It's been 20 days since we fall apart
and it has been 20days since i started to lose sleep
since i began crying every night
since ive been regretting my actions
20 days felt so long
but it felt just like yesterday
when everything went downhill

2 years ago,
I found out i was pregnant
Carrying a child  whose father i don't even know
A man who ***** me in my sleep
And left me with nothing but pain

Despite so,
I wanted to keep my child
I wanted to take care of him
But life doesn't always goes as planned

It wasn't my decision to keep him
But during the time i had him,
I was the happiest
Because i had fallen in love
With a baby i have not met
A child i swore to take care
A child that made me love myself
In order to love him

Losing him
Was heartbreaking

If i could turn back time
I wouldve taken good care of myself
So i can have you in my life right now
But at the same time
I would've wished i never met the man
Who left you and me

2years ago today
I made a foolish mistake
But i never once regretted having you in my life

I love you still
I will love you always

Our relationship was confusing
We act like couples
But we are just friends
I was tired of thinking
Thinking of us
Of what we are

So I asked you a question
A question that will determine our future
But you were too scared of me
Afraid that you are not able to handle my mental state
So you said we were better of as friends
And I can never be friends with you
Not with someone I love so much
So I decided to leave
To end us
Our friendship
To no longer talk to you anymore
It was at 9.45pm
When I sent you the goodbye text
You didn't reply to me
You just left be on seen

It's the next day
And it's 9.45pm
A full day without you
Is a sad day alone
And I'm sure
I will have to go through this everyday
Until I'm able to let you go

I'll remember
9.45,
Is the time I said goodbye

I knew
That i would fall for him
When i first saw him
And at that moment
I knew
I would get hurt
But i didn't mind the pain
I didn't  mind
Killing myself
For him
He was like a poison to me
Something so dangerous
Yet I'd risk my life for

He was a sad man
rarely smiles
always frowning

but he is a man filled with wisdom

he sings to you literature
and paints you with his touch

he may seem like a dull man
but his soul is brighter than anything i've seen

this man
is the missing poet in my life
a work of art
i'm dying to write about

I tried to keep myself busy
Occupied myself with work
Went out with friends
Yet,
Somehow,
I will always end up thinking of you.

I have always been the one that love too much
The only one that loves

One sided love

So i tried to change
Going for someone that loves me
And me not loving him back

with time,
I fell for him
And loved him back

But i guess i wasn't enough
Because he cheated and left

I guess im just bad at love
Because i can never make someone love me back

Or perhaps
They only want a piece of my heart

I'll leave these mark
To show the other girls
That im yours
And you are mine
Even though we are nothing
But just friends

I'll make sure
Your other dates
Won't want you
As much as i want you

It *****
When you bottle all your emotions up

When you pretend to be happy
When its clear that you're sad

When no matter how hard you try to fix things
You just end up destroying it

When you lose someone you love
But pretend to move on
Especially when they died infront of you

It *****
When you bottle up all your pain
For too long
Too much
That the bottle just crack
And everything is out once again
But this time
There's no way in hiding it

A year ago,
You ruined my life.
Like a mirror when dropped,
It shattered into millions of pieces.
It can never be fixed.
It will never be the same again.
But thanks to you,
I've become stronger
In ways that I have never been.
I'm prepared
To not repeat the same mistakes again.

Give me a chance
To prove to you that I'm worth it
I'll show you that we can work it out
That we can be together
But you have to trust me
Because if you cant trust me at all
Then theres no way for you to see it
So please
Give me another chance
That's all I need

I'm laying on my bed
That was freshly washed
The sweet fresh scent
Had me thinking of you.

The first time you were on my bed
Was the day i had washed them
Cuddling you in my bed
With your smell blended with the sheets
The smell i could fall asleep to
The one that makes me feel safe

I'm smelling my bedsheets again
But this time
Its lacking you

You told me,
You can't love me because you've lost your commitment.
But that's a lie
Because you've always been committed
Not with me,
But to your past lover.

Whenever you didn't text me, i wonder...

Have you eaten?
Did you have enough sleep?
How is your day treating you?
Are you back home safely?

I love you and i miss you
It worries me when you're away.

We were connected by strings
Tied around ourselves
Making us inseparable
But when you left
Those threads were cut off

I thought you'd be gone forever
But there's a string still holding onto you
Impossible to be cut off
Making me hang on to you
Making it impossible for me to move on

Dear Aaron,
You will not see this
But this is a message for you
And also a reminder to myself of your very existence.

I was a waitress
And you were a customer
To be more specific,
You were one of the teams we sponsored.

