I'm not her.

Don't tell me that's not what you want me to be.

Even if it's true, I still see things in your eyes

For a moment, strange and wistful

Years younger

Then, brightly pain-filled

Once you're reminded of this here-and-now land

Where I, as you know me

Am the one you hold in your arms

And try your damndest to love.

I'm not her

And that is something I'm trying not only to accept

But embrace.

If that's something you can't do

Well, --

Stop embracing me.

Pearls and curls and off-white lace

And my mind conjures up your sorrowful face

And my heart just toes the line.

Is my wedding day

Your Roman holiday?

Well, it sure as hell

Is mine.

I look at you

And I melt

Like strawberry ice cream

Dropped on a black buckle shoe.

(And you make me cry

Just the same.)

A rose held captive

She caught that man, cut his stem

Turned upstairs into

A garden.

The path leading the way

Has long since been carved

But the weight of the journey

Is not one that I wish to carry.

Every time

You come near me

You kiss me

Then leave

Taking part of me

With you.

Maybe, sometime soon

They'll teach Tragedy in schools

Where our children go.


It'll bore them silly.

"Why, that happens every day!"

Heads on desks, they'll nap.


The teacher will sigh

Shaking her worry-filled head

She'll cry, "class dismissed!"


Students will file out

Skipping, chattering joyfully.

Teach heads home to drink.


They all look both ways

Caution sleeping within them.

Anything could happen.

tw: blood

....

Here you are, dearest.

Take this scarlet part of me.

Quench that gnawing thirst.


It just stings a bit

A quick bite, then pure numbness

I close my eyes, calm.


You have me now, love

That part of me you wanted

Warms your still, cold veins.


More or less mortal

I swear, I don't mind one bit.

You are so worth it.


Eyes glowing crimson

You tell me you feel alive.

I smile, gratified.


You won't see me weep

For this loving sacrifice:

Forever sounds fine.

Begging on my knees

Forgiveness is elusive

Yet you are a saint.

Dying star burns bright

Familiar laughter stirring

My soul; we're still us.

She's an anarchist

But she still follows the rules

Of writing haiku.

The day that I might you

I caught a ferry

On the final day

Of February.

I moved along

Whistling, unwary

'Til you came across

Turned my cheeks red as cherries.

You moved as if floating

Light and airy

Skin glowing like the moon

Pale as dairy

Perfect pink lips

Sweet as a berry

I knew my heart would break

Were I to simply tarry.

So I asked you your name

As I felt was necessary

Then asked for a date

To which you agreed, merry.

And so we fell in love

Hearts fluttering like fairies

But permanence, we never spoke of

For, as you know

Results may vary.

That all changed the night

You opened a bottle of sherry

And asked, so matter-of-fact

If we might ever marry.

I felt myself turn pale

As the thought was scary.

I'm much too young to make a promise

I must keep 'til I'm buried!

Alas, I wound up here

Looking down the aisle, wary

While your relatives glow

Like the ****** Mary.

Today begins forever.

Are my feet cold?

Very!

But, when loving someone like you

These things might be necessary.

So I await the go-ahead

From good Preacher Jerry

Before I kiss those lips

Still as sweet as berries.

You may be thinking

I've gotten myself into a situation, quite hairy

But love itself is a risk

And after all

Results may vary.

If you don't mind it, love

I believe I must ask:

Why is it that

Even when Summer begins to die

This heat never seems to fade away, too?

Solstice is bleeding out in the streets every night

Those fallen leaves, shielding her body

And yet, here in September

I'm still drunk on that brand-new sunshine

That makes me want to lie down with you.

I wish you and I could find a cold place

A secret pathway into Autumn's sweetly perfumed arms

But, love, if that's not happening

Perhaps we should go where the sun shines brightest

And revel in a halo of blistering light.

Perhaps we could peel away

All the formality

Just to keep cool

Every layer of reserve

Long gone by the end of the day.

Of course

You'll see every imperfection

And I'll know it

But I won't mind

As long as each one gets attention from your fingertips.

I'll find Spring in your skin

And you'll taste Winter on my lips

And Summer and her fatal fever

Will be no match for us.

In fact, we'll barely feel her harsh kiss

Streaming through the window

Into our little room

Where everything feels just right.

So, if you don't mind it, love

I believe that you should follow me into this retreat

Where we can embrace this heatwave.

In backs of cars

Lips form stars

And then

Entire constellations.

You burn bright

Blinking satellite

And disrupt

My concentration.

Your hands cast light

Bleed through the night

And the sun himself

Envies you.

Galaxies swoon

And you're loved by the moon

But she doesn't want you as badly

As I do.

Under this black sky

My stars die

And my heart cries

Out for more.

You have me moon-struck

Guess that's my luck

Just like the planets' alignments

Swore.

