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Oct 3 · 130
To Be Wanted
I’d rather be loved than be wanted
A desire of me means something you need
Something for me to provide or a deed
To help or to guide, inspire or drive
You may want my money
You could need my time
But what if I’m busy?
Or what if I’m tired?
What if I don’t want to fulfil your desire?
Then you won’t want me
But you won’t let me be
You’ll tear me down further
Until I provide what you need

But to be loved, no requirements? Could set my soul free
Oct 3 · 474
Wanted or Loved?
Wanted and loved are two different things:
One gives you chains, the other gives wings.
May 12 · 40
Hello Dear Queen
Hello to the dearest Queen of Hearts!
To you I gift this piteous art:
T'might not be much but I'll still hold
A hope that you cherish this poem like gold!
Oct 2018 · 5.5k
Poisonous
Crystal Peterson Oct 2018
Love is Poison to Logic
The Heart a Murderer of the Mind
Inspired by InkTober 2018 #1: Poisonous
(Companion Illustration on DeviantArt)
Italicization is malfunctioning right now.
May 2018 · 3.0k
Reset
Crystal Peterson May 2018
.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
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Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days 17 Hours 13 Minutes

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months 3 Weeks 2 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 3 Weeks
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 5 Months
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Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 8 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 9 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years 9 Months 16 Days 11 Hours

.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes

You've done it a hundred times before
But just when you thought the day would come
When you'd lose track of time
You'd forget when it was
And you wouldn't have to count anymore
You thought you were free of it
You'd made it far enough
You thought you'd gone long enough
You thought it was over....

You fall right back to zero.
Apr 2018 · 304
Family of Icarus
Crystal Peterson Apr 2018
Your father gave you wings to fly on
Your lover pulled you towards her light
Your mother, Nature, reclaimed your height
But your daughters, Inspiration - Hope, live evermore!
Apr 2018 · 2.9k
Icarus, Unconquered
Crystal Peterson Apr 2018
To be as you were
To live as you flew
To know the heavens as you do
I'd risk the fall
I'd fare the flight
And meet the ground
Burnt, bathed in light
Apr 2018 · 365
My Paragon
Crystal Peterson Apr 2018
Icarus
O' paragon of my dreams
My aspirations given wings
Our tales tailor you as a foolish boy
Yet who succeeds, he who does not strive
Regardless of fear
Towards thine highest height?
Jan 2018 · 186
Only As Family
Crystal Peterson Jan 2018
A Chain is only as Strong
As its Weakest Link

A Window only as Clean
As its Dirtiest Side

But Family means
Sharing your Strengths
And Weaknesses
So that none are Weaker
Nor Stronger

You are simply One Family
Together

Family does not hold Family back
Oct 2017 · 378
My Darkness - Your Light
Crystal Peterson Oct 2017
I - don't - know
Just how much to
Let - it - show
The darkness in my soul
My mind begins to go
To places where the monsters
Won't leave me alone

Drag - me - out
Listen for me
Hear - my - shouts
Don't let it pull me in
The world born of my sins
Only you can save me from the
Evil that's building within

So if I fall tonight
Please Catch Me
And if I loose the light
Come light my way
And if my heart's consumed with anger
Sooth my soul with the
Presence of your grace
And - Love

Rain down the mercy of
Your Grace
And - Love
Just some rough-draft bits for a new song I'm writing.
Yes, I dabble in song-writing.
Aug 2017 · 377
The Net of Luck
Crystal Peterson Aug 2017
There is an old concept
A Wives' Tale some say
That in minds has been kept
And passed on to this day:

*The world has zero net
Each life has the same
Some luck in beginning
Some good in the end
Whether spread out thin
Or gathered at once
Each person holds within
A set amount of luck
For those who face hardships
Early on in their life
By the time that they're old
They'll be free from strife
And for those who live joyful
When they are still small
Will find that the end
Isn't pleasant at all
And for those with a tad
Bit more luck than the rest
Their life will be even
Awakening to rest
With small hardships spread out
From day one to the end
But ultimately we all
Have set amounts of good fortune
From birth until death
We each get our portion
Net Definition:  Remaining after deduction of all charges, outlay, or loss.
Aug 2017 · 273
Life Story
Crystal Peterson Aug 2017
Be lost in the ways of the world
Forget what you know
Let your story unfold
Life will put on a show
Just for you
Only you
As it is, and always, will ever do
Jul 2017 · 326
Re-
Crystal Peterson Jul 2017
Re-
Make a decision,
    -- Change your mind,
       --- Do something different,
       --- Then wish you hadn't
    -- Changed your mind
In the first place.

