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3.5k · Jan 2019
Philomena Jan 2019
You looked so peaceful
Laying there
Silence except for the soft beeps and coughs on the floor
And I couldn't bring myself to leave you
Not even for a moment to close my eyes
You always seemed so strong
But here you looked frail
Strung up with wires and tubes
Eventually I grew tired of trying to stay busy
So I went to the window
And the lights love
You should have seen them
They were so brilliant and so quiet
Soft unlike every emotion flooding my heart
They were just like I remembered
Just like the first time I showed you the lights
And I didn't know it then
Just how much I love you now
Anxious as ever and can't sleep, but what else is new.
2.9k · Dec 2018
Just the Cat
Philomena Dec 2018
I remember how sweet it was when you held my hand
Just to let me know you were there and that you cared
But with my hand pressed against yours you noticed

"what are those?"

You caught me off guard
And we were both looking at the faint reddish pink marks all over my wrists and arms

"it's nothing just the cat"

And you smiled a weak smile
Knowing **** well I didn't have a cat
I am currently eating a cucumber. That has nothing to do with the poem, it's just a very good cucumber.
1.8k · Jan 2019
PSA: Fuckboys
Philomena Jan 2019
I know what caught your eye
Curved hips, dark hair and small dainty eyes
Aren't my eyes really something
You've probably never seen them though
Too busy looking at my chest

I love the way you call me baby
Sounds so sweet in your voice
The same voice you use on those 20 other girls
That's right I know
We all do, you're not really that clever

Well even if you're stupid at least you're cute
That silly smile of yours
And muscles for days
They really make up for the absolute lack of personality
But hey, at least you're a **** empty husk of a man

It's so sweet you're always willing to talk
Staying up late on the phone
Just get's tiresome with you always asking for nudes
I wish someone had taught you basic English
Maybe then you'd understand the word no
Yea I thought this kind of behavior stopped after high school, but no.
1.6k · Feb 2019
Thank you Kevin
Philomena Feb 2019
They would have me believe that I am useless
Something to be ashamed of
And even after you arrived people saw it that way
Like a stray you took pity on
And you changed all of that
You refused to believe the stories
And you shut out the hateful people
And you saw something in me for once
And maybe that's why I loved you so much
Because you rebuilt me
And maybe I love you now still for that
For giving me purpose and meaning
And for showing me that I can stand on my own
So thank you
Thank you for believing in me when no one did
You were one of the only good things I left behind
1.4k · May 2019
Rough Tough Son of a Bitch
Philomena May 2019
I'm a rough tough *******
But believe me I didn't grow up like this
Well life was easier then
Just follow the footsteps of big strong men
And there's nothing wrong with that
The only problem is it's a dogs world and you're a cat
Cats are good cats are kind
But sometimes I like to think with my own mind
And so when dogs will shut you out, shut you down
Some might simply frown
But as I mentioned before I'm rough tough strong and mean
And when I'm ****** i'm less like a cat more like a machine
And it didn't come quick I spent years in doubt
Just trying to figure it out
What made me different what made me a freak
And that's how I spent week after week
Doubting and dissing and hating myself
Until it stared destroying my mental health
And I was tired of hating I needed a rest
So I worked to become the best of the best
I'm not a cat nor a dog I'm sure you can see
I'm a very special breed, I'm me
And maybe I'm not the very best of them all
But you can bet your *** I'll be the last one to fall
So at the end of the day I don't ask that you fall to your knees
Simply step aside while I do as I please
Cause I'm a rough tough *******
And I'm done listening to what men have to pitch
Well this is something isn't it, figured it was something worth writing about.
1.3k · Apr 2019
Call them Powerful
Philomena Apr 2019
How funny it is that when you describe a girl you call her pretty, call her beautiful, call her gorgeous.

Our girls grow up with the only compliments they receive to be ones remarking their bodies and yet we wonder why we can't get them to eat.

They grow up believing wither consciously or unconscious they are judges by the bodies.

That the size of their jeans is their caste.  

That if they aren't pretty they are nothing.

Our little girls slather on the makeup and step into their heels smile till the corners of their mouths crack as if life was a beauty pageant and success and happiness were prizes to be won.

When you describe a boy you call his strong, call him tough, call him powerful.

Put the weight of the world in his hands and hope he can handle it.

Our men lead the way and our girls follow.

