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Jamie Jun 8
I wake up and I want to cry
I wake up and I want to hide
I wake up and pretend I’m fine

I tell myself

I will be fine as I hide my thoughts
I will be fine as I put on a fake smile
I will be fine as I try not to cry
Bad breakup. Just in case I’m not suicidal or anything just feeling hopeless
Jan 2021 · 462
Home
Jamie Jan 2021
In every corner
I have a memory
Of us together

Lying side by side
Talking the night away
With food nearby

It hurt knowing
You would never
Come back home
Nov 2020 · 200
Communication
Jamie Nov 2020
I knew I had an issue with some people,
But I never thought I would struggle with you
Sometimes I don't know what to say
And it turns into you shouting at me
I just sit there and I take it
Because I don't wanna make things worse

One day I won't just sit there and take it
And I fear what will happen that day
You say you hate conflict
But it seems like I hate it more
So I sit there and I take it
Because I don't wanna make things worse
sometimes this is how I feel
Nov 2020 · 454
I’m fine
Jamie Nov 2020
I’m getting tired of saying

I’m fine

I don’t want to talk to people to lie

I’m fine

I don’t want to pretend in meetings

I’m fine

I can’t take time off to lie to myself

I’m fine
Jul 2020 · 222
Alone
Jamie Jul 2020
First hangover post lockdown
I don't think I've ever felt more alone
Maybe it's the hangover or
Maybe I finally I can say it

I don't know if, I would have felt
Any different if we had lockdown together
But you gave me everything
And I took you for granted

Maybe I would have noticed it more
All the things you did,
How you gave have me your heart
And you were always there

I don't know where you are
How you are
But I hope your safe
I hope you are happy
Sep 2019 · 294
For The Longest Time
Jamie Sep 2019
I never understood
Why I can't be happy,

It always feels like happy is
Only ever a temporary thing.

Sometimes life drags you down
Life's really not bad yet it hurts,

It's so hard to sleep,
Even worse getting up.

Do I hate myself so much
I refuse to enjoy my life?
Seems like all weeks are tough lately, work is tough but I don't think it's just that.
Jul 2019 · 121
Void
Jamie Jul 2019
I feel like I am just,
Waiting for time to pass

I don't want anything,
I don't need anything

I want this period of time,
To just finish and be done

I'm not angry
Or empty nor sad

Yet it's hard to answer,
'Are you alright?'

Because I don't know how I feel

Guess I will go to the gym
Drink till I'm blind

And hope that soon
That I won't be so bland
Jul 2019 · 365
Stop
Jamie Jul 2019
Will everything please stop,
Can I have one thing a time,
I'm still, busy with me...

...I can't catch my breath...

I'm trying to be better,
But I just can't breathe,
The world is running away with my air.

...And I can't catch up...
May 2019 · 169
Sorry
Jamie May 2019
I should have said
...
But how do I say
I wish I loved you
But I don't

..................

This is the worst
Thing I could have done
...
Not being honest
And hiding how I feel

..................

Now I am
What I don't
Want to be
...
Dishonest

.................

But time is
What I thought
Was best
...
How I was wrong
Prelonging thoughts is the worst thing I have done.

Be honest. Time won't help.

I thought in time I would fall for you.
Mar 2019 · 679
Last Breath
Jamie Mar 2019
One day when,
My time has come,
With my last breath,
I hope,
The memory of this current moment,
Will be my final one.
Dec 2018 · 303
Want
Jamie Dec 2018
When others meet you,
All they see is kindness,
And they tell me,
You have yourself a keeper.

I don't understand what it is,
But I just,
Feel myself,
Not falling any deeper.

I have this self pressure,
That I should be saying,
I love you.
But it would only be a lie.

For now I will hold back,
As only time will tell...
I do feel like I should say it,
But I WILL not tell a lie.
Is there a specific amount of time when you are dating someone, for an 'I love you' should appear?
Aug 2018 · 617
After All This Time (16w)
Jamie Aug 2018
After goodbyes were said and done.
Even in silence,
It's possible to still be in love.
May 2018 · 602
First Kiss
Jamie May 2018
I want that midnight stroll,
Under that moonlit sky,
With both of us blushing,
Not being able to hold a gaze.

With smiles from ear to ear,
Biting our lips so lightly,
Slowing our walking pace,
Until we stop.

With my hand on your waist,
Moving my hand towards your cheek,
Brushing that one hair from your face,
Being nervous before our embrace
May 2018 · 36.8k
Maybe
Jamie May 2018
Maybe 10 years from today,
Maybe only 1 year away,
Or even just 1 day,
I will be able to say...
Words that should be said
May 2018 · 849
For You
Jamie May 2018
For whatever I am,
And whatever I,
May ever be,
In this lifetime and the next,
I'm forever yours!
Wrote this about my neice
Mar 2018 · 395
Can I Say?
Jamie Mar 2018
I told my friends about you,
How you came in like a cannonball,

Changed me, back to old me,
Then how you left...

