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J Mar 23
acting is a lot easier than people let you believe.
First you pick a person,
some sort of simple, easy, fun-loving personality
some range of phrases for said personality
mixed in with reactions of course, and
BAM
you got the gist.
my character is funny in the way that they're sort of me.
I'm very fake.
I've got this habit, you see, this habit of smiling and laughing.
"it's fine, it's funny we're laughing."
I'm the therapist, they come to me, I help.
I collect shards and paste them together
abandoning my own flayed pieces,
ignoring my own shattered self.
But that's okay!
See that's okay!!
Because J!
J!
J doesn't mind being stepped on!
OH ** **!
J DOESN'T MIND BEING USED AND TORMENTED!
NO NO CONTINUE PLEASE!
J doesn't MIND only being talked to when others need something!
Please, go ON!
Because J!
J WILL LET YOU?
and why?
maybe it's the separation anxiety
or abandonment issues
or the fear of being alone in a general way
or a fear of being hated
maybe it's because J is so ****** use to being treated like a
******* DOORMAT!
that it doesn't even phase them anymore
it doesn't even matter anymore
it's part of the normal world
day-to-day life!
. . .
I smile a lot.
I laugh a lot.
More than most.
More than I should.
Some would argue that it's simply too much
am I trying too hard with it?
is it somehow obvious?
. . .
I left my first period to the bathroom. and proceeded to
sit down on the hate this word
and yet i couldn't cry?
WHY?
someone else was in the bathroom.
I wanted NEEDED some sort of a break
and yet J
and yet I
I could not give myself leniency.
Even alone
even if the person there didn't matter.
So when she left, a shed I still could not cry
and i split skin instead.
I had planned it for a while
nowhere near deep enough of course
couldn't be caught bleeding all around the school.
I had my blades in the bag,
I tucked them into my pocket.
some of the juice splattered itself onto tile floor
onto blue jeans
onto hate this word paper
wrapping itself around my arms,
pleading with me to please, please stop.
but who the **** cares
because
. . .
I smile a lot.
In a world where a lot of things happend, fake smiles are old fashioned
These days I don’t trust
I don’t trust smiles
From the inside they’re distrust
How long will it take to combust?
SquidInk Dec 2020
some people feel anxious a lot
some people feel overly tired all the time
some people have anger issues
some people enjoy life
some people are happy, or sad, or mad
but i am numb

when i wake up, i am numb
i stay in my room because i feel numb
i cry to try and feel something, anything
but i suddenly stop because feelings are exhausting

i hate going to school because my friends give me ****
i already get enough at home, i dont need it here too

its like everyone has their place in this school and im floating around groups
its hard to be happy when you work so hard to make everyone else happy
its hard to laugh when youre always making sure everyone else is laughing

they dont realize how easy it is to fake a smile
to tell a lie for the sake of their feelings
to act like you are just fine

they dont realize that when i look the happiest is when i feel the numbest
an easier, less painful way to live
CheyAnn R Oct 2020
Everyone may see me and think I'm fine  
But in reality I'm not
What is fine?
All I feel is numb inside
I hide behind a fake smile to hide how I feel
People think I'm doing just fine
But behind my fake smile
I am far from fine
I feel lost in my mind
Searching for answers
But get none
Why can't I be fine
Why am I never going to be fine
ask me if I'm happy
don't stop at the smile
ask me if I'm happy
go beyond the appearance
ask yourself if you're happy
the real smile is not seen
it's tattooed on the heart
Khyati Aug 2020
There's so much to say
Yet so less to speak
Hundreds of things to scribble about
Yet not a drop of ink blotting the white sheets.

The scars of her soul, the pain in her teary eyes
So much to express, honey
Yet she hides it all
Behind that charismatic smile!
Khyati Jul 2020
Oh! look how beautifully she uses her smile
as a shroud,
to hide the gruesome scars her soul endows!
Tompson Jun 2020
Everybody always telling me
That I’m young
That I can do anything that  I want to
Should I be excited? Right?
But I can only think that I should die high

I’m so afraid of those feelings
Why I still killing me
Don’t leave me alone with me

But
If you stay by my side
I’ll break you so hard
So go away,
go away
I don’t wanna make you feel my pain

Don’t worry baby, I’ll be okay
Living with my fake face
My fake friends

I’ll be okay
TyeniWrites Jun 2020
She smiles in public
But cries behind closed doors
Scary what a smile can hide
Dongdongi Ralte May 2020
And i am here;
Silently gasping in this thin air.
Everybody's on the other side,
Looking at me with a carefree smile
Thinking i got life handled just fine.
When i am nothing but an absolute chaos,
Barely grasping on to dear life,
Praying for my sweet end every night.
Whatever struggle you're dealing with right now, i'm so frickin amazed by how strong you are. Look at you, still surving despite all the hardships. You're a badass and a real fighter!
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