I'm still reading
the book she gave me
for Christmas.
Bukowski-
it's as good as you'd expect.
So why is it taking me
this long to finish?

I am calm and swell
but also a storm that
will never burn out

8:07 PM
1/10/20

I do not fear losing you
as much as I fear you losing me.
Our memories are forever tattooed in my mind,
and this love, forever burning in my heart.
I know I will never lose you.
What I fear is that I will fade-
my name, my blood, my memory.
Will the winds of time extinguish this bond
or will another flame reignite the spark
that we once shared?

I do not fear losing you
as much as I fear you losing me.

Oh London, you were
a dream and a nightmare all
wrapped up into one

7:37 AM
19/2/20

You drive me crazy,
but not in the romantic way.
You turn my brain upside down;
you leave me clueless and hopeless-
your image branded into my mind
and I can't seem to drive you out
of my dreams.

There was once a bird
trapped inside a cage
of the darkest blues.
He forgot how to fly-
he forgot how to sing.
He cannot remember why
he got here with this wing.

December is just
a month-
so why all the
gloom?

I see every galaxy
shining through your eyes
and every star
burning in
your smile.

This Christmas you broke
my heart - not quite the present
I was expecting

1:40 PM
29/12/19

Soon you will be in my arms,
and I plan to wrap them
around you like a Christmas present.
I want to spend the oceans I crossed
to reach you to swim in your eyes
and get lost in your smile
as warm as a Vietnamese day.
Indeed, tomorrow will be
a beautiful day.

I do try
not to be a bitter person;
bitter about the life I live,
the life I want to live,
and a life that slipped away.
I do my best not to write bitterly,
And it's true, I sometimes do.
I do my best not to be so bitter,
though I can and often am.
I wonder if it's in my DNA
or because of a life so grey
But **** it,
I do my best.

I look for peace
in so many people
and in so many places
where, deep down, I know
peace can never be found,
and yet the things we have a
glimmer of hope of finding it,
we run away from.
Such is the irony
of this turbulent life.

Isn't it ironic
how it is out of fear
for losing someone that stops us
from attaining them.

Can the aura of
this dream linger with me for
a little longer?

11:25 AM
7/10/19

This mountain
is not mine but I
feel the need to climb it.
It mirrors my aching soul
but I'm afraid to reach the peak-
a world of magic,
a world I have been
longing for.

She is as bright
as a shooting star-
her trail brings beauty
upon this world.
Although I try to her,
she will never be within my reach.
But just to be in the presence
of such beauty is more
than I could ask for.

You and I,
Hand in hand-
we are one.
There is no distance,
no time, no fear,
that keeps us apart.  
We love without consequence
and we are free-
oh, how free we are.

I am forever
jealous of the nights not spent
by your side, my dear

7:44 PM
14/7/20

If the sunflowers knew
what I carry in my soul,
perhaps they would wither
to the winds of winter that accompanies me.
Indeed, my sun is burning out
and it weeps for those
nostalgic flames that summer
once held dear.

I know a girl
on the other side of the world
she's my flesh and blood
my heart and soul
but I'm stuck with the blues
the baby blues now

I don't know
what happened to Andri.
She was too good for this world-
few are.
I hope she is doing well,
wherever life took her
and I hope that she found the
anarcho-communist commune
she had always
desired.

The dreams won't answer-
the night is getting colder
as the shadows dance

2:33 AM
7/7/19

I’m shipwrecked,
left in the dark - stranded
in a never-ending sea of despair.
I was sailing for nowhere,
doomed from the start.
No need for an anchor
when I have no destination
or no home to call my own.

It's two thirty-three-
sleep is not my enemy
or so I had thought

Sometimes I think I’m
not capable of feeling
the thing you call love

7:13 PM
16/10/19

she was a teacher
with a heart the size
of a mountain.
I set my sights for its peak-
as many others have
only to find myself
gasping for air.

When it comes to war,
truth is the first casualty-
all else will fall next

8:33 PM
13/1/21

Dear Diary;
It's the last day
of the year and I
think I will burst into tears
for having held them in
all year.

I do not belong
to a person nor a place
nor to anything

6:16 PM
7/11/20

I want to know
if that Moroccan cat
is doing better than I am.
I really hope so.
I hope he has found a home,
and a love like no other.
I hope that cat
is happy now.

You were an angel
turned to demon
and then to stranger.
You have blessed me
and cursed me ever since
you walked away.

Can love travel across seas?
Can it float over the ocean
or drift upon the waves?
Would love reach me
upon shores of loneliness?
I'm drowning in solitude
and you are too far
to extend your hand.

I can make poems
out of all this heartbreak we
cause to each other

7:25 PM
22/8/22

I didn’t plan on dying at your feet tonight,
but here I am bleeding out
without a breath to spare.
Was I ever anything more than this to you,
a badly worded promise
failing its own intentions?
am i worth an answer?

Sometimes stars explode
and leave behind the most
beautiful nebulae in the universe-
but that is one in a billion.
Somehow you create a nebula
with every touch,
and every word.
So what does that make you?

I’m missing what we had;
love, lust - whatever you want to call it,
it doesn't matter.
What mattered was the warmth of your touch,
that angel voice that could melt my worries away,
the safety of your hand in mine,
the safety in your arms.
Call it what you will;
you could even call it a garden:
a sea of blood-red roses,
blooming, blessing all it touched.
But like many roses,
some of them had thorns.
In the end, we found ourselves torn,
pierced and wounded from our roses.
My thorns still remain,
lodged deep in my heart;
do yours still sting?
Nevertheless,
I still tend do our garden,
do you?

She went to the park
and made the birds, sun and trees
jealous all at once

7:24 PM
29/6/19

A dismal duet-
more like a sad solo
of two hearts
breaking in harmony.
Their tone is flat and
the lyrics don't rhyme.
The melody has gone
astray and the
music dies.

I am
devouring myself
once again.

Some people enter
your life like a dream but then
leave like a nightmare

6:50 PM
8/10/22

You’re in a weird place right now;
you feel like you don’t know which way is up
and which way is down,
and you know everyone
says to just follow your heart,
but you don’t know where it is.
Maybe you left it in another country,
or underneath your bed.
Maybe it’s in the summer air.
Or in a love you haven’t touched.
Maybe it's in a song you heard,
Or a book you haven’t read.
You’ll find it again,
you will,
just please,
don’t stop looking.

They say time heals all,
but I don't think that's true.
Broken hearts never completely mend,
they just learn to adapt
once the pieces
get lost
forever.

Every time
I tell myself
not to love you,
it feels like the entire universe
is fighting back against me.

The Day you leave me-
the flowers will never smell the same,
the sun will never shine the same
in the same way that lightning
will never strike twice.

The sunflowers remind me of you.
Indeed, I crave the warmth of your body
and your vibrant soul that would
brighten each and every day.
Your light lifts shadows
from this bleak soul
and plants sunflowers
in this heart.

Two souls finding each other
in this perfect little corner of the world-
a Christmas miracle unto itself but
we both know that this
Winter Wonderland
can't last forever.

I still remember
the first time I heard that warm
voice of yours that night

11:00 PM
26/5/19

Was it just a dream
or did that really happen?
I can't tell with you

5:17 PM
14/7/19

I caught myself
Again
Staring up at the starry night
Thinking about you
Wondering if you stare
At the same starry night
thinking about me too
and if you still
cross my mind

You're a dream
I want to get lost in -
One I don't wish to wake from.