Goes as follows:

Letting stupidity and
unrequited emotions make me cry,
Hating the numbers on the scale,
Hating myself for eating chocolate,
getting too attached too quickly.

I am not in the business of
getting too close,
so I do not know why I mean to say "No"
but what comes out is too much affection.
You. Thinking of you, keeping memories of you, I'll crush you, I'll leave you
with a permanent ****** imprint of blue.

I'll learn to not get too near,
I'll learn to discard of my souvenirs,
I'll learn to give myself
all this wonderful love
I am so capable of giving to you,

But until then,
hand cuff me and
keep me behind the bars of growth.

Tar

Nothing will remain un-inked;
Wounds bleed and
feelings can ****
and that is why
everything must spill.
I can't keep this pent up fire
caged inside my mouth,
the anger, the unfairness of it all
erodes my teeth.

Your medicine wasn't
medicine at all;
more like subtle attempts of
mutilation than a velleity.
And your arms felt like home,
until all love left them,
and they felt like smoke
enveloping me;
you never made it easier to live,
right next to you I couldn't breathe.

I will not miss you because
there is no place safer than
inside the skin
I've slowly learned to love,
inside eroding flesh, eroding cells,
someday I will possess
a brand new vessel,
a stranger to your hell.

And when you'll come knocking
Your utterances will have no gravity;
You cannot heal scars
with a mouth that exhales tar.
You exhale and what your breath
touches falls prey to decay -  
*I wish to remain.

Hey guys,

I just wanted to know and receive some feedback...what do you guys think of my new poetry? Is there any improvements you think I could make, any particular poems that you like or questions that you have regarding the poems? Let me know please..

Thankyou ^.^

The sequel to "Heavenly"

The rest of us
will decompose here,
but now you have purpose,
the muse behind my verses,
forget fairytale curses;
you* will never die,

So place me underground,
darling you will still be
safe and sound,
up above from here
I see who you are,
but they are all below,
below your worthiness,
dainty star,

On the eve of the day
when I'm mourned by the fakes,
they'll be praying for my amazing grace,
but it'll be too late,

There's no spot in a dead heart
for those who tore it apart,
and my monsters will cover your
sunshine and they'll **** your spark,
I'll wish I could be there,
Ten thousand tears wait to be spared,
I promise I cared,
I just never shared
all my hurtings, and now
they've killed me,

I will beg to have you released,
I'll beg on my knees for
all the darkness to leave you
and entertain *me,
But I'm afraid to fully dive,
Don't know how far I could drive,
Metaphorically, I'm at the shore
I don't know what I'm drowning for.

I measured my tolerance
and it was gone,
the same way the leaves
that fall off of Autumn trees
never grow back.

I tried feeling a shrivel of love for you
or even sympathy, but nothing came...
Nothing came even when
I'd seen the pros and cons,
nothing came when I slept on it,
nothing came when I ate through it,
nothing but my soul uttering "no more",
and I knew I had to listen.

I was the toy you held
when you wanted to
feel something beautiful,
I was your wind up toy,
now you've had your fun,
playing time's over,
because you're just a pseudo boy,
and I'm not so desperate
to take love artificial.

favourite words
they either make us
or break us
i wonder when we
started turning them
into memories of people
who didn't remember us

when did we start
turning words into
a ticket for all -
one word traded
unevenly for our souls

when did the word "love"
begin to get
tangled up with you?
you call me "lovely,"
not knowing it's my
favourite word;
i wonder if i should tell you
and then i wonder how much
humans are capable
of wrecking.

favourite words
they either make me
or break me
i wonder when i
started turning them
into memories of someone
who actually loves me.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading!
**Any thoughts on this poem?

I deleted all the pictures,
if you can't be here,
I don't want you to linger,
suggesting I deserve more
but you don't deem
me important enough,
suggesting love does not know time,
suggesting love does not make time,
I know the way you are
presenting things is a lie.

The stars loved me before
I became aware of your existence,
before you taught me
an invisible way to die,
and so why would I
want to lock our moments in history
when I know life could tear us apart
because you are not
holding onto my heart?

I could hoard memories of you,
paint the sky in constellations
of your bright eyes,
but how would that be fair to me?
Your love is a lukewarm affirmation,
lacking evidence and testimony,
scarce and rare,
barely there,
and now you understand why I cannot
give you my love as a weapon
you can use to destroy me.

I'm just not feeling it babe
the way I should,
you just ain't loving me
the way I would
and I would've been kinder
but you destroyed
the part of me that would mind,
I would have held you tighter
but I'm tired of being left behind.
I've let you pierce my heart
and anticipated the bleeding,
but the brightness
of my heart is receding,
and it's all because of you,
and all the things you don't do.

