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Nov 20 · 35
The Human Mind
Philomena Nov 20
One second I'm dancing in neon light
And the next bleeding out in the shower
Its as different as night and day and yet
Both take place in under an hour
Because that's the thing about the human mind
It has unreachable highs
And unfathomable lows
Down in the sorrows or reach or the stars
Philomena Nov 7
When I die I think of you
I think of your smile and your laugh
I don't want to be the one to steal them when I die
Because when I die you'll think of me
In nothing more than a fond memory
Your smile will fade
Your laugh will wither
And I'll rot in the ground where I was delivered
I don't want to destroy your happiness
How my existence makes you happy I'll never know
But as I die I think of you
Nov 5 · 83
Take me Back
Philomena Nov 5
Take me back to our first kiss
To the endless nights
The Bright mornings
And the sun filled days
I want to be in love again
I want to see your smile again
Hear your laugh
And at the end of the day feel your embrace
Nov 4 · 51
Loosing Interest
Philomena Nov 4
You asked me today if I was loosing interest
But what you don't know its you I hope for every night
You don't see me cry, see me worry
You don't know how much I love you
It's just hard to love you when I can't stand myself
I can feel you slipping through my fingers
And I just want to scream
You bring out the very best in me
Even when I don't think it's there
I love you
Nov 3 · 71
Philomena Nov 3
It always starts small
A "wish I was perfect"
Or "could I be more?"

I never started playing the game with this in mind
And as I stand here one foot in the grave
Its easy to see how it couldn't have ended any other way

The little doubts grow into deep pains
The tiny voice whispering turned into screams
The sleepless nights became endless days

Maybe it began innocent
Maybe it was originally some small
But soon I'm slitting my wrists
Locking my door
Before I know it someone finally says it
"why don't you just **** yourself"

What an idea
The ultimate escape
The end of the game

Swallow the pills
Slash my wrists
Still here though

Couldn't even finish the game
Try and try again
Can't even win at this
Nov 2 · 375
Philomena Nov 2
I am but a rat in a maze
Round and round I go
Through corners and dead ends
Trying to find my way back to you
And it's not easy
But it's worth it
I just hope you'll be waiting with open arms
When I arrive
If I arrive
Oct 30 · 62
Lyrics No. 16
Philomena Oct 30
All I ever wanted was to find someone
But holdin' it together is the hardest part
No one said life gets in the way
That our plans may change but our hearts remain
You stand in the doorway holdin' me
Feeling the tension, you beg and plead
Not to go away again
And then she said

Every time you leave, I lose a little piece of me
And every time we speak, words don't do it justice
It's just us from here
Here, here
And that's when she said
Every time you leave, I lose a little piece of me

All I ever wanted was to find someone
But finishing the puzzle is the hardest part
Everyday wishin' you could stay
'Cause our minds may change but our hearts remain
You stand in the doorway holding me
Lost in the moment, I can't believe
You gotta go away again
And when I say
Oct 24 · 63
2 am thoughts No. 15
Philomena Oct 24
You whisper behind the door
Its soft and almost non existent
Against the noise of the everyday world its drowned out
But at night when all is still I hear it

You ask me why
Ask me if it's too late
Ask me to try again
Tell me its sink or swim

And I'd love to tell you to shut up
Or get a better door
But there is a hint of reality in what you are saying
And it leaves me listening for more
Oct 24 · 380
Lyrics No. 15
Philomena Oct 24
"What you got, boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried
I just can't get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love is my drug"
Oct 21 · 360
Philomena Oct 21
Sometimes I can't stand it
I lie here beside you
Puddle of pain and fear
And you're like the lighthouse guiding me to safety

I didn't ask to be saved
And I don't want you to save me

I wish I was healthy enough to save myself
I wish I was more than this
And I wish more than anything I could be something to you

But i'll cry into my pillow again
And count the days till I'm home
Maybe just maybe I'll silently wish I was dead

