I want to kiss you under a thousand stars
As any thing less just won't do
But above all else
I miss you

I'm glad you were there
We didn't last but
The times we had
I was glad

I can't remember the last time
I could sleep
Without the need to drink
To pass out
Without any thoughts
In my mind

Do I need an escape from reality
A new city?
Or a hobby? Or to get lost
In someone's eyes?
Life seems pretty bleak
Or maybe I just need sleep

The party is over
Why am I still walking around?

Anything to keep me awake?
Anything to stop me dreaming about you?

After goodbyes were said and done.
Even in silence,
It's possible to still be in love.

I can't change
Even if I wanted to
I looked at you
Kissing you is all I wanted to do

In the end I was brave
But I took to long
I took a few shots
And ended up a fool

Recently I have been alone
This time
I feel it
I hate it

I was lonely before
But comfortable, content
What is different
I have lost feelings or gained?

During the lonely hours
Do I miss you
Or the idea of you
I don't really want to know

I feel it too often,
I think too much,
Maybe I'm not as nice as I think,
Or maybe I am just too much.

I am not that interesting
I am not that smart
I am not a lot a things
Nothing but all heart

I have my moments that make what I am
They don't happen often
They don't happen a lot
Stick with me and I will show you what I've got

6am

I have a million thoughts
None of which I can finish
Before another interrupts the previous

This endless loop
Of when I get myself into this state.
Hours of happiness to this

Awake,
Alone,
Confused.

Have I just wasted another day?

When you are the one,
Who builds up the expectation,
That plans your future dates,
Thinking they would love this,
When they are hundreds of miles away.

This level of expectation builds up,
When you finally go,
Does it match expectation?
Do you even notice past they smile or eyes?
Or do the nerves take over and you don't know

I have no right to feel like this,
But how dare you cancel on me again,
I know we aren't together,
But it hurts when you do.

I told my friends about you,
How you came in like a cannonball,

Changed me, back to old me,
Then how you left...

Am I allowed to say I miss you?
Out the blue?

I wish I could be,
Like everyone else,
Not have feelings,
But have this backup.

Knowing that I **** up,
With someone new,
My backup will be there,
From time to time...

That's cool,
Until I think of,
Who is kissing you,
And who wakes up next to you.

Currently I am drowning
I jumped in when I can't swim
I dug myself this hole
Life will be worse without you

Through lack of thought
Not being the person I was
When I met you
I have hurt you

I have become the person
I said I would never be
Sorry for all I have done
You really did, mean a lot to me

Yesterday it took me 3 hours to calm down
It was one of our best dates
As I went to sleep and I clutched my pillow
I still felt your hand in mine

This is why I never got over you...
Yet I know I shouldn't get attached
But deep down I know I love you
And we don't have long till you go

This is why, I need to leave after you do
I can't stand living in this city
When I know I will never be happy here
Not without you by my side

Problem is we can't be right now
...
Because we would hold each other back
All your dreams and mine will have to do

I would never want to hold anyone back
From achieving their true potential
Being together would do that to you
If I love you I will let you go and not fight

Although it will **** me when we are apart
I will settle for the happiest I will ever be
For the time we have left
Yet I know it will be a beautiful goodbye

The firery walls are slowly caving in
Yet I am clinging on to every last second
In my head I am holding you and just
Slow dancing in this burning room

I saw you walk in
You didn't see me initially
My first thought
Straight to the bar

I didn't know what to say
I didn't know what to do
Then you saw me

That's when you ran off
Hand over your mouth
I know it was to cry

Later we gave each other a half smile
No words were needed
It was a look of
'I am OK'

Everyone I was with
Said it was time to leave
I felt I should say goodbye

As I said it
You went from being fine to not
As I said my goodbyes to others

I saw you ran passed me to go outside
We then spoke about everything
And it ended with us
Covered in rain

In this moment,
I want 3 things
And here is why

A new job,
One, I love again
Like my last but in London.

More money,
So I can see my parents on day,
With a cheque for their montage.

A relationship,
To fall in love
And not be alone anymore.

I currently stand
In a decent place and position
But being human, I always want more.

If I wasn't brave tonight,
I wouldn't have been where I was tonight.

But then weeks ago, I wouldn't have met you,
I wouldn't have held your hand.

But I wouldn't have felt my heart beat faster,
When I saw you with another guy tonight

I can't believe I'm bitter,
You said hello and said things,
That I have dreamed about.

But with every word,
I want conversation over,
So you can't let me down again

For a while today
I met someone new
She was lovely
Best of all I didn't think of you

Looks like it wasn't you,
That wanted to talk to me,
It was the stuff through your nose

As we left
Its how I felt
No expectations
No disappointment

154 days
We waited
No expectations
Wasn't an option