inhale
before you go
beneath, so that you might
not run out of your life - don't fade
away.

It's not death or dying am afraid to see.
but that I do not want afterlife to be eternal.
when my pale dead body is facing up, I want but nothingness to see.
I do not want consciousness to behold when I cross life's drowning sea.

Uninteresting when folks have death experience.
maybe they come back to comfort us that are here
explaining what is real, and not the confusing conjecture bandied on it's fence
or maybe injecting fear and setting our hearts at ache for the coming furnace.

One will say 'have no doubt, adios, my friend, be in panic.
there definately is a spirit world.
Their world is as realm as ours is to us tragedic.
we are the ones sleeping for they know what we do but not aware that what they do is percific.

it starts with a simple drop.
drip, drip, drip
the light fades deeper within the shadows
close your eyes,

now open, they’re blurred.
your lungs are filled with everything you lost,
that which you long for,
your hope slips away, floats to the surface like bubbles.
you’re drowning.

We keep an abundance of boxes in the back
For the day we decide to leave the life we’ve made
Stumbling towards beginnings
That slitter away from my fingers
Before familiarity is gained
And our hearts ache from the loss
I once asked my mother
Why it was that we chased our on tails
Why it was that we run from customary things
And right in to unfamiliar once
Why we couldn’t stay and belong
While knowing it was the right place for our hearts to settle.
I once asked my mother
Why she never liked my friends
And had me cut ties as soon as possible
I asked her why she never favored any of them
Why she let me be alone with my thoughts
Until the only friends I could make
Where the squared once in my library
I once asked my mother
If what she told me about love was real
‘That it was a figment of an aching mind
Trying to make something more of its existence’
I asked her if I could love the way she loved him
Before he decided we weren’t worth his love anymore
Before his eyes fell on another
Perhaps more beautiful
Conceivably younger and better
Before we started this ludicrous run from our own emotions
Chased by a past that left its mark with ink that stung
I asked her questions that made my chest feel smaller
And its contents bloated
By hope and better things
Inflated to a point of pain and at the same time pleasure
I asked her to give me reasons
For our choices
Why we never chose to be happy
Even after we found happiness
Why we let the elephant grow in our own living room
Until it was chocking the very life out of us
And all she could say was
“Mother knows best.”

I've seen the sun,
It's shimmery glow,
And felt it's warmth too,
And yet,
I still swim deeper,
Without knowing why this
Is what I do.

I am drowning
in a pool of my own sorrow,
and it is the worst pain--
the worst death--
that I could have ever imagined.


(d.d.b)

I knew that loving you was like willingly jumping into a lake with cement blocks tied to my feet,

but I had always wondered what it felt like to drown.

Feeling fail.
A shallow discontentment
only brought about
by the success of others.
Challenges conspire.
Everywhere I look
beauty and joy
laughing
mockingly.
My poor body,
weak and restless,
struggling to breathe
under the pressure.
Water surrounds me,
pounding in my ears,
and it is done.