Still, without the touch of the needle

The silent record sits in wait.

Line after line of etched in melody

Worn, -- even abused

Scarred and scraped

A scratch here

Some dust there

Replayed, again and again

Black vinyl, once heavy, worn thin

Only to be abandoned on the turntable

Where it once served its purpose.

Neglected, unused

The silent record stays still

Hoping to one day turn again.

Staring to the heavens above

Two poor kids release turtledoves.

Smiling silent implications

Of lifelong adoration

There's no denying, the two are in love.

There once was a man, so unkind

Who was constantly lost in his mind.

It was a laugh when the dolt

Startled with a jolt

The day that karma bit his behind.

Staying still
I try to drain
Every last
Little drop.
Tilting back, I
Grip the neck but
Don't break it, God forbid
I'm in no shape to clean up a mess
Though I'm an expert at making them,
I tell you what, I hate the television, all
those shiny happy people like in that
song I don't know the words to, but it's
obviously true, watching these shiny
happy lives with all of these beautiful
people who are probably ugly on the
inside, just like me, going home to sit
in their expensive new recliners and
grip the neck but don't break it, don't
make a mess that you can't clean up
drain every last drop even if you don't
really want it, 'cause it used to make
you feel much better, and now it's just
routine, like brushing your teeth and
trying to sleep and telling old friends
that you're fine, fine, just tired, so very
tired and I'm trying to stare through the
television to see these stupid phonies at
home in their own chairs, drinking from
a bottle like this one as if it might save
their sorry lives, like I'm trying to do
right now, tilting it back for just one
more drop, ****** there is no more
and I'm not done drinking but the neck
is slipping from my hands and I'm trying
to drink it down, **** it up when I let go
of the neck and drop it and there is a mess
for me to clean up, I tell you what, all that
broken glass and those elusive little drops
that could've made everything so much better,
could've fixed me but oh well, guess I can't
watch TV anymore, 'cause I've got a mess to
try to clean up right now, yes siree, guess
that even the shiny happy people have to
**** it up and fix it every now and then
just like me and you and everyone else.

Just when I think

I've known the world

I come to the realization

That I've only seen it

Through my own two eyes.

It eats at me

Though I shouldn't be bothered

And yet

I can't help but wonder why.

What do strangers see

When they watch my favorite film

And what do they hear

In their favorite songs?

What do others girl feel

When they knowingly fall in love

With someone

Who's stringing them along?

What do my parents know

When they look at the roads

They've walked down

Many more times than I?

What do babies think

When the world's so unknown

And they can only use their voices

To cry?

Where is the truth

In others' opinions

So very different from mine?

Where lies the inspiration

Of other writers

As they steadily type

Each line?

In the end

There's not much of a point

Unless reincarnation exists.

But frustration prevails

Knowing my eye's the limit

And my curiosity

You see

Persists.

My love is inbetween-ish

And beautiful in the most magnificent of ways.

Made up of porcelain skin

With a glow that further brightens the break of day

A heart that beats

To the tune of my favorite song

At the touching of lips

Bright eyes

That speak millions of beautiful words

And a name

With a thousand lovely meanings.

My love is inbetween-ish

And between us

There is nothing but love.

He was rain

The spray that came

On a scorching summer day.

He fell from his cloud

Without warning

Kissed the Flickering Flame into submission

All the while, saving a few sweet drops

Just for me.

He was the rain

That kissed the Flame and I.



He was rain

Leaving the Flame and I in wait

To see him on another day.

We danced for him

Inviting him to play

As we spun in each other's arms.

Finally, he joined us

The Flame and I jumped for joy

First side-by-side

Then miles apart.

He was the rain

That made the Flame blush

And set my selfish soul ablaze.


He was rain

Standing between the Flame and I

On any given day.

He soothed the new burns

Marring my skin

Though he always feared

He would put out the Flame.

He was the rain

That loved the Flame

While the both of them

Left me parched.


He was rain

A hurricane

Washing me away from the Flame.

The two of them laughed

Oblivious

And told me to swim

As I began to drown.

He was the rain

Who ran away with the Flame

Just when I thought

They could both be mine.


He was rain

And he slipped away

On a sunny winter's day.

The Flame left, too

Without a note

Left the heart within me

High, dry, and cold

Nothing there to set on fire

Or to give hope.

He was the rain

Who disappeared with the flame

Leaving me all alone.


Now, on this day

I float in a fog.

Floods on one side

On the other, burnt smaug.

I know who I am

And I'm here to stay.

I just wish that the Flame

Didn't take my rain boy away.

Still, he is the rain

Who is in love with the Flame

And I wonder

If he thinks about dry Earth like me

At all.


He is the rain

A fool for the Flame

Just like I was

All along.

