It is wrong
To be 19
But already looking for someone
To have a future with?
To plan marriage and children?
Somehow,
Every guy i came across with
Walks away
Because of what i want
Maybe  I'm too young to think of the future
But last night
I met you
And you told me
How you're looking for someone
To start a future with
You laughed it off
And said how you're too young to be thinking about it
And yet you were
I didn't know
Id find
Someone who is as freaky as me
To be wanting a future with someone
At such a young age
I think
He's the one
I hope he is

My friends asked me
Who is that guy?
Is he your boyfriend?
You always go out with him?

And all I can say is.
We are just friends.

Obviously it seem like a lie
But it's the sad truth
There was nothing more between us.

My workmates asked me
Do you have a boyfriend?
Who is that guy in your phone?
He's your boyfriend right?

And it pains me to say
He's just a friend

Every single time
With tears in my eyes
With the stinging pain feeling to say it out
We were just friends
Or used to be at least.

We are just friends
Friends with a special bond
We kiss
We hug
We meet almost everyday
We can't go a day without talking to each other
We miss each other the moment we part ways.
We only behave this way towards each other.
We are "just friends"
Weird how everything we do,
Are what couples do,
and yet,
We are only friends.

So one day, i might fall for someone new.
Someone who will love me and call me his girlfriend.
So do not blame me when i leave,
Because you just wanted to keep me as a friend despite loving me the same way as i have loved you .

2 years ago,
I found out i was pregnant
Carrying a child  whose father i don't even know
A man who ***** me in my sleep
And left me with nothing but pain

Despite so,
I wanted to keep my child
I wanted to take care of him
But life doesn't always goes as planned

It wasn't my decision to keep him
But during the time i had him,
I was the happiest
Because i had fallen in love
With a baby i have not met
A child i swore to take care
A child that made me love myself
In order to love him

Losing him
Was heartbreaking

If i could turn back time
I wouldve taken good care of myself
So i can have you in my life right now
But at the same time
I would've wished i never met the man
Who left you and me

2years ago today
I made a foolish mistake
But i never once regretted having you in my life

I love you still
I will love you always

I didn't like him at first
But something about him made me love him
Something about him made me want him
We got so close
And I thought I could finally call him mine
But as the time past by
The closer we got,
The more distant I feel we have become
And that's when I fear,
Him leaving me,
When I thought I could fall in love
But end up falling in isolation

He kissed me
Unexpectedly
Now
I can't get it out of my head
The thought of his lips
On my lips
The warmth
The goosebumps
I wanted to kiss him more
But I can't
I'm not allowed to
So please unkiss me
Since I can't kiss you
Make me forget
Those lips
That made me fly

He had pretty eyes
And seductive lips
He told me
That i turn him on
I just laugh it off
But little did he know
He had turn me on first

I'll leave these mark
To show the other girls
That im yours
And you are mine
Even though we are nothing
But just friends

I'll make sure
Your other dates
Won't want you
As much as i want you

I'm tired
I'm tired of faking my smiles
pretending to be happy
lying that I'm fine
I'm tired of being a disappointment
Being a mess
Being useless
I'm tired of dealing with toxic people
With a broken family
I'm tired of panic attacks
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of everything

I'm laying on my bed
That was freshly washed
The sweet fresh scent
Had me thinking of you.

The first time you were on my bed
Was the day i had washed them
Cuddling you in my bed
With your smell blended with the sheets
The smell i could fall asleep to
The one that makes me feel safe

I'm smelling my bedsheets again
But this time
Its lacking you

Dear Aaron,
You will not see this
But this is a message for you
And also a reminder to myself of your very existence.

I was a waitress
And you were a customer
To be more specific,
You were one of the teams we sponsored.

And yet, out of the guys there
You were the one that caught my eye
You weren't that goodlooking
There were better guys in the team
And yet,
I caught feelings the moment i saw you
You had that geeky nerdy look
You were really tall and weird
Something about you made me fell for you

I tried to approach you,
In any way possible.
I tried to take your order everytime
Serve your drinks, your food.
I wanted to get close to you
And when i did,
I was attracted to you even more.
You had that blue eyes
And cute smile
The kind that makes me fall for you.
Everytime i see you,
My mood just lighten up
You instantly make me happy
Without even trying
I guess just the sight of you cheers me up.
I'll be honest, I've always laid my eyes on you
Everytime i could
From a far,
I would stare at you
That was how obsessed i was with you

So i shoot my shot, took the risk
And I asked for your instagram
You gave it to me
I was really happy.
you were the first one to text me
It made me happy for a long time
And the first thing you said was,
You find me beautiful with my hair down.
It made me genuinely happy that you noticed me too

You knew i had feelings for you
I guess it was that obvious
And you told me that you werent looking for a relationship
And that you just wanted to have fun and meet different girls
it made me sad, but happy at the same time that you were honest with your intentions
But it was too late, i already caught feelings
So I didn't mind if you hurt me
I already like you
And i wanted to know you more
So i let it be

You didnt want me to catch feelings but wanted to make me happy
So you asked me out on a date, just one.
We went to the gardens
It was a beautiful view
But you were the greatest view i had
I was sad that it was only going to be just one date
But i wanted to make the most out of it
We went to my favourite pizza bar afterwards
We talked
And you ate a lot.

We went from one date, to a few.
From going to the beach
To drinking together
To going to the cinemas
To ice cream dates
All of those times i spent with you
Was a memorable one

We used to have video calls late at night whenever i end work early
Just talking
Just staring at each other
It made me really happy
Or how you'd randomly visit me at work
Saying you were craving for shepherds pie
When you knew i ended work early that day
So you could get ice cream with me afterwards

It's amazing how you knew me so well
When i wasn't okay,
You'd offer to meet for drinks
Or let me sleep over at your place
But you'd always call me when you know im not okay
Because you knew, looking at you made me happy

Its all the little things that you do
Made me love you even more

You didn't have feelings for me
Yet you treated me so nicely
You were mean,
Youd insult me
But i know those insults, were meant to make me shine
So thank you,
Because you made me know im worth so much more
You made me love myself.
You never judged me for my past
You were always there comforting me
You were always honest
You never lied
Even when you went out with other girls,
You told me.
It was a ******* move to tell me.  But i knew you didnt want to hide it from me.

Its been months now,
And look at you, you're dating someone now
I always thought id be the one you'd fall for
I guess im not the perfect girl for you
But regardless of all that,
Im happy for you.
I hope she's everything you ever wanted
I hope she knows how much you need to eat.
I hope she enjoys your singing as much as i do
I hope she knows how much you love chocolates and how much of a big lion king fan you are.
I hope she comforts you for your insecurities better than i was able to.
I guess i wasnt enough to make you fall for me.
But thank you,
Because knowing you, gave me loads of happy memories.
It's sad that we can't go back to how it used to be.
But i am thankful for everything.
I wish you the best in life
And will always watch you from afar
You are somewhere special in my heart
No matter how far you will be
I will always love you
And i hope you'll know that
Aaron,
Grá go Deo.

You told me,
You can't love me because you've lost your commitment.
But that's a lie
Because you've always been committed
Not with me,
But to your past lover.

when you love someone
You will give it all to that person
You will want to be with that person
You will be scared to lose that person

But when you truly love someone
You'll learn that someday,
You have no choice but to let go.
You'll understand that it's the only best thing you could do
To overcome the fear of letting go
And move on to a better life
To love someone
You have to prepare yourself
When it's time to let go