Only there are we together,
And only there,
Is the place,
Where you really care.

I used to spend my life day dreaming,
But this built high expectations,
I think it's because I normally,
Have a positive outlook on life.

What this has taught me is,
I have wasted too much time,
Dreaming of something that,
Will never come true

Despite moving to London
With life flying by,
Faster than it ever has,
I know that I am waiting for something,
Something or someone that will make my life worth while.

Expecting, makes my expectations
So much more than it should,
Yet I can't change the way I am,
So I will continue,
Forever waiting for you

I have said it before
But I only write when I'm down,
Maybe it's because it is where I need to be,
To get all these words out of me

Rest well my giant silly pup,
You will forever be a puppy to me,
Always looking at me, wanting treats,
Wanting attention and crying when I didn't.

I wish I could have one more walk,
One more hug and one more kiss,
I know, you know I love you,
And how much too.

I will spend a life time missing and loving you.
Thank you for being in my life.

Hearing about cheating,
Makes me upset,
I don't understand how you could,
Worst when you expect more from that person.

I don't care how bad life is,
What is one night going to do?
Don't you blame the drinks or the drugs,
It was all you.

I can't believe I'm bitter,
You said hello and said things,
That I have dreamed about.

But with every word,
I want conversation over,
So you can't let me down again

When you are the one,
Who builds up the expectation,
That plans your future dates,
Thinking they would love this,
When they are hundreds of miles away.

This level of expectation builds up,
When you finally go,
Does it match expectation?
Do you even notice past they smile or eyes?
Or do the nerves take over and you don't know

3 of my friends said this month,
That they can't take anymore of life,
And they are considering having no more.
Just an end to everything,
To stop thinking as they are.

I haven't slept properly in 3 weeks,
Only an hour here and there,
And as usual,
My long lasting battle of impending heartbreak,
Always at the back of my head,
Which never seems to ease.

It has taken it's toll,
I am hurting but my friends can never know,
5 times today I stopped for a second,
My eyes were close to giving in,
But I know the moment I do,
I know I won't stop.
So I am trying to hold it in.

But I realise for my 3 friends,
I am the person that is always around,
I need to be...
I will always take the burden for them,
Any day and any time,
But today was tough.

In this moment,
I want 3 things
And here is why

A new job,
One, I love again
Like my last but in London.

More money,
So I can see my parents on day,
With a cheque for their montage.

A relationship,
To fall in love
And not be alone anymore.

I currently stand
In a decent place and position
But being human, I always want more.

It's taken a long time
But I'm finally there.
I wanted to find another you,
But I know it's better that I don't

I know that we might happen one day,
But I am not going to wait anymore.
I can't be patient for any longer,
However I will forever adore you.

Looks like it wasn't you,
That wanted to talk to me,
It was the stuff through your nose

6am

I have a million thoughts
None of which I can finish
Before another interrupts the previous

This endless loop
Of when I get myself into this state.
Hours of happiness to this

Awake,
Alone,
Confused.

Have I just wasted another day?

It hurts that I do
When I wake up
When I'm drunk
Knowing you don't miss me too

I am finally starting to believe
I can be whatever I want to be
My time is now,
This city is where I will make my mark.

I saw it tonight
In all its glory
The way she looked at him
The way he looked at her
The way you never looked at me

Daily the sun goes down,
As we know it always does

When something else takes
A turn for the worst.

Although expected,
Why does it seem sometimes hurt?

I could write for hours about the good
I could write for hours about the bad
I am just happy I am no longer sad

My mood is a problem
Despite being on holiday
Its finally found me
The feeling of ...

Well its taken me all day
But I have clued it all up
You lied to me
I was never the only one

Here I am with a hole
In my heart,
But it's not empty as
Tears fill what I hide inside

The daftest and strongest of all,
I wonder when you get there
...
Will you think of me?

Today I was excited and optimistic
Not knowing what lay ahead
But that faded in the heat of the sun

I was then left with that all to familiar
Empty, soul wrenching feeling
I am alone, coming up to the lonely hour

I was all good
Slowly letting go
Then you appeared
On my phone

It was only a picture
Not only did she look amazing
Like the most perfect
I have never known

I know she wouldn't
Just do so, sitting at home
She never went to that much effort
For me

So for who?

I want to kiss you under a thousand stars
As any thing less just won't do
But above all else
I miss you

At times you seem perfect
But when you don't reply
I die inside

All I think when I see you
Is how you looked
The day I woke you up

The look of..
Let me sleep..
But its nice being with you

Where, for a second
I felt you wanted me.
Why can't that be everytime?