There's a time to laugh,
and theres a time to cry,
but if we only ever cry,
then we'll soon surely die.

If we only ever laugh
we'll surely be seen as,
a mere sociopath,
who is too unattached,
to ever be sad.

theres a bitter little parasite
eating through my brain
keeping me from happiness
driving me insane

theres a soothing breeze
sweeping through my bed
and for the first time in forever
i cant feel my head

That smell, dear God that smell,
The smell of new person, so innocent, so fresh,
He’s yet to go through Hell,
The Hell I go through as he’s passed around like a drug,
No one can get enough of,
Now It’s my turn,
He smiles and for a moment I actually don’t feel worthless.

My poetry is like a broken dam,
because it bursts out of me,
all broken,
****.

If shivering burns calories,
this winter was a workout.

sit on the bus
shiver in pain
don't know where to go
needed out of the rain

shaky knees
squealing brakes
doors open wide
welcome the embrace

sheets smell like pennies
alcohol always lingers
you can feel the poverty
like dirt
on the tip of your fingers

Just because the sun rises,
doesn't mean it's a warm day.

Just because I smile,
doesn't mean my heart feels that way.

Don't give me your jacket, dork.
Drape it,
around us both,
and hold me close.

SNAP!
The fangs bare down upon you,
Darkness, red, darkness, white, red, red, red, darkness,
You feel the crunch,
The grind of bone,
To wake up in a puddle of sweat and realize you’re alone.

Now,

I don't mean to be offensive,
but every
time I come to you,

with great news, 
about something I've done,
something I'm proud of,

you're so apprehensive,
like what I've done can't possibly be greater,
than what you've accomplished in life,

I come to you excited,
and I leave you,
a crater,
of a person once happy,
once passionate,
once excited,
for life,

you were once the reason,
I went home,
sat down,
and brought out my knife,

to bring the blade to my body,
to carve out my soul,

I’m just a corpse now,
and I'm starting to mold,

my mind has deteriorated,
I can’t think straight,

I'm afraid to speak around you,
I'll just stick to my plate,

because if I,
say the wrong thing,
if I appear to be fine,

you'll take your words,
like a fork,

and on my happiness
you'll dine.

Two roads,
did not diverge,
in my dying wood.

There is no clear path,
I am wandering,
and wondering,
where do I go from here?

As a child… were you ever punished for something you didn’t do? 

Maybe your sibling broke a lamp and blamed you.

Do you recall the desperate feelings of helplessness, anger, and frustration?

Well, that. My friend. Is the situation I am in.

The war over Gaza,
An age old battle,
With news became new,
Missiles flew,
Children's parts blew from one end of the walls to the other,
A daughter without a mother,
What have we done,
When will it end,
This war,

it dumb

I'm like a grenade.

I just launch myself into other peoples lives and ******’ explode and ****** them emotionally until they're nothing or until I break into a million pieces and disappear.

Have some medication,
Take the pain on vacation,
When you feel alright,
You can leave me,
But until that time comes,
Stay wrapped in my arms,
This is how it always should be.

your lips are heavy
like the sea
crashing waves
heavy words
every splash every syllable
i cherish

your eyes are bright
but murky
mysterious like your feelings
like your meaning
you're hard to figure out
but once ive got you
ive got you

your smile
is energizing
when i am the reason your lips part
and your imperfectly perfect teeth shine through
i feel like I've won
but no trophy
no award
no certificate
just the gratification
of your love

your arms
hold me tight
when i feel alone
you squeeze harder
and before the air fills my lungs once again
i am overwhelmed
with your voice
a whisper
telling me
“im here”

your chest
broad and encompassing
swallows my fragile form whole
and before i am aware of what has happened
a warmth
covers me
the echo of your heart thumping
in my head
lulls me to bed
and before i lose the daylight behind my eyes
i thank god
you are mine

I want to touch
every inch of you
feel every dip and bend
I, want to awkwardly poke your ear
take it between my two clumsy fingers
feel every curve
the curve of your sweet lips
the taste of your smile
and I never, ever
want to forget
burn it into my subconscious
burn every picture of me and the ex that could not care less(about me)
what matters
is that you are here now
to soothe my wounds
tell me I'm worth it
tell me you love me
even if I can't find the courage to say it back
quite
yet

its just a casual contemplation
a simple situation
to put and end to the piercing pain
brought to me by biology
a dead eyed smile
a bright light
a final goodnight
to leave the world
if only for a little while

Why are you doing this to me?
What did I do to you?
I gave you what I had,
And with it.
What did you do?

