A home
can be a grave,
or a lover’s embrace

I want to return to a home
where the air smelled
of only her scent

I will break all my limbs
to have her mold me
as a clay sculpture

To carve her knife
into my skin because
this is how art is made

To have her look at me,
study me, conceal my flaws,
till I am finally perfect

To be owned by her,
her creation to
admire and love

If you still wish to seek me for
another poem,
another momentary desire,
another ***** tear to lick,
another night to melt,
or for a little death

I will be waiting,
burning,
yearning,
for your small hands

The reason why I look away when
I notice his blue eyes gazing at me

Is that I am afraid if I stared into
them for too long I will drown

Now that he is gone,
I long to drown

I wish I could make returning
home feel like a gentle burial

I don’t want to be
reminded of the time

Don’t stare at my empty wrists,
I have lost my watch long ago

But I’m still here, always here,
so is the lump in my throat

Before the night ends, and we
make our soon to be last goodbyes

Ask me to stay,
don’t let me return to my grave again

Because, I fear I won’t be
able to leave it this time

I long to remain dead,
but ask me anyway

She gave me a flower bouquet
like leaving behind a weeping
bouquet of lilies to wilt softly
on the grave of a loved one

The aromatic scent of lilies
couldn’t overcome the mist
of death ruled by Achlys

The forsaken flower quivers
over the piercing whispers
of her impending doom
when her youthful roots
were unwillingly cut

She withers upon my grave,
and emits the scent of death and I

The decayed petals drop
like blood from cut vines
The brittle dried flower
rots as its color fades from
pure-white and pink
to senescing brown

A slight tint of pink still lingers
as what’s left of her love

The corpse flower
scentless bloom of death belongs
Ghosts with feverish smiles shall
visit me with a bitterly cold embrace

All that I am
is a snowy mountain

Desolate,
carrying a heavy burden
that people call snow

Aching in one place
for an entire season

Longing for
a little warmth
without the risk of love

Love burns me,
and all I ask
for is warmth  

To melt,
I wish to melt
completely

Perhaps,
I will fall in love with
the sun this winter

Or die trying

Here,
take my useless heart,
it is yours to break

Here,
take my wounded soul,
it holds but agonizing pain

Here,
take my sleepy eyes,
they’ve witnessed enough chaos

Here,
take my whole body,
I wish to disappear completely

Here,
take my fragile heart,
it is yours to break

Here,
take my tormented soul,
it holds but agonizing pain

Here,
take my sleepy eyes,
they have shed enough tears

Here,
take my whole body,
I wish to disappear completely

To you
who’s silence
pains me deeply

I admit,
I still converse with
you in my head

I have slowly forgotten
the sound of
your bewitching voice

But I remember how
your small mouth  
was my greatest desire

When everyone has abandoned me,
my shadow laid there next to me,
and it whispered “let’s go home”

And when my poems
turned into suicide notes,
I sharpened the knife,
and put it on my pillow
to sing me to sleep

A bottle of pills with
my full name on it
White and motherly,
I heard them call my
name from a distance

I swallowed the pills,
I swallowed the knife,
my shadow swallowed me

I am finally home

Despair drips
from my lips,
don't kiss me

My sorrowful soul
awaits death’s kiss,
don’t miss me

Lover,
I need you to stand still
with your feet in the water

Let me drink your reflection
to quench my thirst as you
try to hide your tender smile

I beg of you,
don't leave me,
because then the sun will burn me,
and the sea will swallow my ashes

Longing must be an act of worship, and I do it fervently. “I wrote you endless confessions that turned into poems. But you still banished me.” I said to my deity. “I admit, I am but an unloved thing aching to be loved. Oh, it hurts. It hurts to worship you.” I cried to her during one of my confessions. “I wish to share my loneliness with you” I said, trying not to break.
“Goddess of adoration, I shall worship you in secret. In the dark, I will come to you with my ardent desires, unholy cravings, and burning longings. For I solely exist to please you.” I said under my breath. “Your mouth, a glowing thing in the dark. I set ablaze at the mere thought of my tongue merging with the river of you.” I whispered, shaking with an unspeakable hunger. “Allow me to show you how deep my devotion is. I could burn for you” I said.

