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Then so will you, right?

If I smile people will think im okay
If I smile they won't ask me what's wrong
If I smile maybe I'll believe im okay
If I smile the troubles of the world are washed away
If I smile the darkness knows to keep it's distance
If I smile then world becomes a beautiful place
If I smile then you won't cry
If I smile you won't lay sleepless in worry for me each night
If I smile...It would mean I'd've remembered how to...
This smile of mine may be fake
But I'm smiling for you
Everything is fine
Now you have a goodnight okay? Haha good girl
If it's enough to convince you I'm okay...It's doing It's job
That kisses were stars, I'd give you the sky.
That touches were tears, I would cry.
That love was water, I'd give you the sea.
And be with you for all *eternity.
Something for my girl. She'll never realise how much she means to me.
Sorry this is cheesy
I hope you know that
I love you
With every ounce
of my being.

I hope you realize
Your importance
Not only to me
But everyone who's been lucky enough
to know you

I hope you know that
When you're down
I only strive for
Your happiness

I hope you remember that
No matter what
I'm here for you
and I fully intend
To say that
for quite some time.

I hope you recognize
The fact that I appreciate
What you do and
Adore you
Without restraints

**I hope you recognize, and remember and know... that will never change
I love you ♥

For Boo **
Abusive* & Apathetic
Bashful & Brash
Careless & Corrosive
Depressive & Destructive
Exaggerative & Egotistical
Forgetful & Fake
Glum & Guilty
Horrible & Hurtful
Insensitive & Intimidating
**** & Judging
****-joy & Kidling
Lazy & Lousy
Menacing & Mean
Nasty & Negative
Opposing & Offensive
Paranoiac & Pathetic
Quarrelsome & Quiet
Reckless & Rude
Stupid & Selfish
Troublesome & torturous
Useless & Un-changeable
Vindictive & Veracious
Who the **** cares anymore...Sick of thinking for this...
X...
Y....
Z.....
I spent a long time evaluting and coming to terms with every term I could use to describe how I feel about myself and who I am, or atleast who "I" see "I" am.

Dont give me pathetic pity, Its here to make me feel better, not you...
Not now
Not once
Not ever
Have I wanted you to see how I truly feel.

I'm fine
I'm okay
I'm happy
The lies I tell so you don't know how I really struggle.

Don't worry
Don't stress
Don't ask*
All things I say so you don't find out how I really suffer.
I lie so you can be okay with the decision you made.
So that you dont find out just how much I wish you hadn't have done it.
I pretend so that you think I've moved on from it.
So that you don't realise just how much I haven't moved on.
Let my body, my mind and soul
Soar high, to let my being be free
Like the birds, away do I wish to fly
Reach my arms out, look up and fly
                                                     Sky
                                                           High

I open my eyes, it's now I can see
That perhaps this is falling with the illusion of flying
They say the closer to death we are, the more alive we feel
I'm more alive now, with my devils I've made a deal

Let my body, my mind and soul
Be free and let me feel the wind in my hair
Falling this no longer is, but truly flying
No longer is my reflection that of a being dying

*Extend your wings my child, be free and be you
A few random thoughts scribbled down...I dont even know
You ask me, "what do you love most about me?"
I never seem to have a clear cut answer
It's always the little things like your laugh or smile
But that's not what you're after...you want...more
So, this is the answer my dear,

I love the way you look at me with those eyes, checking me from head to toe.
I love the way you whine softly when I look into your eyes and bite my lip nervously.
I love when I take your top off and we share the same breath.
I love the way your shy smile gives me butterflies and makes me feel special.
I love the way your body feels on mine, to hold you close and love you.
I love those soft embarrassed moans and the way your cheeks redden and light up.
I love the way you nervously bit your lip as you look at me shyly giggling.

You know, I know, we know...