And yet, out of the guys there
You were the one that caught my eye
You weren't that goodlooking
There were better guys in the team
And yet,
I caught feelings the moment i saw you
You had that geeky nerdy look
You were really tall and weird
Something about you made me fell for you

I tried to approach you,
In any way possible.
I tried to take your order everytime
Serve your drinks, your food.
I wanted to get close to you
And when i did,
I was attracted to you even more.
You had that blue eyes
And cute smile
The kind that makes me fall for you.
Everytime i see you,
My mood just lighten up
You instantly make me happy
Without even trying
I guess just the sight of you cheers me up.
I'll be honest, I've always laid my eyes on you
Everytime i could
From a far,
I would stare at you
That was how obsessed i was with you

So i shoot my shot, took the risk
And I asked for your instagram
You gave it to me
I was really happy.
you were the first one to text me
It made me happy for a long time
And the first thing you said was,
You find me beautiful with my hair down.
It made me genuinely happy that you noticed me too

You knew i had feelings for you
I guess it was that obvious
And you told me that you werent looking for a relationship
And that you just wanted to have fun and meet different girls
it made me sad, but happy at the same time that you were honest with your intentions
But it was too late, i already caught feelings
So I didn't mind if you hurt me
I already like you
And i wanted to know you more
So i let it be

You didnt want me to catch feelings but wanted to make me happy
So you asked me out on a date, just one.
We went to the gardens
It was a beautiful view
But you were the greatest view i had
I was sad that it was only going to be just one date
But i wanted to make the most out of it
We went to my favourite pizza bar afterwards
We talked
And you ate a lot.

We went from one date, to a few.
From going to the beach
To drinking together
To going to the cinemas
To ice cream dates
All of those times i spent with you
Was a memorable one

We used to have video calls late at night whenever i end work early
Just talking
Just staring at each other
It made me really happy
Or how you'd randomly visit me at work
Saying you were craving for shepherds pie
When you knew i ended work early that day
So you could get ice cream with me afterwards

It's amazing how you knew me so well
When i wasn't okay,
You'd offer to meet for drinks
Or let me sleep over at your place
But you'd always call me when you know im not okay
Because you knew, looking at you made me happy

Its all the little things that you do
Made me love you even more

You didn't have feelings for me
Yet you treated me so nicely
You were mean,
Youd insult me
But i know those insults, were meant to make me shine
So thank you,
Because you made me know im worth so much more
You made me love myself.
You never judged me for my past
You were always there comforting me
You were always honest
You never lied
Even when you went out with other girls,
You told me.
It was a ******* move to tell me.  But i knew you didnt want to hide it from me.

Its been months now,
And look at you, you're dating someone now
I always thought id be the one you'd fall for
I guess im not the perfect girl for you
But regardless of all that,
Im happy for you.
I hope she's everything you ever wanted
I hope she knows how much you need to eat.
I hope she enjoys your singing as much as i do
I hope she knows how much you love chocolates and how much of a big lion king fan you are.
I hope she comforts you for your insecurities better than i was able to.
I guess i wasnt enough to make you fall for me.
But thank you,
Because knowing you, gave me loads of happy memories.
It's sad that we can't go back to how it used to be.
But i am thankful for everything.
I wish you the best in life
And will always watch you from afar
You are somewhere special in my heart
No matter how far you will be
I will always love you
And i hope you'll know that
Aaron,
Grá go Deo.

When i was young
My grandmother would always scold me
For wearing shorts
Or anything that's revealing my skin
She told me,
That there were demons who loves seeing girl's bareskin.
I was scared when i was little
But as i grew older
I learned that the demons
Were men with uncontrollable ****** urges
That take advantage of any girl they see

There's no such thing as demons
It is all human

Did you know?
When you left, i lost a part of myself
Did you know,
I've been crying myself to sleep everday,
I've been regretting every moment i couldn't control my feelings,
I've been thinking about you everyday,
I've been wanting to know how you are and what you're doing
I've been losing myself a little
I've been looking at your pictures
I've been trying to let you go but its impossible
I've been trying to hate you but i only fall deeper for you.

Did you know?
A month without you
Has made me lose myself.

I slept with you
And I slept with him
I thought it would feel the same
But hell was I wrong

You gave me comfort and safety
Made me sleep in peace knowing that you care for me
But when I slept with him,
I felt nothing
No safety
No comfort
It was empty
And it felt lonely

I guess nothing can change the fact that you will always be the one I wish I could sleep with

*****
Whiskey
***

Drink
Drink
Drink

How many shots have i had?
How many glasses has it been?

Does it matter?
All im trying to do is to numb the pain away
Drink
Drink
Drink

How many times have i used alcohol
To feel numb?
I've been drinking everyday

But on the bright side
I didn't harm myself
So ill keep drinking
To feel okay

Talk to me when you're drunk again
That's the only time i have your attention
You called me your girl
You held me by the hand
You tried to kiss me
You kept trying to get my attention

You were drunk
You were unaware of what you were doing
But I didn't care that night

Be drunk again
So i can experience it once more
Because out of all the girls that were there that night
I was the only one you did that to

So be drunk
Be mine
Now that you're sober
You don't remember me anymore