Staring into the midnight skyline
Underneath the faded starlight
Cold winds caressing my face
Wooly blanket warming my shoulders

My thoughts wandering in the abyss
Skipping among the wispy clouds
Trying to reach for the brightest stars
Only to fall back into the expansive void

My heart is in melancholia
My mind in aching nostalgia
My chest tightened in a knot
My eyes in a sleepless trance

Take me back to the olden days
The days filled with loving warmth
When I melt from your every kiss
And I succumb to your cozy embrace

Take me back to the bygone nights
The nights filled with untethered passion
When your touch stirs my broken soul
Mending its tangles, soothing its core

Oh how I pray every night
Pleading with the Powers that be
Asking Them for your return
Even if its only in my dreams

Oh God, please take me back
To the eyes that were my mirrors
To the arms that were my hearth
To the love that was my home

Please bring me back
Bring me back to my home
To my love that was taken away
To the missing half of my soul

Please bring me back
To the love that quenches my thirst
To the heart that yearns only for me
To you

I miss you

-J

We're finally here
At this moment
Hearts heavy
Tears held back

We tried avoiding it
Working out the wrongs
Making peace with the rights
Even when things got hard

We're at a crossroads
Where our journey ends
With one last embrace
One final kiss

Here at the end
Where our roads split up
Here at twilight
Waiting for the cold night

Somehow we got through
Somehow we made it
But I still have to ask
We were happy, right?

God, this is where we let go
Where she heads east
And I head west
Leaving these memories here

It was an impossible gamble
Avoiding the inevitable
Even so, we tried
We loved, and we lost

I just pray, Dear God
That no matter what happens
That if the world ends tomorrow
We can still call each other
Home

-J

Bodies colliding
Sweat dripping
Lips vigorously kissing
Biting what it can
Mapping every inch
Touching every nook
Cherishing every cranny
In a messy dance

It's coming
That burst of emotions
Desired and untamed
Taking mind and body
Into absolute bliss
Into unholy pleasure
Into carnal ecstasy
I can't control it

Your wet thighs
Latched on to mine
Locked in place
Never wanting to separate

Pulling me closer
Locking me deeper
Squeezing me tighter
My mind turns blank

Moving faster
Thrusting deeper
Fcking wilder
Loving harder

Every push and pull
Every sweat and breath
Every touch of tongue
Melting my brain away

Struggling together
Fcking like hell
Until we reach ******
Until heaven

-J

Sometimes there are secrets
That are better left buried
Forgotten in the past
Scattered in the wind

Sometimes you have to lie
To hide what lies inside
Telling yourself the sweetest lies
Than to swallow the bitter truth

Sometimes there are mirrors
You'd rather not face
Because you're afraid to discover
Things you've been oblivious to

There are things that we'd rather
Let the ocean waves swallow
Mirrors that we'd rather cover
Than see what truly is reflected

I've broken my mirrors
Locked away my fears
Drowned myself in the lies
And never ever looked back

And yet like a phoenix from the ashes
Why are these mirrors back?

I'm tired.

A candle slowly melting
When the flames eat me away,
Burning brightly as I can,
Amidst the growing darkness.

I'm broken.

A flower blooming in winter
As the cold freezes me over,
Opening my arms to heaven
Amidst the harshest blizzards

I'm depleted.

A wanderer in the middle of nowhere
As the world grew bigger before me,
Trying to find my way home
Even when the world is against me.

Enough.
Let me take my rest.
Let me sleep in the winter
Let me lie in the darkness
Let me make my home elsewhere
I'm simply human
Flawed and bruised
Lost and afraid
Trying to be the best that I could be
Even when everyone is against me.

Let me sleep
Let me rest
Amidst this unending storm
Let me surrender
To the waves and the wind
Let me find peace
Even when there is none
I'm simply human
And I'm tired.

Sometimes I wonder
Why I still stay with you
Even when we go through
The thickest and thinnest
I find myself still beside you

Sometimes I think
What would happen if
We both reach our breaking points
Where everything is total chaos
Would I still go back to you?

Sometimes I worry
Where would we be each day
Would we be fighting?
Or would we be laughing?
Would I still stay with you?

Sometimes I question
How much I really love you
Can I still handle your whims?
Can I still try to understand?
Will I still lay in bed with you?

Sometimes I ask
Who am I gonna be today?
Will I be tolerating you?
Will I confront you?
Will I still be kissing you?

And then I stop..
I realize that this is love
That I am in love with you
That even through the hardest of times
And through the thickest arguments
Through the worst insecurities
And the worst shortcomings
I will still choose you
Because at the end of the day
I decided to be with you
I decided to kiss you
To embrace you
All your beauty
All your faults
All of you
I chose to love

And if it doesn't make sense
Why should it?
The only thing that makes sense to me
Is that love makes no sense
And that even if we don't make sense
I love you
And you love me
And I chose to be
With you

Winds whispering in harmonies
Moonlight bathing the skyline
Stars blanket the void of night
Everything feels quiet and serene

Eyes locked in a passionate stare
Reflecting the wild, loving hearts
Hearts whose beatings go erratic
Skins touching soft and bare

One pulls in for a kiss
A warm kiss that melts the mind
The other locks in embrace
A tight embrace that melts the heart

As kisses grow more torrid
And embraces grow ever fervent
Lovers inch closer and entwined
In mind and heart, body and soul

Under the moonlit horizon
Under heaven and starlight
Love blooms further than ever
Passion and emotion taking over

Heartbeats in overdrive
Giving in to unhinged desires
The night sky stands witness
To our fiery engagement

Sweat trickling profusely
As body and soul collide
Breaths grow heavier and deeper
As hearts and minds entwined

As my lips touch every inch
Nectar flows so sweet to drink
As my hands touch every point
Your whimpers grow louder

Your hands locked into mine
As we finally reach midnight
Thrusting deeper still
As our love blooms to the fullest

The warmth of your breath
Makes my head feel fuzzy
The curves of your hips
An alabaster masterpiece

The warmth we both shared
Deny the cold winds tonight
In your embrace I choose to stay
Under the stars and moonlight

Been going down this stream
Of chaos and uncertainties
What destination will I come upon?
Where will my paper boat take me?

Another sleepless night
My mind feels restless
My heart in confusion
What am I gonna do?

Would these worries go away?
As I learn and grow with age?
Should I just choose death
Rather than loving the undeserving?

I guess I don't have the answers today
Maybe tomorrow will shed some light
To these worries in my young life
I'll open my doors when the need arises

This paranoia is damning
I've had enough
Maybe a dream will do for now
And face the real thing tomorrow

After I go to sleep..