When the weight of
a thousand moments
wasted overthinking
makes its home on my skin
and drip, drip, drips
down my cheeks,
I doubt everything.
I doubt ability,
your credibility.
I doubt capacity,
I doubt significance.
I question why
everything I touch
eventually shatters,
and why in my heart,
you still matter.
But maybe it's time
to stop doubting myself,
cause maybe this time,
I could feel good enough.

Acetone

I'm sorry I didn't
quite know what to say
when we were sitting in
the backseat
and your mind was driving you
a million miles away,
I'm sorry he broke your heart,
how dare he take your smile apart?
I know you're coated in pain,
so I'll ask it to
slowdance with my name:
Just tell me where it hurts
and I'll bandage your wounds
with these words,
I'll bury all your rage in my hearse
where my bones will
one day decay.
And I pray no one else will ever
rip you apart
because I love you and
watching you hurt
is the hardest part.

- Crimsyy

*A/N: Oddly timed updates but that's because school has began (: Please vote and comment what you think of this poem or any constructive opinions...thankyou for reading!♡

Somedays, even sunshine is dull
and somedays his name
will make me physically ill.

Somedays, I don't need
to be reminded
that my laughter is loud
and so obvious,
somedays, I don't need
you to pull me,
I just need a rope.

And somedays I won't comprehend
how you can't understand.

Nicotine*

It was only supposed to be
a tiny, miniscule taste
but love had other ideas.
You are a cloudless sky
in my clouded mind,
In the end, I'm always
craving you.

You ever get that feeling that repeats,
like abstinence from nicotine?
You ever get that feeling of
wanting to be
numbed into bliss,
risking narrowed veins and arteries
for just one mind-silencing kiss?

I'll let passion sear my heart
and won't hear what my insecurities
love to whisper into my abused ears;
I can polarize what's blurred
and what's clear.

I want to let my tears
wash me clean or
soak me until my clothes
show the ***** truth;
the insides of a vessel
affected by depression are
not always so pristine.

Do not judge this;
you do not know what it is
to haunt your own body,
to have your mind
wage war on you,
you do not know the sound
of your mind pulling 1000 triggers,
the sound of gunshots ricocheting
in your lungs;
you only know that my
breathing is shallow.

Do not call me weak just because
"I cannot stomach
the same meal twice"
when I have swallowed
the same poison
up until this moment in life
where I am learning to spit it out;
I love you, I love you, I love you
Separation, separation,  separation,
suicidal contemplation...

But of course,
tomorrow I'll be here again,
so there's nothing to worry about,
right?


- Crimsyy♡

Toluene

I envy the four walls
that have the privilege
of watching you fall asleep,
I want to place your scars
in an envelope and send
them out to a healing land
only if you let me
and if you'll hold my hand.

Bite, swallow me whole,
call me *******
but I want to feel, feel, *feel
every fibre and molecule
that gives a definition to your name,
I want to plant the stars in your eyes
so then I'd stargaze forever,
I want you to rip me apart
and erode the tear stains from my heart.

It's my birthday! Turned 17 today ^.^

I love it when you
initiate the fire in my bones,
kiss me slower, harder,
it will never be too much for me,
I can't get enough of you
what have you done to me?
Now I just want to devour you
and take your soul;
your lips are my anesthetic,
I think I could die on them
quite happily
after all,
pain should be rewarded
with something beyond bliss.  



Poet Note:  *As the poet grows, so do the poems.

Her body perfectly blends in
with the night,
merely a silhouette,
her beauty accentuated
by the lack of light.
And though I have tried,
the earth has crawled
into her tiny bones,
the dirt has gotten
inside her fingernails,
and they have pinned
all their compliments onto her,
but I know when I'm gone,
she won't bleed with me.
Oh how can no one see
she'll no longer be a part of me,
how can anyone expect me
to be nostalgic
when I can't even feel
the sting of her golden days
where I bathed in the sun's rays.
I have suffocated her
and peaceful nights are now
but a blur,
and that is how you want me;
*on fire, stoic, dangerous.

29 messages
to realize all the wasted time,
one explosion
and you go take your faults,
make them mine,
Oh dear you knew
I planned to stay until the end.

But I won't compromise
my boundaries anymore,
I'm not just a vessel you cherish
when you wish to pour,
Now I'll be the one
to close this door,
No I no longer care to be yours.

And I won't regret
the truth that I said
Couldn't keep your
ego satisfied,
left your bitterness unfed.

You asked me to go away,
I'm sorry I couldn't
fill up your plate,
but my voice is
something you'll never take.

You asked me to go away,
maybe we do belong
in separate lanes,
but you're gonna end up lonely
with that sourness in your veins.

A screaming exclamation,
"This is who I am,"
I'm a protesting invasion,
proudly failing your ruthless exam.