Longing must be an act of worship, and I do it fervently. “I wrote you endless confessions that turned into poems. But you still banished me.” I said to my deity. “I admit, I am but an unloved thing aching to be loved. Oh, it hurts. It hurts to worship you.” I cried to her during one of my confessions. “I wish to share my loneliness with you” I said, trying not to break.
“Goddess of adoration, I shall worship you in secret. In the dark, I will come to you with my ardent desires, unholy cravings, and burning longings. For I solely exist to please you.” I said under my breath. “Your mouth, a glowing thing in the dark. I set ablaze at the mere thought of my tongue merging with the river of you.” I whispered, shaking with an unspeakable hunger. “Allow me to show you how deep my devotion goes. I could burn for you” I said.

The night came in
and devoured me
like a crow
devours its prey

A dark cloud has
hid the sun, and
convinced me that
I wasn’t going to live

Although I can’t see it,
the glittering sun
is still there to kiss my skin
and remind me I exist

No, this is not a
poem about her

But I know that deep
within my aching heart,
I will do anything
she asks of me

I will break all
my vows for her  

I will break all my limbs
for her to mold like clay

Lover,
I still fear the heavy
silence of the night

Will you lull me
to a long sleep?

The piercing sound of
your silence pains me

I wish to hear you speak
for as long as I live

To be kissed
by your eyes

To be touched
by your voice

To be held
by your lips

To be tangled
by your hair

Kiss my hungry mouth
till death comes to kiss

Press your heart
against mine and
abate my misery

Offer me your lips
to devour
to satisfy this hunger
within my lonely heart

My eyes has been
wide open all night
like a corpse’s eyes

Would you come and
gently close them for
me so I can finally sleep?

I cannot sleep, my dear
You see, yesterday the sound
of waves crashing inside my
mind kept me up all night

I’ve been at war with my past,
and I failed to make peace with it

Now my bed is on fire and nothing
remains of my heart but the ashes;
I beg of you don’t ask me to stay
alive for another sleepless night

Lover, I’m weary
and I long to sleep

On a night like this,
long ago,
I promised to die

I carried this heavy promise
in my scarred wrists
in my empty stomach
in my black lungs
in my sleepy eyes

I wish to finally sleep,
but I fear I may never
dream of you this time

I am turning blue
as the days go by,
and soon I will start to fade

But before I do,
I wish to write about all the
shades of colors I used to be

How I turned bright yellow when
I saw her face every morning,
as a sunflower turns lovingly
to worship the burning sun

Alas, I am no longer vibrant and alive
The morning sun blinds me,
and your face only brings me pain

I swore not to write you,
but I cannot sleep
because I envy your pillow

How it carries
your curls, dreams,
and tears too

Your old bed sheets get
to inhale your scent while
I suffocate from your absence

I still remain in mine
burning, yearning,
dreaming of you

I will set fire to your bed,
so you would rest your
head upon my chest

Lay with me tonight
till you find your peace
on someone else’s

I am but a snowy mountain
carrying the heavy weight
of my burning longings

I shall melt completely
to feel the sun’s warmth,
like my lover’s harmful touch

And although nothing will
remain of me in the morning,
I will go knowing I was loved

I wonder if the filed of lavender
sighs when it yearns for her scent

I wonder if the sunflowers
worship her raven hair
like the sun

I wonder if the moon weeps
with longing over her absence  

I wonder if the sky turns pink
when the spring breeze
touches her silky skin

I wonder if the cherries bleed in her
mouth like my heart when she left

If the sky turns pink
when the spring breeze
touches her silky skin

If the filed of lavender sighs
when it yearns for her scent

If the sunflowers
worship her raven hair
like the sun

If the moon weeps with
longing over her absence  

If a thorny flower
hurts liker her

If the filed of lavenders
sighs when it yearns for her scent

If the sunflowers worship
her raven hair, like the sun

If the moon weeps with
longing when she’s asleep  

If the cherries bleed in her
mouth like my heart when she left

I know,
my love,
my muse,
I have always known

I knew that this would
be our last conversation,
but this is not my last poem

It pained me deeply,
but I knew that one day
I will slowly start to forget
your loving face,
bewitching scent,
and soothing voice