Even if our stars weren't aligned
Even if our hearts weren't inclined
Even if our paths were only meant to cross
Even if our love won't always get across

Know that this love will persist
Against the whispers of fate it will resist
My eyes will focus only on you
My compass always pointing at you

These emotions will always stay
This love will never go away
The memories carved in our minds
Each other we will always find

No matter what the stars may say
No matter if the gods tear us away
Like flames kissing the ice
Like cats chasing mice

You always take my breath away
You make my thoughts easily swayed
You are always only for me
And I will always fall only for you

I fall for you still

And I plan on falling further..

Sa lamig ng hanging sumisipol sa gabi
Init ng iyong mga yakap ang iniisip
Sa mga umagang nasisikatan ng araw
Bakas ng iyong mga yapos ang hinahanap

Labis-labis kitang hinahanap
Ang lambot ng iyong mga kamay
Habang nakakapit sa akin
Pilit hinihingi ng pusong nagdaramdam

Panginoon, akin pong dalangin
Magisnang muli hindi sa panaginip
Ang kanyang mga matang nangugusap
Ng kanyang matamis na pag-ibig saakin

Akin pong hinihiling ng mataimtim
Ang madama ang kanyang yakap na mahigpit
At madampian ng kanya mga labi
Na pumapayo sa puso kong nag-aamok

Akin pong ipinagsusumamo
Ang muling marinig ang kanyang tinig
Ang boses na matamis pakinggan
Na nagpapakalma sa aking damdamin

Panginoon, akin pong hinihiling
Ang mahagkan ang minamahal ko
Ang nagkukulay ng buhay ko
At ang pag-ibig kong matamis

Sana'y ika'y mahagkan na muli
Marinig ang iyong boses na nagpapasaya sa akin
Makasama muli sa hirap at lungkot
At magpasalamat sa mga biyaya at saya ng buhay

Mahal ko, lagi ika'y nasa isip
Kailanman, hindi ko ipapahamak
Ang pag-ibig na ipinaglaban at hiningi
Niluhuran at binuhusan ng luha

Mahal ko, nasaan ka na?
Sana'y magbalik ka na
Sa mga bisig na hinahanap ka
Sa pusong tahanan mo

Charmed

By those eyes that stare deeply
By that smile that feels giddy
By those hugs that bring warmth
By those kisses that melt my heart

That laugh that rings in my ears
Crushing all my foolish fears
That sweet scent lingering on my clothes
Calming all my anxious woes

I'm charmed by the way you are
Charmed by the purity of your heart
I'm falling further each and everyday
Loving you even better, in more ways

I almost lost hope until you came
Then you picked up and loved what remained
I'm never letting you go my Dear
All my heartbreaks led me to you, here

Could I love you any more than this?
I ask God in my prayers
To make it our whole lives' quest
To find it out

I can't write anything else
You left me at a loss for words
I guess
I just love you

My mind is playing with me
In a game I know I will lose
Talking myself out of this
Wrestling with my thoughts

I'm lost in my paranoia
Imprisoned in the walls I built
The whispers are deafening
The screams are silent

I'm running out of time
I'm slipping to insanity
How does one get free
From all this absurdity

Its a game of fools
Its a pointless showdown
That leaves us with no choice
But to participate in anguish

You turned me into something else
Fooling me with false happiness
That even now I lie to myself everyday
With hopeless thoughts of being saved

I'm losing myself
To my psychotic tendencies
And I guess I'm in that state
That I don't want to be saved anymore

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of asking for a savior
I'm tired of seeking redemption
In fact, I only seek assimilation

No more screaming for help
No more reaching for heaven
I'm storming the road to hell
I'm embracing my demons

No more roses for angels
No more goddesses to worship
No more queens to kneel down to
With open arms I welcome this atheism

I am my own demon
And I will keep myself satiated
I will feed my insanities
And I will be the devil you painted me to be

Slowly
But surely
Step by step
Inch by inch

I'm almost there
Almost to the end
Letting them go
Gradually

Feelings remain
Crumbling, dwindling
Memories replay
Blurring, fading

Tempo in ad agio
Hands pulling away
Hearts disconnecting
From synchronized beating

The music dies down
As the love dies out
I'm almost there
Almost over you

It's been slow
But I'll be over it
My heart will heal
Even as I miss you

Since you were gone
Nothing worked out
Motivation out the window
Dreams in an indefinite hiatus

But I'll get there
To the sunset by the sea
Where in the waves
I'll bury your memories

The pain will subside
Slowly and carefully
As I shed your chains
From every inch of my body

This is farewell
My love in ad agio
Slowly fading away
Into its final breath

Why is it so easy nowadays?
To make people love you
Dropping something heavy like
"I love you"
And leave you alone
With a broken heart?

Why is it so blatant nowadays?
That it is easy to flirt
But hard to commit
And letting someone fall
Without ever catching them
And feeling no remorse?

Shame
Love became worthless
Bastardized by people
Who can never back up
What lies come out
Of their greedy lips

There are things that keep me up at night
Unfulfilled yearnings that turn to regret
Thoughts that steal away a good night's sleep
Words that were suppressed, never to be said

I guess I'm still stuck at that time
When I was yours, and you, mine
No matter how I press on every day
I still remain a slave to your sways

Harmless conversations from time to time
Cannot satiate how much I thirst for you
Your attention is everything that I seek
Your eyes remain lights in the shadows of my life

Everyday I live in fear and dread
That in a chance that we meet again
You will flash a lovely smile at me
Lovelier than those you had with me

Every night I pray in earnest agony
That I never have to see you again
Knowing that the happiness you have now
Won't ever be caused by me again

So here I am
Writing the unspoken feelings
Etching the hidden truths
That even now, as I write this poem
I want to run to you
Bury myself in your arms
And never letting you go
I want to return to that time
When I pledged myself yours
And you, mine
I want to hold your hands
Hearts connected
Fingers entwined
I want to say I love you
Whispering in your ears
Planting kisses on your cheeks
I want to disappear with you
To a place where you and I
Can freely speak the words unspoken

I need a mask
To hide the fears
Ensnaring my heart

I need a mask
To hide the feelings
I still have for you

I need a mask
To hide my anxieties
While talking to you again

I need a mask
To hide my frustrations
Over being not over you

I need a mask
To hide the chaos
That lingers in my broken solace

I need a mask
To hide the tears
And show you a false smile

I need a mask
To hide the screams
That I suppress in my lungs

I need a mask
To hide my weakness
So that you'll never see

I need a mask
To avoid my fears
Of seeing you happy
While I drown in my misery

I need a mask
To create a masterpiece
That fools me into thinking
I'm gonna be okay

I need a mask
To hide the fact
That until now
Nobody can replace you

I need a mask
To avoid confronting
These unavoidable emotions
Telling me that I still love you

I need a mask
To avoid everything about you
To keep my sanity in check
Even when insanity eats me away

I need a mask
To hide me from your world
So that someday
I may forget you

I need a mask
But which one should I wear
When I'm confronted with the truth
That you'll never come back to me?

