all real and vivid as it seems to be
none of it can be felt completely
a fluffy vision being reeled to our consciousness
suddenly evolving into a great nightmare
*
human voices always
ruining the good dreams
yet are life-savers when
we have our worst nightmares

Folds, fur, creases and greases on your clothes
Have you had a nice breakfast?
No, no, it doesn't seem so.
You've had a bad day since you've risen from your bed.
Your hands are shaking and don't even notice it,
Probably because of the nicotine hidden in the left pocket of your jacket.
Ahh! Shut up! You were thinking! It's annoying!
Get out! Get out! I need to go to my mind palace!
Also, if you think that I'm a psychopath,
I'm just a high-functioning sociopath.
With your number! -smiles-

Oh, John Watson? You've got a limp from your last war from Afghanistan.
Your hand stays steady when you're suspicious or feel like you're being threatened.
Hmm, you like the battlefield, don't you, John?
Ahh, you can be my colleague! Come on, John!
Wait, what? Who are you?
The name's Sherlock Holmes and I live on 221B Baker Street.
And, I'm a consulting detective who uses,
*The Science of Deductions

her body shines
and twinkles
under the moonlight.

her hair cascades
over the sheets
and into oblivion.

her hands bring forth
a beautiful melody
of pleasure
derived from pain.

back arching like the sunset
over the sparkling sea--

"come before me."

let's talk about life as our voices fade
by the night's sparkles and sunlight's shades
sorrow ensues and happiness becomes blue
memories come back as we forget about it too

our hearts grew fonder and fonder
yet came haste then you were such a bother
hold me close yet let me go
for i am the wind that must flow

watch me from afar as you leave
for i am not responsible when you grieve

North, East, West, South
Are full of nations
With no doubt
That are full of wonderful creations

There goes the Axis Powers and Allied Forces
That unite as one
To go through different and difficult courses
Or sometimes to have fun

But when it comes to declaring a war
These nations may get too carried away
Because they take it too far
That it leads them astray

But, they always know that they have to stay as friends
So that the world won't come to an end

(Please read the note below!)

as small as i am to the world
i thought that the stars above me
saw me as a petty person as well
yet something inside me told me, "no"
these twinkling lights
that are not really in the color of white
reminded me to keep shining brightly

then i wished to be among the stars
to soar above the sky
to be with them as i wished
that gravity will reverse
so that i may touch the sky
don't forget the oxygen too
so that i may live to see the stars up close, with my very eyes

yet, the stars are only ***** of fire that have died a million years
as people say that those how my dreams and ambitions look like
from shades of orange to blue they are colored
yet i still wish to see them
they are dead like your dreams. someone once told me
how can you say that to a kid like me?

even if they are non-living things
they soothe me in the midst of the equilibrium of darkness
they are here for me
to lift up my mood, it is what the stars can do
yet i stand on the ground
looking up desperately while reaching to the sky
what is it that i can do to make me fly?

i sigh, not only because i know that i can't literally fly
but because i didn't know any other way to do so
then the sole of my shoes crunch beneath the ground
i felt myself walking towards my home
before i went it, i looked up to the sky
i breathe in and out before whispering to it
*i want to be the first to soar among you freely

my dear don't
    be afraid to
    take flight and
    call out for help
we will and
    have promised to
    protect you,
    on our word
a samurai will
    and never will he
    abandon his orders
    *to protect you

you loved and destroyed me
*but came back with tragedy

Scared of my own past
  Now I can't really look back
  Memories were bad
Don't remind me now
  For I have decided that
  I should look forward

My imagination always running
Yet can never be put on paper
Where have my ideas gone?
Where has my inspiration disappeared?
It feels like my mind is just a static
Quiet, awkward, eerie
I can grab a pen
Yet I can never write down the words that I want
I am not an artist
Nor am I a person to even write down this poem
What does one look for in a work of art anyway?

