Don’t dangle me
to the carrot

One click, two clicks as they are locked within the chamber.
Trapped within themselves, stoking coals red hot with anger.

Because...

Kindness is a trinket, and people value it as much.
An ornament worth a look, but seldom worth a touch.

And now...

Sitting in this chamber, who I am remains unseen.
I could not cut enough to show what lies beneath.

And still...

I am who I am, and this world will not change me.
I will be who I am, this pain will not derange me.

And I wish...

I wish that all they saw was the color of my soul.
I wish my story mattered to them a bit more.

But now...

One click, two clicks with a hollow point in the chamber.
Freedom from myself, soaking walls blood red with anger.

The same ones who hate me
tend to try and break me,
Curse and forsake me,
Then cry when they **** me.

Then they see,
That they actually need me

it's too late for that now,
Because I do not break and I certainly won't bow.
They have condemned me for now
But watch them as they come back around.....

For Help.

and i ache just thinking about it
all those times i needed you and you walked right out the door.
all the soft and tender midnight words i dreamed you had whispered in my ears that were soon replaced with cold lifeless ones.

and i ache

i ache for all the times my heart skipped a beat just to get thrown down the stairs

i ache remembering all those nights that i would lie awake
    alone.
right next to you.

        begging
to be touched
to be looked at
to be held
to be seen
to be felt
in all the throbbing places
inside of
    me
just one little kiss
one kind word
a moment of softness
   some sort of mercy


and i ache. i shiver and shake

        i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break

i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break.

I am a lone boat,
nothing inside,
just an empty void,
keeping myself afloat.

Navigating around,
just waiting someone,
to welcome aboard,
and travel the world.

Years of rough sailing,
can't still find a thing,
the happiest feeling,
that I've been praying.

Waves of loneliness,
wanting me to swallow,
whirlpools of  promises,
pulling me to sorrow.

Poseidon's kingdom waiting,
to see my boat drowning,
wrecked on seafloor unloved,
sunk on trench unappreciated.

you fall
your pieces shattered
because you are adored by all
but not to the one that mattered

you pick up your parts
scattered on the floor
a work of art
he never adored