You came in
A gentle breeze in summer
A warm touch of sunlight
A cool drop of morning dew

You went out
A vicious winter blizzard
A chaotic typhoon
A raging storm of emotions

You left
A devastation like no other
A life unrepairable
A hole unfillable

Being loved is a gentle breeze
Being unloved is a chaotic storm

Gaining love makes you king
Loosing love leaves you a beggar

Wanting love is a summer kiss
Getting love is a heart-wrenching battle
Keeping love, an unforgiving war

Having you was my idea of love
Losing you..

I don't even know where to start over

Time
Everything stopped in time
When you walked in my life

Eyes
Those blue eyes staring back
Placed me under your spell

Touch
When your fingers touched mine
My mind went into a trance

Whispers
Those whispers of your desires
Made me a slave to them

A Kiss
A passionate kiss placed on my lips
Sealed the deal and locked my fate

Embrace
You entwined me in your embrace
Gentle, yet subconsciously Greedy

Enchantment
You kept me under your enchantment
Playing with me under your fingers

Trash
Thrown away like trash in an abyss
When you were done using me

Curse
The spell became a curse
When you took my heart away

Despair
You left me in despair
In a cage of your enchantment

Fulfilled
The enchantment became a curse
The spell remained only in my insanity
The dreams turned into vicious nightmares
Pushing me to the edges of my mind
These games have fulfilled their purpose
Costing you nothing
But leaving with my everything

Heavy is a mind
That is chained to its past

Heavy is a soul
That knows no way forward

Heavy is a spirit
That keeps running around in circles

Heavy are the eyes
That never stopped shedding tears

Heavy are the ears
That remain slaves to your voice

Heavy are the hands
That knows no other feeling but you

Heavy is the heart
That is struggling to forget everything

Heavy is a person
That drags himself down
To memories that will never
Become a reality

Heavy are his dreams
If these dreams can never be
And will only be
The source of his nightmares

Heavy are the arms
That helplessly linger for yours
Constantly waiting for you
Though never to come back

No more
Please?

I've had enough

I think I'm going insane
My heart is jumping in my chest
My mind is in a psychedelic rush
My body in an uncontrollable addiction

With one look from those eyes
All my prohibitions are dropped
These feelings are growing stronger
Growing more potent than any drug

Your scent is an insatiable craving
Your lips tastes better than bourbon
Kissing every inch of you feels the best
Giving me a better high than
any marijuana

You leave me in a submissive trance
Every touch of your skin tingles
Sending shocks down my spine
I'm losing myself deeper into you

Your subtle moans growing louder
Playing like sweet music in my ears
As I slide down kissing every inch of you
Slowly working my way between your thighs

The way you caress my hair gives me goosebumps
Softly pulling my head towards pleasure
Leading me to your most sensitive spots
As you succumb to your wildest desires

Your wanting eyes pull me deeper
Your greedy lips devouring my own
Giving me no ample time to breathe
And yet I still want more of you

You give me a trip like no other
Our bodies colliding like wild animals
The way your nails puncture my skin
Leaves me in a high sense of euphoria

Every ****** goes deeper and deeper
Every kiss gets wetter and wetter
These raging emotions bringing us closer
Taking us to a ****** unlike any other

My body is in a lustful overdrive
My mind in a hallucinating blank
As our bodies keep on clashing all over
Finally reaching that ultimate high

This carnal love keeps on consuming us
Why do we bother to avoid something so good?
Your body feels more addictive than any drug
You lips the strongest aphrodisiac I need

I can't get enough of you
I'll always want more of you
This love is a greater addiction
Than anything I've ever had

Please give me more

Lingering questions on my mind
Like pests circling around my head
An open heart wanting to understand
A rushed yet unrelenting answer

Since when does falling in love
Giving everything you have
Become an unbearable burden
For the people you simply want to love?

Is my heart that frightening?
Why do I keep running around
The same, tiring and old cycle?
Give me a break, will you please?

I just needed someone to return
The love I wanted to give out
When did my actions of caring
Make me a villain in your eyes?

I don't need your full commitment
I simply wanted a chance with you
A chance to earn your time and attention
A small portion of your day is what I demand

And yet, why does no one ever stay?
How long do I have to keep this up?
Running around in endless circles
Only to end up broken and trashed

When will this heart give up?
When the tears from my eyes run dry?
Or my body can no longer feel pain?
Until when can I endure this endless cycle?

I'm almost done
Almost there
Don't test me
Loosing my patience here

Golden sunlight kissing my skin
Gentle breeze whispering in my ears
The sunset covered by a crown of clouds
The skies slowly dimming towards twilight

The fine sand on my toes feels warm
Getting cozier as each minute passes by
The waves come and go in a gentle rush
The salty mist refreshing to the withered soul

Coconut trees sway back and forth
Slow-dancing with the gentle breeze
Lying alone in this small and cozy tent
Waiting for the stars to sparkle bright

As the night approaches bonfires littered the beach
Like small tongues of light in a dark, serene canvass
People singing songs not very far away
Blending smoothly with the strumming of guitars

I guess this is what people call paradise
Yet why does it feel so incomplete?
The gaping hole in my heart feels empty
My arms feel like they're missing a big piece

If this is paradise, then what is it missing?
Why does everything look so perfect, yet feel so empty?
And then the memories left to wither
Came like a tsunami on the horizon

It was your warmth that it lacked
Your presence it was missing
Your scent blending with the salty air
Your eyes glowing with the moonlight

It was your love that was my paradise
The love that you took with you
When you left me stranded and struggling
In an island of my sadness and misery

But for tonight, and all the coming nights
I choose to bury the past in these sands
To break the chains that still cling to me
Along with the painful memories that haunt me

So as I sleep under the blanket of starlight
I remain hopeful of the breaking dawn
As I forget you like the passing waves of the seas
And the winds bring me to the arms of a paradise just for me

Sometimes I stare at the vast yet blank night sky
Thinking of the memories we shared that are as wide
Sometimes I wonder how abysmal the ocean is
Thinking of the emotions I felt that are as deep

The alcohol is starting to take it's toll
The beer cans scattered all over the floor
Holding back the screams that want to be heard
Holding back the tears that want to fall

I wonder every night if happiness is with you
If the choices we made were really for the best
I wonder every day how my sadness would end
Even if I chose to leave everything and let you go

My deepest fears are making their way to the surface
My deepest grievances are making themselves known
Let me be free from the ghost you left me with
Let me be free from the past that I made painful

Everyday I pray with desperate earnesty
That our paths would never meet again
That I see your face full of joy, no regrets
While my heart is filled by none other than regret

I pray our paths would never cross again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That you never missed me even a second
While I missed you so much each and every second

I pray our eyes would never meet again
Dreading that moment that I find out
That even though a long time has passed
My resurgent feelings would remain the same

Dear God, please don't let me drown in these fears
Please relieve me from these harrowing sorrows
Don't let me see her with all the happiness in the world
While I drown with all the emptiness I got from it.