You see darling
Aside from the little things
From your smile to your laugh
From your cute mannerisms to your personality
I simply don't know what I love most
About you
What I do know...
Is
I
Love
*You
~Forever yours~
To fight for you,
Compromise for you,
and sacrifice myself for you if need be.

To miss you incredibly when we're apart,
No matter what length of time it is,
and regardless of the long distance.

To believe in our relationship,
Stand by it through the worst of times
and have faith in our strength as a couple

To spend the rest of my life with you,
Be there for you when you need or want me,
and never want to leave you, or life without you.

*I love you this much
To never give up on us
Nothing I say comes out right,
I cant love without a fight.
No one ever knows my name,
When I pray for sun it rains.

Im so sick of wasting time,
When nothings moving in my mind.
Inspirations cant be found,
I get up and I fall back down,
But
I'm alive

Every lover breaks my heart,
And I know it from the start.
Still I end up being a mess,
Everytime I second guess.
All my friends just run away,
When Im having a bad day.

Id rather stay in bed
But
I know theres a reason*  
*Im alive
I will fight and ill sleep when I die.
Between the good and bad is where you'll find me
Im not the smartest guy
And I may not make the best decisions.

Im not the hottest guy
And I may not have the body to swoon over

Im not the most romantic guy
And I may not be one to melt your heart

But

The smartest thing I ever did was ask you for your name
I made the right decision asking you to be mine


Im perfect in your eyes
And my body turns you on


*That perfect kiss the first time we met will be the most romantic thing ive done
I know the quickest way to melt your heart is with a smile from mine
You see, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but everyones fishing for love. I merely happened to stumble into you and not once have I ever regretted it. I was too busy looking for fish and I found a pearl instead.
I f***ing love you and Im so grateful beyond words that you. . . Love me for me!
I miss* being the type of guy I was
I miss being WHO I was
I miss that happiness, that joyous emotion
I miss being happy-go-lucky with everything
I miss being an optimist
I miss the pain my cheeks felt from always smiling, always laughing
I miss being free, stress free and worry free
I miss being a kid
I miss having an excuse to be who I was
I miss waking up, feeling better the next morning
I miss my sense of humour
I miss how easy everything was
I miss making others happy

I miss**  *me. . .
Depression. . . *******
I used to think I was
Thought nothing would ever touch me
Could ever
Yet once I awoke I found this was not the case
Seemingly everything got me

I used to think I would always be
Thinking that such thought would never plague me
Could never
Yet I found the more time passed
The more those thoughts hit me

I liked to think that I was
For the sake of me, for us
Impervious was a trait I had to hold
Without it, I'd be a mess

Over time I became Impervious
People words couldnt touch me
They held no meaning
Why do your words hit me?
How do they cut me through chainmail will?

I am Impervious, I am Imperfect, I am Impure, I am Ignorant
Simply I, *me

Am Impervious to the way of this world
All but to you, who solely holds my strings

I used to think I was Impervious
Now im not so sure...
Thought spillage, clean up on isle your timeline, sorry you had to sit there and read this babble
WHY AM I EVEN ******* ALIVE?!
I can't do it anymore, I can't I can't...
Urgh! The breakdowns, I DONT DESERVE THIS

I am nothing
I dont exist
I mean nothing
I dont matter
I get nothing
I dont care

Please help me, what do I do
I dont know anymore
Im a mistake, a ***** up
Useless
Pathetic
Good for nothing

Everything I do is wrong, when I'm upset I get called angry
When I try to defend my sadness I'm just angry
I speak and it doesn't matter, why would it
Don't I matter
How I feel
It doesnt feel like it

Im not the only one
I did it too
Im wrong
Stop doing this
Stop doing that
You dont do this
You do that

I CANT I CANT I CANT
MY HEAD it SpiNs
pLeASe sTOp the MaDNesS
I'm okay... I think
You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't

But I need help

Not your help
not yours either
Definately not your help
You couldn't

But I need help

It's a bit much
A lot much
More than I want much
I shouldn't

I just need help

Should ask him what's up
Maybe get him to talk
He can trust me
No you shouldn't
I hope you wouldn't

