Undo the known
refresh to seek the unknown..
Know nothing
feel nothing..
seek nothing
nothing but gulp it
until everything is unknown
all over again!

Unknown
unexplained
unanswered
more than that
its the waiting
that kills..
whether to wait or to leave?

Dried up tears
never tends to fall off.
They take time
as we swallow
And out of all those odds
we learn to live & flow !

The moment we think
somebody is close enough..
That's where the mistake lies!
They were never that close
to see through us..
leaving us with a scar!

The word bye
always makes me think twice!
I know it means Be with You Everytime
but people say bye
& never tend to look back!
Is it supposed to mean that
I should keep them alive within my heart
& keep burning with the pain all the time?

Relationship after relationships
begins and ends quite often..
Each are are superbly selected
not by money or humor or any other thing
except the mystery they hold..
I am a curious lover,
I seek mystery in each of them
until one leaves,
I seek for the same substitute all over again!

Through the poetry
I rediscover my soul
I keep seeking
but what I do not know.
Until I start flowing my ink
I know what I seek & what not..

As a child I always liked bridges
never knew why..
I grew up
& still I fall in love with bridges..
to see the unknown connection between all of us
unknown faces and glances but never finding us
I still love bridges, but now I know why!

A conversation starts with a smile
connecting  the soul altogether.
Not required whether we see each other
but to feel each other through the soul.
And the conversation keeps getting long
never ever ending it may seem
but if the soul shrinks
the conversations empties from the brim!

A beauty of the soul..
not everybody sees through it..
not everybody finds it..
not everybody understands it..
but what is its use
if that beauty had to bear it
all by her own!

I have cut my feet
while walking with you,
I have lost all my sleep
while staying awake with you
but my friend, for you
all these are just sweet honeydew
which I will drink & sink my pain into,
as these precious moments
are only for few!

I am going with the flow
once again.
Let's see what all I have for store.
I will figure it out
on the go!
And if not figured then
who care!

I am going with the flow
but this time taking it all slow!

Your arms around me
feels like home completely.
A home which I craved for so long
knowing not for long it would stay with me!

My poet friends no longer are here to read
they are long gone...where I do not know.
Not a single clue at all
as we all are wrecked
yes, I know and its all out of the blue.
Life changes suddenly & I get it!
When things doesn't go our way
we take a backseat or just choose to leave.
Is it possible in some way
that some reconsideration of substitute
would heal us from beneath?

I need those bonds of friendship back
I need those sensitivity which would make me
come out alive..
Yes, I need it all back!!

How sweet can a disturbance be?
It lingers in your mind & heart,
Crawls back to you with a puppy face for a while..
hugs you for quite a nice time
laughs with you until its over-brim!
Eat with you, walks with you
does all the stupid things with you
making no sense at all
yet, adding memories of sweetness out of all!
But after a while chokes you
as you start missing everything all over again!

Suddenly I'm empty
all over again
not knowing where to go,
with too many sudden changes
I disappear on the go!!

Not everything can be captured through lenses,
not every beauty can been seen through the eyes
which we behold
Like, Moon beaming overhead,
peeping through the trees
but not a single snap can be captured to feel that beauty..
Those beautiful moments walking with you
down the roads empty and quiet yet uncaptured
but our laughter submerged through the stillness...
I captured nothing..but kept all our memories
safely into the locked up into my heart..
I wish nothing..no future,
but my friend Thank you for being there for me.
I'm enjoying & living the present moment with you
one day at a time.
And I believe, I am not wasting my time with you
rather I'm busy creating cherishing memories with you..

How I was before
staring at things
and getting tensed at everything around.
Fearing constantly without knowing anything.
To step out of comfort zone
I cried and cried but to resists!
Afraid to lose anything,
longing everything to be forever mine!