Mend the heart she left broken, please I beg
For she took away every piece, yet threw them all away
Stop the tears that kept on coming every night
Keep me from feeling numb and unworthy again.

Gabi-gabing tinitiis ang lamig
Ng pusong binibigo ng pag-ibig
Unti-unting bumibitaw ang mga kamay
Sa relasyong unti-unti na ring namamatay

Sa bawat bitaw ng buntong-hininga
Kalakip ang malaking panghihinayang
Sa bawat luha na tumulo mula sa mata
Kalakip ang mga alaalang puno ng lumbay at ligaya

Pilit mang itulog na lang ang lahat
Pilit mang ibaon ang sakit sa limot
Pilit mang magpakalunod sa nadaramang lungkot
Sadyang hindi magawa ng pusong nayayamot

Kailan kaya gigising sa umaga
Na kayang tanggaping wala ka na?
Kailan kaya gagalaw muli ang oras
Na tumigil nung bigla kang nawala?

Kailan maghihilom ang mga sugat
Na dulot ng mga hinagpis ng kahapon?
Kailan kaya ako makakalimot ng lubos
Para puso'y matutunang umibig muli?

Bathalang Maykapal na sa langit ay nagmamasid
Dinggin ang aking mga panalangin ng hinagpis
Ako po'y nagsusumamo't dumudulog sa inyo
Pawiin ang lungkot na pinagdurusahan ko

O Pag-ibig na mahirap mahagilap
Na hanggang ngayo'y nananatiling mailap
Sana'y ang susunod siya na ang huli
Ang babaeng makatatagal sa aking mga bisig

I'm choking on oxygen

My palms are sweating too much
My heart is jumping inside my chest
My brain is on a drunken haywire
I'm literally left speechless and dazed

I didn't see this coming

You're standing in front of me
Once again I get a glimpse of you
A glimpse that I would've killed for
In what was like a lifetime ago

You render me helpless

I thought I was done with this
My life was back on track again
My heart healing from the wounds
That your departure inflicted on me

And yet here I am

Time froze again for me
Because as the pain resurfaced in me
You seem like you're having fun
Living life as if nothing happened

And yet you left me in misery

How dare you smile in front of me
Showing me expressions that I've never seen before
Your smile a mockery of the harrowing experience
Of everything I went through because of you

I'm trying not to sob

You look like you own the world
Being happy with someone else nowadays
Yet here I am frozen and dumbstruck
As you blatantly ignore me when our eyes met

Here I go again

Spiraling in a downward depression
Feeling used and abused
When I simply gave my all to you
And you show me how insignificant I am to you

I'm done with this

I'm done with you and your cruel heart
That enjoys the misery of those she left
That craves attention only for self fulfillment
And leaves destruction in your wake

You are a storm

As storm that passed by my life
Who's torrential downpour I craved
But left me destroyed and broken
Leaving me to die out of breath

This is the last goodbye

I never want anything from you
Whose love is too hellish to earn
I never want to go through this again
Even if it leaves me wanting more from you

See what mess you left me in?

Nangarap lang naman ng isang pag-ibig
Na kayang magtagal sa aking mga bisig
Ngunit bakit ganoon kadaya ang tadhana?
Parati na lamang naiiwan at namamaalam.

Wagas na pagmamahal ay kayang ialay
Ngunit kahit nilalako na ang pag-ibig
Walang sinuman ang tumatanggap
Walang sinuman ang kayang tumagal

Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga tayo?
Wala na bang pwede pang iareglo?
Pinagdasal na umabot sana sa simbahan
Ngunit mukhang ako lang talaga ang umasa

Ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ng 'to?
Yung naiwan kang nag-iisip na baka
Pwede pang isalba kung anong meron
Pero hindi ka pinayagang gumawa ng hakbang

Kaya 'eto't nagmumukmok sa isang tabi
Iniisip kung ano bang nagawang mali
Kasi ang mga rasong "hindi ikaw, ako"
Ay mas masakit pa sa "may iba ako"

Mas maiintindihan ko pa kung ang pag-ibig
Na kay tagal kong pinaghirapan ay bigla na lang maglaho
Kaysa sa mga rasong malabo namang basahin
At ang mga mala-bugtong na sagot sa aking mga tanong

Namamaalam muli sa pag-ibig na hindi nagtagal
Na kahit anong pilit ang aking gawin, walang nararating
Walang kapangyarihang baguhin ang kasalukuyan
Ang mga pinanghawakan dumudulas sa aking mga kamay.

Hanggang sa mawala sa puso
Isisigaw ang pagmamahal sa'yo
Sambit ng mga labi ang ngalan mo
Hanggang ang pag-ibig ay maglaho.

I once found a rose
That drew me to it's beauty
I knew I had to take it for my own
I yearned to possess it earnestly

Without hesitation I jumped in
I grabbed it with all I have
Wanting it truly with all my heart
Praying sincerely to own it wholly

I held on to it vigourously
So that no one can steal it from me
Tightening my grasp onto it
As if I could never want anything more

I didn't mind holding on to it
I wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world
And yet others kept telling me to let go
As they saw my hands bleeding badly

I saw it before it even bled this badly
I knew that things would turn for the worst
And yet my desire took over my reason
And wounded myself from the thorns it has

As I contemplated my own pain
I saw the pain I was causing this rose
She suffocated under my grasp
She was dying under my care

I knew what I have to do
And yet I held on to it tight
Thinking that it was mine
And yet my hands said otherwise

Now I'm stuck in a dilemma
Should I still hold on and both get hurt
Or do I let go and let it grow on its own?
Do I say goodbye and just give up on it?

No matter how much I love it
If I continue this, I'll continue bleeding
And she'll continue suffocating
How do I let her go?