Sorry I won't let you save me
Because I know what it takes
Driving into cold water after a corpse
And I do it because I love you
As hard as that is to explain
I wont let you jump in the water just because I'm sinking
because then I'd be the reason you got wet
Oct 21 · 102
Puddle of Sadness
Philomena Oct 21
Wrapped tight in a grey blanket
Staring for what feels like hours
Dead inside
And the soft fabric slowly sleeps as minutes pass
Until it sits around my waist
I stand up to readjust
The only movement in hours
The blanket falls from the chair
A puddle of sadness on the floor
I scoop it up and let it hug around me one more
Returning to my staring it does it once more
My grey puddle of sadness on the floor
Oct 21 · 121
Lyrics No. 14
Philomena Oct 21
"Why'd you do it why'd you leave
Why'd you help me find my feet
Why'd you guide me blindingly
Then turn and say goodbye to me
All this time I tried to be
The person you applied to me
This lie you feed that I'd succeed
Is why I'm me, a dying breed

You saved me, you made me
And through it all you changed me forever
You love me, you hate me
And through it all you changed me forever

Through it all you changed me
I'm not the same me
For better or for worse this person that you made me
Through it all you changed me
I'm not the same me
For better or for worse you changed me forever"
Oct 8 · 108
Your Eyes
Philomena Oct 8
I close my eyes and I see yours
The dark brown
Deep like a raging river
Now clouded over in wispy white
Like spilled milk
I remember holding your head in my hands
Staring in those eyes
I asked you to hold on
Begged you to wait for me to come home
And you have no idea how much I just want to hold you
To say goodbye
I miss you more than words can express
And in all these years I can't believe the time has come
You seemed invincible
Stronger than I will ever be
And I can't fathom anything other than you and me
Although I'm not ready to be here without you
I know it's only a matter of time
At least until I have to say goodbye to those eyes
My dog is dying, he is I believe 16 or 17 now and I've had him as far as my memory goes. Drake is the most wonderful boy in the world and it will be a sorry world to live in without him.
Philomena Oct 8
I remember a time when I loved you
When you were my world
When you were all I loved
I remember your kisses and hugs
I remember the way you said my name
And the way you walked away
I remember the tears I wept
And the pain I felt
The emptiness you left me in
Cold words and colder eyes
They just don't suit you
Or at least the boy I used to know
Sep 25 · 59
Those Words
Philomena Sep 25
Looking back
When you said those words they held some weight
And I laughed it off at the time
But I went back to my bed that night
And my mind began to race
I know you've painted a target on my back
If I was more oblivious to people like you I would not have seen it
But it's bright red like blood
And rather noticeable

I should have known better
Every laugh and smile comes with a price
And it's never cheap
So when you said those words
All I heard was the price

I will not pay your ransom
I am not interested in those words
And while you were technically correct
You were also very wrong
So believe me when I say this
If you ever feel so bold as to use those words on me again
I'll make you eat them
Sep 24 · 245
Lyrics No. 13
Philomena Sep 24
"If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Let me know if you're really a dream
I love you so, so would you go with me"
Sep 24 · 74
I'm not Perfect
Philomena Sep 24
I know I'm not perfect
Not even close
But in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
I'll give it my all
I wont break nor bow
And yes my dear I refuse to fall
Sep 23 · 55
Philomena Sep 23
I'm not one to get ahead of myself
I try not to be a fool
But darling when I'm with you
My mind tends to wander
Because I just can't wait to marry you

I look up
And you're eyes are locked on me
And as much as I might deny it you really do complete me
You turn storm clouds to rain
And you bring out the best in me

