acting is a lot easier than people let you believe. First you pick a person, some sort of simple, easy, fun-loving personality some range of phrases for said personality mixed in with reactions of course, and BAM you got the gist. my character is funny in the way that they're sort of me. I'm very fake. I've got this habit, you see, this habit of smiling and laughing. "it's fine, it's funny we're laughing." I'm the therapist, they come to me, I help. I collect shards and paste them together abandoning my own flayed pieces, ignoring my own shattered self. But that's okay! See that's okay!! Because J! J! J doesn't mind being stepped on! OH ** **! J DOESN'T MIND BEING USED AND TORMENTED! NO NO CONTINUE PLEASE! J doesn't MIND only being talked to when others need something! Please, go ON! Because J! J WILL LET YOU? and why? maybe it's the separation anxiety or abandonment issues or the fear of being alone in a general way or a fear of being hated maybe it's because J is so ****** use to being treated like a ******* DOORMAT! that it doesn't even phase them anymore it doesn't even matter anymore it's part of the normal world day-to-day life! . . . I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. More than most. More than I should. Some would argue that it's simply too much am I trying too hard with it? is it somehow obvious? . . . I left my first period to the bathroom. and proceeded to sit down on the hate this word and yet i couldn't cry? WHY? someone else was in the bathroom. I wanted NEEDED some sort of a break and yet J and yet I I could not give myself leniency. Even alone even if the person there didn't matter. So when she left, a shed I still could not cry and i split skin instead. I had planned it for a while nowhere near deep enough of course couldn't be caught bleeding all around the school. I had my blades in the bag, I tucked them into my pocket. some of the juice splattered itself onto tile floor onto blue jeans onto hate this word paper wrapping itself around my arms, pleading with me to please, please stop. but who the **** cares because . . . I smile a lot.
some people feel anxious a lot some people feel overly tired all the time some people have anger issues some people enjoy life some people are happy, or sad, or mad but i am numb
when i wake up, i am numb i stay in my room because i feel numb i cry to try and feel something, anything but i suddenly stop because feelings are exhausting
i hate going to school because my friends give me **** i already get enough at home, i dont need it here too
its like everyone has their place in this school and im floating around groups its hard to be happy when you work so hard to make everyone else happy its hard to laugh when youre always making sure everyone else is laughing
they dont realize how easy it is to fake a smile to tell a lie for the sake of their feelings to act like you are just fine
they dont realize that when i look the happiest is when i feel the numbest
Everyone may see me and think I'm fine But in reality I'm not What is fine? All I feel is numb inside I hide behind a fake smile to hide how I feel People think I'm doing just fine But behind my fake smile I am far from fine I feel lost in my mind Searching for answers But get none Why can't I be fine Why am I never going to be fine
And i am here; Silently gasping in this thin air. Everybody's on the other side, Looking at me with a carefree smile Thinking i got life handled just fine. When i am nothing but an absolute chaos, Barely grasping on to dear life, Praying for my sweet end every night.
Whatever struggle you're dealing with right now, i'm so frickin amazed by how strong you are. Look at you, still surving despite all the hardships. You're a badass and a real fighter!