He doesnt
He can't talk
He can't trust you
He just needs help

You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't
I seriously need help, only you're not gonna be the one to do it. Period
The way you hold me,
make me feel like never before.
I feel alive
I feel loved
Its something ive never expericened
Before you
and now that I
Have you
I never want to let you
Go
What we have here is something
Truly special
I wouldnt trade it for the world
Simply put
You
Are
My
World
And nothing and no one could replace
You
Forced offline, I lay in thought,
The hardest things, leaving you distraught.
I would stall if I could, stall if I might,
I would give it all to have you in sight.
~
My parents know, they see it all,
They lay in worry, for how far I might fall.
I guess you never really know quite what to say,
You do all you can to keep the darkness at bay.
~
You're ****** if you do, ****** if you don't,
I shan't tell you a lie, I promised I won't.
I need you to realise that this is no good,
No matter what, if I could be there I would.
~
In my mother, who lay sleepless in worry,
We both know we won't sleep in a hurry.
Don't worry for me, this is who I am,
I know I can't save the day as if I'm fireman Sam.
~
I'm not broken nor depressed, I am simply upset,
The last thing I need is for others to fret.
Know deep down I am still that same boy,
He's just having trouble expressing his joy...
~
I can fill up this page, fill it with meaningless words,
Watch as my mind, flies away with the birds.
I am fine, truly. I'll make it through this all,
Whether we finish together...guess that isn't my call.
~
Know that I am conflicted and torn,
Such things don't change at the start of each dawn.
I'll endeavour to sort myself out in time,
Perhaps stop crying like I've committed some hideous crime.
Lays darkness,
*I feel empty...
Where is my heart...?
I need some emotion right now...
All of these picture frames
Each one lies empty
How I wish I could find a way
**To capture you and me
I try so hard
To lose it all
And
In the end
*It doesn't even matter
Work so hard, put your all in
It doesn't even matter, time reworks itself
It's like you never did anything at all...
Father, father
Help me
Send your guidance from above.

Cause I need you now
I can no longer wait.
It seems like forever
Since you've been gone
Over time my heart has healed
But the void in my heart beats to a different tune to
That person I was

You know I never thought I'd say this
But im jealous...
...of the life you now live
Maybe one day I'll get to walk with you again
Talk with you again

I'll see you in time...
...Happy Birthday Grandad
Wrote this for my mother... I hate seeing you like this, I hope she'll be okay.
Love you Grandad, forever in our hearts **
No words on a page nor words aloud can make up for this,
In such times, I long to have that first kiss.
Boy I ****** up, failed you one last time,
Now this guiltiness inside proves I committed the crime.

By now I have, upset who I love most,
But yay to moving on, let us praise it in toast.
Oh wait, this is no time for good cheer,
When I ****** up big time, and failed you my dear.

I am a two face, I see it clear as day,
It goes against everything I do and the words that I say.
Im not a liar, I am a monster inside,
I know this, by the tears you have cried.

If you can take me, and love me right now,
I'll make it up to you, I don't care how.
You are all I care for most on this Earth,
The flames of my love burn bright from this hearth.
We all make mistakes and are to learn from them.
Not once but twice tonight have I ruined it all.
Wouldnt count that as learning but then who am I to talk.
This time is worse, far greater than before, Imma a lover not a fighter but ill fight all and all to keep you.
You know
It's you I want.
The only one
I ever want.
I yearn for you.
I crave for you.
A hunger that
Is insatiable.
A passion that
burns hotter
than fire.
*I have you
In my life.
I dont know what this was supposed to be...love poem?
We've* had our ups,
We've had our downs.
We've shed tears to fill cups,
We've felt our heart as it pounds.
~
Everyday i feel i lose you a little more,
To feel you slowly slip away.
I no longer know what part of me is sore,
This lonely feeling of disarray.
~
You are my everything,
You're all i ever need.
But now, i hold you on a fragile string,
I feel time is running out with incredible speed.
~

*I've broken all too many times to count, but i'll never break in front of her, the result will be far worse than now, so i remain as strong as i can...for her <3
To sit there and watch helpless
for the one you love
because of this thing called "distance" and knowing
nothing you say helps...yea im hurting but i live on...
This is it...
...My lowest point.

