I've been distorted
Like the melody
Of an electric guitar
The highs and lows clipped
Sounding darker
Adding edge
And not what I was

Every now and then
I’m haunted by memories
What happened to me

I must be desirable
Because I can feel the pull
As the angels
And the demons
Fight over my soul

what the hell
are you supposed to do
when living
makes you want to die

?

I’m not exactly sad
I’m not exactly happy
I smile sometimes
I cry extremely rarely
So... is that it?
Is this the recovery I was promised?
Lukewarm all over
Breathing... I guess?
Passion all but faded
My lips keep uttering,
“I don’t care”
I mean... I’m not obsessive now
Most of the compulsions are gone
(Though some simply replaced)
I wake up in the morning
But the fire is gone
My fire is gone...

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation, self harm


meaningless
worthless
stupid
******* futile existence!!!

Do everything precisely right
Get everything wrong anyway
So just give the **** up
Walk away
And now it's your fault
Because you didn't try hard enough
Never good enough
Never good enough


N̶̢̳͍̗̩̮͙͊ȩ̷̧̹̺̤̐̑́ṽ̷͚̟̭̰̟̈́e̵̤̥͕̜̘͙̹͐̅͂̑͋̚r̷̮͇̠̐͌͐ ̷̢̡̘͛ͅg̸̙̠̀͆̔͘o̴͈̽͋ō̴̺̺̈́̊͝d̴̛̮͍̥̔͋͒̉͌ ̶̡͉̫̯͉̥̹̈͗́͋͝e̵͚͎̊͒̏̇͘ń̴̡̩̪̭͖̹̤̇͘͘͝o̵̼̿̽û̵̙̀͒͂͑g̷̲͈̳̉̃͛̽͋h̷̽̿͘̕­͍̱̟͚͒̔͝


So you look for escape
They've all made it look so good
Oh... no not you... you can't have that yet
Never even ******* offered
Never any fun
Never any pleasure

NEVER ANY KIND OF REWARD

NOTHING TO SHOW

FOR ALL OF MY EFFORTS

so yeah

yeah, i've started giving up

yeah, i take a blade to my skin

yeah, i steal every sip i can get

yeah, i just want to be g̸̛̻̯̦̘̠͕͕̻̓͛̇͛̌̅̀̎͜͝ó̵̙̰̱̮̙͚̜̼̙̯̤̲͚̜͖̬̦̏̈̀͋̽̎̾̅̌͒̒̈́̈́͊̕̕͘̕n̵͖͗͛͝­̨̢̬̭̠͇͉e̶̡̮̥̜̮̖̝͕̠̩͑̒͆͒̊̑͆̈́͑̂͐̒̄͐̕̕͜͠͝͝


But what the hell do you expect
When you've treated me like trash
Used and abused me
Over and over again
Never there for me
Just there to take pride in me
Because that's what you all do
you take
and you take
and you take take take


Y̴̗̞̰̮̹̪͕̹̟̑̑̑̀͊̑͛̒̀͒O̸̧̧͉̟̬͕̟̠̞̠̟͕̩̿̎́̀̋̈̑̂̈́̇͒͊͒̌̏̃͘͝Ũ̸̐­̧̡̨̱͍͕̱̘̪̞̻͉̦̖͈͇̗͍̑̓̂́̽͌̾́̄̑̋̍ ̷͎̻͇͇̌̏̀̈́͒̍͆͋̐̊̊͜Ţ̷̧̡͉̗͍͓̺̖̦̙̫̺̰̝͎̏̈́̐͛̽̓̏̕͜͝͝͝A̵̾̐̉̓̏͊͛̇͆͆̋̎̈́̈́͗͝­̧̡̖͎̟̯͓̹̺͚̰̜K̷̛̳̇̍̎̾͋̌͊̕͝͝͝E̷̛̘͊̐̀̃̈́͒͛͗̽̄̽̊̇̒̕͝͝ ̸̛̭͎͋̌̃͋̂̈́̄͆̉̊̈́̐̽͠ͅF̸̤̜̯̟̠̞̞͙͓͕̙̤͖̗̮͌͛̋̆̑͑̏͘R̷̙̬̓̆̽̍̇̓̃͛̀͛̅͆̓͑̚͘ͅ­͉̼Ơ̴͇̫͔̩̭̘̯͍̜̺͍̇̌̾ͅḾ̵̧̢̛̜͍̼͙̻̙̝̈́̾̃̐̈̈́́̉́̈́̈̈̉̈́̕͜͝ ̴̫̳̭̥̘͖̯̖̜̟̣̦̥̃M̸̧̡͚̲̠̪̘̘̲̪͓̩͇̰̯̳̭̺͕͂̓Ě̵͍̫̜͔̥̈́͋̓́́̒̋͊̍̆̐̑͘