You don't give yourself the credit you deserve
I understand that we're all human
But you are perfect to me
So as you probably have figured by now
I just can't wait to marry you
Aug 26 · 183
Philomena Aug 26
Sometimes it's fun to pretend to be someone else
Anyone else really
Just as long as it's not me
I like to pretend my dad loves me
And that I won't die alone
I pretend I'm somewhere I belong
And not so far from home
And I close my eyes just to dream up a world
That when I open them again
I'm the same **** girl
Aug 26 · 84
Philomena Aug 26
There is something so familiar hearing you say those words
Something wonderful and yet terrible
Stuck between the bliss of the future and the fear of the unknown
And this is where I stand
Stranded in emotion
And as roses have thorns
Those words hold weight
Aug 15 · 96
Rat in a Cage
Philomena Aug 15
When all is said and done
I know I will miss this place
Miss the people
The view from the windows
The pillow I cuddle each night
But at the moment I feel like a rat in a cage
Poked and prodded and just now
Catching the scent of nearby freedom
Into a frenzy pacing the bars back and forth
Looking for a way out
Yet knowing that there isn't one just yet
Aug 14 · 221
The Picture in my Hand
Philomena Aug 14
Screen in hand I scroll past the pointless pictures
Until suddenly I see your face
You're smiling with the same dumb grin
Not a picture you've taken
You're probably not even aware it exists
Too caught up in the moment
You're surrounded by friends
People I used to call friends too once a long time ago
I can feel the tears build in my eyes
Even though I told myself I wouldn't cry over you
It's the end of an era that's for sure
Everything that was once mine here is gone
Aug 11 · 151
Ode to the Heavens
Philomena Aug 11
You were the heavens and I the Earth
You were cast up in the stars
And I in the dirt
You were much like an angel and I like a beast
Yet I can still remember when you reached your hand down to me
Were different that is easy to see
But somehow it worked in harmony
And as I stare up into the sky
You look like a shooting star passing by
Aug 11 · 98
Philomena Aug 11
Stardust is such a beautiful thing
Its shiny like silver yet worth more than gold
Yet it is noting that you can hold
Its warmer than fire
And colder than ice
Taller than mountains
Smaller than rice
It is nothing yet at the same time everything
Its you as you are to me
And the world as it is to us
It's smiles and laughter and darkness and pain
It's kisses on Sunday right after rain
And among it all the good and the bad
Stardust is here everywhere to be had
Philomena Aug 11
I'll be the first one to admit that you make me uneasy
Not for a lack of feelings or presence of some
But simply because you are the living embodiment of my past
And I hate confrontation
So when I see you there
Behind a metal bar round and round
Like a pool noodle in a blender
My heart stops
But alas to day is the day I find the strength to stand
Not up to you or against you but stand on my own
Aug 7 · 104
Lyrics No. 12
Philomena Aug 7
"You will never know, it's the price I pay
Look into my eyes, we are not the same
Yeah, this is where you fall apart
Yeah, this is where you break
'Cause I'm in control, and you'll know my name
'Cause I gave my life, gave it everything
Yeah, this is where you fall apart
Yeah, this is where you break
To everybody who doubted
Get on your knees and bow down"
Aug 2 · 115
Philomena Aug 2
There is a fine line to happiness
And at the end I'd like to believe stands you
Open arms and waiting for me
I want to savor every step
Every memory
Yet I can't wait to reach the end
However the future is shrouded with mystery
And the picture isn't real clear
Which is the only reason I take it one step at a time
Feel my way into what's to come
But with every step I believe a little more It's you
And I know I might be wrong as I often am
But I've never wanted anything more
bean <3
Aug 2 · 120
Philomena Aug 2
Like severing a vein
Cutting you out of my life wasn't easy
It was clouded in doubt
And overflowing with pain
Overall brimming with sadness
Like hitting an artery
It was messy
But looking back it was quick
And ultimately needed to happen
Aug 1 · 56
Philomena Aug 1
Bruised around the ankles
Burns on my thighs
Never be perfect
So why even try
Aug 1 · 233
Baby Blue
Philomena Aug 1
When I close my eyes I dream of you
Wrapped up tight in blue
Little darling I dream of you
Your soft pale skin
And eyes full of sky
Your voice like an angel
With anguish in your cry
So small yet so perfect in every way
Hold you close tomorrow and every day
Jul 19 · 268
Lyrics No. 11
Philomena Jul 19
"Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake by
Every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I start to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me"
Jul 19 · 113
Tomorrow is Here
Philomena Jul 19
Put the gun up to my head
Pull the trigger
Now she's dead
Doesn't really matter anyways
Tomorrow is here