Why when you see a girl you never call her intelligent, call her resourceful, call her powerful.

Imagine a world where little girls weren't just bodies.

They were the daughters of destiny and the friends of fate.

They could do anything, and they were told that from the second they could listen.

Imagine if our girls could look past their bodies, could pus aside shame and hate and learn to love the vessels.

Imagine if our girls were powerful.
1.3k · Jun 2020
The Rash Inside my Brain
Philomena Jun 2020
So one day this rash shows up on your arm after you go for a walk
You assume at the time no big deal
Just be careful on walks

But then the rash never leaves
It just kind of festers and grows
Until it's gone from a patch to an outbreak

You try getting more sleep
Maybe change your diet
And you stop taking walks

But the rash still grows
And it grows
And it becomes uncontrollable

It take over your life
Prevents you from going out
From enjoying life

It keeps you as it's prisoner
And you hate that rash
So you try to banish it

It's no longer a mere accident but a full infection
So you look into it some more
But there are so many things that start out as a rash

You figure maybe you just have dry skin
But what if that's not it
What if you have a disease or worse

So now you both have a rash and are afraid
You don't know what to do
So you try everything in your power

But the rash remains
You're without options
It's time to bring in outside help

You ask yourself what it could be
And as much as you think you might know
You have a hunch and you're terrified to have it confirmed

So the question remains
While ignorance is pain it is also bliss on the soul
Knowledge heals but not without bringing about an often ugly truth

That is what having a mental disorder is like
It's not beautiful
It's not easy

It's like a rash
But it's inside your brain so not quite like a rash
But also very much like a rash in the way it mentally controls you

And it eats you away begging for an answer
And answer you'l never have
At least not without some pain
1.2k · Mar 2020
Waiting to be Free
Philomena Mar 2020
It's ******
But I always have been
No matter where I go
How hard I try
But a little part of me dies
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

I can smile
Laugh it off
Say its nothing
And never turn back
But the sound of your voice rings in my ears
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

I can sit in this tiny office
Say all the right words
Therapist after another
Try again and again
But I'm never confident you're dead
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

Sit in the shower with a pair of scissors
Bleed until I feel alive again
Slash myself apart
And let it all sink in
But nothing is ever enough
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free
1.2k · Jul 2019
Lost in a Dream
Philomena Jul 2019
I remember the emptiness in your eyes
Waiting for you to die
You never knew I turned out just like you
What a sick twisted game it is
I remember speaking to you softly
Watching you struggle to eat
And I remember telling you
"It's me, your grand-daughter"
Only for you to just stare in my face
I remember hours of cards in the waiting room
And the very last time I saw you
Tied to a bed
Lost in a dream you would never escape from
Fighting so hard
Ultimately to only give up
Almost two years
1.2k · Dec 2018
Taller and Stronger
Philomena Dec 2018
I remember the first time I saw you
Simply a reflection in the mirror
You seemed so harmless
And soon you held me
You made me feel safe in a make-believe world
When the real world was looking grim

I suppose I like the idea of having something that cared
Even if you weren't real
Or at least I told myself you weren't
And at first you seemed that way
Something small, and easy to manage
You gave the appearance of being just a small fluke
But I think we both know that's wrong

You remained in your dormant state for a while
Up until I took another emotional battering
So you stood with me knee deep in snow under that window
And we watched it unfold
I know you could tell how shattered I was feeling
And that darkness inside me fueled you
You grew just a little bit taller
And a little bit stronger

Now no one could have stood by my side quite like you did
You were no longer a visitor in my life
You had become an expected guest
I was as sure to see you as the sun was sure to sink into the horizon

I'm sure you could tell I was falling apart
And all the time you grew taller and stronger
I didn't even notice how tall or how strong you had become
At least not until it was too late

I took another emotional blunder
Once again knee deep in snow but you stood in my way
Under that sickly old tree
And the hate in your eyes terrified me more than anything

I knew I could avoid you if I could avoid the dark
But you put up a fight
You filled my dreams with water
And you drown me out

You broke me
Told me I was worthless
And when the time came you let me swallow those little green pills
Those were awful
Dying without death was awful

And so it went on
You'd soften when I was broken
Yet you'd be relentless if I even dared to hope
The perfect balance
Push enough to keep my head down where you needed it
But don't break me