I have nothing left in me
You'd understand why, if only you could see...

My body is trembling,
My hands, they shake...
I cant take this feeling, my stomach twisting
Any second longer and I'll break...

"don't come..." "I don't want you..."  "I'll be gone by then..."

The words shocked me to my core...
Its the only thing we've wanted is to be together
So why does he say this make me want to be there more...?
Yet im having to wait 3 more weeks

Its been 3 months and we need it now more than ever...
Now shes broken and pretending she is fine
She doesnt want to see me at all, not now just never...
That fake smile and persona only works to break me more

I have been broken to my very deepths....
Away with despair take me...
I would do anything to numb the pain...
Right when I need you most...
You're not there...
In front of me you lay asleep and there is no way im waking you...
I'll cry as quietly as I can...
I don't wish to disturb you...
Sorry...
Im weak...
Just too much for me...
...Where do I turn?
How do I express my mind...?
...What is there left inside?
IU
IU
I cuddle your teddy
You cuddle mine

I sleep in your top
You sleep in mine

I have your heart
**You have mine
I have you
You have me **
Honesty was always,
the best policy

Now I've come to learn,
that in reality.

The truth
will always hurt

You are better off,
lying, deceiving and hiding.

Honesty isn't and never will be,*
*the best policy.
You can't* keep everyone happy
In the end,
Someone draws the short straw
There's got to be someone
Who doesn't get their happy ending

You can't have more than a few friends
When it comes to it,
They'll all get jealous of what you do for one but not another
Until you lose those closest to you

You cant do what you want
Always dictated to,
Being told what you can and can't do
Forever restricted

You can't talk to other girls
They're threats,
No matter who or what they are
You'll be stolen away by them

You dont get a say
About what's happening,
Word equals law, no ifs or buts
Subordinate

You are powerless
You are voiceless
You are relentless
You are subordinate


*You are the one who chooses to stay despite it all
I know what I imply, take from it however you see it.
I said it cause I had to...no more no less
I feel sick to my stomach
Unable to move
These tired bones ache
With a desperate plea to be awoken
I want to wake up

I feel confused from everything
Unable to think
Not having that comforting certainty
Torn between how to think or feel
I want to wake up

I feel a hole in my heart
Unable to feel
The blood spilling internally
I want to find a way to patch this hole
I want to wake up

I feel im caught in a bad dream
Unable to awaken
My mind is a trap
It ensnares you and leaves you to fend
I need to wake up
I'm getting more and more sick as a result of my mind. My stomach aches, my head hurts, my heart beats irregularly and ive shattered my own perception of reality.  I just...wanna wake up, but I'm afraid of the dark...
Broken just enough
To feel empty inside
But still manage a smile

Hurt just enough
To have cried myself asleep
But still got up in the morning

Pain is just enough
To leave my arm burning red
But not cut

Heartbroken just enough
To find no worth in continuing
But remaining strong enough for us both

Everything just enough*
To break my spirit
To break my will
To break my faith
To ruin my happiness
To ruin me
But I keep going with a smile
To smile with the intent of joy...i have forgotten
Just because you cant see or touch the wind,
Does not mean its not there. Right?

Just because you cant see or touch love,
Does not mean its not there. Right?

So just like the wind...