Am I just putting myself down?
Or am I just really not meant to be a writer?
My blank mind
My blank papers
Scattered
All over
My bedroom
My trash is, piling up with drafts
Scribble, scribble
Then throw
What a waste, what am I doing?
Should I still use this talent of mine?
Or do I just think that it's a talent?

I feel like 'The Thinker'
Always indecisive
Always hesitant
Always...thinking
Never...doing
I look at the people around me
And see that they are better than me
My world slowly turning black and white
Like the color of the music sheet and piano keys
Yet, why do I always bring myself down?
I will never know the answer of my very own question

I'm still here
Thinking, thinking, thinking
I want an idea to hit me like a storm
Yet my brain doesn't seem to work
A static it truly is, my brain
In my bedroom you will see
My blank mind yet full of imagination
Scattered along with blank papers

mischief and such wit
  moony, wormtail, padfoot, prongs
  they're the marauders
and when the job's done
  wave your wand and just say this
  'mischief managed!' done
cleverness present
  but wasted on breaking rules
  yet used for the fun

how saddening
is it
to know that
the form of love
we yearn for the most
is something of
equal value
with its other kinds?

how dare
the media
the people
the society
***** my mind
with such lies
that romance
is not all
bells
and whistles
of mankind?

you keep being told
that you are
worthy of love,
but you keep
on refusing
what you deserve
because all that
you've ever known
is pain.

confounded
and always so lost,
you don't even know
if shedding your
years of tears
is worth spilling
onto the floor.

inflicting pain on your own,
before anyone else does.

she watches over
those who
plan carefully
and strategically
for the battle
that they
are about to
face within
and about.

overseer of
those pursuing
knowledge,
wit, and wisdom
scattered among
books or
in your everyday
life.

a goddess of
thorough thinking who
has always been
enabling victory
now influences the worthy
abundantly.

it all just went on-
    he asked her with,
    she accepted,
    while I broke.
it took me days,
    i kept seeing you
    in my mind, I'm,
    heartbroken and desperate.
we seemed like
    strangers to our,
    souls calling out,
    our lost chance.

"Anak, bakit ayaw mo ba ngumiti sa mga larawan? Mahal ba ang presyo ng ngiti mo?!"

Opo, nay, ang sabi ko lamang sa loob ng kaisipan ko. Kasing mahal ng halaga ng abuso na ginawa mo sa damdamin ko.

run as wild as you can
as free as the bird in its land
smile more, it fits you, I’m sure
in this life, that’s merely pure

fall quickly, get up more
take a break, then dance some more
sip in your wine from its glass
then lie down on the tender grass

in this life, we’re forever young
as if we’ve never been stung--

the day came
when i thought
that Love
wouldn't come
knocking
on my door.

i opened it,
expecting
my knight
in shining armour,
but all i saw
was a mirror
and a goddess
holding it up
to me.

she was smiling,
even if
my flaws
were brought
to light.

here,
here,
and here.

she said,
what a beautiful
being i am.

shining her
light
upon the shadows,
all i saw
was a hurt child,
wanting to be
loved
and feel loved.

she embraced me
as i embraced
myself.

love.
She changed me.

hold me close
   in your arms,
   as my memories
   fade away from
   me.
heal my broken heart,
   for i am not an
   artificial being,
   for i go on
   feeling.
take me away from
   the void of fears
   and making experiences,
   as you open up your
   heart.
i'll always remember
   the time we spent
   together, in this selfish
   and limited
   lifespan.

by words you're described
  my fantasy you've taken
  all over my thoughts
yet you're fictional
  but i really need you so
  yet so unreal now
this fictional love
  so it has come between us
  but you can't grow old
this feeling is weird
  loving someone who can't be
  there for me at all

my heart goes boom,
    along with the,
    beat of the stereo,
    loud and alive.
the sound of my heart,
    boom, clap-- it goes.
    it makes me smile,
    for this time.
then it goes on--
    subconsciously humming
    to the tune,
    of your heartbeart.

