I'm tired I'm tired of faking my smiles pretending to be happy lying that I'm fine I'm tired of being a disappointment Being a mess Being useless I'm tired of dealing with toxic people With a broken family I'm tired of panic attacks I'm tired of crying I'm tired of everything
'How to apply eye shadow' the title of the video said. I looked at it with bewilderment, amazed at myself for finally resorting to this. I was to dress well today. I was to look pretty for people so when they'd look at me, they'd miss the dark circles that lined my eyes like a clingy lover. I was to hide all the diprived part of my face from luck of proper supplement with foundation that resembled my skin. I was to conceal the acne that started appearing a couple of weeks ago with a powder I didn't quite recognize. I was to decorate my eyes with eyeliner and mascara, my eyelashes curled way past their normal size, to hide how puffy they were from the night spent in tears. I was to brush my eyebrows for they'd lose their shape each time I rubbed my eyes to hold off the pending emotional storm. I was too put blush on my sleep deprived face so i'd have an illusion of being lively. Then i'd pick up the bright red lipstick and draw precise lines on my puffy lips, making them glow with a ferver I never felt. I would look at myself then, make up hiding every inch of the parts people would see and it would amaze me how even the well done mask could never truely hide the ache that shattered my soul. I start to walk out, then stop to look back at myself. "You forgot something," I say then pick my smile up from the hidden place I keep it and plaster it on my face. "There you go."
it takes seventeen muscles to smile. it takes forty three muscles to frown. if it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile, then why does it take so much more effort to smile when you're sad? or to smile in general?
it's the little things about you that make me go crazy.
like the way you bite your lip when your nervous or flustered. or when you laugh you cover your mouth because you hate your smile. i love it. it proves that you're happy.
but you can be sad. you can be putting a fake smile on just to please others. you can be hurting but not want others to.
you need to understand that, you're not gonna be happy all the time. you're not going to to be able to please people all the time. you can't stress yourself over nothing. you can't always look outside the box.
you can't always focus on the big things. sometimes the little things are the best things.
this is gonna make me sound so full of myself but i just really needed a confidence booster so i wrote this about myself. holyyy, i'm sorry but i actually really like it. i feel bad :(