Dear passionate thoughts
See the blue hydrangeas bloom
Rains and misery

And the tears you cried in 2022 water the seeds of hope, love, and healing you planted for another new journey.

And the cicadas’ noise became music to her ears
Throbbing, slowly vibrating
to her feeble pulse
Like some musical nymphs
invading her quietude
A sudden foray into her tangled thoughts
A hearty diversion to her stubborn gloom

While lilies are asleep
Her dream has taken its wings
A promise of spring

She bathes in the sun’s blazing rays,
still confused of what she is
She glides passionately as the moon goddess guides her shadow
She is intense, powerful, and radiant as the sun, yet playful, delicate, and precious as the moon
She adores her sun as it makes her ready to face her exciting days
Yet she worships her moon as it makes her strong to battle her cold,  lonesome, and lengthy nights
She is soft yet she has strength,
she’s fragile yet she’s tough
Her sun is her compass but her moon is her light
She has her sun, she has her moon
She then remembers, she is a bud ready to bloom

And he believed
and found the magic in me
Then flew me into his floral wonderland
He held my hand
and lit the torch
The hope I’d use to light
the darkness of my thoughts
A bright beacon to tame my beast
A gardener unafraid to touch my heart of thorns

Vivid in the green
Shades of purple, pink and blue
Sparkling hydrangeas
Queens of the rainy season
So mystical and special

Then she turned off the volume
of her world today.
Seeking her much needed silence in her heart.
She tried to live alone inside a special place
where grief and pain do not exist.
And in her silence and solitude,
she began to renew her springs
that have dried up.

And she dances to the gorgeous melodies of the wind.
Echoing strength  in her new found wings.
She gathers grace after an almost endless stupor.
With a courageous heart, she grows her pretty wings in darkness.
And as she enjoys her freedom in the air,
she scatters glitters to every flower.
A wonderful flight in cheers.
A celebration of hope and change.
A meaningful metamorphosis.
A colorful blossom that beautifully swirls.
Seeking love, bringing life.
A sweet journey to remember.
A brief yet lovely moment to soar.

Trying to catch the hopeful winds
in my sails.
Dreaming,
discovering
delving into the beauty
and promises of life.
Where love daily flourishes
in my heart,
growing and evolving,
chasing the horizon’s hidden colors.
And as the night rhythms pray grace,
while I help the winds
build my castle,
my faith strengthens its stairs.
The ocean waves sing love
and freedom,
echoing a beautiful lyrics of my life.
The night breeze shapes my vision
as love continues to glimmer.
I’m a hopeful believer.
And yes, I’m always a dreamer.

Let the buds of kindness continue to blossom in your pure heart.

Waiting for me today
was a grapy sky,
a purplish dusk over titian fields.
Then a familiar autumn scent perfumed the air,
the fragrant tea olive burst in orange blooms.
I ambled and paused a bit,
and watched the little ray of sun
that lingered on the horizon.
I saw an outline of my dream,
a vision above the western isles.
I held my breath and firmly thought.
I have to find my purpose.
Embrace my lows and my highs,
my weaknesses and strengths,
even the creeping darkness and
the marvelous sunrise.
I have to love life each day.
With every sunset as my witness
to accomplish something worthwhile.

Her distant, dormant dream
was brought back to life.
Fully awakened.
Arousing all her heart’s desires.
With no more space for doubts
and fear.
She then realized that her light
has never left at all.
Her grace has taken a lovely form.
Unique yet undefined.
Sweet though surreal.
Surviving.
Enduring.
Flourishing.

She hid away her colors in the frail,
fragrant flower petals.
Her radiance that once so bright,
forgotten and taken from your sight.
The long lost splendor,
the missed glorious moments.
Her brilliant wild joined the joyous,
unceasing winds.

And so I tear the last love letter you gave me and decided to let it go.
I stand and watch as the gusty winds blow the paper far away.
The promises of love and forever,
the vow of happily ever after,
the guarantee of a lifetime together.
The commitment of faith and the covenant of love that I kept too long.
I stare at each tiny piece of paper  swallowed by the violent sky.
I’m left alone.
Yes, I’m left alone with just a memory.
I’m left alone.
But I’m left alone with a smile and a promise of a new me.
A new me without you.
A new hope for a new story.
For I’ve already thrown my past behind.
And I’ve let go of my hope for your return.
Slowly and one step at a time, I’m moving on.
I am moving forward without you.
While waiting to be held by the right hands.

Everything I see now is like a dream
And as colors began to fade
Their souls started to merge
as what autumn and winter did
Slowly creating a wonderful moment
A beautiful image
Like a rainbow after the rain

She decorated
her pain and her misery
with red fallen leaves

Lead me away from this unfair realm
Beyond my stormy days and dark skies
Kiss me hard
Embrace me tight
Take me to the gracious place  where I found your heart

I’m feeling the earth’s rhythm under my feet.
Without you, I’ll ****** all stars that I can reach.

