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CE Feb 2015
You are like the night sky

You are dark and scary and hold secrets that humanity must never know

People will glance and see such beauty,

People will stare and question everything at the sight of you

They will question why they even matter anymore if such beauty can exist with them not needed

You hold answers to questions we cannot even think of
and questions that we are too afraid to ask

You give us questions of why does anything even have meaning anymore?

Meaning means nothing in the presence of you

It will take great thinkers millennia to be able to describe and define you

Yet you can not be defined still- you are an enigma after years of trying to understand

You cannot be understood

You are an infinity of terror

Pure

Undefined

Misconstrued

Magnificent

TERROR
Also your eyes sparkles like the stars or something along those lines.
5.8k · Jun 2014
The perception of perfection
CE Jun 2014
"Perfect" is not a state of matter or being

It is everything

"Perfect" cannot be defined as a state of flawlessness
Yet cannot be defined in itself as flawed

it cannot be defined

it is a contradiction
A paradox

To an extent, perfection is infinite

Yet it is
so pure
So sinful
So complex
So simple

So finite

Perfection is not a material state

Nor is it a mental state

It is not a state at all

Perfection has no meaning

It's just a word, after all
CE Nov 2014
With a shadow by his side he will travel down explored paths
No mystery to him yet he's encrypted
He rescued his shadow from awful gazes
And he stole it and ran
Nothing but a shadow by his side,
That's what he has now
A shadow by his side,
And that's all he needs now

A shadow by his side

Of where he once was
3.1k · Apr 2015
your heart is not the same
CE Apr 2015
When did
"I am your equal,
I want mutual respect and love.
What is mine is yours,
And I will give you Eden if you desire it,
I will protect you,
I promise no evil will be upon you."


Become
"I am your superior,
I demand worship.
I am entitled to everything you have,
Because you deserve nothing-
You deserve to be tossed into the street,
And torn apart by stray dogs.
You are a nothing but a burden"
?
2.7k · Jan 2016
looking through old pictures
CE Jan 2016
She was not a good photographer

Somehow she found a way to make the entire world around her ugly
2.4k · Jun 2014
Kleptomania
CE Jun 2014
Why?

Why did I do it?
Why did I start?
Why didn't I use my better judgement?

Oh I'll regret this
Every time that's what I say
"You'll regret that"
I say as I continue
Why don't I listen?

Oh my own selfish intentions and fear of getting caught
I can't walk down the same roads and streets because I'm afraid it'll happen again

I'm sorry for what I've done

But I just can't help myself

Stupid impulses and spontaneous action leads me to do the despicable

my arrogant "woe is me" attitude
I can't see what's wrong  until its too late

And why?

Why did I do it?

I ask

As it happens again
2.1k · Nov 2017
hey boys
CE Nov 2017
I love repressed boys, depressed boys, not very well dressed boys

tall boys, cool boys, acting like a fool boys

raised christian gone atheistic, nihilistic boys

boys that hate themselves more than I could ever love them,
with a sense of grandeur that would rival narssius himself boys

cold eyed boys that keep knives under their sleeves and I can see the cuts on their fingertips boys

"I could slit your throat right now without a second thought," boys

"I don't love anyone but I love you," boys

I love getting on my knees for that sort of boy

because I'm colder than any of you boys

and I can make you scream in pain and wish that god was listening, boy

big talking boys with an even bigger ego and a whole lot of swagger

I'll make you close that big mouth, boy
CE Jan 2016
YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL

YOU ARE SELFISH AND
AND

AND YOU'RE STUPID

AND YOU'RE AN INGRATE

AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE POETRY

AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE NOT AS PROFOUND AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO THINK

AND
AND
AND

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE THIS WAY

YOU'RE WEAK

JUST

*******

DIE ALREADY

YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING AT ALL*

--

he breaks down to his knees,

he thinks he should be crying but the tears will not come

he sits for a while, empty and trying to quiet down his mind

he lies down,

one phrase in his head a little louder then the rest of all the noises in the world