You cant see or touch a broken heart...
Does that mean its not there...
Whats the difference..?
Geoura geoura
Jebal jom malhaejuryeomuna
Jeoura neodo malhaejuryeomuna
Amugeotdo bakkul piryo eopsi yeppeudago
Jigeum geu moseup geudaero wanbyeokhadago
Manyang haengbokhamyeon dwae geokjeong eopsi
Bujokhan jeomi mwonji chajgi eopgi
Geoul daesin geunyang nae nun bicceul barabwa
Jeoul daesin nae deung wie ollatabwa bwa

Amuri neol tteudeobwado
Bogo tto bogo tto bwado
Niga malhaneun an yeppeun bubuni eodinji
Geuge eodinji chajeul suga eopseo nan

Jigeumcheoreom manmanmanmanman man
Isseojumyeon nannannannannan
Baralge eopseuni neon amugeotdo
Bakkuji mamamamama
Amu geokjeongmamamamamama
Neoui modeunge dadadada da joheunikka
Neoneun amugeotdo bakkuji mamamamama

Idaero (jigeum idaero) oh (geunyang idaero)
Oh (jigeum idaero) oh oh oh isseumyeon dwae

Ttak joha neoui modeun ge geureoni ne mam
Noha amu geokjeonghaji ma I mal
Baek peosenteu da geudaero mideodo dwae
Modeun geokjeong baek peosenteu da jiwodo dwae

Amuri neol tteudeobwado
Bogo tto bogo tto bwado
Niga malhaneun an yeppeun bubuni eodinji
Geuge eodinji chajeul suga eopseo nan

Oge tido tiga naya chajneun geoji won
Nunbusige biccna binteumi eopsji neon
Nae nune eolmana yeppeunji I want you
Jigeum idaero you’re the only one
Lyrics to one of my favourite songs. Sorry for the Korean romanji, site wouldnt allow hangul.
Translation here: http://www.kpoplyrics.net/got7-just-right-lyrics-english-romanized.html
Someone once asked me If I had,
A heart of glass, paper, stone or air.

A heart of glass I bear,
So you can see right through me.
Whether this means you can see through my love or,
That there is no denying my love is there.
A glass heart is more fragile than others,
But I bear one so you may understand the trust and faith I hold,
In you as the one who holds my heart.

A heart of paper I bear.
So you can see the words written over my heart,
Whether this means you can see pain, sorrow or,
That there is no denying your name is written all over.
A paper heart is more impractical than others,
But I bear one so you may understand the meaning you hold
To me as the one my heart yearns for.

A heart of stone I bear.
So you can see how strong I am,
Whether this means I am cold and loveless or,
That there is no denying my ability to be strong and not falter.
A stone heart is more lifeless than others,
But I bear one so you may understand I can't be hurt and am strong,
For you who my heart beats for.

A heart of air I bear.
So you can see every breath, is one taken for you,
Whether this means my heart is not a physical thing or,
That there is no denying I would love you until my last breath.
An air heart is more infeasible than others,
But I bear one so you may understand I live and breathe,
*For you the love of my life.
This actually is a love poem, believe it or not.
Inspiration taken from Nicole's poem *insert link here when I find it*
Guess I am the King of Hearts, and they're all for loving you boo **
If you intend to cut at me
Wound me deeply
Make it hurt
Carve the pain of my life into my soul.
Only then, can you no longer deny that you meant it
Love together, or apart.
Our love resides within my heart.
Within this love, our souls entwine,
Together forever, yours and mine.
True love doesnt mean being inseperable, it means having the distance and being apart, yet nothing changes
Dear Friend,

If thats really what you are... Can I still call you that? I'd very much hate to do so.

Thank you
Thank you* for treating me so deservingly with your coldhearted, excuse ridden backstabbing attitude. It means the world to me that you would destroy the little happiness that had built up over the past couple of days.
Life is hard right now, all I need is people there for me and supporting me and keeping me distracted and happy, but
Thank you
Thank you for treating me like trash, like I am nothing, and like you cant talk to me cause youre "afraid to hurt and upset" me again.
You seem to be doing a fine job of that already.