The moment when my heart
Started beating for you
I can't help but seek you alone
And beg Heaven for your love

This heart may change directions
It may doubt, be tempted, stumble
Fall, and even be broken apart
But it prays only to be yours

Your arms are the home it seeks
I don't ever want to ever let this go
The compass may head to other paths
But the heart always points to you

I love you
Now,
Tomorrow
And until the day this ends
With my lungs breathing its last

Gising na naman ng alas dos ng gabi
Hinihingal at pinagpapawisan ng sobra
Mula sa isang bangungot ako’y nagising
Nagising sa katotohanang parang bangungot din.
Hindi mapigilang bumuhos ang mga luha
Puno ng hinagpis mula sa kahapong mapait
Bawat hikbi at buntong-hininga pilit pinipigil
Habang nagkukumahog hanapin ang nawawala

Damdaming nagtitimpi ay biglang pumutok
Mga emosyong rumagasa ng walang habas
Mula sa nasirang prinsa ng aking puso
Umaagos papunta sa mga matang ayaw tumahan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong haplos
Pati mga halik na ibinuhos sa aking mga labi
Unti-unting nawawala ang wangis mo sa ating kama
Ang kamang nilisan mo nung ako’y iniwan mo

Gabi-gabing iniisip ang mga dahilan
Kung bakit dun pa sa ating kalungkutan
Bigla mo na lang akong isinantabi’t iniwan
Kahit pa nangako tayo ng walang hanggan
Hinahanap-hanap pa rin ang ‘yong anino
Mga bakas ng kahapong gustong balikan
Ngunit kahit kailanman at ano man ang gawin
Hinding-hindi ko na muling mararanasan

Sana’y naririnig ang mga sigaw ng puso
Na nagtitiis sa sakit habang nangungulila sa’yo
Sana’y marinig muli ang mga salitang
“Mahal kita” mula sa’yong mga labi
Kaya nandito pa rin ako sa ating dulo
Inaantay ang malabong pagbabalik mo
Kahit ang puso’y nawawalan na ng pag-asa
Pilit hinihiling ang katuparan ng mga “sana”

Pag-ibig ko’y iyo pa rin
Nag-aantay sa kamang unti-unting nilalamig
Ang mga bisig na ang tanging nais
Ang yakapin at hagkan kang muli

The gentle spring breeze kisses the blades of grass
Streams humming like a whispering melody
Life blooming in all its mysteries and curiosities
It filled the meadows with a calming harmony

Standing on at a crossroads, I tread carefully,
A man past his prime, Indecision takes hold of me
The pain of youthful love burned out all my passion
Heading carefully to where I want my rest to be

On this hill here beside you I have longed to rest,
Under the warm rays of sunlight, with the sweet-smelling grass
Under the vast sheet of starlight, when night blankets the sky
Only beside you is where I want to forever stay

Memories of our youth come surging like a flood
When love burned bright and you give me life
When sorrow took the best of me, I grew hopeless
And when I needed you most, Death took you from my arms

Yearning for love, a passion that burns out the soul
I longed for one to come my youthful heart’s way
Etched in it an undeniable desire to fiercely fight
For a love that engulfs one’s heart like a wild flame

And there it was, a point where everything changes
When it came rushing in and crushed all my defenses
When hearts come in resonance with each other
Their melodies harmonizing like two spirits merging

Young hearts come together like buzzing bees
Looking for a love like there’s no tomorrow
Lit up with a sense of passion one rarely sees
Only to be consumed by inevitable grief and sorrow

Ah! Youthful love, it burns bright yet brief
When a heart is consumed, it is doomed to fall
For when it gives its all, it is surely to get less
And when it endures, it hollows out the most

Every heart has to endure a whirlwind of emotions
Fear will come to dread it and Hate will try to **** it
A gentle insanity comes rushing in, a craze-driven passion
In which one leaves reality to run and find a dwindling ideal

The troubles of a young heart are wide and vast
Its innocence unable to shield it from heartaches
And as winter approaches, it is also forced to choose
Lie still in the snow, or endure waiting for the next spring

A love that’s taken and tested to endure
A love that is fought for and is let to consume
A love like that, I still pray to hold within my grasp
And so for that love, I must endure with all my might

A soldier in this war, I fought for the comfort beside you
A lover in this struggle, I loved you much more than I can give
And when my lips touched yours, my words become silent
How you bewitched me with your beauty leaves me speechless

But Reality is a cruel master, a monstrous fate
When I felt like I could conquer the world,
When I felt that forever in your arms I stay
That is when he breaks me hardest, deepest.

Death is an all-consuming enigma
He came to take you away from me
Like a thief he came when least expected
When our flowering lives bloomed brightest

I am left to question all that had happened
Crying out to the heavens day and night
But the beauty you embodied had taken a new form
A form only Life can recreate once more.

You became the grass, you became the earth,
You became the gentle wind that comes in springtime,
The wind that kisses me with passion and gentle caress
When every time it whispers your voice is all I hear.

On this hill where your spirit resides
I long to be in your comfort again
Time has aged me, but not my love for you
Youth has passed me by, but not the feelings you left me with.

Wait for me beloved, my time has come,
Final breath draws near, Death follows behind me,
He who took you away now brings me closer to you
Stay steadfast beloved, today I’ll come to be with you.

I simply want to love without regrets
I simply want an honest relationship
And yet even with everything I give
I still get treated like a greedy kid

I love in the darkness, kept from all the pain
Yet I remain oblivious to who she really is
She stole my heart and took it with her
Yet here I am, left blinded and without her

I am tired..
I am broken..
I am hurt..
I am set aside..

Yet why do I still cling on
To broken dreams?
Why do I still hope for
The best reality?

She's lost
I want to stay here
I want to be the beacon
Yet she strays from me

I simply want to be with her
And yet her eyes look elsewhere
She shuns me away
I've been feeling tired

Goodnight dearest Hera
I pray for your bright tomorrow
Let me slumber for a while
And when tomorrow comes, please give back the heart you stole.

I've been running in circles
Been dripping in sweat and rain
Making my way towards nowhere
Moving until I reach where you are

I'm losing my ******* mind
I'm giving in to my emerging fears
My mind in a repeating anxiety
Whatever happens, I can't lose you

My thighs feel tired from sprinting
My tears mixing with water and sweat
Why does it seem that wherever I run
I never get to see or meet you?

Racing towards where you are
Thinking of all the reasons I could say
All the things that could make you stay
Pushing my mind and heart to the limit

No matter how much I try to think
All my thoughts reach one conclusion
Its something simple and undeniable
Our love exists, and it still lives on

My resolve unbroken, even if my body is
I need to see you tonight, spilling my feelings out
I'm hopelessly and madly in love with you
So where, just where, could you be tonight?