Don't you wish I could shrink?
Don't you wish you could make me cry?
My hands stain the pages in ink
as I wish you'd say eternal goodbye.

I'll never be your ego's snack,
I'll paint a frown on your jaw
as I'll be dressed defiantly in black
from head to toe,
Mon cherie, don't unpack
unless in your grave below.

You're always colouring yourself
in different hues
and each time, I find
I keep falling inlove with
each shade of you.

In absence
anger screams my love for you
everyday, heart new
In absence,
anger screams my love for you
everyday, strength's debut.

And you know too well
how much I care,
you've seen flowers bloom
when you're there,
and though you're always
colouring me in different hues,
I can't seem to stop loving you.

Carbon Monoxide

I would like to believe
I was born in the clouds
amongst the angels,
bathing in so much sunlight
that now I can't help
but despise it.

The truth is,
you denied my heart
too many beats;
my heart's a bombsite
filled with carbon monoxide
and all your lies.

My own blood curses me,
dripping with your name,
I try to tell it we're
not the same;
I can't stand you,

You heartless, cruel monster,
imposter.

Simmer down,
I'll tell you how to love me
underneath a purple sky
while watching swaying trees,
easier than looking into
your hurt eyes;
I really hate goodbyes.

I'll be wearing the smile
you killed me in,
wear your love all over my skin,
carry a bruise in my heart
as patience overflows
and of anger, I'll try to not overdose,
I wish I could push all
these problems away
and pull you closer,
but now I'll wound the two of us sober

You arms around me felt safe,
your lips tasted like home,
will you really force me to disown
everything of you I've come to know?

I watch how much ink
it is taking
to immortalize every inch of you,
I see my pens are wasting,
but I purge the contents of
my heart out for you.

Love is morphine for
the hole in our hearts,
do you notice how
light love feels when you
ignore the dark?
Love is morphine for
all our broken parts;

Capsize me, and
somehow,  I'll be
*less dizzy.

Have you ever tasted
being caught inbetween?
Had your soul
half stained, half clean?
I doubt you'd understand
how I stand so tall,
when you cause
everything around you to fall,
only so many stabs I could take,
Now it's you I forsake,
served you your own
medicine on a plate,
now you know I'm not
a piece of cake.

You're dreaming if you
thought you could
get the best of me,
you went too far and
dug our grave too deep,
you don't know what's
inside my skin,
you despise my strength
from within,
so now devour the
mess you're in.

You know I've had enough
and I don't want to know
if you've been crying,
I'm done self sacrificing,
You thought you could
break me,

but you could never sedate me,
You could never ruin someone
*so tough.

Pull me,
play this tug of war
until I can no longer
bend back for you,
as much as I love you,
I cannot split myself in half for you.
I hope you understand,
I hope you see
I cannot feed this
masochistic thrill you seek;
I want to feel, feel, feel so badly
but not bad enough to taste blood,
but badly enough to give
all the right pieces of me
to the right person.

Cadmium*

You took a bullet to my heart
made of titanium,
poisoned my blood with deceit and lies,
filled my lungs with cadmium.

How can I not see your reflection
in any one who speaks your same words?
I try to forget of your mistakes
but mirrors only amplify the hurt.

I have given up on searching for your heart,
hope and want are a self destructing team;
you've never once apologised,
I've had to settle for "I'm sorry" in my dreams.

You feel like poison in my veins,
but maybe you're just good
at disguising damage,

I could make a mosaic
out of my own pieces,
but I'm choosing to share
my canvas with you,

So why do you insist
on painting me blue?

A car, a person, a dirt street, the beach.
A loading journey,
Simple, unmeant goodbye.
Not sad to go away,
Relieved to not stay.
Need more space,
Need more space,
Some time away from reality,
Utopia, I'm a fool for you,
and I'm no match for
this mangled world.

Nicotine



I cannot ignore

how loudly love knocks

whilst you and I exchange

meaningful eye locks.

You are my Lucida,

my brightest star,

though I never intended

for you

to take so much space

in my heart;

I cannot tell where

your fervency ends

and my love starts.

You are an iota of heartache,

mixed with a hint of nicotine

and sprinkled with flaws,

reminding me broken beings

should be healed with love

not bandaids or empty promises

(though they're the same).

My darling, sublimity scintillates 

in your eyes and

I cannot explain in a rhyme

the many ways you make me feel sublime.



A/N: Hey guys! An update after a long time!! I know this is not the order that the poems go, but I felt inspired to write about *this person and so I thought why not? If you'd like to, comment some feedback, thoughts, and / or questions  (:

I took a big risk
being the first to say
"I love you."
But your silence
was the only reply I needed.
I understand and I
won't force love upon you
and maybe it was too soon,
but when you've got a
mind like mine,
things turn rather absurd,
and the words you utter more
than any other words
are "I love you" and "sorry."
So, I'm sorry that I finally confessed
the words that have been forever
sleeping in my chest,
But maybe I just hoped
that you'd be able to break the spell..
I digress.
What matters is the words
have been said,
they will not die with me
when I take my last breath.

