i used to only love women and it felt like being so alone,
like not bringing your date to family gatherings by fear of
seeing the disapproval
in their eyes, in their mouths, in their words,
felt like being both the predator and the prey,
looking at hands and wanting to hold them and fearing that
the world would swallow me whole
if i did.
and now i love you, probably,
and what am i, if not lost,
unable to be contained in F or Ms,
unfit for any of your definitions,
ready to change my body just so i can stand to walk past mirrors and live my truth.
and loving a man feels much the same after all,
dangerous and real, like craving different hands
but knowing the world still has its mouth grand open,
just for me.
going from identifying as a lesbian to realizing im tranasc and probably a little in love with all my closest friends no matter their gender.. and realizing how terrifying it all is !