*"you
are
not
special"
1.9k · May 2014
Pigeon
CE May 2014
When I die
I want a pigeon on my gravestone
Why?
Because that's what it is
How I will be remembered
People will walk past me not caring
Unless I'm specific, I won't matter
They will trot past not noticing my name
Maybe I'll steal a quick glance
And maybe children will stare in wonder
Maybe someone will look and genuinely care
Or maybe not  
I am like a pigeon in life and death
People just don't care
I'm just something to inhabit the background
Something that could be great but probably never will be
I spare thoughts for pigeons
But who would care about that creepy boy that sits and talks to birds?
CE Nov 2015
Show the liars that they are blind
Away with false idols
Down with the lying prophets
And destroy all that is not
the gospel truth of ME

I am merciful, believe it or not
I will not hate or bestow wrath for no reason

Nor my respect is freely given

Earn your keep.
Earn your right.
Earn your life.

Give me a reason,

Your God commands it,

Why do you get to live today?
CE Jan 2016
I will not last without you here

I cannot live alone

I cannot live without you

I can barely live at all

Please,

my guardian angel,

please don't leave me
Poor girl has to witness the only thing she ever cared about being smashed in front of her. what a shame that must be.
CE Feb 2015
You are not apologising because you are sorry

You are not apologising to make amends

You are apologising to me

Because I am big

And powerful

And scary

You are not apologising

You are protecting yourself

I don't care for what you did

I don't care

I just wish

You were honest

There is no point in phony apologies

They don't mean anything

I forgive you-

As is my custom

But it's not because of your dishonest words

It's because I am big

And powerful

And scary

And forgiving
CE Dec 2015
GIRL

THIS IS WHO YOU ALWAYS WILL BE

GIRL

YOU CANNOT ESCAPE IT

GIRL

YOU WILL NEVER BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE

GIRL

WHY DO YOU TRY TO FIGHT IT

GIRL

GIVE IN TO IT YOU SILLY

GIRL

THE WORLD WILL ALWAYS SEE YOU

GIRL

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE

GIRL
A poor boy from a family of sharks that all think he is something he is not.
1.3k · Jun 2014
Lonely duet
CE Jun 2014
I sing my lonesome song
Calling for someone else who knows these words
I used to be in a choir of voices
Many like mine

Now?

A Lonely soloist
Acapella in my solitude
Far and wide these lyrics travel
No one ever completes my duet
But that won't stop me from trying

The ghosts that muted the songs of many try and mimic my melody

Hoping to entice me to them

they will cut me open and tear me apart

Ignoring my cries and pleads as they carry on their experiments

Vivisected

Stripped of all emotion

They will steal my voice

My breath

Use me as a slave before I am thrown away

Useless

They rendered many speechless

But not me

I'll not be fooled

Their webs stole everyone away

Why I'm alone is them

Those ghosts laugh

Awful voices

Winey

Nothing important to say

I'll swim through this vast sea

alone

For however long I need

Before I find that one

That completes my harmony
1.2k · Jul 2016
burn yourself out
CE Jul 2016
Here, I'll pour the gas for you and I'll even strike the match

All you have to do it drop it and we'll watch it all light up
1.2k · Apr 2015
Family troubles
CE Apr 2015
It's sad that

The only time

You promise not to fight

Is when

Your mother

Is being hoisted into the groud

In a cardboard box

Isn't it?
Drama
1.1k · Oct 2016
Doppelgänger
CE Oct 2016
I see a little bit of myself in everyone I know

x

But I see so much of me in you

x

I wonder if you see it, too
1.1k · Apr 2015
Mr melancholy speaks
CE Apr 2015
You were the one
That told me
Don't be so
*******
Apathetic

And you told me
Don't be oblivious

Don't be an empty person

With no face

You told
Me

That because I do not show it

Because I don't know how to show it

That I am empty

Mr apathy

Mr I don't care

Mr I can't care

And I tried as hard as I could

To be what you thought I needed to be

I felt so ******* bad about myself, you know?

I'm not

The person

That people

Will love

I am not

The person

That people

Can love

I am not

The person

That

Can love

Oh save me?

I did not need to be saved

I did not need to be saved

I DID NOT NEED TO BE SAVED

Don't take it upon yourself

To be the one that fixes me

When I was never broken

And it took so long for me to see that

After you told me otherwise for so long

I am not broken or empty

*You are
You're still kind of a ****, huh
1.1k · Oct 2014
"What colour are your eyes?"
CE Oct 2014
If sitting in the middle of a boring class, half-asleep with the teacher droning on about long-division was a colour, that would be my eyes.