you lied to me, idiot
you told me that we would play songs together
you told me that you would play with me
for the last time in your life
before you truly left me *behind

under the petals of the cherry blossoms
i was just a friend of yours who seemed so ordinary
a person who just wrote scores to a music sheet
whose fingers haven't touched a piano in years
stuck in the past of his horrible memories

you keep bugging me for canelés
you keep hitting me with your shoe
you keep pestering me to keep practising
i hate the way you see me as just a friend
but i really don't know what made me love you

you hid a secret from me at the start of april
henceforth, i was able to know about it
to know about it by seeing it without warning
that you were at your last days during the winter months
your hand slipping from consciousness, losing its grip

these music sheets i was never able to grasp for long
you gave them back to me, the energy that i've lost
to play the music full of words and expression
for i truly cannot be good with my own words
but through sounds, i can reach your heart

for the last time, i played, i played out for you
my heart pouring its feelings onto the piano
as if it was my very own, indulged to its melody
you face before me one last time with your violin
before i knew it, you left me with tears streaking down my cheeks

*you may be an idiot, but i love you very much

she spreads goodness
in a way that
not everyone could
see her for
what she truly is.

but she is hidden
behind the darkness
of the night sky
and the clock's
busy, ticking hands.

taken for granted
during both the
breaking dawn and
dusk of day.

yet she still does not mind.

waiting for a spark
    your eyes lock
    on my dark and
    hopeful ones waiting
for the right
    kind of love
    you'll someday give
    out to me

i long to be
more than just
the person that looks
at the screen
to keep in touch
with what you're doing

you say that
you're just
a click away
but it feels
more lonely
without you
actually here

the photos that
you send of you
from somewhere
miles away is
somewhat comforting
for my aching heart

but can you
just stay here?
stay by my side

the bed's just
a reminder of
an empty space
and it hurts
to see it
everyday

you lurk within
and stay between
the things
that i say
and even
the things
that i do.

you show up
whenever
i hold my standards
way too high
for others
yet give excuses
for when i
fail in the eyes
of the world.

you say that
you protect me
from the dangers,
but i say
that you're a child
who has been hurt
over and over
that you have
built walls
and a throne
that is false.

the darkness
is what we humans
tend to fear,
yet it an aspect
that lies within
every each and one
of us,
for we are all
souls craving
everything material
but nothing
spiritual.

my dearest child,
    the tears you've
    shed, now lay upon
    the earthy
    soil.
it has grown
    to make a
    beautiful and
    fragile
    soul.
your kindness may
    not be seen, yet
    fear not, for the
    light, shines through
    you.

they say that time travelling is impossible
but then i thought of something
to make this case possible
and for the issue to disappear like nothing

you know of the time zones, right?
when i thought about it
that's when i knew it was somewhat right
and that's how an idea was lit

when we go to another country to slack
it has a different time to beat
it may be pulled some hours back
or pushed some hours forward in defeat

this is just an idea that popped up instantly
not yet read or heard by others
yet can i push myself to tell others constantly,
so that this idea can be no bother?

she,
in a simple nightgown
he,
in cotton pyjamas

nearing dusk,
as they laughed
while holding
the others hand

bare feet brushing
along the
soft bristles
of the rug

the radio
softly playing
a tune of
jazz

what a time
to be alive

this peculiar, petty feeling
i have, never felt it before...
thoughts of you in my head keep reeling
but it won't last forevermore

you keep turning your head to take a glance
and your curious eyes caught my sight
oh how it wants to make me dance
it even makes my heart take flight

yet, these overflowing feelings that I take hold
no matter how many time I talk to you
there is no spark or an ignited fire to behold
no longer will there be the button of undo

such a waste my words that my mouth has formed
knowing that you don't like me is such a forlorn

as i play these notes
the melody that i am playing
cannot be heard
for i cannot feel the piano connect with me

the world is black and white
just like piano keys and music sheets
happiness can no longer be found
for you faded away