You smell the same,
as you did,
the first time I hugged you,
and you gripped me tight.

You smell the same,
as you did,
when your dad died,
and I held you,
told you it would be alright.

You smell the same,
as you did,
when you punched a hole in your wall,
you couldn't feel my touch,
but I had to watch over Skype.

You smell the same,
as you did,
when you lost all control,
hit a tree on ecstasy,
going 40 over,
in the middle of the night.

You smell the same,
as you did,
in the hospital bed,
foggy in the head,
I held your hand,
the only part of you,
that wasn't broken,
in sight.

You smell different,
this time,
I don't know where you were,
but with your smell gone,
so is the light.

Are you,
are you,
the one leaning on the tree,
the careless beauty,
your hair dancing in the breeze?

everything is ******* tainted
by the taste of your lips
by the memory of the words you used
the way you painted a picture
in my brain
an eclipse of life and love
it filled me up
and now that its done
i get an uneasy feeling
when i hear a song she says she likes
the way her eyes flutter in the light
the way i imagine they do when she looks at you
the way you held her like you do
and i feel sick, too
sick
i hit pause
and its a shame

its a good song

I can’t feel you anymore,
Winter’s begun,
I left open my door,
The frost is in layers around me,
I can’t feel you anymore,
No longer do I care to see, your face,
I can’t feel you anymore.

You doorbell ditched me.
There.
Alone.
Now there's no one there, at home.

You came to my door,
You rang my bell,
And then you left,
I'm going through Hell.

The flutter of my brain
is driving me insane
I can’t stop thinking
brain waves shaking
the electric feel
the forever turning wheel
my thoughts pinging the back of my eyes
like butterflies
a heartbeat
i despise

Swing swing
Kick a pebble into the distance
My sneaker leaving tracks in the dirt
Beneath me
The shadow of the tree
caresses my cheek
And I feel free

On the upswings I am happy
On the down I am "okay"
If I am pushed I may fall
If I am pushed I may soar
I close my eyes
Recline my mind
Inhale and realize what life
is truly for.

tin roof rain
is my favorite thing to hear
when i'm all alone
and my thoughts
wont seem to stop

the tap dancing precipitation
putting on a show
easing my frustration
lets me know that you are near

this is the first time
in a long time
i thank god
my thoughts wont stop
because its you thats on my mind

My mind has rejected you,
My heart has no choice,
After everything we’ve been through,
I am dejected, you, are the voice, I hear,
At night before I sleep,
It’s hard not to sob,
I had one job,
I murdered our love,
Suffocated you in late night IM’s,
You were drowning,
And I failed to decipher your gargled plead for release,
From me.

Now you have it,
Freedom at last,
I slowly feel less like ****,
What’s done is done,
It’s in the past.

One day we’ll reunite,
Friends again,
Perhaps.

Our relationship tends to relapse,
Enemies, strangers, friends, almost more, repeat, repeat, this time we stopped the beat,
We made it to more, but the pattern continues,
An endless cycle, no matter what we’ve been through,

I love you, today, yesterday, maybe tomorrow, maybe forever?
I don’t care,
Unrequited love is the phase I’m facing, I yearn for you, but with me, you are through.

I remain hopeful, somewhat broken, glass half full, and all that nonsense,
I’ve yet to determine what state I’m mentally in.

Melancholy is calling, to me.
Gaze into the stars on the wall, fall, through the depths of this dark abyss, I call my mind,
It used to be bright, you turned out the light, but no worries…

You’ll find, that I’m okay.

Blistering, burning, sizzling ball of fire taunting my ocean eyes,
Waves come and go like the pulse of those around me,
They left and I choked out those bitter words, bidding them farewell,
I hate goodbyes.

Mine hasn’t met skin in ages,
I’ve forgotten the warmth,
The only warmth I now know is of the mocking fury above me,
Beating down upon me, like your words in my brain.