The flowers have burst their buds
And the rivers will start to flood
But she lies cold in a patch of daises
Like a queen amongst her subjects
But she rules over none

And as the sky bleeds into grey
It dosn't matter anyway
Because tomorrow is here to stay
Jul 17 · 202
Watching God
Philomena Jul 17
A baby rabbit fur grey as the sky lies dead
Her eyes stare blankly upward
Watching god
Her body lifeless
Her family gone
She is cold and helpless in my hands
And I cannot help but think
She has gone too soon
As many before her
Jul 12 · 117
Lyrics No. 10
Philomena Jul 12
"You'll soon be hearing the chime
Close to midnight
If I could turn back the time
I'd make all right

How could it end like this?
There's a sting in the way you kiss me
Something within your eyes
Said it could be the last time
'Fore it's over!

Just wanna be
Wanna bewitch you in the moonlight
Just wanna be
I wanna bewitch you all night

It keeps on giving me chills
But I know now
I feel the closer we get
To the last vow"
Jul 12 · 61
Philomena Jul 12
Days turn to hours,
Hours to minutes,
Minutes to seconds.
Time slips away,
Faster and faster with every moment,
Until I'm stranded without you.
Jul 12 · 139
Philomena Jul 12
If you were to ask if I missed you
I am supposed to say no
Supposed to say I've moved on and far away
Supposed to put on a smile and walk away
But the truth is I do miss you
I miss never feeling alone
I miss how you understood what I was feeling
I miss the awful jokes
And the long days
And you weren't perfect
I know that now
But you were there when I needed you
You gave me my life back
Jul 9 · 327
Dreaming Forever
Philomena Jul 9
I close my eyes and I can see your face.
Sometimes clear as day.
Others, dusted with fear and pain.
And I wonder if this is some cruel trick.
Left dreaming forever.
Of a man I may never see again.
Jul 9 · 631
Lost in a Dream
Philomena Jul 9
I remember the emptiness in your eyes
Waiting for you to die
You never knew I turned out just like you
What a sick twisted game it is
I remember speaking to you softly
Watching you struggle to eat
And I remember telling you
"It's me, your grand-daughter"
Only for you to just stare in my face
I remember hours of cards in the waiting room
And the very last time I saw you
Tied to a bed
Lost in a dream you would never escape from
Fighting so hard
Ultimately to only give up
Almost two years
Jul 9 · 167
Philomena Jul 9
It's just a bad day
Not a bad life
Jul 9 · 77
2 am thoughts No. 14
Philomena Jul 9
I could see it as clearly as if my eyes were open
There as a man in the house
And I'm awake alone
I lay down in the tub out of sight and dial the phone
But while I remain hidden he finds you instead
And he puts a bullet in your head
He passes by the door of the room
And I swear this is how I meet my fate
But he walks past
And out I dash
Out the window
And down the wall
Across the road and again I call
But before they come you are gone
No one could save you
If only I had been god enough.
Jul 9 · 263
Philomena Jul 9
It starts small
Just the urge
To part my lips and let it happen
But it's easy to ignore
Easy to move on
And slowly it grows
From an urge
The simple unconscious idea
To a want
My brain sends the signal to eat
And I ignore it
My stomach begins to hurt
And I once again ignore it
The pain grows worse as my head too throbs
And my vision blurs
But I push on
Too many pretty girls out there
And I just want to be one
I begin to feel weak
And soon it's all my brains wants to imagine
How good it would feel to eat
But feeling thin will feel better
My brain starts to lag and I just say to myself
Just one more day
Then we can eat
Jul 7 · 115
Philomena Jul 7
I step over the edge
My feet feel the rope
Test it
And then I step again
Fully on the line
And at first I feel as though I will fall
I wobble and I lean over what feels like miles
And I don't want to fall
It's a fine line and I'm not sure I know how to walk it
But I hope with you here I can take your hand
Walk it to the end
Lest I fall off again
And start all over again
Jul 4 · 83
Lyrics No. 9
Philomena Jul 4
"Grab a cop gun kinda crazy
She's poison but tasty
Yeah, people say, "Run, don't walk away"
'Cause she's sweet but a ******
A little bit ******"
Jul 4 · 42
Philomena Jul 4
Ten Little Fingers
And Ten Little Toes
Not Even I Know How Far This Will Go