I can't live without you by me
I can't be without your embrace
I can't forget those sweet, tender kisses
In other words, I need you too much

And I am ready to throw it all away
To endure the sad, sleepless nights
To endure the pointless, lazy days
Just to spend a minute with you again

But where are you now?
I'm almost desperate for hope
My breathing heavier by the second
Dear God, please let me endure further

Just when I'm about to give up
There you were, standing in front of me
Soaked in sweat, rain, and tears
Almost on the verge of defeat

My eyes lit up, my heart in relief
My tears about to burst, as were yours
Both with reasons to say to each other
As we run to lock for an embrace

I took the deepest breath in my life
As I tried not to choke on the tears
Saying "I love you" crazily on repeat
As the only reason to make you stay

You are my reason for living
And for tonight, and all the nights to come
I'll make you stay with me, and hold you tight
I'll love you for the longest time my life allows

Umpisa pa lamang
Alam ko nang gusto kita
Nakita ka pa lamang
Atensyon ko'y nadukot mo na

(From the beginning
I knew I like you
The moment I saw you
You already captured my attention)

Paghawak ng iyong kamay
Pintig ng damdamin ay bumilis
Mga emosyong itinago nuon
Pilit nagpaparamdam muli ngayon

(When I held your hands
Heartbeats in overdrive
Buried emotions in the past
Making themselves felt in the present)

Sa pagpungay ng mga mata
Ako unti-unting nabibighani
At nung akapin sa'yong mga bisig
Tuluyan na kong nahulog

(The way your eyes look at me
Makes me intrigued by the second
And when you wrapped me in your arms
I completely fell, then and there)

Ngunit pag-sinta'y parang walang halaga
Sigla ng unang pagkikita'y unti-unting nawala
Di malaman at mawari ang mga dahilan
Na nang dahil sa nadarama ay pinipilit maintindihan

(But it seemed these feelings hold no value
The passion from our first meeting dwindling
I can't comprehend and identify the reasons why
But because of this love I feel, I still try)

Pilit tinitiis ang mga pighati
Kahit unti-unting nadudurog ang puso
Aanhin ang dignidad na patapon
Kung puso'y hindi marunong umibig

(Enduring the searing pain
Even if my heart is crushed
Setting aside my meaningless pride
If I don't know how to love right)

Siguro'y nagiging makasarili
Ngunit lahat ay binago at binigay
Lahat ay tinitiis damhin
Kahit na lungkot ay di mapawi

(Maybe I'm being selfish
But I changed and gave my everything
I endured all the ill feelings
Even if the loneliness doesn't go away)

Bakit hindi pa yun sapat?
Para ika'y sumugal sa akin?
Nangako ng pag-ibig na di magbabago
Kahit ang mundo natin ay tuluyang maglaho

(Why is it not enough?
For you to take a chance with me?
I promised you a constant, stable love
Even if our world crumbles to dust)

Naghihintay sa iyong pagbalik
Mula sa malayong dako kung san naroon
Ang puso **** labis nang nasasaktan
At takot nang umibig muli

(Waiting for your fateful return
From that far, hidden place where
Your broken and beaten heart is
That lost all hope in love)

Ialay ang pusong nagdurugo
Kapalit ng puso kong gusto kang mahalin
At nang lahat ng sakit ay aking akuin
At nang maibalik natin ang ngiting mailap

(Exchange with me your bleeding heart
With mine that anticipates to love yours
To share with me the burden of your pain
And bring back the elusive smile on your face)

Mahal kita umpisa pa lamang
Mamahalin kita kahit masakit
Lulunukin ang dangal at dignidad
Sa pagsusumamong ikaw ay maging akin

(I loved you from the very beginning
And I will love you still amidst the pain
I will swallow my pride and dignity
In this arduous quest to make you mine)

Sana matapos na ang ating paglalaro
Ang tagu-taguang walang patutunguhan
Panalangin kay Bathala sana'y marinig
Ang pusong nagsusumamo'y sana yakapin muli

(I pray for the little games to end soon
This hide-and-seek that seems meaningless
Dear God, hear my prayers and pleas
Of the heart that yearns be embraced again)

I sing sweet whispers of affection
Offer only the best to catch your attention
I ask you, oh radiant goddess of Olympus
May I humbly be the one you choose

For eons your heart suffered
Your trust tampled and discarded
Your coveted love easily forgotten
Leaving you in pain, down and broken

Oh goddess, queen of Olympia
Shine your light towards me
Look at my growing affections, I pray
Embrace my devotion, and the words I say

I don't want to be the Zeus you loathe
Nor the offered champions who eventually leave you
Instead I simply am a mortal admirer
Enamoured by you, my eyes only seeking you

I don't want to be the one who hurts you
I simply want to devote myself completely to you
So I pray for a future that you will see me
As I have chosen to seek the world just for you

Oh Hera, beautiful yet broken soul
I promise you a lifetime of Love
Just to give you smiles everyday
And to be your pillar and strength

In my simplest mortal words, I love you
Regardless of your flaws and your iniquities
In my simplest mortal ways, I'll love you
Through all the ages, no matter what stands in our way

So please, Let me choose to stay
Because your mere presence is my heaven
Your embrace my sturdy, protective walls
Your kisses the nectar and ambrosia that sustains me

Oh Hera, goddess of my affections
Please see me as where you fit
I'll stay here until you're ready to choose
Because in all this chaos, I vow to treasure you

Surrounded by walls
Clinging for dear life
Emotions in conflict
Claustrophobia ensues

I'm losing myself
In this battle for endurance
I'm trying to hold on
Vying for your elusive heart

Your eyes contradict
What your lips blurt out
Your here inches away
Yet the distance an ocean's length

You abhor the thought
Of getting me hurt
And yet your actions
Hurt me constantly

You are an enigma
Yet to be solved
And yet you hold my heart
At the palm of your hands

You surround yourself
In my warm embrace
Yet your life is a shadow
I have yet to see

So here I am
Trying to cross that ocean
In between us
Trying to break your walls

I pray for constant guidance
In taking on this long journey
A journey few men could endure
To tame a wild and evasive love

I pray for constant strength
To brace myself for the coming storm
To hold steadfast and keep chasing
The girl who haunts my dreams

I pray for Love to blossom
Between the hunter and the hunted
I pray for blaring passion
To burn the walls you've built

Someday I will cross this ocean
No matter how long and how far
I will keep my aching head cool
And my wanting heart holding on

Please remember me
Once you tell yourself
That you want to fall
In love again

Strip these feelings away from me
If you don't plan on
Spending the rest of your life with me

Unkiss all the kisses you gave me
And flee from my embrace
If you never plan to stay anyway

Forget all our sweetest memories
Even the bitter ones too
If you don't see a future with me

Don't run into my arms
And cry on my shoulders
If you don't commit your heart to me

Love me when you really do
Because I madly do
Want to spend this lifetime with you

I love you

Papers scattered all over the table
Like the thoughts jumbled in my mind
Pens out of ink, pencils' lead littered
Like this tired heart in broken chaos

Here I am, broken and tested
Twisted by fate to fall in love again
Here I am, fighting yet bested
Twisted by fate to fail all over again

You are the object of my affections
The one who gives me sleepless nights
You are the sunlight in this dark life
The one who sheds life in my sadness

No amount of words can paint you
A picture of my deepening emotions
No amount of broken pens can suffice
A poem that is meant to embody you

Please give me a chance to fight
No matter how long it might be
Please give me the will to endure
No matter how hard it might get

We're stuck in a fragile state
Hanging by a thinning thread
Standing on a melting winter lake
Struggling on a sinking ship

I'm pulling and you're pushing
In a discreetly vicious tug-of-war
We bare our emotions for each other
Yet we both end up getting hurt being together

Every night you're in my thoughts
Every day I'm on your mind
Insomniacs in an endless cycle
Worrying and doubting over their budding love

Is this the end?
Dancing slowly and cautiously as the music fades away
Do we let it end?
Even if the feelings pull us closer by the minute?