Then came this breakthrough!
I broke apart...
going through lows
in the midst of nowhere else
No stares, no glares.
Nothing at all and I suddenly realized
I was out of that all.
I suddenly saw a dandelion flying away..
away from everything, knowing not alive or dead
but moving on with the wind
no persistence or resistance...
Just to free flow not caring at all.
That's how I found out myself all over again.
I fear but not too often, I stare into spaces
to find more love in life.
I add up to the beauty by smiling wide apart.
I enjoy the fears now,
more often it tries to get me down
but challenging more, to be more.
Enjoying my journey and not worry about the path..
And I'm glad I am more of me now
rather than what I was couple of years before.

I write inbetween
my hushful & hasty life.
I carry no baggage
but to pour out by compiling all of my heart.

I eat, sleep, laugh, cry, work, dream
which goes on till its brim.
But one thing which makes me whole
is my write,.
It brings me joy out of pain
it shakes me up while in strain
it soothes me altogether
& comforts me without any fail.

Time overlaps every other thing
awaiting to fulfill to it brim
I hope longing at the stars & later at the bright sun
Hoping to empty my heart & mind!

we spend time together laughing out all the time,
but you open up nothing just like a mime.
You seem to be a mystery without a single clue
You make me happy in just a snap
But I doubt whether I can make you happy just for a while?
I too wish to make you happy many a times
but something or the other goes wrong from my side.
I won't force you to be with me
but if you speak up nothing
I won't know how you really feel
all I know is, you hide it all beneath your smile.
Say whatever it is, whether you want to stay or leave
but just don't hide
as the dilemma is killing me from inside!

Something is crushing from within,
I know the reason behind but want to deny..
things keep changing
and I am okay with that.

But what do I do if its burning from inside?

And my mind replies - Concentrate on work,
you gotta finish a hell a lot of work by tonight!!

Fresh new night
and all fast asleep.
I step out my room
to meet my friend
like every other night.
we meet quite often but only at night.
Don't know what's inside
but we both love nights!

Walking through the empty dark roads
with less people around
we planned for a long drive
& rented a car.
We went along the roads unknown to us
& I wished it should be a never ending path!
And all of this brought back my smile!

As I seek & peek outside through the window of the car
with fast-paced movement of other cars.
No bright lights to be found across
but to feel all the beauty amidst the dark world of night.
Knowing not where I am or where I will be,
my ears enjoying the melody of the songs of yester-years.
and cherishing our unplanned plan.
A sudden burst of laughter in-between
cracking some jokes to disturb the stillness of night.
While passing through the highway,
mysteriously sweet feeling pierced through my heart.

It's just me & my friend into the road less taken.
from midnight it turned into 4(am)
but still wanted to keep going through the untrodden roads.
It was too late though so had to return back
treasuring the moments beneath the heart.
And wondering If I never had to put an end to this night!

Its okay to fall hard,
Its okay to be in lows,
Its okay that life is hard
Its okay that you want to cry out sometimes,
Its okay to not find someone you love,
Its okay not to hear from special someone you like,
Its okay not to find anyone around,
Its okay if things doesn't go as we want,
Its okay if you keep remembering someone,
Its okay if your fate doesn't allow you to be happy,
Its okay if people judge you for wrong,
Its okay to leave what's eating you inside out,
Its okay to break apart,

Its okay! Its okay!

Its okay you are strong enough to figure out all!
Its okay not to lose heart,
Its okay to find the precious moments of being alone,
its okay to smile again after a turbulent storm,
Its okay to not tame our love for all,
Its okay to feel the freshness of life once and for all,
Its okay to live one more time,
Its okay to find your steps one day at a time.

Its okay! Its okay!

I confess that I fear everything,
& coming out of my shell is yet to find!
Dear fears, I wish you could go for a vacation away from me!
with you I am hesitant as well as resistant all the time.
I don't know how to explain.
I wish I could let go of all of them
And do everything I ever wanted to do.
Thoughts keeps running across my mind
figuring no way out except thinking.
And my time is flowing fast enough...
I wish there was somebody to push me from the cliff
so that I could actually start living..
But, I get it, there is nobody except me
I have to push myself
Not for others but for myself.
I don't want to change for other but for myself..

