There aren't words that can express the way I miss you
I miss your goofy smile
Your head nuzzles
Your beautiful dark eyes
I can't shake the gaze of those beautiful eyes of yours
Almost half a year since we locked eyes
And yet you stare at me forever
I'm sorry I wasn't there when you left this world
I promise I tried to be
I'll hold you in my heart forever
That's one promise I can keep

I close my eyes and I can see your face.
Sometimes clear as day.
Others, dusted with fear and pain.
And I wonder if this is some cruel trick.
Left dreaming forever.
Of a man I may never see again.

Its been
6 months since I saw your smile in my presence
5 months since I was able to call you my own
4 months since I stopped crying
3 months since I tried to reach out
2 months since I moved on
1 month since I realized I have to face you again

...and yet last night I dreamt of you

It was where I met you
And you were sitting right where I left you
And you smiled
It as slow at first as if you were uneasy
Then all at once with the warmth and happiness I used to know

And your arms were around me again
They way they always used to be
And you weren't so cold  
And just as I began to settle I was awake again

I opened my eyes to the darkness

It starts small
Just the urge
To part my lips and let it happen
But it's easy to ignore
Easy to move on
And slowly it grows
From an urge
The simple unconscious idea
To a want
My brain sends the signal to eat
And I ignore it
My stomach begins to hurt
And I once again ignore it
The pain grows worse as my head too throbs
And my vision blurs
But I push on
Too many pretty girls out there
And I just want to be one
I begin to feel weak
And soon it's all my brains wants to imagine
How good it would feel to eat
But feeling thin will feel better
My brain starts to lag and I just say to myself
Just one more day
Then we can eat

Staring back into my own eyes
Feeling nothing
Shut out the whole world
Fading away

We rise and we fall as the hills turn to dust
We sink or we swim, we do as we must
As hard as I try, I barely survive
Fading away

Don’t be fooled as my lips lay still
The internal scream is deafening
This continuous motion
I feel it crumbling

It always starts small
A "wish I was perfect"
Or "could I be more?"

I never started playing the game with this in mind
And as I stand here one foot in the grave
Its easy to see how it couldn't have ended any other way

The little doubts grow into deep pains
The tiny voice whispering turned into screams
The sleepless nights became endless days

Maybe it began innocent
Maybe it was originally some small
But soon I'm slitting my wrists
Locking my door
Before I know it someone finally says it
"why don't you just **** yourself"

What an idea
The ultimate escape
The end of the game

Swallow the pills
Slash my wrists
Still here though

Couldn't even finish the game
Try and try again
Can't even win at this

You were the best man I have ever known

You always loved me
And I know you still do
Just from up above

You had the warmest smile
Accompanied with your mustache
And you gave the best hugs
When we would leave I would save you for last so it was the last hug of the night
A final impression to take home with me

You catered to my imagination, and never stifled me
Even when I wanted to cover myself in ribbon from head to toe and be a Christmas fairy
Or refused to eat Capt'n Crunch simply because my bother liked it

You made me strong
Always taking me out into the woods
Or letting me play just like the boys
Firing arrows in the garden
Or learning to ride motorcycle and ripping up fields

You taught me to be kind just like you
To love like you
And believe me
I want nothing more than to be just like you

The day you left me I felt sick before I even heard
Something wasn't right in the world
And when they told me I knew why
It tore me apart
I tried everything to keep myself busy
And put on the most beautiful black dress

I laid a daisy on you casket
Because Daises are your favorite just like me
And we put you in the ground

I'm told they found you in those woods we played in
That you died where you loved it most

And even though I cant hold you in my arms
I carry you in my heart
Always

She stands on an abandoned sidewalk alone
New to this
Her hair red as fire
Jeans torn like her heart
And boots black as night
Shes been through a lot
But still smiling
She was much like the phoenix
Risen from the ashes of the past
Looking to the future
And burning with a fire deep insider her
She wasn't afraid to go or it

Your smile spread from side to side
I saw you like I saw you that night
You were happy
So happy
Just now you're the only one who is

Its beautiful I've heard

Sun in the sky
Sand on the beach
Sharks in the water

Now I've never been one for the cold
So to me it seems like paradise
Yet your the one who's there

And I know I said I would follow you there if I had to
But when I make my way to those sand shores someday
You better believe it won't be for you

So I look forward to the day I can smell the salt water in the air
And feel the sand in my toes
While I sand and watch the lava flow

I saw you the second you entered the room
Not that I was watching there just wasn't much else going on
My heart flutters a little cause seeing you is like coming home
And I smile
Four hours to go

You finally enter and I don't think you see me due to sheer distance
Your laughing and well
It brings back memories
I glance over to you from time to time
Same quirky boy I loved
Three hours to go

By now I'm sure you've seen me
But you didn't say hello
Something feels horribly wrong  
I can feel your eyes on me when I turn my back
But otherwise it's like I don't even exist
Two hours to go

I give up
You're not going to see me
Not the way you used to anyways
And part of me understands
But part of me wants to grab you buy the shoulders  
Bring you back to reality
One hour to go

I watch you walk out the door
Too afraid to approach you
And I know you will never approach me
I can't quite put my finger on it
But I feel so sad
Zero hours to go

I know it's only a matter of time
Until I never see you again
But in that one moment I think I might a loved you
And as reckless as it is
I miss the way you gave me life
Despite what you were hoping to take
And i'm torn
As I wander through a house of memories

I'd like to dream of a dress as white as snow.
But then again what do I know?
I'd like to imagine a stone cool as water.
But then again why even bother?
I'd like to think about all the things to come.
But I suppose not until right now is done.