Why are we still at it?
Even if we're both bleeding
Injuries caused by each other
Yet I still choose to love you?

We're drifting in an uncertain stage
Taking a shot at love against odds
Even if the odds are us ourselves
I choose to be with you still

How about you?
Will you stay here?
And bleed together with me?
Or leave me bleed by myself?

Its 3:30 in the morning
My eyes bloodshot and wide awake
My mind in a confused trance
My chest running out of breath
My heart growing heavier by the minute

Desperately going for my keys
Wallet on hand, phone in my pocket
I think I need a drive just for tonight
To chase where my mind goes
And clear the thoughts off my head

My hands trembling in panic
My eyes stealing focus on the road
Limbs on automatic as my mind wanders
I guess a trip to get some alcohol
Would help calm my nerves down

Took a sip while heading to Lord knows where
Holding back my tears as I run around in circles
I don't know where I'm heading, I just kept on driving
My heart in a constant state of agony
As I found myself stopping at your front door

Bursting into tears when I realized
Where I sought to find some comfort
In your arms I've always felt at ease
But this time it feels so different
When the same arms are the ones hurting me

I know I agreed to wait for you
Wait for you to fully open your heart to me
I even said I'd wait against all the odds
Just to earn the chance to win your heart
But why do I feel miserable at this moment?

You seemed so close to me
Well within my hands' reach
You shower my body with your embrace
And nurture my lips with your kisses
Yet why do you feel so distant?

No matter how much I try to run to you
You keep on pushing me farther away
No matter how much I try to break your walls
You keep on setting up newer, stronger barriers
Sometimes I can't keep up with your thoughts

You leave me dazed and confused
And yet you still make me feel loved
You make me believe that this could be concrete
Yet you can't put words on how much I mean to you
I don't know how to respond to any of this

You make me feel at ease in adversity
And yet sometimes you're confusing to me
A source of both my serenity and sweet agony
You're an addiction that may be bad for my being
And yet I still offer to you my everything

You drove me in a crossroad I can't avoid
You want me to stay and yet you freely let me go
So now I'm in a dilemma I can't imagine to escape
Because even as all the signs point to danger
Here I am, still driving, still going towards you

I'll keep on driving towards where you are
No matter how near or no matter how far
People may say that I'm idiotic and crazy
But regardless I stand by the routes I choose
And amidst all the traffic, I'll chase the elusive wind called you

Its been a long time since then
When my hands held someone elses
Its been a long time when I last
Felt my heart yearn for someone

Awkward smiles flashing at each other
Flirting eyes staring towards one another
Hugs exchanged like there's no tomorrow
My kisses marking your cheeks and forehead

Emotions are in overdrive
As you look at me with your playful eyes
My heartbeats are skipping erroneously
As my lungs are gasping for breath

Your hands felt soft and sweet
As you happily laced them around mine
Your fingers touching each of my own
Each stroke sending jolts down my spine

Whenever you stare at me I want to melt
Ten seconds in your eyes feels like an eternity
It makes me want to pray for Time
to freeze
Whenever I surround you with my embrace

My words can't express how much you mean to me
My body can't endure such sweet emotions anymore
My time that froze when love was taken away
Moves again when you suddenly came
to my life

I love you Babe
No matter what they say
People will always have doubts
Even you may not believe me
But when I say that I'm in love
It is rare that I say it
With full and conscious conviction
Just like this one
So please
If you may grant me
Just one wish
No matter how long it will take
For you to reach a decision
Even if you make me wait long
Just please consider this
Please choose to stay
Here with me
Stay in my heart
Hold my hands tight
Embrace me fiercely
And never leave me alone
I love you

As I write tonight
Underneath this cloudy night
With little hints of moonlight
And a sky deprived of starlight
I contemplate on why
I made the wrong choices
My mind remains a mess
And my heart feels heavy

A man deprived of youth
Discovering my place in the world
Seeking a permanent home
Only to wander from place to place
The boy within my heart
With his mischievous charms
And his spontaneous whims
Making a mess of my life

Choices, you make or break them
I wonder why, in this world of numerous possibilities
I make only choices that hurt others
And ultimately, give me a stinging, guilty pain.

My mind is in the gutter
My heart in disarray
The person who keeps me happy
I think I've pushed her away
I admit this was a whirlwind feeling
But it became so strong
It blew me off my feet
And overcame my judgement

I'm sorry
For making the wrong choice
For not backing down
When you challenged my resolve
For failing you where
You needed me to succeed
For giving in to my desires
Instead of cherishing yours

I'm sorry
For making you think twice
When all I had to do was resist
For disregarding your trust
When you needed to trust me most
I know no reason would qualify
To be an excuse for my iniquities
But please, listen when I say, you're all I have

All I can do is apologize
All I can do is to make it up
To earn what was lost
And to labor day and night
To deserve a chance
And fight for your heart
To be yours in life
As I seek you to be mine

All I can do is say sorry
Even if it takes me
Day and night
As long as I can be by your side
A slave to your many charms
That no matter what you do
I cannot help it but
Fall in love with you..

More..

Please forgive me.

The crackling bonfire sings a lullaby
Singing in sync with the humming wind
The crashing waves joining the symphony
As the moon and stars put up a light show

Cicadas join the fray in chorus
As the palm trees sway in a dance
The space in between us growing closer
Our hearts booming like drumbeats

The sands grow warmer
As our bodies move in closer
My gaze in a hypnotic trance
Fixed upon your sparkling eyes

Your breathing patterns sound erratic
As you pull my head closer to yours
My hands are shaking crazily
As I hold you closer in an embrace

Your breath feels calmingly warm
With a slight scent of peppermint
Mixed with a subtle hint of alcohol
The fragrance makes my head go haywire

Your lips puffed up in anticipation
Wanting and waiting for a sweet sensation
As I lean in with passionate emotions
And seal the deal of this romantic connection

My head feels light and dumbfounded
The nerves of my brain in crazy overload
So this is what kissing feels like
When it’s done by two people madly in love

My hands are sweating buckets
As they sweetly caress yours
I hope you won’t ever notice
How wild my heartbeats have become

Every moment replaying in my mind
Like movie reels vividly coming to life
While I look at your sleeping face
And your body lying on top of mine

God, I pray to hear that soft, whispered breathing
Every morning I wake up and every night I sleep
A soothing lullaby to my dreaming heart
And a concrete reality I want to wake up to

Sunlight slowly rising in the horizon
As the winds run in a different direction
A long kiss greets me good morning
The sweet smile you gave etched in my eyes