Dull. Boring. Nothing special.

Somewhere you just want to leave.

My eyes don't sparkle like the stars, they aren't deep like a poem.

They are shallow.
Lifeless.

My eyes are the only thing that describe me well,
because with no words they still say something about me:

DEAD.
1.1k · Feb 2017
sleepover all summer
CE Feb 2017
There was ***** and stolen cigarettes
There were long nights in her bed
There was a 10 year old learning about things he shouldn't know
There was secrecy, "our little secret"

She made me feel special
She was older and mature
This stuff was mature;
Even if it hurt
Even if I bled
Even if made me sick

I learned that a child's body is a play thing,
Locked inside a damp, broken toy box until it was to be used again
I learned that a child's mind was of little value without its sweet and soft body

No child ever came out of that house, that locked toybox  

A child died in that house,
Mind damaged beyond repair
But thank goodness it's body is still in tact
An empty body,
An empty husk of a child,
It's much easier to use

Without that body this child is worthless
I apologise if this poem comes of as glorification/fetishisation, it's not intended to.
Trigger warning for themes of CSA/*******.
CE Dec 2015
love won't save the world

love won't save you or me

love won't stop the bullets flying into the deer's leg

love won't stop her last attempts of escape, her last few bucks for life

love won't stop the knife sliding up her stomach

love won't stop her skin from parting like rose petals

love won't stop your hand finding her heart and pulling it out

love won't stop you throwing it to the ground and stamping on it

love won't clean the blood off your hands

and love won't sew the deer's chest up again

love didn't save any of us,

love didn't stop you

and love certainly didn't save her

and love won't save me
Just because you love somebody doesn't mean they will never hurt you.
CE Jan 2016
I AM FULL OF LOVE,

HOW COULD SUCH A THING MAKE ME FEEL SO EMPTY?
today is an overthinking day, I can tell. I'm really sorry. It's just been really bad lately, you know? It's my fault, really. I shouldn't have expected anything different.
981 · Aug 2014
Ineffable
CE Aug 2014
You can put any insignificant thing into words

why on Earth would I want to do the same with you?
CE Feb 2016
I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS DYING AND YOU TOOK ONE LOOK AT MY BLEEDING THROAT AND TOLD ME NOT TO GET BLOOD ON YOUR NEW SHIRT
875 · Jul 2014
My tragic backstory
CE Jul 2014
Life *****
doesn't it?
The tedious action we must all pull through
to arrive at the same conclusion
the fullstop
or maybe a comma

what an allusive ending

I'm curious now

but this is all a lie, of course

The need to find out

it was all a lie from my own mind

fictional

my head is crowded with mist
I can only see white

I'll fill in the gaps myself

or should I start again?

It's not bad,

what I've been saying

but I cannot stop these words

I do not crave sympathy

Contrasting to belief

I just crave justification

For saying

"Life *****"
I don't even ******* know what this poem is about, not going to lie.. It's 2am and I need to write poems, but I'm a massive tangenter and it really shows in my poetry.
871 · Jan 2018
holy number 7
CE Jan 2018
a 7 day
is the only day
I can get into heaven

46 times a year
(not including the whole of july)
I'm allowed to try

7, 17, 27

lucky numbers

I didn't think I'd make it through 2017
a year of free passes
to let the angels walk me down the aisle
and marry me to the sky

on a 7 day
they- the angels-
will calm my trembling and convulsing body
clean up all of my *****
take out the part of my brain that makes me feel bad
grab hold of my bleeding wrists and bandage them with feathers and love

they hold my hands
lifting me up by the grace of god herself
and 700 eyes emerge
out of every wound and pore in my skin

and I become
my own angel
my own god

I will become
my own holy number 7
suicide by number 7 seems like a wonderful way to go. Maybe thats my autism talking.
851 · Aug 2014
The snowflakes
CE Aug 2014
How mysterious
How obscure
How bizarre

You choose to stare at brush strokes instead of your media
You choose to live in some vague attempt at what some call "culture"  
And look down on those who prefer the rest

Your tastes are what you call "unique"
But you're in a flock of black sheep

You will look down on me
Because you don't deem me worthy of some great thinker whose name you can't pronounce

You will look and groan about how kids really shouldn't be allowed here
because they just don't get it
Because we don't fit your melancholy and expressionless identity

And it's true
We're not a part of your empty pride

We will look at a landscape or portrait and smile
or maybe frown
Because it makes us feel something

We don't care for the culture around it

We're only here

Because it makes us feel

And isn't that the point?

