You're a dream
I want to get lost in -
One I don't wish to wake from.

I keep returning;
the doorstep of your heart
is far too inviting tonight.
Every time, I am turned away
to face another winter
that's unforgiving,
so cold so dark,
when I am lost
without
you.

Ruffled by feathers
of a brave bird who never
learnt how to take flight

6:10 PM
12/6/19

We all have demons,
but only some of us try
to hide them away

3:57 PM
29/10/20

Perhaps I needed
a friend like me-
to save me from myself.
But all I got instead
was a foe like me-
to **** me to myself.

During this winter,
all I wanted was the warmth
of someone to love

7:31 PM
18/10/19

we found each other
by the Archibald Fountain-
what a day that was

6:59 PM
4/8/19

This car seems to drive itself.
I no longer feel the wheel in my grasp,
nor do I see the stretch of road ahead.
But do I see the black sunset
consuming the sky above.
I notice as the colour fades,
my headlights break through
the growing darkness.
I can see every changing moment;
the car drives on

You’re going to feel
that feeling again because
you’re going to fall in love again-
the only difference is that next time
the feeling is going to
last forever.

Dear diary;
I thought I had
no more hope left to lose
...until I found
a little more hope
left to lose.

She gives trust
and receives betrayal.
She builds walls around her heart
to shut out the all the invaders.
It's been smashed into a million pieces
a million times before.
She gathers the remnants
only to salvage her fragile heart.

Dear Diary;
for far too long
you made me believe that
if I was not good enough for you
than I must not be good enough
for anyone else in
this world.

I know a
modern angel
who navigates the skies
with wings of steel
and a heart so real.

Happiness is not
always what you think it will
present itself as

11:56 PM
27/10/22

We all feel a little lonely
sometimes more than others
so find someone or something
that can absorb you and
make you forget that you
were ever alone.

God, I wish I were young again.
I miss being a kid, I miss the innocence,
I miss being alive and spirited,
and engrossed by everything that moves.
I’d give anything to go back;
to relive those early years..
Compared to now, it was paradise.
Look how bleak and empty
my life has become.
The same old story,
the same routine,
it never ends.
I miss the magic,
the adventure,
the uncertainty.
This roller coaster we call life
has been dropping for as long
as I can remember.
Every passing second
remains in the past.
I’ve never felt so helpless
knowing there’s no going back.
I must look forward now,
and grow into who I need to be.

She said she
was empty.
I still thought she
was everything.

Look,
relationships can be great
but they’re not for everyone.
To be honest, coming home to the
same person every night is daunting,
even if it’s the one you love.
You may even lose a sense of who
you are because you are no longer 'you'-
but instead, you're defined by 'us'.
By definition you’re a part of something-
you share your life with someone,
you have another half,
without whom, it would imply,
you’re not complete.
And it’s okay to not be ready for that,
or to not want it ever,
or to have no idea what to feel.
But you’re not wrong or strange
for not aspiring to it and
you’re not missing out on as much
as you may think you are.
Don’t let what the others are doing
distract you from being you.
You’re doing fine, kid.

January
smelt of sorrow-
it usually does.
For what, I do not know,
but every year I hope to
figure it out and make sure
to avoid it in twelve months.
Oh well,
better luck next year.

I have forgotten
how many cats she has but
****, are they lucky

6:24 PM
30/8/19

The sun calls to sunflowers,
just as your heart of light calls to me.
I bask in it, absorbing every ray
you put out into this world.

It is difficult for me to recall your face,
not because I do not remember,
but because of the pain it recalls.
It is not the face I remembered,
nor the one I fell in love with.
You were someone else back then,
and you may as well have had
a different face.

I miss just about
everyone I have ever met-
I wonder if any of them
feel the same.

I’d crawl
back to love
even if
it was waiting
to destroy me,
again.

There was a time where we
meant the world to each other.
Those nights together seem so distant and
I'd do anything to relive those perfect moments.
I don't understand what went wrong-
you turned away and closed the door.
Believe me,
I've tried putting the pieces back together
but they always never fit.
Perhaps some people were never
meant to fit together.

I've settled for the
memory of your smile
to give me a reason to live.
Even if I don't have you,
it doesn't matter,
your smile is enough
for me to smile in the
bleakest of mornings
and the darkest of nights.

When some days
are not so bad as others
but you’re still drinking
and miserable.
the inching hatred
of who you are
but not what you’ve done-
that’s depression.

Sometimes, it is just
as simple as this sentence:
I miss your smile

4:39 PM
23/6/20

I wish I could see you,
I wish I could hold you,
but we are separated and
I don't know what to do.
All I can do is try.

There's a song
in my heart with a
melody that only you
can harmonize

Dear diary;
and dear heart;
you broke your promise
when you beat for her
again.

You are
still alive.
Breathe,
heal,
and you will thrive.
Just know that
this too shall pass
as you overcome
this impasse.

I hope you win all the
wars you keep to yourself-
the ones you tell
no one about.

Every night,
I bury myself in a grave
of blankets and nightmares.
Fortunately, it’s shallow enough
to crawl out of
every morning.

I used to
chase the sun.
I feared the sunset
and the darkness
that would prevail.
I didn't think the horizon
could be more beautiful
until I found my moon
that is you.

Some love is only
meant for dreams and nothing more-
oh, what a nightmare

7:09 AM
20/5/24

Tragically and tenderly-
It's the only way I knew how
to love you.

I don’t owe
anyone my respect.
respect must be earned,
not assumed.
Don't trust anyone who says
that they respect you-
I need to see that
in action.

she was a storm that
tore through my heart and my soul
and left me awestruck

12:01 PM
8/6/19

It doesn't take long
to memorize someone
but it can take a lifetime
to forget the memories,
the pain and the
heartache.

trapped between Heaven and Hell,
the world has failed her
one too many times.
Fall after fall,
she's cracked
but not yet shattered.
There's no ending in sight-
she looks in the mirror
and sees someone else.

I am broken,
Je suis cassé,
Estoy roto,
Ich bin kaputt,
Sono a pezzi,
and there is not a word
nor a language that
can describe this
long, lost feeling.

You want a haiku
but I'm still trapped in our past-
so utterly trapped

6:26 PM
9/7/19

SOS I call-
one last plea to anyone
to come rescue me

There is
a road leading
deep within your soul.
It may be guarded
by demons but
it's a road I
wish to
travel.

I adore you so much
that the joy you bring
makes a sun in my chest.
These tears of joy you bring
are as sweet as honey and
together with this sun,
they nurture the
garden of my soul.

I still daydream about you,
and I feel my soul jump for JOY
from country to country to chase you.
The smile you put on my face
as wide as the space between us
when we are not together.  
I can still feel this JOY
through that space-
it fills me up like a cup of matcha
on all those nippy nights without you.
What a miracle it was
to have crossed paths with you-
a bright star in what was
an empty void.

Can the human mind
figure out the human brain?
Let's think about it

11:01 PM
28/9/19

We are all
made of stardust.
Yet you somehow seem
to shine brighter than
anyone else.

Dear diary;
The clock has just struck 11:11
and I find myself
wishing for her.
It's not the first time,
nor will it be
the last.