Regret,
- Regression,
Repeat.
Jul 2017 · 373
Regressing to Sin
Crystal Peterson Jul 2017
Hello my blade
    My age-old friend
You've been with me
     Through thick and thin
And now I've come
     But once again
To use you now
     Once more to sin.

My life in shambles lays ahead
Behind, a falsehood, love is dead
No options, I agree, remain
So though I have, my best, 'till now refrained
I seek the bitting edge once, evermore
To ease the pain which ever-beats its sore

And as I open flesh-ed wounds to scar
So my soul numbs, heart as black as tar
The pain, it blessed, ebbs away quickly
And I can breathe again, rattling, sickly

No cure for panic, loss, and crippling pain
Have I found, but blood, which falls like rain
Not of a Savior, Christ within
But of the broken drowned in sin
So my life just went to ****-hell, where even the ******* of hells become reality. Forced to love, and then stripped of all things good in life.

No stranger, yet, suicide has never sounded so nice. Anything to avoid. Anything.
Jun 2017 · 584
Real Fake Love
Crystal Peterson Jun 2017
My love! How sweet, how prosperous!
        He lives within my heart~!
Nurtures, Oh, He cherishes –
        Oh, never shall we part!

Though I may beauty and elegance lack,
        My heart strung with sorrow’s strings,
My love, His soul does sing for me –
        In perfect melody~!

And I do love, with all my heart,
        With fiber, mind, and soul,
My perfect man, Oh, man of dreams –
        My sweetest dreams unfold.

His flaws are seamless, seams are flawless –
        Imperfections perfect –
My darkness His light, His bright my sun –
        My blight, His love confesses none –

All this, except for only one.
        A single state which rattles my commitment,
A flaw which overlooking may not come.
        Bastardly, it prevents my love’s fulfilment.

Though He should love me in all my ignorance –
        My shame, and clumsy arrogance –
That I should question Him is deplorable –
        Yet, Oh, this flaw, it’s un-ignorable!

For He is a dream, Oh, not to be!
        In my mind it’s Him I see, but –
Among the living, out in the world,
        He does not exist but in my words.

What sorrow indeed, sweet imaginings bring!
        His rose-petal scent – His eyes blue and green –
His mystical magical magnificence –
        A figment of my imagination.

In what cruel world do I live where no one accepts?
        His love so extensive, mine potent, and yet –
Because He is fake, in only my mind,
        My love is doomed, empty, lonely, and blind?
My love feels so real; I weep and I laugh,
        My emotions run rampant for Him, and still yet –
Is it not real? Only a lie?
        A lie which is felt – but still not alive?

My love, it is real, but fake just alike.
May 2017 · 968
How Romance Killed Love
Crystal Peterson May 2017
A relationship born in romance
Is fantasy, illusions, lies
Wonderful sweet nurturing
But as the years go by
Such expectations are unreal
Impossible to maintain
Romance tricks the mind and makes
One fall in love with acts, gestures
Not people, living beings

A relationship born of romance dies
To kindle love is not the same as
To spark ecstasy and fantasy
Eventually a rose a day
Becomes a high price to pay

Worst yet the man who runs away
Flees to Europe to find perfect love
And leaves behind the girl he should
Have been with
Because a perfect romance
Enticed him away from reality
And blinded him to what was
Right in front of him
May 2017 · 350
I Fell For An Idiot
Crystal Peterson May 2017
You claim to want someone that
Betters you
But I know that isn't
Really true

You break my heart because you
See me
As incredibly important, but
Unromantically

I helped you when you
Were alone
Taught you things that would've
Stayed unknown
When I speak the whole room falls
Silent and listens
A star that more than shines
I glisten

Cunning, daring, brave, and true
Yet I am not enough for you?