s̷­̡͖̓́̀͜ö̷̩̲̣́́͐͑͐ ̷̞͚̊̀̊ͅp̵͇̯̄l̷̯̹̀e̵̢̥̳̱̝͊̀a̵̰̲̹̩͠ş̴̅͛͋̕ę̵̥̳̻̾͊͗͑͌ ̴̢̆͝j̶̧̛͎̭͉̍͑̋͛u̴̩͔̗̺̇̔̍̂s̸͎͉̳͇̈́̈́͗ţ̶̰̼̰̌͋͘.̴̦̭̆̉̈́͝.̷̘͒̅̒.̶̟̇ ̵̗́͂͒̂j̴̭͙̖̍ủ̷͈̼̣̦s̶̡̨͔̲̆́̎̔͘ț̶̥̕.̸̺͓͍̭̥̉͌.̴̯̜̺͍̒̀̏͑̌.̷͚̖͉̓͂͜͠
­̴͖̗͖̞̮̓͒̽̎͝ǰ̸͖͔́̈́͝͝ǘ̶̘̈̌̍̕s̵̻̺̟̩̿͊t̴̞͎̙̳̟͐̾̈́ ̵͉̐l̶̟̹̦̰͕̅̎̿́ë̴̱͐a̸̡̦̠͍̓͂͆̈́̑v̴̧̦͎̥̣̎̓ę̷̢̯̜̝̔̓͠ ̶̩̲̤̑ͅm̴̥͖͒̅͝͠ë̶͖͈̰̥̞́̌ ̵̻͙̯̬̋̂̚t̸̨̟͙͚̹̓̀̌͗ő̷͓̙̜͈̕ ̴̰͚͠͠r̶̗̪̜̐͋͊̃ò̴̞͎̑͝t̴̼̙͆
̴̗̋l̸̙͈̜͕̃e̴̢̝̳̱͌a̶̧̼̻̩̞̓͗̉v̷͎̈́͊͋̋̓e̶̊­̡̗̞̘́ ̶͖͌͂m̸̩̲̿̓è̷̡̞͖̠̓͗̅͝ ̸̲̖̝͉̎̅̚̚t̶̰͇̟̑͛͊õ̸̞͈̭̲͕ ̶̳̟͚͐b̸̡͖͊̎͑l̴̡̦͇̪̅̽͘e̷͙̥̓̈̃͘e̵̢̗͉͇̗͋d̸͕̘̃͑
̸̱͔̎̐̽͆ļ̸̿̈́é̷̢̛̱̤̒t­̶̺̲̞̒͂ͅ ̵̖̖̘́͆m̶̨̢̯̝̀̃̎̊͠e̵̘̹̽͌͛ ̶̱͒̈̅ẁ̴̲̽ā̶̧̱͎̱͈̽͠ẗ̵̬̙́c̶͉̰̗̠͌͐̈́͘͜ḧ̷̙́ ̷̢̜̗̪̏m̴̭͇̬̜̓̔̾͜y̶̧͠ ̸̰̗͖̈́̌́͑͋b̷̨̖̻̦̥̅̈́̎̔͛l̷͎͌̑͐̒͘õ̵̦͓o̴̧̯̩͓̓̿d̶̟̥̆̈́̈́̑̉ ̵̢̛͍͚͂͠s̶̢͉̞̮̻͒̉̿͠p̶̤͘i̷͓̓͑̓̃̎ľ̶̺̫̱͈̱l̴̜̈́
̷̩̜̹͎̲̃͌i̴̤͓̱͂̃'̵̻͎̺͊l­̸̧̠͌͒̚ĺ̷̡͙͕͝͠ ̵̦͉̯̾̎̔͊̑g̵̢̰̩̍o̸̤̟̔ ̶̘͓̤̊̓̍̈́̽d̵͔̼̆i̷̯̬͓̞̹͐z̴̨̰̋̋z̴͚̋y̵͍͕͚̦̚
̵̹̼̳͕͛̔̆̅̃ͅa̸̖̹̪̿ň̴̮͙͆̂̈­͕̠̼d̷̲͋ ̴̘̌̑̌̌͝t̸̼̋̚͠͝ͅh̶̠̍ȅ̷͕́̈͠n̶͚̙͔̩͙͋̈͝.̸̧̭̿̉̌̈́͝.̶̠̈́̿̅̈́.̵̱̥̇ ̴̡̙̖̈a̶̬̹͕̱͋ń̷̼̥̲͆̂͂̃ͅd̸̻̭͐̔̑̈ ̷̳̝̭͚͐͆ͅt̸̘̮͍̣͔͂͆̑̚h̶̜̞̱̪̻̉͂̌́ë̵͎̫͉͚̰́̅n̵̢̞̈̐̽̋͝ ̸̙̣̣̲̹̕w̷̖͙͇̄h̵̢̨̟̼̽e̶̝̒n̷͓̥͊̋ͅ ̴̞̭̳̚i̸̭͗̐̎ť̵̼͆͆̒'̸̨̞̃͝s̸̱̉͜ ̵̞̲͗̾́͗ọ̵̫̥̅̇̀̌̈́v̷̱͝ĕ̴̖̈r̷̳̤̦̗͘̕



sleep.