the violin that you loved so
leans against the wall
gathering dust bunnies
waiting for you to play it again

where have you gone?
what i had in my heart was you
the inspiration to keep playing
the music that i once heard before

under the cherry blossoms
we made an agreement
but yet you slowly disappeared
and created your lie in april

you fell for the looks, but not for the happiness

the cold, breeze
of the wind
that made your
hair become
a playful mess

the smile
from your lips
that showed
happiness
felt within

your clothes
hugging your
strong, tall
yet huggable
figure

all these
features
of you
that i came
to love

i took it
in a snap,
in the form
of a pictureー

a tangible memory,
frozen in time

in the name
of god
i was
demonized.

i bled tears
from lashes
of the
outrage of
my mother
who recited
verses
when i was
buttered.

my cries
echoed
in the
hollow walls
of my
father's
beating heart
as he
uttered
blasphemous
monologue.

it was not
sin
i was
absolved of,
but rather
of love
that i
desperately
needed.

Oh, Rizal, hear our plea
For in our country's reality
The corrupt grow more powerful
As the elders become boastful

Pinned down condescendingly
By others buzzing like bees
With this ignorance that doesn't die
We feel that we can only try

But we will fight even as we cry
Our voices put down, may it never be pried
Away from the truth, we are shied
Now await our pent-up battle cry

We will march along the over-trodden streets
Along with the sound of where our hearts beat
For justice and for fairness
We bear your wish with gladness

mornings--
they aren't always
pretty.

sometimes,
it's grey
like the rain
going over
your head.

at other times,
it's complete
darkness,
like the difficulties
of life.

how ironic it is,
that bitterness
can make it
better.

to feel is to
be human

to be human
is to live

and to live
is to go through life
its challenges
the ups and downs

the silhoutte
of a roller coaster
which either
makes you fret or bet

yet i am
i am tired
exhausted
of it all

feeling aches
in my heart
from memories
of neglect

what a catatonic
person i am
to even still feel
such an outburst

all at once

I open my eyes and
see that the day has given me
a dull grey attitude again because of
the depression that I hide
from within, a smile to go along with it
to avoid the questions that people ask
that always seem to hurt.

These scars that hide behind
my long-sleeved shirts or the sleeves
of my jacket, are the marks of when
I couldn't handle life anymore.
Yet, I am always persistent, even if I am
already hopeless, worthless and pained.
I still hold on even if I've been doing that for long.

I am a soldier who fights my demons alone.
A battle with a pre-determined winner yet,
I should try to manage not to lose.
I wear a mask to hide the tears that
I always shed every second of the day.
And, even if I always fight back,
the monster that fights me, always comes back.

I saw a
    fluffy cloud in
    the sky, shaped
    like a broken heart.
That's when I,
    got back to
    the murky past,
    and thought of you.

it's been there, then it's *gone

"You're so ugly!"
But, God made me this way.
"You're stupid!"
What if I just don't know what that field of subject is about?
"You're so thin!"
You can't control my metabolism.
"You should eat more!"
I have a restrictive food intake disorder, you just don't know it.
"You don't know how to appreciate what's in front of you!"
I do know how to appreciate it. I just...
"You're so weird!"
At least I'm not crazy.
"No one will ever love you!"
Well, someone from above loves me unconditionally.
"You're so disrespectful!"
You don't even know how to respect me, right?
"You're so ungrateful!"
I.. I just don't know how to express my feelings at times.
"I hate you!! Go away!"
Okay then...

All the hate, all the pain!
I can hear these voices in my head again!
Will never stop pouring down for it is an endless pouring rain.
I can feel myself becoming like one of the madmen
Hey! Can you hear me?!
I'm slowly becoming transparent!
A person who you can never see,
Because you dismiss me as absent.
I need your love! I need a hug!
Please, notice me for once!
You're my only antidepressant drug!
For I am always in the permanent state of abeyance!
The burdens that I carry, you can never understand!
Sometimes a new problem may grow out of nowhere!
I don't even always have a helping hand!
And, my body starts to grow even colder...
You know how a static sounds so eerie, right?
How it can be somewhat emotional and scary at the same time.
The way it sound to your ears at night,
Will be the sound that you hear when you've seen me commit a crime.