You don't want companionship
You crave beauty and magnificence
That only goes skin-deep; if not
Then pure perfection is your love's cost

Don't leave me with this pristine sting
Of loving you without you loving me
I could give you everything
But you won't even look at me

Close your eyes and just love me
Or end my prolonged suffering
Some will claim that personality matters most. In my experience, they're lying.
May 2017 · 350
Happy=Depressed
Crystal Peterson May 2017
Happiness is fleeting
Or else life looses meaning

To chase a fleeing goal
That is un-obtainable
Is truly necessary
Because if we achieve our dream
There's nothing left
May 2017 · 323
Unrelenting
Crystal Peterson May 2017
The darkest night
Just before dawn's light
Will end but may yet
Yield to a cloudy day
May 2017 · 420
Lonely
Crystal Peterson May 2017
I am my best friend
And
My worst enemy

I am all I'll ever need
May 2017 · 258
Unrequited Love
Crystal Peterson May 2017
Misery loves Company
But
Company loathes Misery
May 2017 · 262
Loving Misery
Crystal Peterson May 2017
My emotions leave me worn and tattered:
My heart more than broken, shattered.
And who has caused me all my pain?
I've no one but myself to blame.

No monster deprived me of my life,
No bully gave me grief and strife,
Nor devil caused my brain to rot,
But my, for sorrow, soul has sought.

Most are pleased within their joy;
Some with items, money, toys.
Some need love and family
To drive away the misery.

But I seek not for love confessions:
No money or worldly possessions.

I am joyous in my depression.
Some people are most satisfied with life when it is entirely unsatisfying.
Mar 2017 · 256
A Mystery
Crystal Peterson Mar 2017
When you look at me
Just what do you see?
Do you see someone beautiful
Loving and free?

Do you see an intelligence
Witty and smart?
Or someone creative
And gifted at art?

Or perhaps, perhaps,
Perhaps I'm a failure.
Maybe I'm stupid,
And ugly, and bland.
Maybe you hate me.
Maybe everyone should.

Or maybe,
If you hate me,
I'm misunderstood.

Even if you love me
If we get along
You still might not,
Likely don't know me at all.
Feb 2017 · 494
Otherwise
Crystal Peterson Feb 2017
I know that I'm ugly
But the most I can say
Is that I don't care
About appearance anyway

Even though that
Is a bold-faced lie
You try proving
Otherwise
Feb 2017 · 397
The Wicked Youth
Crystal Peterson Feb 2017
Do truly only the good die young?

Or

Do we simply care not
       Nor notice
When the wicked
       And the hated
Pass away?