Nicotine*

I write this under a reading light,
my hand a shadow,
moving along the page.
I write this because you
told me I could share,
and because I've never really
shared the words that make
my hands tingle.

I write this because
you are my Toluene -
you stir my mind matter
in ways no one else does.
You make me panic,
then relieved, then okay,
then glad to be yours,
and then...

You turn into my nicotine;
The coldness of my body
not pressed against yours
seeps through my skin,
and the withdrawal symptoms begin.

The bruise of your
sudden absence
is a tattoo my heart
carries proudly.
But bruises and tattoos
turn bitter when they begin
pulling triggers;
How many times must I
bleed for you?
How many times must I
swallow the feeling of hollow
and still believe you care, my love?
Your soul's a stranger
but for love's sake
I'll take the danger
and let you turn my heart
into a cremation chamber.

Toluene*

He is a truly sublime being,
his "I love you's" like
sticky notes, stickers,
every embrace leaves
an imprint on my arms,
every kiss clings to my tongue
until I taste him again,
His love, an adhesive,
a sudden wallop of rapture
flowing through each
cremation chamber,
making my heart hum hum hum
a little faster faster faster
love knows no punctuation

- Crimsyy

What are you?
A snake with a
seemingly flawless jaw,
slithering through me,
I can't escape from you
and from this craving
that arises so desperately,
you bit me once and ever since
you've been an itch that
I've been resisting
(don't scratch , don't scratch)
I'll scratch until I run out
of tears and anesthetic,
until my heart has made peace
with you leaving so effortlessly,
just slithering out as easy
as you slithered in.
I'm so desperate to get out of you
but so desperate to breathe you in
and never breathe you out;
I'm the hole dug outside,
lips are the shovel
and love's the dirt we use
to fill the hole back up,
and what are you?


A snake.

Vinyl Chloride

I will never believe
in you again,
There is harm in
trusting a delusive
person like you;
Your damage replays,
others can see the
debris from your mistakes;
if only I were made of bricks,
then maybe, you
wouldn't weigh as much,
but because I'm
not made of bricks,
I'm vulnerable,*
starring tired flesh
and equally tired heart.

Acetone*

It wouldn't take
a simple overnight
to have enough of him, now;
You miss him,
isn't that right,
as you tie your shoe laces
and clench your jaw tight.
How long is soon?
The waiting party's over,
your resistance, a deflated balloon.
You're running out of air, silly girl,
too attached with your care.
You're a switch and he flips you
from nothing to everything,
and you're weaponless.
So, do yourself a favour,
and stop counting all the seconds
you've waited for him,
stop wasting your 11:11,
or else when the clock
finally breaks down,
the time might just **** you.

Dear solitude,
I have forsaken you
because I'm no longer
safe in you,
and safe is all I long to be.

I'd love to recoil within myself
but that only worsens my diagnosis,
That only pulls the trigger
of my metaphorical gun
until I want to hold a real one
and aim it at my clouded head.

Dear solitude,
Somedays you're the master
and I'm the slave,
recoiling until the outside
is an intruder,
But now I need the outside
to pull me out of the quicksand.

Solitude, you can't always be
my cheatsheet to pass the test,
Sometimes to win, I need to expose
all the skeletons I've tucked away
in your locker.

Solitude,
You were my morphine
but now my morphine has
brown eyes,
a face-lighting smile,
a heartbeat,
and arms I can crash into
whenever you hunt me down.

you would have
liked me shallow
thoughts like dipping only
half a foot in the ocean
thoughts like simple
one sentence answers

you would have
liked me normal,
seeing black for black,
grey for grey

(on second thought,
grey is probably
just a darker shade of white)

you would have liked my soul
just as dull as you
but i'm a spark of colour
in a monochrome set of walls,
i am green life in
a concrete jungle

you would have liked
our discussions
to not even be discussion,
just small talk
half-assed thoughts,
lukewarm effort

but poets just don't think
like that.

our minds are
more like trees,
branching out in every
possible direction
landing on the moon and
settling for the stars
when we don't.

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! here's to the poets and to the few people that aren't shallow-minded.

Methanol

You were two-faced
like most people,
and that hasn't changed,
but I have...
You will be disappointed to learn
I am not wasteful with
my loyalty anymore.

Ammonia

My mouth became a cemetery
for all the words I didn't say,
I bought them all
tombstones and coffins
and buried them,
a self destructive funeral.
I could rip you in half,
turn into a lurid scream
and shatter your spine;
I think you would be
the perfect picture of putrefaction,
mutilated, in monochrome;
the very shade of my heart.