I am afraid that I have lost my mind
Have you seen it?
A couple years ago it decided to find my kind
So I would not be alone, but it's been some time and heart is not lit

My mind, it should only be gone a short while
Do you suppose it found my people?
The ones who are to be with me, or is that a foolish dream of a child
My brain might've fled from my life, which, is nothing more than a deep hole

Has it rushed past here? My mind
Surely it is not gone forever
Am I to be insane, completely mad, and of this kind?
Right, it found no soul who would want to be with me, not one, not ever

its that feeling of lightening
crackling through your veins

a sense of urgency and restlessness
gritting teeth, jaw clamped shut

trying to stifle a scream, deep within
muscles flex, knuckles turn white

head in hands and hair in fingers
verging a threat to the roots clung tight

"you can't change or progress"
"locked away in the corners of your mind"
"no happiness or sadness"

stagnate and still
while rotting away

I write to keep myself afloat with insanity so near
To let my anger out and with it, my fear
To keep my words from becoming actions
And to add to my list of distractions
Sadness and loneliness accompany all
To comprise a deep, thoughtful poem that speaks of my fall
As my heart spills out on this paper
I sit up to find my ideas turning to vapor
Yet, inevitably, they will become the present
Therefore my soul will no longer be in constant torment

running through oceans of green
above the heavens are blue and clean
below the water sprints fast
the giants around, what shadows they cast!

over the edge of the world you lean
to behold such a breath-taking scene
all darkness and pain will pass
though all of this will not last
for the hearts of humans are glassed

The eyes that rest upon her face are ice-cold oceans with sparkling night skies
Once contact is made it is hard not to throw your gaze to the floor
But, if you peer long into her eyes, it is impossible to break the contact
It is a hypnosis of the mind, drawing you into her words
The curiosity, the wanting to help, and the desire to fix a broken, hopeless, suffering being
Thats soul has darkened at the hands of this horrible world
The world sees a dead carcass stumbling on its own mistakes
But she sees you and your potential and your worth to this miserable world

And here i sit again,
in my cluttered, darkening room
clean clothes hang off my bed,
falling rather soon

it hasn't been cleant in months now
as I live out of a bag
that hasnt been set out since
I went back to live at my dad's

and I look at a list that's longer than a symphany
of things I have to do
at an assignment I haven't yet started
that tomorrow it is due

I sit in a chair that's hardly comfy,
and sink down to the floor
in an attempt to get myself going,
to think, which i abhor

but i then drift back to the carpet,
staring at a blank poem document
wanting such valued words to flow
but i just run into hard cement

and just as the days go by
through school, appointments, and houses,
nothing changes with my mood
and clear thoughts become ever clouded

so i stay up until the sun starts to rise
and get ready for school
and less than three hours later
I'm back to the rules

And, i tell myslef each morning,
just as i did at night
that i need to stop doing these things
just need to turn off the light

then my jaw clenches so tightly
that I'm afraid my teeth may split
and my stomach feels so knotted
caused from something deep within
and they tell me to just keep waiting
'til things go from thick to thin,
but, I tell you, they just don't get it,
this is nothing that transmits

There's a wall
A tall, thick, high brick wall
It's not in the streets or around the bend
It's in my mind and I can't break in

I try to think of deeper things
But the safety mechanism isn't in my range
It rebounds all thoughts, worries, and dreads
And then, somehow, it expels them from my head

You would think this a gift,
a God-given talent
Instead, it lets in
man's bitter, vengeful malice

And I have never been so depressed
As when my hope is not oppressed
Floating in the sky
Too **** high

The Magician comes packed
As torment sparks at contact
Unaware where my feet are at
I didn't mean to do that
I never mean to do this

I am from whimpering Willows
From hidden fields and the dark moonlight
I am in the words dripping like the dew of grass
(Glistening, bright in the morning sun)
I am from the veins of the creeks
The haunted shack
Which held foaming dogs
And kindly ghosts from the past.

