Learning to try,
Where does my identity lie?
Finding myself again is hard,
Harder when I've raised my guard.
Trying to learn it's okay to be alone,
Spending this year on my own.

What's it like to die but still breathe,
To walk, talk, live, while being dead underneath.

I want to die but physically I'm here,
I'm alone in this feeling, I fear.

Sure, others feel the same,
But no one close by can share my shame.

Let me go, free to die,
Let me go, stop chasing the ghost tide.

Down,
           Down,
                       Down.
The farther I fall the darker it gets,
Lost,  
         Lost,
                   Lost.
Everywhere around me I feel these threats.

I’m falling faster but I can’t slow down,
All these eyes are looking at me as I look around.
My head is shrinking, and it begins to pound,
An escape is nowhere to be found.

Can someone help me?
Can I even be seen?
Please just somebody, Please just help me get free.

Stuck in a loop, forever feeling alone,
Putting myself out there but I remain unknown.
I just want someone to see my true self,
I’m tired of putting her away on the shelf.

I fall faster into the deep abyss,
The old times I simply reminisce.
As the loop continues, the void grows,
I feel like I’m dead and I’ve begun to decompose.

Falling,    
             Falling,
                          Falling.
Is anyone out there?
Alone,
            Alone,
                       Alone.
Now I’m losing my air.

Hello past and future me,
How's life?

I'm saying goodbye to all that doesn't show,
Finally moving on.

2023, the year I leave,
Goodbye everyone I knew.

Hopefully it's a good year,
At least better than 2022

This is my personal poem to you,
One that I will keep private and new.
You have helped set me free,
In a way I never thought could be.

You showed me simple things that mean a lot,
I won't let the darkness have a hold, I cannot.
You've helped show me I can fight this life,
You've helped show me I can go without the knife.

You've let me see the person I can be,
You've let me grow so I won't drown in the sea.
I thank you for the simple things you've done,
You've shown me this battle can be won.

Depression
14. Anxiety
13. RAD
12. PTSD
11. Sleep
10. Sleep
9. Allergies
8. Dizziness
7. Eating Disorder
6. Headaches
5. Vitamins
4. Vitamins
3. Vitamins
2. Vitamins
1. Vitamins
                                  Yet none of them seem to help

The day is bright and beautiful
The sun is shining
My life is lavish and wonderful
Smiling, but not trying.

The world is quite colorful
My dear you are lovely
My life is perfectly perfect
But hidden within it's ugly

The world isn't bright
People ***** out the light
Everyone eventually hurts me
No matter what I can't be free

Everyone just smile
Everyone stay for awhile
People throw me around roughly
Isn't the world just lovely...

Who am I really?
Will I ever know?
                                                           ­              Whose hiding behind the mask?
                                                           ­               I don't think I'll ever let it show.
One day maybe I'll be okay
But today just isn't that day.
                                                            ­                 Who knew I could still bleed,
                                                          ­                 Who knew I could be so weak
I'm just ready to say goodbye
Life ***** and I don't wanna live.

Read it forwards but it's all the same.
Read it backwards, give it a name,

Just go away.
They don't want to stay,

How could you believe they care?
Don't think that life is fair,

I'm tired of living in the past.
Turn the time, make life last

This isn't goodbye, I wish it was.
I want to be floating in the stars,

But life tends to be mean.
I want desperately to be seen.

Life has ended, we're all dead.
The words are constantly stuck in my head.
I hear the screams and cries,
I hear them under all the lies.
Everyone is going under, but where to go?
You may have emotions but don't let them show.
You might want to try and be found,
But
Ashes
To
Ashes

We all fall down.

We dance in the dark,
                                    Watching the lovely sun rise.
                                    A wonderful time to leave our mark,
                                    We love and don't deal with any lies.

Our love is pure and made to fly,
My eyes focused on you I want nothing else,
It's nice to finally not wanna cry,
I don't worry about focusing on myself.

                                                    You start to fade and I wonder why,
                                                    Please don't leave me I need your smile.
                                                   What can I do what do I need to try?
                                                   We loved too long for you to leave for awhile.

                                   I start to cry I start to shake,
                                   Because I realized it was all a dream.
                                   I don't want to but I awake,
                                  Turns out not everything it what it seems.

Day after day,
Night after night,
I am struggling more,
I can't see the light.

                                             It's a funny little thing,
                                             The thing stuck in my mind.
                                             How could I ever think,
                                             That there was a love I could find.

I wonder sometimes,
What others would say.
They would see the scars,
And they would walk away.

                                              Every single day,
                                              It gets darker.
                                              The darkness leaves a mark,
                                              Just like a marker.

Day after day,
Night after night,
I am struggling more,
I can't see the light.

You know a lot of people in my life want to change who they are,
And I get that I used to think that, looking at others from afar.

One of the things I’ve learned from wanting to be you,
Was that you are hurt and broken too.

You always think someone else has a better life,
But most times they are just better at hiding the knife.

We are all walking around with our broken pieces,
If you actually saw the population of the broken increases.

Being someone else doesn’t mean you’ll be healed,
It just means your deep dark memories will be sealed.

Every time I start to be okay,
I get worried that people will stay away.

This simple lesson I need to know,
It’s okay to let your emotions show.

Because even if people leave you,
You’ll always have yourself too.

One day there will be someone who loves you,
And those feelings will be all so new.

Love yourself and you can love others,
Hate yourself and you won’t be able to save others.

How would you react if I said I missed you?
Would you miss me too?

It's highly unlikely because you seem to be okay,
But I still wonder what it would be like if you were to stay.

I don't want to, but I think of you every day,
I'm really sorry to brings this up this way.

I can just never seem to say anything right,
It's so hard for me to think about the light.

I'm ranting on and on about how I feel,
This is the only place where I can keep it real.

I cannot imagine myself without this site,
I for sure know the future wouldn't be bright.

Well this was a poem about nothing,
But it happened to lead to something.

I've been off on a twisted adventure,
Finding the best way to reach my center.

It feels like I've been completely alone,
I feel like there are still so many unknowns.

Do I feel any change happening?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just imagining.

I'm working hard to try something completely new,
It's really weird to be working on myself to.

You see her walking through the halls,
You don't see how she put up her walls.

If you see her at home in her room,
You can see the cuts that begin to bloom.

She's good at putting up the public smile,
You'd never understand why she goes through the trial.

She seems to always be with the stars,
But that's only because you've never seen the scars.

My emotions are stable, at least they appear to be.
For some reason I feel as if it's still not me.
I keep telling myself I'm happy and I'm fine,
But am I really on that line?

Enough with the ******* rhyming nonsense,
I'm really not okay and this is my cry for help.
I want someone to save me but I don't know how,
Will someone come and take me away from this town?

I haven't been able to write for awhile,
I've been more focused on just trying to smile.

I have loved and lost,
Each time with a bigger cost.

This time around my heart was broken,
Yet he wears pieces like a token.

When I needed someone the most,
They left like a ghost.

I let my cuts go deeper without a care,
Making sure that no one was aware.

Writing this is like a confession,
I have a major depression.