Yes, you are indeed right.
I’m weird and a bit strange
unconventional, odd, different.
But no,
I do not want to cut myself into pieces to suit
to your approval of what’s normal
and what’s needed.
I do not need to edit myself to fit in.
I do not need to apologize for what
and who I am.
I am strong enough to live my life in my own terms.
I dance to the beat of my own music.
It doesn’t matter if nobody understands me.
I am just being me.
I am real.
I am beautiful.
I am unique.
I am a proud misfit.

A helpless mourner
Lilting in her deep sorrows
Raven in darkness
To lighten her nightly scars
Whispered her pray’rs to Selene

And she danced to the gorgeous melodies of the ocean waves.
Echoing grace in her courageous and forgiving heart.
Retrieving what she lost in the darkest cave of the past.
A song of promise
to her most bearing self.
All the love that she deserves.
Everything she forgot
to give herself
before.

The scene
Yellow, red, and orange
A million pigments in between
They fly, they smile
They do not fall
Taking time
Wandering
Embracing the wind
Their only chance to soar

Each day, I always try to count the flowers.
And each night, I would not miss
to count the stars.
And when I just couldn’t find many flowers in fall or in winter,
I still try to count the fallen leaves
and even the branches of the trees.
And during nights when the stars will not come,
I would slowly try to count
the lunar rays instead.
The flowers and the stars,
the trees and the moon,
Gave me inspiration and wisdom,
enough shelter and strength.
To help me emerge victorious
from each phase of my journey with grief.
But how many times do I have to feel
that I am always back to where I’ve started?
How long does it take to stay in this dead end that trapped me?
Yes, I am once again in this labyrinth.  
I walk its path—day after day, night after night, back and forth, in and out.
The recurrence, triggered memories,
the deeper layers,
the unending winding circular path.
And now I crave for solitude and rest,
solace and insight.
I need my energy and my inner self back.
And as I stood in my own labyrinth
staring at the orange leaves falling from a tree,
My steps began again,  slowly finding me.
I continued to make more steps
as the leaves started to fall around me.  
The leaves scattered in front of me represent
the losses and sad memories.
And as I felt the slightest breeze
released many of them from their branches,
I have found
just enough love and faith to sustain me.

I’m stuck scared in the dark wars
my soul has been fighting for so long.
Where the colors of freedom
are as lightless as my dreams.
A place where I thought
I’ve built
my own path,
With gleaming rose petals I scattered
as guide
when I couldn’t find my way home.
And as I continue to travel
the route of strength and despair,
Begging to dance with me,
the healing light came.
But my muddy, mangled feet seemed
unresponsive and silent.
My heart’s withering and weakening.
My soul’s totally worsening.
The sky went gray again
and the dark clouds rolled in.
But nothing can totally dim
my valorous heart that shines within.
I got up and started dancing my prayers with my heartbeat as music.
My body resonated with love
and the light’s most powerful healing.
A melodious, creative cosmic rhythm wrapped my entire being.
With the ethereal light continued
to dance through every tiny cell of me.
Mending,
Surviving,
In these blustery storms,
I’m still dancing.

I wonder if every dandelion I have sent through the wind
whispered how I still long
for a warm embrace.
And so I begged
my friendly, fragile friends
once more.
These  little wisps of white.
Please murmur my wishes
to the breeze.
My song of love,  my dream of peace.

Bare and bruised,
she visited the woods.
Stripped of joy and comfort,
she slowly trudged through her usual path to talk to the trees.
With stretched and open arms
they listened to her
perpetual wail.
Her vision blurry.
Her voice unclear.
The tears have yet to dry.
The grief’s still there to stay.
Then rays of magical light dappled through the trees.
Scattering glitters to the tiny green buds of her favorite sakura trees.
Shining through her heart,
a tiny corner of herself
that’s still her own.
Her sanctuary of patience and strength,
An important refuge that continues to love.

We are two hearts
unafraid of the winter days,
For ours is an Autumn Love,
a new beginning,
we happily embrace.
Though the leaves have changed
and soon will fall,
Our Autumn Love turned fiery red
and yellow gold.
The warmth of our love,
so hopeful and new.
Like autumn, bright and colorful.
And as we begin to feel
the bite of the autumn air,
That signals that the harsh winter
is just around the corner,
We held hands and buried our fears
deep down the ground
beneath the fallen leaves.
We now carry within us the magic,
the promise of a new and vibrant love.
Forgiveness and love,
Love and forgiveness.
And I’m so glad, our hearts
found our way back home,
We’re just people,
We are people, beautiful in our fall.

And he wrapped me up in his beautiful melody.
Love
Joy
Delight
and Contentment.

I earned your contempt just
because I did not march to your music.
You sentenced me to hell
because I did not sing with you.
You even questioned my social philosophy
and even my religious conviction.
I will not ever return the hate and the contempt.
But however many holy words you speak, read, write and believe; it is useless unless you value human service and kindness.