Cafe at midnight with a friend,
brewing a fresh freedom of life.
cold coffee, lemonade with ice.
Chilled minds but unspoken words around.
Not knowing why is it so difficult to utter a word
and it only happens to be a sigh!
Empty chairs and a group of people inside.
me, my friend but with not a single word
staring into the phones
only thinking why is it so difficult to start our talks
after a so called time being along!

Heard a story about a guy.
A guy who goes to college with plain looks
& tucked in shirt every time.
people laughing at him
day in & day out
to be the odd one out.

Someone went and asked-
Dude, why don't you change your clothes for a while?
They all laugh at you for that.

The guy remarked in a polite way-
why should I change for them
when they will no longer exist in my life after a while?

As the weekend marches,
deep down something crushes me inside
although I enjoy my company
but when I see other having fun
it somehow stabs me from behind.

No, I don't want to compare
it only makes me more of a fool,
as the weekend marches everybody seeks for themselves
Just to have one more sip of enjoyment!

I don't seek validation now
I do things for myself.
I don't care whether they like me or not
Not seeing whether I look beautiful in their eyes anymore.
After 26 long years, I have started to see myself as I am.
I don't care I look good or bad.
I care how my loved ones are,
I care how I look upon myself
Not caring the blue days at all.
Things go wrong
and yes, I messed up quite often
My mistakes defines me to be a better me each day.
And now I have learned to be me,
not seeking validation at all.
Yes, I am me now.

Will I ever find you?
I do not chase now
I'm on my own
I left my desperation into the woods.
I am more of me, who stares to be still
quietly observing to its brim.

Will I ever find you darling?
To pour out my love but not too much
so as not to bore you out.
I would not empty myself to you
but to love you each day cautiously
one day at a time.

Will I actually find you ever?
You would grab me into your arms
and not leave me ever no matter how hard.
You would understand my poetry
and say nothing but give me love.
You would converse with me for hours
about art, poetry and new stuffs in life.
You would be angry and fight but holding me tight.

Oh! how I wish I could have found you by now
I just need your shoulder to cry.

I miss you once, twice and thrice as you remain away.
I know I am difficult and won't tell you to understand..
I wish I could let you inside my mind that
how much it has been through..
I can't blame you for treating me too well
But understand that I hardly get treated well.
I am accustomed to roughness, quite opposite to my nature.
Sweetness makes me doubt,
I was once tender but now I have lost of all me to depart.
I won't tell you to understand,
As I too can't understand myself too well!
You remain away, that's okay but come back once you are calm..
Its been a while that I have spoken with you well.
Hoping that you will bury your anger beneath the land,
And be back with your ever cherishing smile.

You never made me feel
as special as others make me feel now.
You never treated me that well
as much as others do now.
I know you told me you
never loved me truly
But my friends do..
they are more than what I ever hoped.
Its all about people, its how they are raised to be..
that's the difference between you, me and others.
The way you treated me doesn't let me
believe that I could be treated well.
But yes, they are treating me well.
How I wish I could make them feel
as special as they make me feel too.
How I wish I could forget everything
and start with a new slate!
How I wish..but wishes are not for me anymore!

You are inside that shut doors,
And I am waiting for you to come out.
You just slammed the doors just like everybody else.
Is being so foolish a crime.
I know I'm not that clever
but please for God sake don't leave apart.
I wish I could be so clever that nobody left me ever.
But the hard truth lies beneath the walls
finding everybody better.
Don't leave people,
I can't bear the lonely truth from far!

Why do I choose darkness over light?
Is it that my brain is wired like that?
Is there actually so called darkness as my mind serves.
why is that my thoughts preoccupies over my mind and heart.
I see, hear nothing but a cry.
I have forgotten what happiness is as the days passes by,
And I'm entangled with my thoughts deserted not to be seen or heard.
At the end I isolate myself so that no one finds me!
Its enough for now, me and my thoughts
please choose different pathways
Its hard for me to be like that
crying out for help but in silence!