Art isn't supposed to be shoved to the top of a podium

It isn't supposed to be sat behind glass while some snobs stare through intently
Not really sure what they're looking at

Isn't it supposed to make you feel something?

Maybe not..

Maybe I'm just a hopeful youth out of his place.
CE Oct 2016
my life is sadness

As if you didn't already know that,
I'm a teenager after all

But this isn't a poem about a sad wasted life

It's a bland poem about a sad artist

Nothing I can ever do will make it meaningful

There's no point to it

I can create,

Write some profound or empty poetry

Make some genius or contrived music

Paint some ugly or beautiful pictures

gentrify my sadness,

make it pretty
make it art

It doesn't make it anything more than a black hole

a black hole that throws out a portrait of a boy with a million eyes that can't see anything

I realise now
that sadness

no matter how much I dress it up

Is sadness

And even if it's pretty or artistic

it's never going to be more than that
I realised how much of a little poseur I am. How terrible.
840 · Feb 2015
Truth isn't real
CE Feb 2015
I've never thought of anything as existing without me there to interact with it
How can something exist without the acknowledgement of me?
Because I am the only one who I can be sure exists therefore anything outside of what I know cannot be proven to be real
I can touch
I can feel
I can hear
But I can never be sure

This is why I do not think your honesty is real
I have never seen, nor heard of it
I have only guessed at it
I have not experienced your truthfulness
Therefore such a thing cannot exist
I can't prove it
And I'm pretty sure neither can you

And I know, for sure, that everything I felt was not real

As I did not feel anything that was towards anything real

They are null
They are void

Smile and giggle and frown and tear

Null and void

You do not exist anymore

I start to wonder if you ever did

Your truth-

I know that didn't

Nothing but this page

Nothing but this poetry

That is all that exists now

It just

died
832 · Apr 2016
a contrived poem about love
CE Apr 2016
"Why don't you write about me?"*

I can put any insignificant thing into words, why on earth would I want to do the same thing with you?
I could give you thousands of metaphors of love but it will end with broken hearts on the sidewalk
and I could give you hundreds of synonyms of happiness but it will turn to fear of being alone soon enough

you should now by now that
my writings are not the place for things that I love.


They'll get mangled and die.
822 · Jun 2014
Why are you shouting at me?
CE Jun 2014
Vain

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean it

Stupid

I'm trying to make you happy

rude

I didn't mean it

Why are you still yelling at me?

Self-centred

I'm sorry

harsh

Stop it
I'm really sorry

mean

Stop it
I'm trying to make it right

stubborn

Please stop
I can't take it anymore

selfish

Just stop it

idiot

Stop..




Why are you crying?
Why are you upset?
Why aren't you okay?
807 · Mar 2015
Describe the ant
CE Mar 2015
You are not a part of something greater than yourself

You are in its way

You are not part of the stars and the moon and the planets,

You are not the grassy green fields of July,

You are not the infinite sea,

You are not the finite deserts

You are all you will ever be

And that is small-

Smaller than we can even conceive

You are a ghost

You are a squeak

You are a shadow

You are limited.

Something we will never be
786 · May 2016
a marvellous persona
CE May 2016
There was a glimmer of an emotion still inside him but it was definitely not a good emotion.

He wondered if he should dig it up until he hit water or bury it with more apathetic personas.
768 · Oct 2014
It scares me
CE Oct 2014
The monster is here again
It's big and scary
It's eyes are red
And it's so loud

I don't know what it is
It's in the kitchen right now
It's sitting on the floor
Broken glass everywhere

I used to ask it what it was
But now I just hide

Because if ever I go near it
It will scream
It will scream at me

And it will hurt me

It always says it didn't mean to do it

But it never stops

I just want it to leave

But I want it to stay

Because it's my fault that it's here

I didn't mean to make it angry

It can be nice sometimes

But it's not right now




I just want my mummy..
CE Apr 2015
Why would you tell me
That you loved me

If you knew that it wasn't true?

