I'm tired of faking my smiles
pretending to be happy
lying that I'm fine
I'm tired of being a disappointment
Being a mess
I'm tired of dealing with toxic people
With a broken family
I'm tired of panic attacks
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of everything
i have never felt so lonesome in a crowded room
we all know you didn't come here to see me
is the only reason you glance my way
the girl with the difficult past
what a stereotype
stop pretending you mean it
what a stereotype
you only want to talk to me
so you can be the one to push back the curtain
reveal the wizard
such a shame
that i'm a ******* goddess
- a guess i'm not alone if i'm on your mind
A smile sculpted on my face
A fake twinkle in my eyes
Strings of words
Followed by bursts of laughter
A perfect facade
For my daily life
One, even the people I love
Fail to see beyond
There's no one to blame but me.
'How to apply eye shadow' the title of the video said. I looked at it with bewilderment, amazed at myself for finally resorting to this. I was to dress well today. I was to look pretty for people so when they'd look at me, they'd miss the dark circles that lined my eyes like a clingy lover.
I was to hide all the diprived part of my face from luck of proper supplement with foundation that resembled my skin.
I was to conceal the acne that started appearing a couple of weeks ago with a powder I didn't quite recognize.
I was to decorate my eyes with eyeliner and mascara, my eyelashes curled way past their normal size, to hide how puffy they were from the night spent in tears.
I was to brush my eyebrows for they'd lose their shape each time I rubbed my eyes to hold off the pending emotional storm.
I was too put blush on my sleep deprived face so i'd have an illusion of being lively.
Then i'd pick up the bright red lipstick and draw precise lines on my puffy lips, making them glow with a ferver I never felt.
I would look at myself then, make up hiding every inch of the parts people would see and it would amaze me how even the well done mask could never truely hide the ache that shattered my soul.
I start to walk out, then stop to look back at myself.
"You forgot something," I say then pick my smile up from the hidden place I keep it and plaster it on my face.
"There you go."
i put on a happy face every day
for everyone to think
that i am okay
i just want to be left alone
i don't want someone to befriend
i'd later only find out that
this was all a play pretend
tears well up in my eyes
when they toy with my heart
but i don't let them flood
my eyes become a canvas art
when they turn the
color of my blood
i've tried to be calm lately
having no one to talk to
everything just feels heavy
i'm stuck in a dead end
i've got no where to run to
i want to go back to
when i was younger,
when nothing really mattered
when i feared nothing
but the roaring thunder
i used to wish upon
the shooting stars
hoping that someone would
understand in a galaxy
not too far
everything felt so perfect
everyone looked so free
those were the moments
when i was the real me
This is for all the people who feel incompetent and those who feel like they're not good enough.
it takes seventeen muscles to smile.
it takes forty three muscles to frown.
if it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile,
then why does it take so much more effort to smile when you're sad?
or to smile in general?
i told you i wasn't feeling like myself.
it's the little things about you that make me go crazy.
like the way you bite your lip when your nervous or flustered. or when you laugh you cover your mouth because you hate your smile.
i love it. it proves that you're happy.
but you can be sad. you can be putting a fake smile on just to please others. you can be hurting but not want others to.
you need to understand that, you're not gonna be happy all the time. you're not going to to be able to please people all the time. you can't stress yourself over nothing. you can't always look outside the box.
you can't always focus on the big things. sometimes the little things are the best things.
this is gonna make me sound so full of myself but i just really needed a confidence booster so i wrote this about myself. holyyy, i'm sorry but i actually really like it.
i feel bad :(
It used to be very cold,
in the deep cave where my heart was hidden away.
There was a tempest, an ongoing monsoon.
and it was then that they came my way.
With their blazing smiles and their warm gaze,
they melted my ice.
With their kind words full of promise,
they made me forget what froze me inside.
I smiled more often.
I laughed at their jokes.
I went to new places.
I began to make jokes of my own.
And then the veil fell down,
revealing the smirks behind their smiles,
the ice behind their eyes,
exposing their promises for what they were, lies!
I locked up my heart in the same place as before,
submerged it in lava then froze it stone cold.
I remembered my past and who I was and why,
then vowed to never forget and to never melt again.
You never look back
It's the first thing I noticed about you
Your past, your pain, your failures
You never look back
But I always do.
When I walk away, I look back to see if you're watching
You are focused
You are direct
You are confident in who you are, where you are
You are you
But I am me
Me, who is looking up at you, marveling to see what you will accomplish next
Me, noticing every movement you make, every sound, every hesitation
Me, noticing when your smile isn't real
So I give you mine to use
And it fits you perfectly
You fit into it and my smile becomes yours
And mine is plastic again
The mold I use to create my smiles so I can give them away to those who need them
You, whose movements are fluid as water
You, who is always trying new things
You, who excels
You are an asset to humanity
A guide to the light within the darkness
And I watch your work
to my sister <3