No matter their age,
       Who or what they left behind,
Or what they could have done,
       Who they could have been,
Who will miss the wicked youth
        Thinking them unchangeable
When they are gone?
Feb 2017 · 471
Existential Quote
Crystal Peterson Feb 2017
Life owes us nothing but the promise of being interesting.
Jan 2017 · 494
Sing "Please"
Crystal Peterson Jan 2017
A quaint bird in a tiny cage
Sings its pounding heart out every day
But no one comes even though it prays
"Please set me free so I can fly away!"
Crystal Peterson Jan 2017
To be inspired to create-
And per chance to inspire others-
Is either a grueling task
Where one must whip their own mind into motion
Like a stubborn mule
Or else it strikes as lightning
That can only be cast by the gods
And when it strikes it is exhilarating,
All-consuming and the epitome of creation;
Inspiration that is spontaneous,
An unfaithful geyser of sudden epiphany,
Often produces the shortest yet strongest results,
The being blessed by it cast into a conscious sleep
Where all thought and movement are otherworldly;
These works of divine intervention are
The cornerstones of human art so rare and lucky to have
As there is moderation in art as there is moderation in
All things, including moderation and inspiration:
On the other plate of the scales of Lady Justice
Is inspiration that has been dredged up from the ground;
It is liquid gold, crude; it does not shine
And it requires energy to obtain the very power we seek,
The subject work is clawed at until it is laid bare
Then robed and disrobed over and over again
Until the creator finds a fitting garment
And in this process the creator discovers a loving hate
Over the object which they have put such effort into,
That is still not nearly as fine as the works of sudden art,
Yet it is the Apple of their Eye nonetheless….
Once obtained, forced inspiration can be
More inspiring than that of the spontaneous inspirations;
A creator who has endeavored to struggle with inspiration
Is someone who can lead by example-
Where not everyone will be favored by the gods
And be given sudden wisdom and thought-
Anyone can ponder for hours on end
Until the train strikes them and the coal engines'
Fire is stoked to peak capacity by tedious effort;
Those who drive hard have opened minds and
Are more motivated than those who already have
A single goal to achieve: After divine inspiration
Has been carried out, what more is there for the
Creator to do if the gods do not
Favor them again?
In such ways do inspiration flow,
Quick and strong as lightning, here then gone,
Or steady as a slow stream, a lasting current
Which results in a slowly built and driven creation:
For those who are blessed with instant inspiration
Congratulations! Enjoy it while it lasts!
And for those who work beyond countless hours-
Congratulations to you, as well, for your dedication
And willpower so inspirational.
A mirroring of Shakespeare's Hamlet's "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy.
Jan 2017 · 529
Want
Crystal Peterson Jan 2017
No matter how much we love them,
Alas,
The stars cannot be ours to hold.
No amount of obsession nor effort
May alter this.
Dec 2016 · 368
Too Late
Crystal Peterson Dec 2016
I am the girl too late

Fifteen minutes too late
And now months of work
Has gone to waste

Misinformed
I didn't know
But now my efforts
Will never show

Hours and hours
Spread over months
And in the end
It was fifteen minutes
That cost me my love

Never again
Do I want to try
Because I'm too afraid
I'll be left wanting

The time passed
And now I'm depressed
Simply because
I was the girl too late
And no one cares
Nov 2016 · 1.1k
Commitment
Crystal Peterson Nov 2016
Multitasking is a great skill
But there is no skill more valuable
Than that of focus

A dream committed to fully
With undivided attention
Produces unprecedented results
Nov 2016 · 1.2k
Alone for the Holidays
Crystal Peterson Nov 2016
I will be alone for the holidays
With no one in sight
My family's gone off on vacation
And I had to stay behind

Come Thanksgiving you'll find me
All alone
At a run down dinner

And on Christmas I'll be sitting
By the fire
But I'll be cold inside

So if you find yourself
Alone for the holidays
Maybe drop on by....

We can share some laughs
Before we go our separate ways
It would make me smile

Wherever you are I hope
For the holidays
You're with someone you love
Oct 2016 · 274
In Time
Crystal Peterson Oct 2016
They say in time
All wounds will heal
I do believe
This vaguely is true
In time all wounds will cease to exist
Whether we die
And the wound dies with us
Or we live forever
Long enough for our memory to fade
No matter how hard we persist to remember
Time eventually will force forgetfulness
Or have us grow accustomed to the pain

In time all wounds heal
No matter how much we wish
They could fester forever
Forever is an awfully long time; longer than we can ever imagine....
Oct 2016 · 211
Time
Crystal Peterson Oct 2016
Time is not the enemy
We are
Like pests we scour the Earth
Feeding off each others corpses
Stealing happiness
To benefit ourselves
And in the end time will win
As time always has
We will die
We will cease to exist
And not a thousand years from now
Each of us will have been forgotten
No lasting memory
No sense of self
No impression that still matters to us
And even the knowledge of our children
And our children's children
Brings me no comfort
Because they too will pass
Until there's no one left alive
No memory
No hope to survive
Oct 2016 · 499
Just Shut Up Already
Crystal Peterson Oct 2016
You say it so mockingly
"Listening to you makes me want to die"
I sit there knowingly
Your thoughts are so different than mine