Am I allowed to say I miss you?
Out the blue?
Feb 2018 · 453
Older Now
Jamie Feb 2018
When I was 24,
This was the girl
I dreamt of,
Coming in like a steam train,
And change my everything.

Now at 29,
You came in and fit into my hand,
Like it was there before,
But less than a month,
I am back to never have met you.

If you were older,
If I was younger,
We just might... have made it,
But you need time,
And I need patience.

But I can't spend,
5 years writing and waiting,
For someone who won't come back,
So I will end this,
The way "The One" ended it,
all those years ago.

Timing is a *****
5 years of looking for this kind of person. But now I have grown, I know this isn't what I want anymore
Feb 2018 · 440
Casual
Jamie Feb 2018
I wish I could be,
Like everyone else,
Not have feelings,
But have this backup.

Knowing that I **** up,
With someone new,
My backup will be there,
From time to time...

That's cool,
Until I think of,
Who is kissing you,
And who wakes up next to you.
Jan 2018 · 448
The One
Jamie Jan 2018
Why are you there?
For someone 15,000 miles away?
Why couldn't it have been me?
I'm so done,
I don't understand,
4 years I could have spent, better off.
I don't hate you.
But I'm done
Jan 2018 · 332
2017
Jamie Jan 2018
I'm glad you were there
We didn't last but
The times we had
I was glad
Nov 2017 · 352
Idiot
Jamie Nov 2017
A pretty face
Then my wall goes down
That's all it takes...

I feel like centuries
Have gone by
But it's been days...

I'm not build for this world
I fall deep and hard
And end up being the fool
Sep 2017 · 444
Not there
Jamie Sep 2017
I hate being me
I'm not ugly
I'm not pretty either

Everyone I meet
I assume I am not enough
And become a friend

But when someone is there
I become this shell of a man
And become the guy I hate to be

The guy who will
Do anything to
Be with you

Put my rules
And personality aside
And become a mess
I am so bad at dating
Sep 2017 · 395
Backup
Jamie Sep 2017
I often think
About what I was
For you

To come back
As if
No time had passed

A little pick me up
When you felt alone
Or just to **** time

It's my fault
For letting you do
What you did

But I should have said
And if I did
Who knows

Maybe we would
Call it
Our bed
Aug 2017 · 279
Promise
Jamie Aug 2017
A promise I made to myself,
If I ever met someone else,
That made me feel,
Nothing outside our space mattered,
I would tell her....

Why is it so hard to write?
May 2017 · 489
Come away with me
Jamie May 2017
Come on away with me
I love you so
I just don't know
Just where to go
As long as we are so
Jan 2017 · 553
Middle
Jamie Jan 2017
I'm lost in the middle
Don't know what to do
Do I stick or do I move
Content but yet alone
Commit or do I go
Dec 2016 · 454
Back Again
Jamie Dec 2016
Hello, it's me,
Back again.

The feeling of,
not being enough.

What is it that has changed,
From 2 weeks ago?

Did this one also,
Just wake up to decide...

That I am not enough,
Like all the others?
That feeling is back
Oct 2016 · 1.4k
Mentioned
Jamie Oct 2016
I let it slip
The thing that hurt me most,
And that is you.
Drunk and unashamed
I see to let it out.

I don't think about you most days
But minor days I do
Then for a while,
When I'm in this mood
All I think about is you
Oct 2016 · 862
Benchmark
Jamie Oct 2016
It's ended like I expected
I lost another
But when it happens
My mind goes back to you

I wonder if current me
Would have lost you like before
Or if it was old me that
Might have won this time around

London is too big
With too much choice
Is that why I lose?
Or was old me better than now?
Sep 2016 · 392
Losing Another One
Jamie Sep 2016
It's about to happen again
I am about to lose another one
I'm not ready to call it a day yet
But I know it's going to happen

I want to be wrong
But I prefer to feel this way early
Than wait for it to hit me later on
Cause preparation makes it easier?!
Feels like I'm losing another one
Sep 2016 · 322
Relationship
Jamie Sep 2016
I only knew you for a week or so
But I fell hard and fast
I see you have someone new
I wish I was enough back then
So it could have been me
That you were are with
She got into a relationship according to Facebook
Aug 2016 · 349
Anxious
Jamie Aug 2016
I feel it too often,
I think too much,
Maybe I'm not as nice as I think,
Or maybe I am just too much.
Jul 2016 · 540
Why isn't it easier?
Jamie Jul 2016
Having written down,
All I have ever felt,
Why isn't the pain
Or loneliness any easier

It feels like I am on loop,
But going through it all faster,
Feels like an implosion is pending,
Not sure if I can cope again
Jul 2016 · 896
Disbelief
Jamie Jul 2016
If I wasn't brave tonight,
I wouldn't have been where I was tonight.

But then weeks ago, I wouldn't have met you,
I wouldn't have held your hand.

But I wouldn't have felt my heart beat faster,
When I saw you with another guy tonight
Jun 2016 · 357
Giving In
Jamie Jun 2016
I am not the person I once was,
The nice and naive, can't survive in London,
It opens a world of hurt and being used.