Oh, how I loved you
I knew I will still love you
even after you desert me

I knew it,
but I still held your small hand
I still worshiped you in secret
I still adored you blindly

And I still do

Orchids,
bird wings,
moonlight,
deep sleep,
and your small hands

If I can’t swallow your frigid heart
then let me kiss the traces of your
loneliness with my ugly mouth

And on a sleepless night
when your soul needs a cure,
I will be there with lavender tea

The day you left
Azrael himself wept

And the suffocating silence of your
absence was deeper than your grave

If the sun rises and I don’t
see your face tomorrow

Know that you were the
only tender guest that
visited my fragile heart
without tearing it apart

And if the sun sets and dies,
and you’re not by my side

My eyes will forget how to sleep,
and I will remember you and weep

And if a year passes by
and I don’t hear your voice

My heart will no longer beat,
and I will surrender in defeat

In a river,
I will pour my love
as you watch it sink

On your shoulder,
I will pour my salty tears
and pray to forget you

I once wanted to ask
if she’d ever met a heavy heart
with such aching pores

See, I yearned for death
till I forgot I’m still
one with the livings

Perhaps I didn’t know
I‘m still here
till she reached
for the palm of my hand,
but it’d start to sweat
so I shy away

When the doctors cut the cord
that was wrapped around my neck,
and ever since that moment
they resuscitated me as a baby
I grew up with the fascination
of cords caressing my neck

I almost did

twice

He spoke in silence
that’s where his fluency
flows out the most  

The lone wolf
longingly howled
at the blood moon,
his cries were
like loud sirens

His inner demons
howled for his blood
During nighttime when
he’s buried in the arms
of his beloved insomnia

He’s met with the alpha
and saw his own eyes
reflected in the other betas,
but his eye color
didn’t match with theirs

The abandoned wolf has met
with the alpha whom he shares
the same blood and eyes with,

but the wolf is a second choice in this poem,
he will never truly belong

The lone wolf
happens to be a girl,
but she never lived like one

You see,
she’s the main reason
why she has no pack
or a place to call home

Weightless and wordless,
she only saw the goodness
of my desolate soul

When she walked away,
I cried over the small
space between her lips

And just like the space
that separates her lips,
I was centuries away  
from seeing her again

She was named after love,
and letters were exchanged
between lovers in her name

Poets found their muse
when she visited their hearts
and I was one of them

But my love never
reached her heart
like hers did mine

And so she left,
when my stubborn heart was
aching to be laced with hers

She left,
and my eyes were searching,
yearning for her

Dear Heyam,
I swear on love letters
and you
For it is the last poem
I write about you

In your cold absence,
I have forgotten what
the word warmth meant

Perhaps you were  
the word warmth

But now, you are
the word silence

I talk to you,
but you do not talk back

I beg of you,
do not go when
the comfortless sky
sinks into its rainy sadness

Winter is yet to come,
and I wish to be near you

She’s under my skin
like a bruise that’s
unwilling to heal

Her touch
left me trembling

Her gaze
pierced my bones

Her love
scarred my soul

I left,
when my heart
ached to be hers

My head is always howling,
so I never sleep,
I keep on listening

Maybe my heart will
stop crying all night long,
and I will be able to sleep

Maybe you will stop
walking in my dreams
like you’re still mine

Maybe my eyes
will forget yours,
and I won’t weep

Maybe my skin won’t
crave your touch, and
my hand won’t ache
to be held by yours

I am overcome with
a state I fail to name

It is you I suffer from,
it is you I burn for

Be my moon
all-night long,
I promise I will never sleep

I long to sleep next
to your moonlight face,
if only you’d let me

The only motherly thing I knew
was the coldness of my blade;
gently washing away the
sadness of my burdened heart

This morning,
I’ve shed the heaviest tear
after twenty-one years
of deadly silence