I hope that the warmth this night gave us
Would stay in our souls ‘til we’re old and grey
I long to love you 'til I draw my last breath
And in your loving arms I'd rather stay

Living life with no regrets
Loving fiercely and passionately
Making the most of our mortal lives
In living fully on borrowed time

It comes once in a lifetime
A love that consumes us
Burning our very cores
Melding both body and soul

Often times we feel the pain
More so than feeling the pleasure
But I guess that's how love works
Eternal devotion to the one you choose

If given the chance to relive my life
To make all my wrongs right and correct
I'd rather relive it the way it is
And lead me to you the same way it did

If given the chance to choose again
Out of the billions of people in the world
I'd rather choose you and be broken by you again
Than to have never met and loved you at all

I'd rather love you
Than to love anyone else
Since you complete my life
And I, yours

The world may be against us
Star-crossed lovers in a vast uncertainty
But hear me when I say
That I choose you against the world
Because all this time
You became the world to me
You are the world I choose
Even if Destiny is against it
Even if Fate doesn't approve of it
Even if Eternity frowns upon it
My heart screams for your name
No matter how much my mind tells me
"NO"
I'll love you 'til the end of time
With a resounding
"YES"

I'm in a trance..

My knees are shaking
My throat choking on words
My face beaded with sweat
My mind in a chaotic state

Here I am..

Wearing this heart of mine
On a sleeve of uncertainty
The words trying to come out
From this stomach filled with butterflies

How do I say this?

Ever since that day we met
You already caught my attention
My eyes we're looking towards you
With every little thing you do

Everyday you sparkled..

Like stars in a dark night sky
Every little thing about you
Set sparks in my ******, depressing life
Little cinders slowly burning my anxieties away

Until I was set ablaze..

Consuming every bit of me
Occupying my every thought
And before I was aware of it
You pulled my heart towards you

It consumes me..

This insanity I call ''you''
It makes me writhe in pain
But also eases my sorrows
Burning me to my core

I'm going crazy..

I never even planned this
To fall in love with my best friend
But the more time we spent together
Made me realize that I always wanted you

It's not an easy thing..

To tell you that you consume me
And that I want you to be mine
And I, to be yours only
To be more than what we have now

I want to take you..

And lead you towards an uncertainty
That may completely destroy what this is
But the only thing I know for certain is
That these feelings are real and overflowing

So..

Here I am terrified
Giving my heart to you
Whether you break it or throw it away
Know that from this day on
I declare to the world
That I want to us to be more
Than what we are now
And that this heart that I give
Will always belong to you

Writing this piece not with my mind but my heart,
Not with my thoughts, but with my feelings
It's not easy to say
but I wanna say it anyway

I love you.

If you only knew
How much I've been keeping it in
Maybe you could cut me some slack
And leave me to my thoughts

If you only knew
The feelings in my wavering heart
That no matter how much I resist
They're eating me away slowly

If you only knew
How much I want to apologize
For keeping myself at bay and distant
Because I might never want to let go

If you only knew
Why I'm doing things to hurt you
Acting indifferent despite being close
Resisting feelings that I shouldn't feel

If you only knew
How much I'm falling in love
With everything and all about you
Wanting to break the status quo

If you ever find out
That I've been hiding these feelings
To keep this bond between us
Would you rather stay?

If only you would stay
I really hope you won't leave
But if you really do
This may be the last time
That I admit to you
That after all this time
And after all this pain
After all that ignorance
And all that silence
All the wrongdoings
And all the mistreatment
I love you
And pushing you away
Asking God to take away these feelings
Away from my fragile heart
To save what we have
So that I could keep you still
Even when we're far apart

Emptiness
This heart is a mess
Broken to the core
In search of something more

Useless
My life in a mess
Without meaning nor purpose
No direction nor course

Senseless
My path is aimless
Stuck in uneasy fears
My plea no one hears


This soul is tired
These hands reaching out
Trying to save itself
While slowly succumbing to surrender
This drought in my life
Consumes me every day
******* me of all confidence
Feeding my personal demons
Day and night
Rescue me please
From this faithless walk
Show me a path
That leads to a purpose

Do I have to sell myself
Just to get out of this hell?
It's a suffocating existence
It's an endless self-pity
******* me dry of all life
Leaving me restless
At least save my soul
From all this mess
Before I completely surrender
To this drought in my life

To that sweetest belle
That touched my life
It's been one year since then
When you walked in my life
As graceful as a summer sun
And showed me a way
And a new place
To spread my wings
Where I can express
The truest me
And where I can truly be
Free

Thank you..

Dormant feelings waking up
Awkward emotions dripping like sweat
I can't seem to erase this smile on my face
Just because I'm seeing you again today

Its been a long distance friendship
And a long time since I last saw you
I don't know if this is simply my excitement
Or some new emotions I'm feeling for the first time

You were closer to me when we were far apart
But now it seems I can't reach you even when you're near
I don't know if this is the right thing to do
But I know its the right thing to feel

God, if these feelings aren't from You
Please take them away from my heart
Do I save the long time friendship?
Or act upon these untested and unsure feelings?

Because now that you're near
I realized how much you mean to me
But as soon as you go and leave again
This heart might feel broken again

I simply pray, dear God
That if she's the one for me
Somewhere along our winding paths
The roads we take will merge
And she'll pull my hand
To lead me to the happiness
You wanted me to have

It's slowly dwindling away
Crumbling into pieces
That can never be repaired
Breaking down to the point
Of no return

I'm loosing it
The ability to feel
To give in to my emotions
Its as if my sanity
Slowly sinks into oblivion

I used to have them
Feelings of joy
Of sadness and pain
Of anger and lust
Or even love

But as the days pass by
And age catches up
My heart begins to harden
To feel as cold as ice
Like I'm barely even alive

I was once a young boy
With eyes full of dreams
And a heart full of courage
An unwaivering mindset
To take the world head on

But Reality was cruel
I kept searching for happiness
But all it gave was pain
And as I succumbed to endless pain
I started to not care at all

Years passed by and yet
I still struggle in the pain
I still endure the bitterness
Stuck on my mouth
As if it were candies

Soon after I'm left here
Wanting to feel again
Wanting my chest to swell
With anger or excitement
I don't even care which

I just want to start feeling again
For time to move from hereon
To exist again in this timeline
To love and lose once more
To experience emotions like so

They still evade me though
The feelings that once coloured
The corners of my heart
And graced the different periods
Of my rollercoaster life

Someday I may lose it all
The emotions that once
Made me feel alive
I'm a dead man walking right now
Just waiting for the final execution

I hope someone intervenes
I hope that phone call comes
The call thats saves me from
This endless pit I don't want to go to
An emotionless and dull damnation

Because I don't wanna lose it all
I just want to feel that I exist
And that I am worth something
That I am worth saving
And I deserve to be alive even as the mess I truly am

I simply want to feel again..