If the world is going to treat me this way,
I will be the heartless person this city requires,
I just need to get all of this it out of my system.

I am so lost in this life of mine right now,
If I hurt you I don't mean it,
But my current path needs this until I find my way again.
Jun 2016 · 1.3k
Played
Jamie Jun 2016
That's exactly how I feel,
I didn't try enough the relationship before,
Maybe I tried too hard this time.

Perhaps I couldn't help myself,
When I looked into those eyes,
But I feel there's someone else.

Falling for someone hurts,
Maybe they play the game,
But mostly you are just a toy
May 2016 · 449
Enchanting
Jamie May 2016
There is something words can't describe,
You are my type but it's more,
I want to open up your shyness.

Something I know I have to work at,
I know that I could easily fall for you,
It's been so long since I felt this way.

I need to fight but I just don't know how,
My emotions won't win but it's hard to ignore,
How hurt you can make me feel
May 2016 · 9.4k
Cancelled
Jamie May 2016
I have no right to feel like this,
But how dare you cancel on me again,
I know we aren't together,
But it hurts when you do.
May 2016 · 527
Waiting
Jamie May 2016
I am waiting for that day,
The day when everything makes sense,
So many days alone,
Too few days of content.

Waiting till my thoughts,
All my experiences,
Come together,
To feel more complete than any day before
Apr 2016 · 622
Lost
Jamie Apr 2016
I am a good guy
Who is just a little lost,
In love,
In work,
In life.

Trying to be happy,
Just wears me down,
Some ups,
But mainly downs,
Doesn't mean I'm excused for how I was to you.
Mar 2016 · 13.4k
Love vs. Loyalty
Jamie Mar 2016
I believe there is someone for everyone
The perfect person, that fits like a glove
Everyday a surprise, making the boring, fun
But how do you know?

If I married you tomorrow,
How do I know I can't do better?
Love is strange.....
How do you know?

After years together, through thick and thin
Would it just be loyalty? To stop me moving on
Fear of the world without you? Being my blanket
Or are you someone I can tolerate life with, until the 'one'?
I still don't understand love... Maybe I never will. Do I like passing time with you? Or are you truly my 'one'
Feb 2016 · 614
Not Myself
Jamie Feb 2016
I haven't been around for months now,
Not the person I was born to be,
Taking it out the those who help,
And those who are around.

A disruptive path,
Damaging everyone around,
The ones who fully don't understand,
Personal pride being the issue.

Alone is what I need to be,
To grow up and out of this shell I have formed,
Now I have to prove I'm not wrong,
Battle to be the person I want to be.
I have been such a **** to someone nice
Jan 2016 · 1.3k
Used
Jamie Jan 2016
Some days I don't notice,
But over and over,
I'm the blanket,
You don't want to throw,
I'm always there to pick you up,
That's all I have ever been,
Picked up and used when your down.
Jan 2016 · 339
Personal Issues
Jamie Jan 2016
In the city of London
Of which I dwell
Thousands of faces
All with issues like my own

Everyone trapped in their world
I wonder if they seek comfort
By a circle of love and friendship
Or a circle of emptiness all on their own

I block everyone out
My friends mean well
And want to help
But I feel like I need to do this alone
Might get fired from work
Jan 2016 · 569
Not Again
Jamie Jan 2016
Excited like a kid at Xmas
Hands sweaty in anticipation
Then you appeared
From nervous reck to comfort
With only a lingering hug

We spoke like we speak everyday
Not like the 2 years it has actually been
I gather the courage and hold your hand
Then I kiss you like I used to
Suddenly it all ends abruptly, with me waking up
She came back in a dream
Nov 2015 · 648
Remains
Jamie Nov 2015
As more and more days go by,
I realise that you won't be in my future,
But you will always be in my heart,
That piece will stay for the rest of my days.

One day if we meet,
When I have someone new,
Only then will I know,
If I am truly over you.
Nov 2015 · 372
Tough Days
Jamie Nov 2015
They seem to end,
When I stop to breathe for a second,
I find myself holding the tears back

..Why am I alone?
..Why can't I be better?
..Why do I let myself down?

..Is this why she doesn't want me?
..Is that why she is with him?
..Is that why I will never be good enough?

..Why can't I be happy?
..What can I do to change?
..Why is it so hard to smile?

Then I carry on with my day,
That's 5 minutes of my day down,
Only 1435 minutes to go.
Oct 2015 · 423
Not OK
Jamie Oct 2015
Everyday I wake up,
I feel alone,
To my friends who love me,
I fake my smiles and pretend I'm fine,
No one sees the tears I hide inside.
Oct 2015 · 1.2k
Kiss
Jamie Oct 2015
If with one kiss,
You can feel the pain,
This year has given me,
I will forgive you for everything.
Oct 2015 · 475
Sleep
Jamie Oct 2015
Only there are we together,
And only there,
Is the place,
Where you really care.
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