I begged to be enough,
to be more than you could want.
yet, I find that in my darkness,
whispers pull & doubt clouds my mind.

silence has become
my only adversary

Between blurred shots of tequila
During bright sunny afternoons,
That's when you see the truth of it:

The devil rises to the surface,
The bitter falls on the floor,
& the whimsical run amok.

& I stand, tipped sideways,
Watching my world burn.

I watched the smoke rise in the distance
& knew
That what we had once built together
was now gone forever.
Leaving mere ash & rubble in place of the facade of harmony.

I couldn't help but smile.
All my lies
All my heartache
Gone with the the gentle breeze of morning.

Today I start anew.

Victim & Survivor,
Woman or Man,
We work to overcome
the things that shame us.
Together we must grow
& no longer hide in the shadows.
Rise up,
Be proud,
Love yourself
Always

a broken lover's promise
turns from an act of randomness
into one of normality
as days begin to fade along the edges

bleed me dry in the quiet moments
& take my love for granted...

I'll leave my mark when I'm gone

a simple minded nightmare
chases me thru the night
& into tomorrow.

only asking to be heard,
to be understood,
to be taken at my word,
I was betrayed

Addicted,
I burn from within.

There is a ferocious need to be
touched and loved.
It is as if nails have been raked across my soul
making it sing and scream
in words only you can hear.
Yet there is no salvation to be seen.

You only hear me when it is convenient for you
and the heaviness of being a burden is becoming too much for me to carry

I'm constantly
walking into blades
like I'm walking
through fields of flowers

exposed
those knives fit easily
in my glass heart

walking in such blind denial
while living in glorious beauty

I yearn to push back the curtain
to expose the deadly truth

a chilling light seeps in
as my restful night
turns gnarled teeth on me.
and in my questioning state,
I dare not leave stones unturned.

I pick, I poke, I tear
under the surface of the sun,
until I not only know the answers,
but hate myself for them.

selling my soul to the devil
may be my only chance of survival.

wither, blither, blister, peel
you can't tell me how it feels

to want you
to need you
to almost reach you

just to have that star
snatched from my sky
just to have that glimmer
dashed from my eye

it's a long way from heaven

Divided we stand
when together we should be.
Our purpose should be the same:
To protect, to love, to care for our children.
But darkness & evil have infiltrated our hearts,
Stupidity & ignorance have led us askew, &
Judgment & fear have made us all hate each other.

So no one wants to listen to the teenage girl
who understands true fear.
No one wants to hear the young man
who sees why the world is burning.
Instead it's a liberal-conservative war.
It's a we are older and know better war.
It's a "these are my rights..." war.

And still,  no one listens.

Yet no one is listening.
No is addressing the fear.
And the hate grows larger.
Mixing itself in with the fear,
Causing monsters that we have
only dreamed of in nightmares.

So now, no one sleeps at night.
Afraid of all the monsters
that have been created by hate & fear
Because no one would listen or love.

Trace your finger down my spine,
copy my bones,
memorize their brittle notches,
remember the breath under them swells for you.

I loved you in my dreams,
but my life has other plans.

I fall from grace
upon jagged lands
and demand to be
the center of attention

Yet an overwhelming need for self evaluation
causes me to close my eyes,
shut doors I've just opened,
and breathe in the stale air of loneliness

I really am better in your dreams

those echoed words
have fallen on hushed crowds
as your eyes find my face

out of turn & out of place
what should never be
has found its home
radiating in me

I sought the stars
with wild, hopeful dreams
to only come up short
& break the cheshire moon

My childlike heart
now beats with  a cynical clink
& the sky is barren
where light once shown

jilted, tilted, scorned
reckless laughter flows from my lips

I am an afterthought
A second hand emotion
A distant memory that is just out of reach and leaves you vacant

I am the second lover who can never live up to the the first
A lukewarm cup of coffee that you'll drink but never enjoy

I am chipped in the major places of my heart
But you keep coming back to see if you can fix me

Yet neither of us enjoy my anguish

Time lingers on like an unseen ghost
that keeps raising my hackles
to keep me on my toes

I rub my arms for warmth on 100 degree days
I forget my coat in snowstorms
I have no sense of direction
Yet I know something has changed

Time has broken the unspoken
Do you miss me....

hollow & cold,
I find the vapid touch
of a longtime lover
to be my only friend

death has come knocking
twice today
& I've tried to answer both times

you will be forever missed

Fire wrapped in grace,
I walk thru this shallow life.
I find myself seeking love
in reckless places.