I learned to live with the nightmares
And I learned not to look into your fiery red eyes
And I tried to live my life the best I could
Despite the falling world around me
And you did you best to keep me in line

You relished in it all
Every drop of blood
Every broken sigh
Every fallen tear
And you sat there the whole time and took it in
Like I was a painting you were mesmerized with

After three years of your sick games I met someone
You probably remember him quite well
He was a friend when I needed one the most
And he understood me
He understood you

And you grew taller and stronger
You stopped hiding in shadows
Started making daytime appearances
And you became so hurtful
You filled my head with lies
And I believed them
Because you are an excellent liar
Best in the business
You were determined to put me back in my place

It hurt you know
When you'd pull my hair
When you would steal my breath with a single touch
When you would paralyze me in fear
Those kinds of things hurt more than you'd think

And all the time you were getting taller and stronger
And more and more willing to destroy me
Because if you couldn't have me no one could

So we began the dance of death
Cutting a little bit deeper and deeper every time
And soon I couldn't tell where I stopped and you began
Because I was stuck in this whole you had made me dig
So while you were tearing me limb from limb
Eating me alive
I just wanted to die
To be free from all the world had put on me

Maybe you're the reason I was never successful in freeing my soul
A dead host means a dead parasite
Or maybe god just took pity
I don't think either of us really know

But you're **** show came to an end with his betrayal
I lost my friend and you finally let up

I made my last attempt on my life that summer
And that following winter I made my last cut
I started to push you out
And though you fought
I fought too

So you made your last few meaningful experiences in a closet
Locked in the dark I sat though your rage
And I learned how to control you
Just like how you controlled me.
And though you grew taller and stronger as I refused your voice
Eventually you didn't grow at all

I wouldn't call it a victory
Because I never won
You are still out there
And I see you in glimpses of the dark
But I have been rebuilt
And you cannot hurt me anymore
I can't tell this story accurately, never can. It's not something you can really describe at all, you have to see it t believe.
1.2k · Feb 2019
Warm Voice Cold Heart
Philomena Feb 2019
I walk this empty street
And I can't help but wonder
Why it has to hurt so much
The pain of being alive
And I'll make another cut
Bleed in another ditch
But lastly
I'll think of you
With your warm voice
And your cold heart
And believe me
I can't wait to see you again
1.1k · Oct 2020
I cant sleep
Philomena Oct 2020
I cant sleep
But if I lay very still
And close my eyes
I wont have to look upon the horror of my mind
1.0k · Jun 2019
Impostor to a Perfect Child
Philomena Jun 2019
"Now please don't ever be gay, wait no please don't ever turn out crazy. If you were gay we'd always accept you, you know that, just please don't. And please don't be crazy you remember your grandmother, I don't think I could bear it."

You know I do it all for you mom.
I hold my tongue
I don't look at the other girls, not like I used to anyways
I lock myself in dark rooms and let the tears fall
I try to be sane

Truth is I'll never really be what you want me to be.
I'm an impostor to a perfect child.
And while I might never be a perfect girl or a perfect daughter,
I'm doing my best.
I might lie awake at night while horrors race though my mind,
and my body might love soft curves,
and I might never be just like you,
but I'm fighting it with all I've got.
And I know that I can never tell you my true nature,
but I do sincerely wish you could see
all I've done to be what you wanted.
980 · Feb 2020
The View From Halfway Down
Philomena Feb 2020
The weak breeze whispers nothing
The water screams sublime
His feet shift, teeter-totter
Deep breath, stand back, it’s time

Toes untouch the overpass
Soon he’s water bound
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
The view from halfway down

A little wind, a summer sun
A river rich and regal
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal

You’re flying now
You see things much more clear than from the ground
It’s all okay, it would be
Were you not now halfway down

Thrash to break from gravity
What now could slow the drop
All I’d give for toes to touch
The safety back at top

But this is it, the deed is done
Silence drowns the sound
Before I leaped I should’ve seen
The view from halfway down

I really should’ve thought about
The view from halfway down
I wish I could’ve known about
The view from halfway down
From Bojack Horseman
979 · Apr 2019
Hair Red as Fire
Philomena Apr 2019
She stands on an abandoned sidewalk alone
New to this
Her hair red as fire
Jeans torn like her heart
And boots black as night
Shes been through a lot
But still smiling
She was much like the phoenix
Risen from the ashes of the past
Looking to the future
And burning with a fire deep insider her
She wasn't afraid to go or it
831 · May 2019
Red Drops
Philomena May 2019
Red drops onto the spotless counter
Bright crimson against the pale white
A singular red circle in a sky of while
Another drop falls and joins it
Smaller than the first
Then another and another