My fingers curl around the pen
A silent plead
The only thing I need
Is to know where you've been

Tapping it against my temple
Hour after hour
Don't cower
I've only just begun to lose my mental

Let the silent flow know
Behind this pain
My strength speaks volumes
Waves can manipulate a crowd
To follow you

Gentle vengeance against a series
of unfortunate events
The suspense is what gets you
Not the multiple texts
Nor the 'I don't care' pretense
I've sent

If you'd just spent hours
Waiting on me
you'd be angry
But you see
I'd rather be
pain free

The beginning of a phone call
is the end to all
we've been through
The sweet relief of a phone line
click
without an "I love you"

you did what I expected
I knew it from the start
you said you wanted me
but you chose her
and broke my heart

She’s a cheerleader,
Full of zest and school spIRIT!
No one checks her bag for pills,
As she marches out of the cafeteria.
Off the bottle cap,
Out of their lives forever.

New life springs forward and takes hold of this old planet,
Old beings die,
They can no longer handle it,
Leaves bud,
Fresh infants cry,
The fall is done,
You’ve landed,
In a patch of life,
Petals are stranded,
There will be no more strife.

He stumbles,
She trips,
They fall,
In love?
Surely not,

For love is just a facade,
It’s not real,
It’s not the truth,

Mrs. Waters, she liked the sound of that,
He’s dead.
He left her, a widow of a marriage unhappened.

It’s been a year and a half,
She thought falling in love was like falling asleep,
Slowly and then all at once,
She was tricked into a coma,
Waking up to find her love,
Lifeless,
His body cold.

So, so, cold.

Was it her thoughts, stars, the ones she could never quite fathom into constellations, that killed him?

Was it the heat of their love, the heat of the sun rising, the heat of the stars burning out as the line symbolizing his life, flattens.

before you left
there was a small chance
so painfully small
that you would choose me
and that we
could be
happy
together

lonely street lights
guide us home
show us the way
chilled to the bone

I wanna get out
out of this town
scream in the city
dance all around

We're vague as **** lovers.
What do you mean?
Doesn't matter who said it.
The answer is a riddle anyhow.

I always remember the moments
The most insignificant close pins
dropping on the tile
its been a while since we smiled
in each others direction
that heavy convection
the last syllable of the love
ever heard of
the last time i heard your breath
on the other end of the line
the last time i looked in your eyes
and whispered "you're mine"
the last flex of your fingers
intertwined
arms gripped me tight
the last time I felt like I might die
was too recent
the taste of your lips far too decent

I am the leaf,
shivering in the sun,
surrounded by those like me,
trying to find myself,
in a sea of anonymity,
before a swift kick in the face does it for me.

Claws retract,
Prey is trapped,
Between death and pain,
Pinned and hanged.

Sauntering and sassy,
Tearing the flesh with it’s teeth,
Not very classy,
But the hum of the fur,
Attracts another,
A growling mutt comes,
A feast has begun,
No one has won.

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't know if I'm ready
To go yet

Don't know how to keep you
here
around me

Can't we just talk about nothing?

Silently
Speaking

Silently
Screaming

Life without a meaning
But with a meaning
Meaning nothing

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't go yet
What does it mean
to say nothing
I don't know yet

But the feeling in my head
Makes me wish I wasn't dead
But I wanna be dead
But I don't
Wanna be dead yet

I wanna talk about nothing.
I wanna feel nothing.
I don't want nothing.
Nothing wants me.

I can't ask for nothing,
What does it mean?
It can't mean nothing.
It has to be something.
Anything is everything.
Why does everything
feel like nothing
to me.

Flames whip at my charred ankles,
I feel nothing,
Cold bursts of ice slit my wrists,
I feel nothing,
Soothing warm liquid death snakes it’s way into my lungs,
I feel nothing,
A silent cry of desperation goes out to no one’s ears,
I feel fine.

I'm in love

with the air
flowing through my fingers
never to grab
never to let go

the feeling of freedom
accompanies me as my hand is outstretched
going 50 down I40
i never want this to end

I'm in love

with the way the music flows
from the radio
bass vibrating my bones
sound waves caress my face
they make me smile

like you used to.

Because lyrics.
And love.
And lackthereof.

the way the rain peppers itself across the pane
giving spice to my plain, dreary, life
i lock my fingers with my own
as if to numb the pain
of being alone
the way
you
look at me
gives me hope
like no other before you
i do not feel the need to hide
the parts of myself i feel arent worthy
i never wonder why im the way that i am with you
because to wonder is to distract myself
from the wonder that is you