I am from bleached walls and late night visits, the impatient inpatient
From those crème colored walls where Horae’s heart was my only solace
I am from the scream-filled rooms and the silent nights
From six feet under to lost in the clouds
I’m from the Father of None whose heart I knew so little about
And the chimeras that danced in the nighttime to a darkly song

I’m from slashed papers written in crimson
And the soft light of dawn
From the life, my grandfather stole
to the body in her casket, cold
Under my bed lay Eros, daunting, but just, all the same
And I kept my weapon upon my desk
armed with thoughts twirling through my anxious, little head

I am from the locked doors without keys
And from false loves and false visions
The delusions of the mind and of the heart
I am from the green shining jewels of Hope
From a childhood cut too short
And an adulthood which came too fast

Born to name which was not my own
A life I would never live
From the bright white buildings
A dry throat, blackened vision, a blackened eye and a bleeding heart
In this world, I exist
And in The Separate, I used to live
But all these sleep filled nights have made me sleepless
The fuzzy grains of static fill my ears, my mouth, and my eyes

it's anger
a burning wave of fury
spreading like wildfire through my blood
the sheer stupidity and irrationality of people these days
the hypocritical religious
the self-justifiers
decency is no more
and i would never say it aloud
but these people's self-absorbed *******
is justifying my reasons
to see their heads split

And all like water flowing from a fountain were the words I spoke to You
Not stately nor eloquent, but blunt and plain,
Why are my 'yous' always a blank space, a random face,
Still I speak to whoever 'You' are because You are my only company
And I would be lost, a lunatic contracted in my own mind if not for You
I am ever so confused on this matter pertaining to You
Because I am you,
And You, I

The anger, it still festers deep within your soul
It helps you from not falling apart
Allows you to feel like you could change something about a situation or a person
That you really have no control over

For awhile fury allows us life
Not a fulfilling one
But enough of a life to function
To be "okay"

In reality, that anger is destroying you from the inside, out
It gnaws away an hope
Tiring your bones everyday for holding it in
Pushing it down
Assuming you will someday get relief from it all

And if you have convinced yourself of this lie
My dear, you'll be eaten alive

What happens at 1:11 in the lateness of the night,
in the brew of early dew

All thoughts fall silent, almost peaceful now
And the bitterness of the day has come and passed

You only sit and listen to these whispers of the night,
And dream of dreams without ever turning off the light
For the darkness holds the living, not the dead,
And wouldn't you want to be here instead?

I have always been amazed
At the people who turn their heads away from the dead

I feel like its dishonoring
Just as the Father turned His head from His Son

And this is why so many people get broken
By not looking at their loved ones
They don't accept the truth

Holding onto an unreal version of what could've been
Which breaks the heart everytime the veil of fantasy slips away
When the memories are far more happy and true

I drown myself in death, horror, gore, and dread
To keep all these noises from inside my head
I watch people die, suffer, and ****
Only to see that others have more ill-will

I fear only silence for my head starts anew
With theories and scandals to change my views
I fear this power, so I must try to run
Avoidance is survival, all meaningless under the sun

Darkness comes before the Beast of Hell
It floats in the blackened crimson cell
From its presence, began tortured, chilling screams
from each and every child beams
Their innocence and their joy
The beast now begins to destroy
Murderous affliction
Without any restriction
Their lack of guidance
Allowed manipulation by the tyrant

I stand in this field
with tall waves of grass
And I breathe in nature's aroma
peace at last

I feel calm
I know the plan
And I know I can’t stop myself
And neither could anybody else
I am content with what I am about to do
Today was the last sunset I will see
And, my did God make it a brilliant one
I am at ease
Just ready to go home
The welcome of taking in the one that accidently went on this earth
I will go home
I will finally be home
Rid of all the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness, the hopelessness,
The helplessness, the brain in my head, the heart in my chest
I will only take my soul
And I’ll tell you the truth:
I will be the happiest I have ever been

That is how it is isn't it?
People tell the whole world their secrets, the whole world except those few that could actually save them

I never really told the truth
The truth of that stainful night
When the clock struck two,
and, I, overdue,
Slipped right through the light

To darkness, I laid bound
And in life, they still surround
These faintly solid figures
That only my mind configures
I wish I could be rid them

So, I always go back to that day
When I watched my brain be splayed
And I wonder what I could have done
If, instead, I used a gun

To the darkness I go
To rest my soul
And see no light
No end in sight

To know a child
Its laughter and love
To cling to it tightly
As if it were a dove
The feeling is joy
Peace, smiling, and hugs
But forced from it's life
Time erases as drugs