She looks in the mirror
Maskera streaked like smoke trails against her skin
Pain in her eyes
Her lips quiver and she bows her head
Clear drops falls among the red on the counter

The tears continue to fall as she looks up again
She wipes the tears from her face
As her hand moves over the skin a trail of red appears
Her eyes focus on the smear of blood
She once again wipes her face and she knows what she must do

She takes a breath and looks to her arms
The small cuts seem like whispers in the night
She opens up a makeup compact case
Inside a dozen pieces of broken glass
Just as broken as her

She picks up a curved one
Originally from a glass she broke in the kitchen
About two months ago
Just another incident in a never ending stream
It looks like ice as she sets it against the white counter top

She lines each piece up in a line
Almost like a small army
Preparing for battle
However the war rages inside her
And the end is nowhere in sight

She looks over them
Some duller, older than others
She mulls over them as she makes a decision
And sets a few to the front lines
Looking up once again she takes a breath

Her tears have halted
And her breath stills
All waiting, anticipating
She chooses one
The glass feels so familiar in her fingers

The tip sits pressed against her skin
She winces as she pushes harder
And finally rips through
Skin tears from skin
As the glass glides through her flesh
Like a marathon runner crossing the finish line

The red arises from the depths
It pours over the edges of skin and slides down her wrists
It drips to the counter with ferocity
And soon the drops of red become puddles.

She chooses another recruit
This time a flat piece of glass from a window she dropped
Again it tears into her as she holds her breath
Blood flows and spills against the white
And the tears begin to flow again

Looking down she sees her wrists
Blood covered
They feel so weak
She begins to sob as she lets them fall to her sides
The pain of existence right there on her hands

She sits against the wall until she finds the strength to stand again
The blood on her writs gone from a running stream
To a dark paste
Blood on the counter a aftermath
Dried and black

She picks up a piece of clean glass
Presses it in the open wound and slides it through
The dried blood quickly overcome with a fresh spring or crimson
Once again the drops fall along with her tears

She turns the water on in the sink
It flows clear as day
Clear as the glass sitting beside it
She runs her writs under the cool stream
And winces as the water hits her wounds

The blood runs away and the gaping gashes are all that's left
She grabs a towel and puts it under the water
It dances across the counter as it smears the blood
She wipes it again and again until it all disappears
She runs her arms again under the water cleansing them

Lastly she looks to the glass
Bloodied soldiers only partially lined up
Several scattered around the counter
Like bodies on a battlefield

She scoops them up and washes each one
One by one
She sets the sterile glass back into the makeup compact case
Laying them to rest
Until they will be called to duty again

She looks down at the clear white counter
And turns off the water
She tosses the towel and looks up
A shell of a human being is reflected in the mirror
She wipes her tears again and leaves

Off to fall into the inky blackness of sleep
Hoping and wishing
That if it be even remotely possible
She could wish herself to death
And never wake up
820 · May 2019
Rainbow Hair
Philomena May 2019
Brown Hair
Blonde Hair
Blue Hair
Dye it every color of the rainbow
And some more in between
Honestly if I had a dollar for every color I've had my hair I'd have enough to dye it again
810 · May 2019
Damage in Progress
Philomena May 2019
The pain sinks in
And with the right pills it's fine
Just have to wonder
What kind of damage it's doing
And if I'll ever be fine
Possibly have endometriosis, and well I'm terrified.
802 · May 2019
Philomena May 2019
i am inevitable
i am inevitabl
i am inevitab
i am inevita
i am inevit
i am inevi
i am inev
i am ine
i am in
i am in
i am i
i am
i am i
i am ir
i am iro
i am iron
i am iron m
i am iron ma
i am iron man
I am Iron Man
791 · Jan 2019
One more Page
Philomena Jan 2019
I am finding it harder and harder to tell
If in the story of your life
I'm just a chapter
Or the binding to the book.