I have been in sickness
down and dusted.
I am there for myself
and nobody around.
To wipe my tears of pain
Nobody to hold my palm
and the share warmth of their love.
But the hard truth to be digested
is that we all are on our own
to be loved by our own self. all along.

I met myself last night after a long time
I buried my face in my blanket
as tears fell off crushing my heart.
I didn't know what to tell
or just be there for myself.

I kept quiet in tender stillness at night
I went across my heart & mind
and asked them how they are?
I know you all are exhausted
but still be with me.
I know its hard, but still
don't leave me apart.

I had a long conversation with each territory within me
longing through all the episodes of my life with me.
I know you all never make a fuss over my each day's agony.
I know its been 12 years long
to keep me alive
and trust me I am trying hard to keep you all up too.

I know you all need to repose
and make your way towards a little more pleasures in life.
Trust me I will yield all of that for you all
As I have only you all within me
so I will caress you all
caving in with love with all of me
mended in smiling pieces of you all with me.

And its spring
with birds chirping,
high or low but you would be smiling
with the force that unfolds smelling so wonderful
beauty all around you
and you see only the wounds!
why? why do you do that to yourself?
I know You no longer jump with joy as the seasons reshape.
But someday you might recall that the beauty within yourself
and let the blooming takes place from inside out.
Let seasons remould  you,
let all the past fall away,
and the buds bloom throughout your way
with no validation to sway.
Just you within you blooming with the butterflies turned on nearby.

My mood swings to & fro in motion
And I cry, smile, eat, laugh and so on.
I have been away from it for sometime.
But now mingling again
Knowing not it's good or bad.
I have been away for a while thinking
if it wouldn't make me mad.
But I was wrong, no matter who leaves me
and how walks in.
My mood swings never stays apart.

Everything I eat or everything I do,
It reminds me of you.
The moment I get that terrible feeling of losing you
I get back to you.
Just two lines from you, upturned me completely,
not knowing how to get through.
My love, I would never dare to erase you.
And how I can I ever be without you as I am immersed in the memories of you.
I don't know whether its you or the tender memories you have left behind you.
How I wish I could reach you just for once and would have showered the love which I had for you.
You once said - Go with the flow
But how on Earth would I ever keep flowing without you.
I know I'm a dark wild soul which can't love the way you want.
But believe me I have loved you with all my heart.

People were playing two truths one lie,
We had to figure out which two are truths & which one lie.
They were thinking out in their minds which one to tell,
But i was thinking which one to hide!
Someone said they peed on pants, kissed some guy, dated a smuggler so on and so forth it went.
Finally it was my turn.
I had to speak up which I never ever do whatever is inside.
I can't say I rode on an ambulance with a person who was about to die,
can't say I loved men who were into other stuffs,
or I have smoked, drank and danced with a stranger.
I can't tell whether there is anything left in my life except work and a little bit of creativity inside.
I can't tell I was bitten by a white huge swan because I was running behind her at that time.And I love walking down the streets alone at midnight.
I can't tell all these so I kept quiet.
So I kept on thinking for a safer option and said I had never climbed a hill,
I hate reading books and I love using Facebook out of which all three were a lie.
I see people they speak up and never care a bit,
Whereas I'm here trying fit in!

Today is the day when i stopped waiting for you.
I stopped glancing at different devices that you will let me in one more time.
I stopped every other illusions of you turning back into reality.
But that doesn't hinder me to love you back.
I cannot see or feel your presence
But you know what?
I have a power to imagine
Imagining that I'm loved.
No more I desolate myself to find me alone
I have you within me.
Call me crazy but I bet I'm more loved than you are in reality!

I'm in grey today,
Although I love other colors too,
But getting drenched in the festival of colors
I only remembered you.
Things go wrong as I know,
And cascades of my dreams falling apart,
I hold your hand in an illusion
Which suddenly disappeared.
I crawl back to you to feel that it is all desolated,
And come back with empty hands,
Following the grave of my love for you.