*Thanks for nothing,
Me.
"If they take the time to walk out of your life, they sure as hell didnt deserve the time in it"

Maybe I deserve to be alone...
When i was down and out
You were there for me

When i had no one to turn to
You were there for me

When i was afraid and fearful
You were there for me

When i needed someone most
You were there for me

When i needed a friend...*
*You were there for me
I'll repay the favor everyday of my life.
Thank you for saving my sanity and my persona. I owe you my thanks for the little things you don't realize you do...
Cheers Nicole
I hate the person in which I've become,
Holding resentment for all that I've done.
Facing my demons rather than to turn and run,
Heart beats in a rhythm, to you are the drum.

I understand that you must hate me, HA! I know you must,
This is obvious because. I. Hate. Me, so why wouldn't you?
Aren't all those things you've said to be nothing but true?
That no matter what, there's no way I can earn back your trust.

I would scream, I would punch and I would pray it do good,
Cause right now, what even is the use in being me?
Lost in the darkness I held at bay restricting my ability to see.
If things turned sour now, It'd be I who understood.

I'm done being me and all that I've become
No longer* do I wish to remain as I am
Any effort to strip myself of this inner self, shall do me good
I know ive lost you in my life, im just sure of it...
This be the case...im sure the world will lose something in its life

What even would be the point?
A life without you just isn't worth living
Ive thrown myself in the trash...
Im just waiting for you to do the same so I can accept the miserable fact this is who I am
Would be a living nightmare and one not worth living
I love you my dear, you are my everything and life without you just isnt worth it.
Stay with me forever?
I love being with you.
There is no one else I'd rather be with.
You make me smile in a way no one else can.
You make me laugh like no one else can.
You're the first thing I wanna see in the morning,
And the last thing I wanna see at night.
I've never loved anyone the way I love you.
You're my other half.
My love.
My bestgirlfriend.
My happy ever after.
You're everything I have ever hoped and wished for.

I  love you.
*And only you.
You think you understand life, when you understand pain,
Scream it to the world as you dance about the rain.
Everything is clear now, that you've seen the dark,
Life is nothing but a giant amusement park.

Ups and down, tear your perceptions in a conscious mind,
No clear answers here are there for you to find.
Is this wrong, or is it that this is right you ask,
Perhaps it's wrong my answer is to hit the flask.

You think you understand life, when you understand joy,
Grin to the world as you play with your favourite toy.
Everything is better now, that you've seen the light,
Life is nothing if the end goal isn't in *sight.
Dont know the theme, dont know the meaning. Started actually as a song in my head. Maybe a rap? Who knows, titles? I have none, feel free to suggest a better one please I implore you. I dont often rhyme either, hope you enjoy **
When
Did this ever
Seem like
A
Good idea?
At first it was hard but I learnt to deal with it.
Very quickly things got hard.
They got worse
Till now Somedays i want to **** myself over the distance alone, the loneliness and the emptiness inside my arms and my heart
I say good morning;
You say good night.
Long-distance living
Isn’t alright,
but I know we have
What it takes to stay tight
I don’t want to spend
The rest of my life texting,
Emailing snap chatting and
Messaging you on Facebook.
I want to hold you,
Touch you and
Hear you whisper my name in the same space and the same time
I love you. . . I miss you ♥
Love me long
and treat me right
~
It won't feel wrong*
*to please you all night
Hot ** ♥
Loser, loner.
A coward who pretends to be tough.
A mean delinquent,
In the mirror, I'm
JUST A LOSER
A loner, a ******* covered in scars.
***** trash.
Lyrics from Loser - BIGBANG
Written 21/02/2016
"Love is a promise,
Love is a souvenir,
Once given, never forgotten.
Never let it disappear
"
Famous words of John Lennon
Hold me in your arms
I'm dying out
~
Would you love me a little?
~
Deeper than the ocean*
Higher than the clouds
~
Would you love me a little?
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