And I'm hoping more every day
That I can find a way
To make it onto the next page
And make you a part of my story too.
I don't think he can even begin to comprehend how much I love that idiot.
772 · Jun 2020
Just Drive
Philomena Jun 2020
Pick me up
And lets just drive
Anywhere and Everywhere
765 · Jun 2019
Lyrics No. 3
Philomena Jun 2019
"Hope I'm on the list of people that you hate
It's time you met the monster that you have helped create


It's hard not to be a menace to society
When half the population is happy on their knees"
732 · Jan 2019
Philomena Jan 2019
You always are there for me
You care
And you love me

But i'm always a disaster
A mess
And a monster

And I don't know if I can let myself lead you on any longer
I diffidently don't deserve to ave you in my life, and I know i'm filing so massively but sadly enough this is my best.
688 · Dec 2018
To my First Love
Philomena Dec 2018
To my first love
I suppose I never really fell for you
It was more like a shove
Little did I know of the storm that was about to brew

You were kind once upon a time
Don't know where that sweetness went
Back then we were both in our prime
And words you said were what they meant

But time destroyed your heart
And soon you destroyed me
Now I'm glad we are so very far apart
Because I have found where I am supposed to be

You are a monster and thus
This is the end of us
To anyone who has ever gotten away from their toxic partner, cheers!
687 · Apr 2019
With my Heavy Heart
Philomena Apr 2019
I'm sorry
Sorry I"m not everything I was supposed to become
Sorry I didn't turn out perfect like you wanted me to
And not a day goes by that I don't remember
The pain littered in my memories
And the dreams of a little girl
With my heavy heart I lay her to rest now
Her dreams dies with her and there's no going back now
This is never how it was meant to be
676 · May 2019
The Memory of You
Philomena May 2019
Close my eyes and I can see yours again
Let myself get lost in the distant memory
The song plays through my head
And it's like watching a movie through my own eyes
Because I know it's not real

And I remember how I pressed my head against your chest
How soft your lips felt on my cheek
And how my heart shuddered when you whispered that you loved me
I never wanted it to end

And I'll never forget how soft that dress was
Or the respect I commanded dressed in blood with crown in hand
I wont forget the glittering lights
Or the warm air that night accompanied by the soft breeze

But most of all I wont forget you
Your smile your laugh
Your pocket square with four prongs
I can't forget your dancing
Your sweeping me off my feet

And how could I
You made me feel like a queen for just one night
And as wonderful as it all was
All I really needed that night was you
Although this is something I hope to never forget, it haunts me.
663 · Dec 2018
Counting Breaths
Philomena Dec 2018
One two
Well look at you
Three Four
Always begging for more
Five six
But I'm all out of tricks
Seven Eight
So full of hate
Nine Ten
So I just wont breathe again
I like to read it going over each of the numbers with a breath in and then a breath out but thats just me. Guess i'm just tried of taking instruction from people who don't understand.
651 · Apr 2019
Please Don't Forget
Philomena Apr 2019
I miss the stardust in your embrace
The wind in my hair
And the feeling of flying in your arms

When you find yourself lost in the stars
Please don't forget those on Earth
Don't forget all the memories
Don't forget how much we love you
Please don't forget me
650 · Dec 2018
Two Souls as One
Philomena Dec 2018
Wedding bells
As fortune tells
Two souls as one

Happy times
And stupid rhymes
A future about to begin

White lace
And a sunny place
The things of dreams

Yet you won't see me
I will stay under this tree
Like an Ode on a Grecian Urn

No lace for this girl
And not a single dance to whirl
Because I am not bride nor groom

So leave me be
And go and see
Two souls as one
Going to a wedding tomorrow, going to be fun, or at least I hope so.
632 · Dec 2018
Philomena Dec 2018
Watching and waiting
A safe passage through
Never ending
The torment of you
I'm on my way, i'll beat the dark
Your days of being alone end tonight

If the stars in the sky would lend me a heart
You would not know the meaning of the word apart
Though the twinkle may fade It all is the same
My morningstar deep in the night
Though far away now
I will reach you tonight
Though the twinkle may fade It all is the same
You're the light in a world of dark

I know it hurts
It hurts me too
But keep your chin up, you'll pull through
Mountains will fall and oceans will rise
I promise you morningstar
You won't be alone tonight

If the stars in the sky would lend me a heart
You would not know the meaning of the word apart
Though the twinkle may fade It all is the same
My morningstar deep in the night
Though far away now
I will reach you tonight
Though the twinkle may fade It all is the same
You're the light in a world of dark