I hate the way you can't put down a drink
And I hate the way your stupid mind tends to think
I hate watching the tears fall
Cause spilled milk isn't worth crying over at all
I hate the way you destroy me inside
And I hate the darkness you put behind my eyes
I hate the way you say it's my fault
Cause I'm not another follower to your cult
I hate the way you act like a *****
Cause I'm getting real tired of this

Oh?
So you're "over it"
I'm sure you are baby
But hear's the thing
I miss you
I miss you're smile
And miss your laugh
I miss always having lunch with you
And I miss never feeling alone
I miss the way you can turn a nightmare of a day into a dream
And I miss the way you play that beautiful music
I miss the dances
And the kisses
I miss the way you always built me up
And I miss the way you made me whole
And judging by the way you looked so shaken to see me
I think you miss me a little too.

I know I'm not perfect
Not even close
But in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
I'll give it my all
I wont break nor bow
And yes my dear I refuse to fall

I'm sorry for a lot of things
But i'm mostly sorry for my lies
You know the simple ones
Like saying I'm alright when I just want to die

I'm so sorry
I'm sorry I told you to go away when I needed you most
And I'm sorry I was never much
There and gone just like a ghost

What happens when a song ends?
Simply replay?
Hope to start again?

Or let it fade to black
Let the colors bleed
Let it die

Do you simply create a new one?
Hope for something unending
Something beautiful

Do you never listen again?
Let no more music reach your heart
Let no more light in

Do you move on?
Do you let the past die?
And let the future arrive

Or do you simply crumble?
Let the tears fall
Let your will struggle to survive

Does your heart drop?
Drop like the ******* base
Does it sink from sight?

Or maybe your heart flutters
Reaching as high as it can
Hoping for salvation

No matter what you do the song is gone
So do what you must to go on

I want to be someone you can look up to
Because you don't see my scars
Or the tears in my eyes
You're too young to know of any real pain
To you I'm another friendly face ready to greet you each morning
And I wish it could stay that way forever
I want to remain perfect to you
Even as time passes us by
And I might just be a memory to you later on
But I want you to look up to me
I want to set the right example
Because I only get to keep you for a short while
So I'll have to be on my best behavior

Just for once
I want you to stay
Just for once
I don't want to see you walk away

Just for once
Don't turn your back on me
Just for once
Show me all there is to see

Just for once
Stay by my side
Just for once
Don't leave me to die

Look to the silver screen
Locked lips and soft hips
Love is everywhere
And sometimes its messy
Wild
Forbidden
And perfect
So incredibly perfect
And you just cant help but to put yourself in their shoes
Wrapped up in the arms of another
Forever and ever

I remember how sweet it was when you held my hand
Just to let me know you were there and that you cared
But with my hand pressed against yours you noticed

"what are those?"

You caught me off guard
And we were both looking at the faint reddish pink marks all over my wrists and arms

"it's nothing just the cat"

And you smiled a weak smile
Knowing **** well I didn't have a cat

I never saw it coming
But she called me kind

Kind is not the first word I would use to describe one such as myself
Probably not the second word or even the third

And did I relay even know her?
Not at all, she was just another girl like me

Almost a year since I've seen her
And yet she remembers me enough to think of me as kind

She ignored my hellos, or didn't bother to listen
Maybe she has been listening all along

Maybe she has been watching and getting to know me
But the again if she really knew me she wouldn't call me kind

Grab me
Hold me close
And look into my eyes
Sweep me off my feet
And kiss me like no tomorrow

I've torn up the letters
And burned the notes
You don't get to see what I said
Or know what I wrote

Time is no friend
It brings only pain
And I feel what I say
Has nothing to gain

It hurts a little less now
And as days turn into years
You will forget a great deal
But will you remember the girl in tears

Life isn't easy
And Life isn't fair
Memories make me queasy
Because it's difficult to bear

No one said it would hurt so much
No one said I would have to endure
Every broken violated touch
When all I wanted was to remain pure

Yet in it all a spark of hope
We grow with the pain, and we pull through
Just need to not end up hanging at the end of a rope
But instead waiting for something new

Sometimes I can't stand it
I lie here beside you
Puddle of pain and fear
And you're like the lighthouse guiding me to safety

I didn't ask to be saved
And I don't want you to save me

I wish I was healthy enough to save myself
I wish I was more than this
And I wish more than anything I could be something to you

But i'll cry into my pillow again
And count the days till I'm home
Maybe just maybe I'll silently wish I was dead

Sorry I won't let you save me
Because I know what it takes
Driving into cold water after a corpse
And I do it because I love you
As hard as that is to explain
I wont let you jump in the water just because I'm sinking
because then I'd be the reason you got wet

I'll be the first one to admit that you make me uneasy
Not for a lack of feelings or presence of some
But simply because you are the living embodiment of my past
And I hate confrontation
So when I see you there
Behind a metal bar round and round
Like a pool noodle in a blender
My heart stops
But alas to day is the day I find the strength to stand
Not up to you or against you but stand on my own

I'm a pair of pretty eyes
Or a cute dress
Nice lipstick

I'm never smart
Nor brilliant
Never inventive
Or resourceful
Not hardworking
Or persistent

Apparently all I am is eye candy