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Yemaya May 2
I loved her.
Treating her criticism like law,
fixing every 'flaw'.
I grew in captivity --- fast.
Now all I can remember is the scars I've amassed.
ari Mar 2020
what he did
two or so years ago
it has messed me up
oh, yes it has
i see no worth in my body
i see an object
a doll

i've fetishized my own fear
oh, god i want to fear you
make me afraid, afraid, afraid
because that's how *** is supposed to be
i'm not supposed to like it
i'm supposed to be in pain

i've fetishized my own fear
that stockholm-syndrome feeling
it wraps its hands around my throat
take my breath
i want to black out
i want to black out

am i ok?
am i ok?
am i ok?
my brain has blended lust and fear
they are the same
i have fetishized my fear
i hate you i hate you i hate you
Hannah Noel Nov 2019
My mind is infected.
Something is holding it
Something won't let go.
Something is turning my mind black
My heart black
My soul black.
Save me
Something says no.
Something is taking over.
Don't save me
Don't help me.
Something helps me.
Something is there for me.
I am Something.
Madison Sep 2018
I grow sicker

Day by day

As I realize:

Where I once saw a monster

I now see a man.    


I'm just like you.")

It grows more apparent

Each day I'm by your side

Close enough to see into the soul

I didn't think you had.

("I'm not so bad

After all.")

Don't get me wrong

There's not much there.

While my insides wither

I can see that yours

Are already cold and dead.


("Come on, my dear.

Make me feel alive.")

Even when you hurt me

I find myself searching

Seeing right through you.

You break me down

While you're in shambles

Reducing both of us to ruins.


Don't you dare cry!")

But it's all too clear

In those rare moments

Of misplaced tenderness

That, maybe once

You might have known how to love.

("Hey, angel

Where's your halo?")


In the dead of night

When you're still and serene

I try holding you

Lightly tracing all the lines of your face

Wondering who made you this way.



I even wonder

If, because of the way things are going now

I might turn out like you one day.

("Don't look so scared.

You know you're okay.")

So I listen to you breathe

And I watch you dream

And sometimes I swear I hear a sob

And my insides cave in when I realize it's not mine.

("Oh, angel...")

I just wish someone loved you

Before you met me

So that maybe --

Just maybe --

We could both be alright

Maybe even meet

Under much better circumstances.



And, even when you destroy me

I wish that


I could love you.


Don't cry.")

It makes me sicker

Day by day

That I fall back into the arms

Time and time again

Of a monster

Who was once

A man.

("You know you're safe with me

Song title and partial inspiration from the Nirvana song, "Polly."

I wanted to take a look at Stockholm Syndrome within a poem. I really hope I did a good job of portraying it accurately.
weirdodarling Feb 2018
On how the sun feels warmer
When you've spent years being cold

This weightlessness
What a peculiar taste
Mirlotta Feb 2018
We're standing in the middle of the forest
and there's no one around.
Your hand is in mine but your

skin is as cold as your eyes.
A bird flies aimless above us-
who is more trapped? you ask.

I don't reply, but my heart shakes.
I feel dead as the snow, curling down
like kinks in an old man's hair.

Everything is white, as though God
took his paintbrush and white-washed
all the emotion away.

I'm scared, though I don't show it.
I stumble. We move through it.
Your hand is in mine.
V Jan 2018
It's funny that he was designed as the weapon;
And yet, I am the one fighting to protect him.
My hell.
V Oct 2017
Behold the man who terrfies with power,
Behold the man who can **** a king with his glower.
All hail the man who has it all,
All hail the man who cannot fall.

Woe to the man who fears judgement day,
He paces and turns the clock off in fear driven rage.
Woe to the man who hides his pills from the other "eyes",
He sits vengeful at his past, masking it with every lie.
Woe to the man who doesn't sleep at night,
For he regrets selling is soul, he doesn't sleep in fright.
Woe to the men who are evil, for deep down they do not know,
Their sickness has overcome them, they aren't aware they are suffering, barely able to crawl.

Behold the one who sees it all,
It is I, the lowly, the injured, the small.
Behold the one with the love for the wolves when the world does not,
I love what the world only wishes to die and rot.
The evil are not born evil, some this truth is no option,
For many, "Go to hell, you deserve no love, you are just a toxcin."
I have grown to love what you consider "wicked",
Despite my life, I am the victim.
I can only love and forgive, no hatred after all these years,
I still pray for them, behind my bruises, scars and tears.

We could both debate, argue and try to pursuade, but I care too much, I will not lie behind hate.
Perhaps a weakness, call me pathetic,
but I was sent to heal the broken,
Even if it makes me just as sick.

Without a cure, how can we heal?
Without a heaven, there is only hell.

I fear the day when I am free,
I fear the day this chord is broken,
Killing them from me.
What will be left is me the murderer,
Me to mourn their decay;
And what will be left is just a dream, a blurr.
A pain I cannot bare to think it,
I cannot stomach that, not even for a bit.

So, woe and behold,
The evil, the sick,
Whom society and the mind is their virus,
A good soul their antibiotic.
Survivor of SRA/CSA and multiple traumas.
To my abusers, whom I could never find it in my heart to harbour hatred and vengence, for doing so would keep me not only prisoner, but blind.
Despite all the pain they have given me and the freedom, innocence, and stabilty I may never have again, I have learned to love and understand their pain deep inside.
What has made them, them today...
What has destroyed them.
I hated seeing that pain.
I have done everything I could to be what I believed "a cure" for their troubled hearts.
Who knows if what I did found them.

It kills me still that I don't feel "sane" without them, as if I killed them by escaping because at one time they said "we were one".
Yes, I still deal with heavy Stockholm Syndrome, but for me, loving and forgiving is what I will never not do.

As said, no one is born evil,
No one is born with a black heart.
I wished society can understand this,
but there is nothing more I can do.

To all surviors of all trauma large or small, May peace, happiness and freedom forever be with you. <3
Cindy Long Aug 2017
"You cant look at the devil and expect not to fall and we arent done until i say so."
"Now that i have you im never letting you go."
"I promise darling, you'll break soon. If i keep pushing you hard enough youll let me love you."
You cant hear the devils voice and expect not to drown. You tell me what that means."
"I want to hear you scream."
"I know you love me too because ive broken you down and ive built you back up and noone can make you *** the way i do."
"You cant feel the devils heartbeat and expect it not to break and i told you you would."
"God, you smell so good."
"Im sorry but you have to understand youre my only friend."
"It was always you. It has only ever been you. It will never end."
"You cant touch the devils fire and expect not to get burned. Dont you get it, little girl, you belong to me."
"You can never leave."
"So let me rule you-ruin you-set you free. Youre scared imma **** you but really all this time youve been killing me."
Written in the point of view of the abductor ❤
Lunar Jul 2017
"Do you still love me?", he looks at me deeply,

I feel empty yet full of emotion.
I can't look at him in the eyes. I just can't.  
I kept my head down for a view moments,
and tried not to cry.

'You always knew how much you meant to me, but it's always like I meant nothing to you.
You really knew how much I struggled, and you really don't even care how it hurts.  
There's nothing but pain left inside me when you said that you love me.

Then, I looked up to his eyes,


I answered.
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