I promise you morning star there's no need to fear
I'll keep you safe now dry your tears
I’ll be right here, all through the night
Shine on now, brighter than bright
I love your shine, your sparkle, your glow
You can forget what it was like being alone
Though the mountains did fall, and the oceans did rise
I am here with you tonight

I watched and I waited
The safe passage through
**** all the torment of being away from you
We're stronger together
We can face the dark

The stars in the sky lent me a heart
Forget that blasted word apart
Though the twinkle may fade it all is the same
My morningstar deep in the night
I’m with you now
Now and every night
Though the twinkle may fade it all is the same
You're my light in a world of dark

I thank the stars for my heart
Finally together, as it should have from the start
Your light is brilliant just like you
Even if you're a morningstar deep in the night
You light up my world
Well worth the fight
Never let anyone put out your shine
You make life worth it even in a world of dark
Me attempting to sound poetic and not like an ignorant 18 year old: I guess even the darkest stars are beautiful to the right person

(actually wrote this years ago but I guess someone beside me should see it for a change)
Philomena Jun 2019
I want to be someone you can look up to
Because you don't see my scars
Or the tears in my eyes
You're too young to know of any real pain
To you I'm another friendly face ready to greet you each morning
And I wish it could stay that way forever
I want to remain perfect to you
Even as time passes us by
And I might just be a memory to you later on
But I want you to look up to me
I want to set the right example
Because I only get to keep you for a short while
So I'll have to be on my best behavior
631 · Dec 2018
Amica Mea
Philomena Dec 2018
He is the sunrise over the black hills
He is the feeling from which my soul spills

He is the beating of my heart
He is the pain of being apart

He is my song
He is where I belong

He is amica mea
Because my bean is the best bean
625 · Dec 2018
Philomena Dec 2018
Men are like the wind.
They are wild.
And go wherever their heart takes them.
They can carry the sweetness of a summer breeze,
Or the rage of a fire storm.
620 · Jun 2019
Lyrics No. 8
Philomena Jun 2019
"Some girls like diamonds
Some of them want fancy things
They hunger for the taste of glamour
And we rot and find some others' rings

Your sweethearts need their princes
Flattery and filthy pearls
Barbie, don't mess with the Marilyn kisses
Your original material girl

But I'm not like those other types, baby
I'm your ****** creature poster girl

Make you crawl, make you beg, make you plead
Make you want, make you hurt, make you bleed

So toxic
****** creature poster girl

Make you laugh, make you cry, make you need every little slasher
**** the father's sweetheart, ****** creature poster girl

Baby, you can keep your diamonds
You can burn all your fancy things
I hunger for the taste of a painful week
That can survive my wicked sting

Darling I don't need no princes
I'm no damsel in distress
The only thing I'm needing is for you to be bleeding
From my homicidal kiss

You see, I'm not like those other girls, baby
I'm your ****** creature poster girl"
617 · Oct 2019
Philomena Oct 2019
Sometimes I can't stand it
I lie here beside you
Puddle of pain and fear
And you're like the lighthouse guiding me to safety

I didn't ask to be saved
And I don't want you to save me

I wish I was healthy enough to save myself
I wish I was more than this
And I wish more than anything I could be something to you

But i'll cry into my pillow again
And count the days till I'm home
Maybe just maybe I'll silently wish I was dead

Sorry I won't let you save me
Because I know what it takes
Driving into cold water after a corpse
And I do it because I love you
As hard as that is to explain
I wont let you jump in the water just because I'm sinking
because then I'd be the reason you got wet
598 · Dec 2020
Lyrics No. 24
Philomena Dec 2020
"When you said it was real, guess I really did believe you
Did you fake how you feel when we parked down by the river that night?
That night?
That night when we fogged up the windows in your best friend's car
'Cause we couldn't leave the windows down in December

Tell me what you hate about me
Whatever it is, I'm sorry...
I know I can be dramatic
But everybody said we had it...