I press play

And the first song that comes on

Is one that you love.

Skip.

Wouldn't you know it

The next track

Is the one that played in the background

When we first met.

Skip.

Up next is a favorite of yours

That I can't hear

Over the imaginary you in my head

Singing along.

Skip.

Hey, what a coincidence!

The next three

Were all on the mix I made you

That you never got to hear.

Skipskipskip.

The one after that is just fine

Except, oh

Did it mention a wolf?

Funny

That reminds me of you

Dressed in sheepskin.

Skip!

Oh, you hated this one!

But, wait

You thought it was so funny

That I liked it.

Ha ha ha

S k i p.

Here's a new one

That I never got to recommend to you

But it rubs salt in the wound

When I apply the words

To me and you.

S

K

I

P

!

!

!

...

I press skip

And the next song that comes on

Is one that you love

But!

I loved it first

Before I knew your name

Or what songs you listened to

Or of your place

As a tiny speck

On this big, big planet.

Yes, you love this song

But I did, too

Probably before you loved it

And definitely before I knew-loved-hated you.

How can I ever find joy again

If you're constantly there

A trace of you everywhere you're not

A ghost that keeps pressing

Pause?

How will I ever rid the music of such tainting memories

If I don't try making new ones

Of my own?

You loved this song

I love this song

And I press

Play.

Little hummingbird

Wings aflutter, heart a-patter, drink

From that sweet flower.

He fell from heavens high

Back down to this miserable Earth

All in the interest of loving me.

He was a guardian

So pure of soul

But all I saw

Were his wings.

He promised to protect me

And kept his word

Treating me better than anyone had

In a very long time.

He lived a second time just for me

Always there to rescue his favorite broken soul.

He was the one

To drag me out of dark alleys

Take the bottle from my hands

Tell me who not to call back

Place a hand on my heart

Just when I thought I couldn't feel anything good anymore.

He danced with me to my favorite records

Taught me how to laugh again

Sang me to sleep

Offered the gentlest kiss

Without asking for anything more.

He pried me open

To see into my soul.

I found true desire

In staring at his wings.

As the days passed

Disenchantment crept back in.

Finally, I asked him

What it was like to fly.

He smiled at me

So beautifully otherworldly

And told me that

As long as I was there with him

He wouldn't dream of doing it again.

It was then that I asked him the million dollar question:

"If you don't want to fly again

Would you mind giving just one of your feathers to me?"

He stayed silent for a while

Considering

Before he reached out

And tore a single sparkling plume

From one lovely white wing.

He dropped it into my outstretched palm

Before meeting my gaze

With watering eyes.

"My love," he said.

"Never doubt that I am yours."

For a while

That one feather was all that I needed.

Alas, like all things

The passing of days

Dulled its shine.

A few nights later

I asked my angel for another

Sure he wouldn't mind.

"Please," I begged.

"Just one more."

He hesitated for only a moment

Before plucking out another.

With a smile

I took it from him

To join the previous one.

There was a sick thrill

In seeing them side-by-side

One for him

One for me.

Of course

Two wasn't good enough for long.

I plead to him on one of my hopeless nights

Dropping to my knees

Choking on tears.

"Please," I said once more.

"If you really love me, do this for me. Give me more of you."

His own eyes glistening

He ripped out a handful of glittering ivory

Shoving them into my hands.

I barely even heard his groan of agony

Over my own cries of anguish.

As my collection of feathers grew

Along with my longing for more

I hardly noticed my angel grow gaunt

Glowing skin going dull gray

Radiant smile fading away

Retreating into himself

As I stripped him

Of the badge that stated his purpose.

He gave and gave

And I took and took

Never offering anything back

Never worrying

Figuring that this --

Making me happy --

Was his job.

Not once did it occur to me

That every small sacrifice caused him so much pain

That I had changed him from a guardian angel

To a caged, flightless bird.

So I never pressed him.

Besides

How do you ask someone

If they're tearing themselves apart

To give you a piece of them?

I didn't expect it

When my angel fell into my arms

The light already leaving his beautiful eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"But I have to go now.

Please take care of yourself when I'm gone.

And, when you look at the feathers

Think of me."

The least I could do

Was hold him

As he faded away.

Now, I walk this miserable world alone

Two angel feathers

Hanging from my neck.

I stay away from dark alleys

Seek solace in the bottle

Screen every call

Clutch a hand to my chest

Wishing my heart would freeze back over.

I've put away the records I once loved

Muted my laugh

Let every tear dry on its own

Stay up all night

Blaming myself

Vowing to never let anyone kiss these selfish lips again.

Now, I fall to my knees

Pleading with the heavens

To let him come back to me

Save me again

Reclaim the things I took from him.

Oh, angel

Please don't do this for your next girl.