The truth might hurt,

But you hurt me more than the truth ever could

Ignorance was not the bliss you said it would be

A lot of things are not what you said they would be

I gave you nothing but honesty

And you gave me

Fantasy ?

Not the wonderful kind with blue skies and flowers,

The kind that leaves you empty and hollow

Because you can't help but feel

That it just might happen

But in your heart of hearts,

You know it never will

And I knew all along that something was not right

From the very beginning

I used to think it fell apart sooner but I know now

From the beginning it was wrecked

I just wish I had the courage to say something

Like you had the cowardice to say nothing

Flowers really are cowards, huh
Lilies are the worst kind of lover
744 · Dec 2016
thin skin
CE Dec 2016
His body was the scene of the crime that he was never permitted to leave

The home battlefield of a surrendered side shown no mercy by the aggressor

If he looks down for too long then the memory of ***** hands pressing on his throat and spreading his legs open return

There was nowhere he was safe

Impurity had burrowed under his skin

his insides had paid the price
741 · Mar 2015
Letters that I never wrote
CE Mar 2015
Stranger,
My words don't have a lot of meaning to you. Not now, at least. I don't know you. I don't know your struggles. I don't know if the cause was lost before it begun, I don't know if there's even a fight to be had. I know the amount of insignificant thoughts these words bring.
I don't know you. Yet.
I do know something that may help, though.
I know that if you need some words of motivation, and you don't mind how badly said they are,
You can turn here. I hope this is a helpful offer.
Have a nice day.



friend,
I'm glad you're getting better. I don't know how hard it is and I doubt I ever will, but I'm proud of you for getting better. I know glad to hear all of the good. I hope it lasts.
Have a nice day.



friend,
You seem very happy these days. I'm glad. I doubt I have a lot to do with that. You have a lot of good things happening for you right now, and I'm glad that they are happening. I wish that you would sometimes pay more mind to me, I understand that I am not permanent. But I wish sometimes you would act as if I was. Oh well, perhaps that is selfish.
Have a nice day.


friend,
Where have you gone? I haven't heard from you at all. You used to be everywhere. You used to be everything. where have you gone? Friend, I am worried. Me and so many others. Get back to me, to us. We need to know that you are okay. Perhaps it's just mistakes on my part, perhaps it's just me. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience.
Have a nice day.



friend, I'm so relieved. I was so worried about you. I had thought the worst, I had heard what your lover had done. I was appalled. But I was mostly afraid, dear friend. I know that you are not as strong as you would make-believe. I was worried, friend. I was so worried.
I wonder why you let us worry, sometimes.
Have a nice day.



friend,
Why do you never write back anymore? I'm starting to wonder if these letters are more of a bother than act of friendship. friend, is that true? Perhaps you are just not getting them. Perhaps it's the post office. That's probably it. friend? I hope that's it.
Have a nice day.



friend,
I haven't heard from you in weeks. Please reply.
Have a nice day.



friend,
Does this matter to you anymore?

Did it ever?



friend,
Just talk to me. ******* it, just give me piece of mind. Humour me. Just let me know. You are important to me, friend. You are very important. Do not act as if my words mean nothing. They used to not, but now they should. They really should. Your words mean everything to me. You told me, friend. You promised me that my words mattered. You helped me realise they mattered. You made me see that I have effect. Don't destroy that. Don't destroy the person you helped build.
Please, friend.



Stranger,

I hope you have a nice day.
The rise and fall of the friendship with a person that never happened. I barely talked to her. But I knew her. I really knew her. and I loved her with all my heart. That is the honest truth, though you can choose to not believe it.
Some lovers are simply not meant to be.
735 · Nov 2015
1am
CE Nov 2015
1am
It's 1 in the morning and I'm trying to decide how I want to die

But I don't want to die, of course not.

I want to live.
I just want to live in a way in which I feel good..

Hell, a life in which I feel anything would be great.

"Pain is the only thing that reminds us we feel"

sure, okay!

I don't even ******* dream anymore.

What does life mean when you don't even want anything out of it?

If you can't dream or aspire then what is the actual point ?