I'm coming to terms with a broken heart
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart"
583 · Aug 23
The Light of my life
Philomena Aug 23
You brought a joy into my life that I have never felt before
And it made every moment with you pure bliss
It was as if seeing a color I never had before
And your color lit my world
It showed me trough the darkest days
But when you left this world so did your color
That shine I loved was gone
So now I remain in darkness
Waiting to meet you in another world.
For my baby
582 · Jun 2019
Lyrics No. 2
Philomena Jun 2019
"I never thought I would ever escape
At times, I wanted to die
Feared that it all was just a little too late
For then, I wouldn't survive
I let you in and let go of the hate
My heart recovered now, I
Owe you a debt that I can never repay
I still believe 'cause you're mine"
580 · Dec 2018
Say You'll Haunt Me
Philomena Dec 2018
"Say you will stay you want me too
Say you'll never die you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me"

Let me hear your voice, let me hear it say
You belong here with me always
I want to know I belong to you
And say you'll haunt me
Used to sing this to a friend, part of a Stone Sour song (Say You'll Haunt Me)
578 · Dec 2018
My Reality
Philomena Dec 2018
The difference between my reality and yours is that
Yours is real
Mine is just mostly real

You see things as they are
As they should be
But my reality has an extra layer to it
Like taking regular ice cream and adding sprinkles
Sprinkles of imagination on a regular world

Reality is I'm sick
Sometimes what makes us different is what makes us wonderful
535 · Jan 2019
Your Nightmare
Philomena Jan 2019
It was in your arms like I always am that I had my first nightmare starring you

It started simple enough
Wake up like we always do
You off to class and me back off to sleep
And then the ringing began
Ringing in my ears
The phone
And I heard her tell me
The news
Every detail
Every fact
And I felt sick
So I went to get up
Get dressed and put myself into something that resembles a human being
Just like I always do
Except I couldn't
I was frozen there
Suspended in that dark dream unable to move
You were dying
An accident and you were dying
Bleeding out body failing and just dying
And I couldn't get to you
Couldn't talk to you
Couldn't hold you
I remained frozen by the sick twist of a dream
And I cried
Feeling as each part of my heart broke
Shattered like glass on pavement
And you were gone
Haven't had a nightmare in a while actually.
519 · Apr 2019
Philomena Apr 2019
I know it is likely I will fail
And the hours  tick away
Growing closer and closer to judgement day
And as I inch closer and closer
I just hope I can make you proud
Overcome it all and rise above
502 · Jun 2019
Philomena Jun 2019
I'm scared to hear the answer
So dare I even ask
If I disappeared tomorrow
Who would even care?
486 · Jul 2020
Lyrics No. 20
Philomena Jul 2020
All this emptiness inside
I can't fill the void in my mind
Sometimes I just wanna die
Wish that I could tell you why
Is it all inside my head?
I just can't escape the noise
Is it all inside my head?
I think I'm paranoid
Philomena Aug 2019
I'll be the first one to admit that you make me uneasy
Not for a lack of feelings or presence of some
But simply because you are the living embodiment of my past
And I hate confrontation
So when I see you there
Behind a metal bar round and round
Like a pool noodle in a blender
My heart stops
But alas to day is the day I find the strength to stand
Not up to you or against you but stand on my own
473 · Feb 2019
Philomena Feb 2019
It binds us
Intertwines us
Flows through my veins
And down my legs
Builds me up
Only to break me down

It fills the void in my heart
With a warmth I've never known
Pours from the wounds left by a broken world
And reassures what I've always known
I'm nothing
Nothing without the pain
472 · Apr 2019
Night Terror
Philomena Apr 2019
She thrashes violently
She can't awake
Can't get away
So she fights like her life depends on it
Maybe she's squirming under the weigh of an invisible monster
Or another dream filled with death
No matter the subject
I hold her in place
Cradle her to stop the movement
I call her name over and over
Until she joins the world again
468 · Apr 2019
Philomena Apr 2019
I'm a pair of pretty eyes
Or a cute dress
Nice lipstick

I'm never smart
Nor brilliant
Never inventive
Or resourceful
Not hardworking
Or persistent

Apparently all I am is eye candy
Philomena Mar 2019
In my dream i'm in his arms
In that same black dress
Barefoot in the soft grass
And we dance
We dance to the sound of the night
The soft crickets and the water's waves
And the steady beat of two hearts as one
And I'm lost in it all
Lost in your eyes and your voice
Lost in that soft black dress
Lost in the darkness of the night
I miss those dreams
464 · Oct 2019
Lyrics No. 15
Philomena Oct 2019
"What you got, boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried
I just can't get you off my mind
Because your love, your love, your love is my drug"
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