But Before I Do
And It's All Begun
Dare I Say Lets Have Some Fun

Don't Try To Stop Me
No Don't Even Dare
Cause We Both Know Life Isn't Fair
Jun 29 · 67
I'd Like To
Philomena Jun 29
I'd like to dream of a dress as white as snow.
But then again what do I know?
I'd like to imagine a stone cool as water.
But then again why even bother?
I'd like to think about all the things to come.
But I suppose not until right now is done.
Jun 26 · 162
Philomena Jun 26
I am covered in skin
Much like you are
Cells keeping all my veins and parts inside
The thin yet strong barrier between me and the world
And yet with all this skin
Not an inch of it belongs to me
Some is his
And his
And his
Some is for the media
And a little is for her
I feel their hands on me
Ripping me apart
Taking their shares
Until there is noting left
Nothing to hold the veins nor parts
And I come undone
Jun 24 · 287
Lyrics No. 8
Philomena Jun 24
"Some girls like diamonds
Some of them want fancy things
They hunger for the taste of glamour
And we rot and find some others' rings

Your sweethearts need their princes
Flattery and filthy pearls
Barbie, don't mess with the Marilyn kisses
Your original material girl

But I'm not like those other types, baby
I'm your ****** creature poster girl

Make you crawl, make you beg, make you plead
Make you want, make you hurt, make you bleed

So toxic
****** creature poster girl

Make you laugh, make you cry, make you need every little slasher
**** the father's sweetheart, ****** creature poster girl

Baby, you can keep your diamonds
You can burn all your fancy things
I hunger for the taste of a painful week
That can survive my wicked sting

Darling I don't need no princes
I'm no damsel in distress
The only thing I'm needing is for you to be bleeding
From my homicidal kiss

You see, I'm not like those other girls, baby
I'm your ****** creature poster girl"
Jun 24 · 57
2 am thoughts No. 13
Philomena Jun 24
Went all these years without having an opinion worth sharing
Why would it change now?
To speak up is to be shut up
And to stand out is to be cut down.
Jun 23 · 100
Who am I?
Philomena Jun 23
I stand in the mirror and I must ask
Who am I?
As I see it now I'm an upcoming young woman
Dressed in white with the future laid out before her
Finally commanding the respect I once craved
But I listen to the music
Our old songs
And I remember when I was nothing more than a passenger
Just trying to get to a destination
And somewhere between here and now I changed
From another emo gutter rat to a lady
And for so long this is what I thought I wanted
But the title of lady doesn't suit me at all
So as I stand in the mirror it's not one reflection I see but two
A put together lady in red
And a thrasher in black
And they both smile the same sick twisted way
And I just wish it was easy to figure it out
Who am I?
Jun 22 · 285
I Hate You
Philomena Jun 22
I hate the way you can't put down a drink
And I hate the way your stupid mind tends to think
I hate watching the tears fall
Cause spilled milk isn't worth crying over at all
I hate the way you destroy me inside
And I hate the darkness you put behind my eyes
I hate the way you say it's my fault
Cause I'm not another follower to your cult
I hate the way you act like a *****
Cause I'm getting real tired of this
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