I see into the eyes of complete strangers
In the morning and at night,
They glare through screens or glare into nothing.
How I wish if it was possible again
To stare into spaces
And have a glimpse of dreams
Waving into us as if to be
a part of a beautiful reality.

This would be my last message to you
And no, I'm not gonna die.
I just wanted to say few things to you
Before its too late to even say bye.
It has been exactly 5 months today
That we broke up,
And sorry that I couldn't forget dates to make up my mind.
I am sorry if I have wronged you in anyway.
You have always made me happy and brought smile into my face.
And sorry that I couldn't make you happy once or twice.

I still wish I was not so weird then atleast I could have been your friend.
After you left I changed myself completely.
I fear no more. I chase no more.
I am more of an individual now who can live life alone.
I am independent like I was never before.
More than anything I'm me who is curious about everything-
Art, writing, trekking and most of all uncertainty.
Me - weird and broken a bit.
But thank you very much for bearing with my darker side for a year or so.
My most precious moments exists with you.
You told me to be away from you which I will always do.
Sorry that I gave you a tough time being with me.
You always deserve the best.
And after all, I was just a wild flower among all the roses.

I would explode anytime and I cannot give
the special place to anyone like I gave it to you.
And That emptiness within me never goes away
but I am happy that atleast I could be with you for an year to say.
I still wish If I knew we would have never meet again then that very day when I saw you I would have loved you like my last.
Life is uncertain and that's how it should be lived-
To see all the beauty and love like it will be our last.

I refuse to be into that darkness
I resist to be empty all over again
that hollowness into my heart
dragging me from behind.

I refuse to see that darkness
which does no harm
but hinders me to see the beauty in life.
that beauty which perishes soon into my darkness.

How do I get away from my own darkness?
I am still embracing it
But soon shall I break through everything
and pierce into myself to find that light!

Amidst the wilderness,
I will be that one wild flower
not to be seen around and ,
to embrace each moment
through the unbelievable Cascades.
To fill all the emptiness with my imagination
and never to turn back ever again.

The moment I had to call you as my 'ex',
It  ripped me off from inside!
I am trying hard to either forget you or keep you close to my heart.
Why is that my heart still wants to revolve around you?
Everyday I wake up,
I need you more than ever,
I need you so much that I have created an imaginative You,
Who never leaves me to go away,
I do everything so as to be with you,
If not in reality but as an illusion.
I understand we cannot call anybody ours,
But to be without you,
Where I have loved you more and more,
I can't get you off my soul!
I wish I didn't feel so much
And I know very well
You would never understand
How much it still hurts!

Let me find my dreams back
To create my castle of shattered dreams.
This time, not for you, not for anyone I know.
But for me and only me!
Let everything fall apart but I will stand still with me and my dreams!
I dream of a paint brush or a pen with me,
never leaving my hand, creating and re-creating dreams with me.
Holding me and loving me tight with all their heart.
And I shall not leave them in winter, when its too cold or in summer when its unbearable warm, i will keep them safe with me regardless of all the season's fluctuating and blooming.
Our bond shall stay safe.
And I shall be for you and you shall be there for me,
you- ' my art within me'.

I keep breaking down every now and then,
Every broken pieces within me never gets reconciled,
I see my broken pieces smiling to me each day and telling to me,
See how beautiful we all look!
Broken pieces and beautiful? - I asked.
Yes, we are broken to feel more,
to see more, to love and live more that is what makes us beautiful..
We are now unbroken,
nobody dares to break the broken pieces.
We are but more than what we think,
we are beautifully broken to be unbroken!

How I have learnt how to be alone
But not to be alone at all.
I now know how books can be your forever friend,
And you won't crave for anyone else.
Its the nature of human, they tend to leave
But books, they are always there for you to etch curiosity into you,
And there you go, you are far off with them and always looking ahead..