

sitting in the garden
watching a spider
poor thing
has only
seven legs left
but
walks so fast
the spider is
so much like
every other
little
spider
but
with only seven legs
this spider is still
a spider
even though
it has seven legs
it still walks
so fast as any other
spider

I tell you I'm okay.
but when I am okay means, I am breathing and don't have a wish to stop doing so today.
Can you really say that I'm okay?

I used to be that happy little girl who danced trough the streets, smiled at everyone she met.
Now I am that depressed boy who locks himself up in his room, never comming out, because people might notice his *****.
Oh, the difference between this two.
But both are part of me and my past.
Who will I tomorrow be?

We are dancers,
Teardrops form a sad melody,
Forsaken in the crying woods of death,
Missery and sorrow join us.
We are dancers,
You and me,
Our sadness forms the beat,
Dancers of the national ballet of depression.
We are dancers,
You and me.

It is all in my mind.
I know you don't feel the same things as I.
But does that make it any less real?
Does it make me insane?
Oh and by the way, you my call me Nathan today.
That you don't understand me or my thoughts, the way my mind works.
Is that reason enough to call me insane?
Because yesterday I was a girl and today a boy?
Is not fitting in the binary system reason enough to tell me that I am crazy, wierd, insane?
That you don't understand, don't feel the same should not mean that you can judge me. Can't it?

Something is wrong with me,

I don't know what,

but I am different,

I feel different,

I don't feel like I fit in,

There is no place for me,

not in this society,

I am sorry,

but I am not -can not- be,

who you want me to be,

I am different,

Something is wrong with me,

I don't know what,

But something isn't right,

I am sorry,

I am not who I should be,

sorry that I don't fit in,

I can't help that something is wrong with me

Some fear spiders,
It is called arachnafobia.
Some fear hospitals,
It is called nosocomephobia.

But how...
How-
Is it called?

Xenophobia,
Fear of strangers.
Coulrophobia,
Fear of clowns.

But how...
How?
How do we call this?
The fear of myself.

It is silent as I walk through the woods,
The old dark trees standing sadly in their places,
Not able to move,
There are no sounds,
The silence is complete and I am all alone,
Only me and the trees,
And I wander,
Get lost in the unfamiliar woods,
A place o so old,
Yet so unknown,
Cause no one knows,
How to reach the eternal forest,
You hear about it in old song,
Read about it in books with almost forgotten lore,
But I can barely recall any of them,
For the forest takes over my head,
Controls my moods,
My thoughts and fears,
And I notice that we slowly become one,
The eternal forest and I,
I am becoming one with the woods,
Don't feel different from the tree next to me,
I stop walking,
Just stand still and breath in the cool air,
I lose my mind,
My grip on reality,
I don't remember the time before here,
The forest is slowly taking over my mind,
And I notice I haven't moved yet,
Not for over a few days,
But I lost all my desire to,
I just want stay here in my place,
And become one with the trees.
Part of the eternal forest.

Somewhere between sane and insane dwells the lonely poet's soul.

Music playing too loud.
It disracts me from my thoughts.

I cried for you,
Enough tears to fill an ocean.
I cried because of you,
My tears the source of a river.
I cried so much,
But you never saw my tears,
You never saw my pain,
Never knew what you did to me.
And I cried a thousand tears,
Enough to drown in,
And I am afraid that I soon will,
Don't you know what you mean to me?
I only cried a river for you,
Deep enough to drown in
I cried you a sea of sorrow,
A river of tears.
But you still don't know what you did to me,
Still don't see the pain you brought me.
And I hope one day you do,
But till that time I will continue crying my river of tears.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone.

I tell you that every day.
Everything else has left,
So why not you?

Please do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I thought I had lost you long ago.
But you came back to me.
I guess you never really left.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone, this time for good.

I pray for this every night.
Want you to leave so bad.
But you never do, always are on the back of my mind.

But please do me a favor.
And just go away.
Leave me alone.

I lost everything but not you.
My friends, my hopes, my desires, my love for myself.
But you always stayed.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I did not ask for you.
So please go away and leave me alone.
This time for good.

If I could only slide my wrists and die...
If I only could leave this place behind...
If I only could OD on some pills or...
Jump of a building so high...

I fear I did be gone by now
Weren't it for those people who care
That I am fighting

I want to die
Hurt myself
Commit suicide
But I promised them not too

For some reason I can't stop pretending that I am alright.
I can't break the illusion that I am fine.
I think I am just scared that when I stop pretending it might never go away.
I am afraid it will get even more real.
But how then can I make you see that I am not okay when I don't dare to admitt.
I need help but don't dare to ask for it.
Why am I so scared of showing how I feel?
I wish I knew...

I am so tired,
All I want is to close my eyes,
And never open them again.

You'te holding on me to tight.
Give me no space to breath.
You hold me so close.
Never give me room to grow.
Sorry but I can't do this no more.
I want to break free.
Want you to let me go.

I can't get no air.
Not enough.
My chest hurts.
Panic.
What's happening?

Slowly calming down again.
Oxygen.
Being able to move.
Finally.
That was strange.

In pain again.
The feeling of not getting enough air.
It happens a lot.
Random moments of pain.
And breathing diffeculties.

It is just stress.
I tell myself.
This makes me feel sick.
Most likely it is just stress.
Thank you stress for everything.

You can beat us to the ground, hurt us.
Ignore our screams.
Pretened that we are fine.
Because kids can't be depressed.
You can tell us how to live and feel.
Tell us our demons are not real.
But we are just other human beings.
Looking for their own indentity.
Going trough darker times.
Just younger but not untouched by pain.
Just because we are younger doesn't mean we can't be hurt.
So yes you can be ignorant.
You can tell us that we lie.
But that won't help us.
Won't change a thing.
We are the depressed teenagers.
And we can't do anything about it.
So please stop reminding us that we should be happy.
That our teens are the best times of our lifes.
Cause if depression is the best we will get,
how much must aldult life **** then?

Can't change who I am,
but who I am changes.