The crime of locking myself away from you because you never seemed to care about me anymore.

I hate to admit that,
Even if I hate you right now,
To the degree that spells out,
"So much,"
I can't deny that,
I am still,
Inevitably still,
In love with,
You.

when i look at you
all the pain, worries and problems
slip away from me and
i can only feel your comfort and touch
i love it when you hold me close to you
because i feel so safe in your arms
as if you are protecting me from preying hands
you vowed to protect me
and you really did

remember the time when it started raining all of a sudden?
neither of us had an umbrella
but we didn't care
we just stayed close to each other and laughed about how crazy it was
being alone together in this rain
then i got cold
you smiled, took off your jacket and put it over me
i smiled sheepishly as my way to say thanks
for your orbs were looking right at me
and that's how i knew that you were in love with me

this connection that i am feeling
is it really meant to be?
are we really connected by the string of fate for us to be by each other's side?
the string may twist and tangle but it will never break
but, i feel so selfish as i think about this
'One, four, three,' you told me one time with a wink and a tinge of red on your cheeks
but, i tried to keep telling myself that the proof is all there
the proof was your words

from words you say,
    to the things that
    you do just
    to joke on me
they leave an
    unhealable scare
    etched upon
    my aching heart
a thousand feelings
    bottling up, inside
    of me,
    a time bomb

the lies that
i spread
around this
hopeless
little
world
are more than
just words

i hate how
i can
easily spread
lies to gain power
yet i become
blind to
what will
happen
to my friends

i have lived in vain

dont touch me
the world nor you doesn't deserve me
i'm as stupid as can be
so let me fall
to where
i belong

i hate living for my own

i am so insensitive
secrets are these
they can
be lies
they can be
a person
a place
yet
can slip from our
mouths and
through our
actions

up to this day, i don't know why i'm still alive

forgive me for destroying you

I am rejected by society
I am out of place when I am near people
I am called ugly by others
I am called weird by people who don't know me
I am called useless, worthless, a speck of dust lying on the floor, waiting to be thrown from garbage can to garbage can
Reality is now slipping from my fingers like a picture that is made of smoke
How should I last when my body is so weak that I may crumble away?

In the rain of my own tears I always go through
Without any umbrella or rain coat
I don't even know why I am still alive
Problem after problem, the pain never goes away
How do I even last through this awful storm?
Yet, it never floods, the rain just keeps pouring down
Down and right into my very soul
My soul that has been fed up for too long
Can no longer hold the sadness and pain that I've been hiding
My smiles are just fake, you see
I always wear a mask with a bright smile painted onto it
But, behind the mask, my cheeks are always wet because of the never-ending flow of my tears

People always ask me why I seem so sad when I am quiet
It's funny, really, on how you guys don't even know even if the answer is right there
The tears forming in my eyes, is the answer
No, they are not tears of joy, you idiot
Are you that stupid like an early human being from long ago?
Look at me. Crying right in front of your eyes yet you can't even sense it!
I am slipping quietly into the hole of eternal darkness
No, not eternal darkness, but oblivion

The reason why I am always feeling like this behind the mask that I wear
Is because you people told me that I cannot be more
How insenstive you creatures are!
Just because you are popular doesn't mean that you can bully right away
Just because you are older doesn't mean that you have the right to say that to me
You are starting to make me feel like a canvas waiting for its painter to paint life and color in to me
I feel so blank
I feel so ******
I feel so sad
Everything that I'm seeing right now is starting to turn grey, black and white
The colors of sadness, I call them
Because I am a book that is full of unnecessary writings that covers the content of my life
I am now called 'untitled'
For people didn't know which insult to go by me whenever I pass them at the corridors