You don't mean it when you say
You want to **** yourself
But believe me when I say
I've meant it all before

You don't know how it hurts me
While you laugh so openly
About something so grim
Familiar to me like a friend

You may not believe it
You certainly don't see
But when you speak of death
It cuts into me

I mean it quite honestly
From your degrading words
I can say it undoubtedly
That listening to you
Makes me want to die
You make me want to **** myself
But you'll never know why
I will never tell you
To the day that I die
To a certain teacher of mine.
Oct 2016 · 441
Communicating
Crystal Peterson Oct 2016
The older generation still argues
That on the internet real connection
Is nothing but an illusion

They argue that conversations on the web
Have no value or substance
That they're fickle and pointless

But who are they to question
That which makes so many of their children
Happier and less lonely?

To them the internet means less connection
But if we can
As the younger generation
Feel more comfortable in sharing emotions
Are we not seeking less solitude
Than our parents and grandparents?

Is there a better or less costly form
Of therapeutic assistance
Than to share with those we connect with best
Out of millions of people to choose from?

If we can know everything
About a person's day
That they are willing to tell
Is it not important
Crucial to friendship
To know what goes on in another person's life?

Communication is only as valuable
As the speakers and listeners deem it
If it makes us feel better
More connected
Less alone
Then despite what others may think
It has value

Does the older generation
Truly see
Absolutely no value
In their children's
And grandchildren's
Happiness?

No matter how fickle they perceive it
It has value
To me
My father likes to talk about how pointless conversations on the internet are. I don't necessarily disagree. Sometimes, actually most of the time, they are quite ridiculously idiotic and seemingly pointless. But if those pointless little miss-typed conversations make the people involved happy, even if it is only an illusion of happiness so fleeting, then I say it's good. Furthermore it is, in fact, still real conversation, and those people can still be real friends, despite the webs being their only means of connection.
Sep 2016 · 843
Pain Poem
Crystal Peterson Sep 2016
Today I wrote a poem
Not to make people happy
But to cause them pain
I wanted them to hurt
As they had hurt me so

I wrote so they would cringe
At every line I spoke
Presenting to the class
I wanted them to squirm at what I wrote

I didn't just make it uncomfortable
I made it horrid and dark
I spoke the truth
Words never hurt more than when they're true
I cursed them all with reality

I've never written more passionately
Fueled by spite and rage
Then crashed after the high
But how wonderful it was!
To hurt with simply words
As they had done before

I know that it was wrong
But still
How wonderful as well
Sep 2016 · 241
Ode to 3DPrinting
Crystal Peterson Sep 2016
So young and growing very quickly
On the verge of something grand
Developing techniques so swiftly
3DPrinting, you are a hope for man

For now most people use you simply
To make small items and worthless pleasures
Too lazy to appreciate you
They abuse your power for selfish leisure

Yet others do experiment
They rear you up for something greater
Fuel you with living tissue
Instead of cheap plastic and liquid paper

In Russia already there are mice
Who scurry with their beating hearts
You provided those for them
Replaced are the hearts they were born with

How long will it be now
Before you save human lives
And people marvel
At how whole organs you can provide?

Some people may be lazy
Some won't appreciate you
Others still may fear you
But I, 3DPrinting
See as much potential in you
As there is in the human imagination

How we use you can be our downfall
Or it can bring hope to thousands
It all depends on people
And the intentions we have for you
A school assignment.
Sep 2016 · 333
Live In The Moment
Crystal Peterson Sep 2016
I once knew a man
Who lived for the chance
To sail across the open sea

But when he grew old
Without friend or foe
He found it was not meant to be

So when he moved on
Though none sang his song
He wandered the Earth forevermore

And still to this day
You can hear him say
"How I wish I had danced
When I'd had the chance
On the wind and the sea
And I'll never be free
Of this regret"
These are the lyrics to a Classic Art Song I wrote. It's meant to sound rather robust.

— The End —