To teach, to help a stray animal, to smile and assist a stranger, to work for your family, to plant trees, to give to the needy—these activities do not need explanation about theology.
Every one of these just needs anyone of us,
as humans—to reach out, to give a lending hand,
to care and to believe in the existence of faith and humanity.

I had mistakes, wrong choices, troubles, failures, losses and fears in the past that taught me lessons and flared my passion
to seek spiritual guidance.
I went astray but I listened to my inner voice that helped me back on track.
I’d still probably be in the darkness had I not known how to cultivate my emotional side.
The guides, the path, the doors
will be different for all of us.
But a lot of our spiritual encounters happen in the ordinariness of our daily life.

My spiritual moments have not just happened when I closed my eyes.
They happened when I cuddled my kindergarten students in school and when I watched the water flows in the river
and the birds sing.
They continue to happen when I do long distance parenting and do  
my duty as a mother,
when I smile and greet my neighbors
and even when I admire colors everywhere.

The world has many colors my dear,
beautiful colors and I have the profoundest respect to even the bleakest and the lightless.
Let us be inspired by the plants who come together and thrive peacefully in a garden.
Let’s see beyond our beliefs and differences and embrace each other’s colors and uniqueness to add beauty to our existence.
My friend, the way we give the gifts of faith, humanity, kindness, friendship and love to the people around us is how we save the world.

As now the darkest night subsides
The blackest and most petrifying night I had
The night that went the quietest
With most deafening voices I heard inside
For days I couldn’t hear my cry
My blistered heart stopped
My sun, my moon, my stars were gone
My happy flowers died
Ghostly shadows, whispers of death
I thought I lost my light
I knelt and prayed
I folded my hands and knelt with faith
A strong and sturdy place sufficed
My folded hands were held by The Great Healer, Jesus Christ

My ink rarely rhymes.  
And I write words
even myself
can’t understand.
Daily ink spills
and splatters
on my tangled sheets,
sometimes I’m ashamed of.
The empty, naked
mosaic of love letters,
you thought.
My canvas of colorful illusion,
dim and chaotic,
you said.
The words I write to you,
for you.
Words that always land
on your silent, unappreciative lips,
unseen by your darkly unsympathetic eyes.
A poem you wouldn’t want to read,
A poem you wouldn’t want to hear.
A garden you wouldn’t want to tend.
And now that the teardrops
have ceased,
the birds in the cages
have been freed,
the plants unwatered and flowers are left wilted,
the winds have begun to blur
the memories,
the ink has run dry,
and no more thoughts of you remain.
I have nothing more to say.
    I have nothing more to wish.
There is none to plead.
    My ink and my love for you
    have now rested in peace.

Lost in the passage of despair and confusion,
Tangled up in the horrors of the past,
Caught in a web of endless stupor,
The unseen whirls of sombre silence,
Her silhouette blended again in dimness,
Fallen.
Faded.
...

Watching the clouds
float across the sky.
But I know a hidden sun’s
still there watching.
The sweet scent of the morning air
in the midst of this dreary gloom,
Someday I’ll meet my fate up there,
up there among those feathery clouds.
And though I’d get rained on sometimes,
there was never any storm
I couldn’t handle.

And the sun glints through the plum trees.
My heart is pierced
in a moment of anticipation
and silence.
A sudden reflection of beauty, longing, and pain blurred my eyes.
A quick revisit
to an old memory of paradise.
Where I’ve been an enduring captive of a sorrowful rewind.
But I remained a seeker.
A seeker of the promises
of perseverance.
While I adore winter
as I see snow trinkets around.
I love and cherish
the herald of spring.
And as the pale pink plum blossoms bravely bloom
amidst the winter chill,
I will continue to seek
for fruitfulness.
Though I’m still a slave
of bitterness and grief,
I will try to celebrate my strength.
With plum blossoms as a reminder of a not-so-distant spring.
A time for hope, a moment of joy,
and a season of new beginning.
Blooming beautifully after overcoming difficulties.

She did not let the shadows win.
She remembered who she was
and wore the vibrant stars at night.
She gave her heart consent to heal and held hope within her hands.

As naive as the moon,
I often seek light
from the dark.
And as I chased love in my ruins,
I heard his whisper from the wind.
For nights I wander
through my starless, somber sky.
And while I pick up
pieces of my soul,
I felt a soft and sudden brush
to my wings.
His breath wrapped me
with stardust.
His heartbeat was singing
a promise of love.
But I’m a bird.
Still chained to this gloomy sky.

Fragments of mem’ries
trapped inside this worry loop
distance cutting me
Though my heart’s still stitched with love
please mend my chaotic mind
Tattered sentiments
ripped from my bewildered soul
knitted  into words
Scraps of me to you I send
please untie my tangled thoughts

And today my coffee
tastes like magic.
Another year older.
My journey so far has not been easy but I’m grateful.
It’s a beautiful day to celebrate!