Haunted I see my own fears
in the daylight.
Brick & mortar
cannot contain my soul,
Just hold me in my sleep.

The taste of ash is never too far.

a hardness falls around my heart

as tears stream down my face
in quiet rivers

love doesn't live here anymore

in my quiet retreat
I hear your distant steps,
a steady heartbeat that seeks
mine out in the dark.

you can find me
where the fields kiss the sky
and trees are evergreen,
I won't go anywhere

My heart flies toward the earth
Not the sky

I need a tangible surface to cling to

I run through the fields
I sit in the dirt
I call this place home

Yet I am surrounded by strangers

There's a chaos to her beauty
that falls like fire from the sky
and burns her unassuming victims.

It turns the unaware
into lovers of mayhem.

She is irresistible.

tired of being lonely
when surrounded by so many,
the dark sky whispers a loving secret

one that wraps me tight
& holds me down,
choking me where I've fallen.

you ask me if I'm okay,
I tell you I'm fine in whispered breath,
as I imagine a world that never exists.

dissonance roams within my body
breaking apart my soul
leaving me hollow
leaving me cold

a storm breaks

Up with the rising sun
my soul burns
in this never-ending hell

I seek answers
in the silence
I search for solace
in the forlorn beauty

A sickness rises within

Astounded, I decide to take pause
& hold my tongue
Letting the rage simmer down
to a mere temped heat
Mother & daughter, father & son
Wife & husband...
Colour should not be limited in these descriptions
yet, once again the world has seen fit
to slap a stamp of approval
or disapproval on love
Let us be..
Let us love..
Let us live..

staggering, I fall
into a broken routine
that causes my heart to pitter patter
a story that has been told before

my cheeks burn red
as all my secrets are told without
my mouth spilling a single word

the quietness drowns me
as I further into you
& I look for an escape

love has a bitter taste on my tongue

Where the silence falls, glass shatters & the truth spills out
like water

I find that I can't stand the quiet of stillness
It brings back the haunted memories
That I have been running from for years

So while I am scared of silence,
Of groaning doors & floors,
My mind screams hate filled words
That break me...

I yearn for peace

pushed to the edge
I met the swords blade
with a devilish grin

I am not afraid

I stopped recognizing my own face in mirrors
and started seeing the burn of fire
that comes with being hurt one too many times

Maybe I like the fire too much
Maybe I like the heat

But I truly don't like you anymore

A cloying heat chokes me where I stand
and I am reminded of those carefree summer nights that were filled with honeysuckle breezes and lightening bug paths.

My mind rages with the past and the present,
Forced to meld the two into my reality.

The sun seems harsher now
that I've lost my rose tinted glasses.

You have forever marked me.
Leaving me ugly & wounded
Leaving me less than whole
Leaving me alone & cold.

I am scarred with a constant reminder
That you once loved me.

I hope that you don't return.

Silence shrieks down hollow halls
And I long to hide behind the curtains.
There is no warmth to be found.
There is no joy to be heard reverberating back.
I glance over my shoulder in hope that I have made a wrong turn & you will be behind me;
There to rescue me.
There to hold my hand.
You aren't.
You never were.
I was always holding my own hand
& saving my own skin.
I wonder know who it was
That was really needed here.

reach out
your flame kissed words
to intertwine with mine

sunset moments find the darkness
as love unravels one strand at a time

my heart bleeds black
as darkness falls from the sky
onto your lovely face

be safe in your journey
as my heart is with you
& be safe from the brooding storm

weathered is the day
& aching are our bones
but be resolved in your decisions
as I am with you in spirit