What's the point of living as a ghost ?
What?
CE Jan 2016
She dressed in floral sundresses as if every day was summer
She enjoyed ripping the wings off of butterflies
and burned daisies for fun

and the girl in the sundresses set fire to anthills to see them scramble out like criminals on the run

The girl in the sundresses drowned her pet mouse,
dried out her gold fish,
cut the wings off her parrot
and choked her snake with them

and I don't believe in evil

The girl is not evil, despite all people say
Why did she do it? I don't know
Did the victims deserve it? I don't know

The girl died a long time ago
Mauled by a dog  
Maybe that is irony
Maybe it is karma

She stayed up every night helping her little brother with homework
she said hello to the postman every morning
she baked cookies and offered them to classmates for no reason other than to give

She- despite all of the hurt -is not evil
She- despite all that they say -is not evil

and the girl in the sundresses doesn't deserve to be known
as a destroyer
as a killer
as a maniac

she deserves to be known
as more than just one word

'evil'
I don't believe in evil. I never have and I never will. Based on an old friend of mine.
CE Mar 2015
The moon has been cancelled

We apologise for inconvenience caused
British weather will never cease to ruin your day
668 · Nov 2014
When the kid died
CE Nov 2014
It was a long time ago

I would be woken up by my brothers' loud music taste

I would rush downstairs to sing along to whatever pop-punk or metal band it was

I would scream and hurt my voice

But I wouldn't care

I would stare out of my window and see the trains flash past

I would run around outside playing football and hide and seek

I would spend the rainy days playing whatever video game I wanted

I would never be bored
And I had it all

I had everything I ever wanted

But that was all before it happened

It was all different one day

Dinner was quiet

We were sent to our room for no reason

Me and my brother obeyed

I still remember shouting and someone being dragged out of the house

I couldn't see but I could hear it

I remember nothing

Then a SMASH

Then SIRENS

Then nothing

And I saw red and blue lights out of the window

My brother just told me to keep quiet

And go to sleep

It'll all be ok once I go to sleep

I didn't sleep at all

It was a long night

We didn't see our dad for a while after that

My brother didn't play his music anymore

I never watched the trains

My brother didn't want to play with me

I didn't feel like playing games, either

Then we moved away from that place

No more big TV with loud speakers

No more train tracks

No more big garden where we can run

No more video games

We lost it all

And ever since I've tried to get it back

I tried to get the music, and the trains, and the field, and the games back

But that day it all died

And I can't ever have it back
666 · Nov 2018
I dreamt I wrote a poem
CE Nov 2018
a word doesn't have to be real for it to have meaning
nothing has to be real for it to grip your stomach and throat and force butterflies into every part of your anatomy
the emotion crawls under your skin and all you can do is feel it

a woman rises in the dawn with her fiery red hair, eating men like air
you become that smiling woman, only 17 and not even a lady
dying becomes your art, and you are indeed very good at it

a man frowned like thunder and went away, the stars not needed today
you begin to pack up your very own sky, melancholy filling your entire world until it all comes to a standstill
wind does not blow and not even streetlights shine
your very own lover is still in tact, a phone call away even
but he frowned like thunder and went away

a raven, a remorse, a rapping at the chamber door
a madness, a mania, a man whose mind is gripped by loss
a horror that now belongs to you, the pigeons on the street start to quoth "nevermore,"
every crow is an omen, every bird is wandering through purgatory just to torment you,
and you have no loss to speak of

I dreamt I wrote that feeling, I dreamt I put it into words
I dreamt I transcended humanity, I dreamt I became the art
I dreamt about the feeling, I dreamt you felt it too
I've been reading a lot to get out of my writers block and this is the result. three of my favourite poems, lady lazarus by Sylvia Plath, funeral blues by WH Auden, and the raven by Edgar Allen Poe served as main inspo. I tried to make them into something new, about poetry itself and how much of an amazing art form it is. about how you don't have to empathise to be able to feel the intense emotion and power behind them. also, I know 'dreamt' isn't a word. I just like how it looks/sounds more than 'dreamed'.
637 · Jun 2014
Excuses, excuses
CE Jun 2014
What would you do?
What could you do?

Sit there, a scream echoing in your lungs
Never allowed to escape

Could you stand and laugh when on the inside
You're crying?

Could you walk alone, knowing that people can't  understand you?

Not because you don't tell them
Not because you can't explain it
Not because they don't try to understand

But because they don't comprehend an unhealthy mind

They don't see someone in a constant war of them self

They see excuses

They see an attention *****

They see someone who is so self-loathing they're not willing to make an effort

And then they say it
Over and over

Until the voices sink in to your head
Over and over

Then aren't just voices anymore
They're screams
your own voice

Over and over

Yelling

Telling you you're lying

Not a good friend

Not a good person

And at first, you don't believe it
You tell yourself
"no, it's not true; it can't be."
Then you give up

Because you just can't fight anymore
Let them sink in

Sentences that cut into you

Slurs and insults that leave bruises everywhere

Words hit you like knives

And now

inside and out

You're covered in scars

You don't know if they'll heal

You hope so

They hurt so much
This is a pretty old poem from god-knows-when, but it's pretty good considering its not that new
636 · Apr 2019
where's the receipt
CE Apr 2019
to live with a female body;
it would have been fine!
if only that body
happened to be mine
CE Mar 2016
I FOUGHT ******* MY MISGUIDED QUEST,
GOOD GOD I FOUGHT SO HARD

WHAT A SHAME THAT A BOY BLINDED BY NAIVETY ENDED UP DESTROYING EVERYTHING HE HAD THOUGHT HE WAS SAVING

I FELT EMPTY AND NUMB WHEN ALL MY FOES HAD FALLEN TO THE GROUND
****** AND DEAD

IS THAT HOW A HERO IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL?
629 · Dec 2014
Ode to the everything
CE Dec 2014
You're everything I've ever wanted,
devoted and kind and loyal and beautiful--
the kind of beauty that radiates through the sky and makes the stars themselves fall out of sheer embarrassment
embarrassed that they cannot shine like your smile, embarrassed that they can't twinkle like your eyes,
they can't hold a candle to you.
There is a sky full of stars,
and you're the sun and the moon and the earth,
and everything else beautiful.
My Mars,
my Jupiter,
my Saturn,
you're everything.
Everything from the beginning of everlasting,
to the end of gone.
You're everything.
And you're a beautiful everything.
628 · Jan 2018
confessions and mud
CE Jan 2018
you can't forgive me for things
I don't even know I did-
the blame is all mine

people have died because
of the vile things
I become when I'm sad

I, too, will to die that way
cut with things I don't remember doing
(my head aches so I know it happened)

I will collapse
under the weight
of multiplicity
I will bury myself
beneath mud and stones
no more "I", no more "us"

just myself,

the only self there should be
CE Jan 2016
Letting go
Of things
That never should have been

Strike a match
Light up
Old photographs

Happy faces
Stuck forever in
Better times

And those times
Are gone
Now

And she
Is gone
Now

But without
Her
I breathe

And without
Her
I live

She is not
Here
Anymore

And when
I lit up
The photos

The feeling
Was not
Gone

The feeling
Simply made way
For new things to feel

And I
Will move on
Away from her

And she
Away from me
Will move on

And in
The burning memories in front of me
I found peace
I miss her, and I will never stop missing her. But I have found peace, despite the fact we will never speak again. The things we shared will always be something beautiful, even if we were young and stupid.
615 · Jan 2016
So long, blackbird
CE Jan 2016
You never know what your last meeting will be

With you it was nice,

We talked about silly things and the struggles we share-

The things that made us bond in the first place

We talked about the world, our gods, our eyes, everything

We talked about the way we things look to us

The fact we seemed to be colourblind in a world of spectre

And we said our goodbyes

And that was that.

So long, old friend

Have a nice day
605 · Jan 2016
who I have loved
CE Jan 2016
HALCYON BOY. 17. DESTROYED AND THEN DIED.

LOST GIRL. 14. NEVER EXISTED FOR ME.

LOST BOY. 15. POTENTIAL TO DESTROY.

PERFECT GIRL. 16. NEVER CHARGED FOR HER CRIMES.

WANNABE BOY. 13. TAKEN BEFORE HIS TIME.

MELANCHOLY BOY. 14. DYING.
a list of those who, at some point in time at least, I have loved. A lot of them are horrible people, now that I think about it.
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