I take a jagged breath. Eyes closed. Facing the wall.
I squeeze tighter. "If you ignore it, it should go away".
My mattress shaking violently, like a earthquake is splitting the ground beneath me, threatening to drag me in.
Another jagged breath. It begins to rain. My pillow, now a desolate pool of ocean water, polluted by my thoughts.
I bury my nose deep between the eyes of sadness living in my bedroom.
"If you ignore it, it will surely go away". My mantra.
A hiccup from unsteady gasps.
The lights are not flickering, that's you shaking again.
I hope sometimes it would stop
So I try to ignore it
But deep down inside
I know if I didn't storm
I would never be exausted enough
for my brain to welcome sleep.
I feel like an unsolved rubiks cube;
Indecisive and confused,
Chaotic and muddled,
Vague and hazy.
Tongue twisted is what I feel
When someone asks;
for I can not say
anything for sure .
I am lost in the galaxy,
wandering through the forests -
I don’t know what path to take
to reach the destination set for me.
Oblivious to what I want
or what to do,
unsure and unsteady
“It’s just a phase” is all I say .
For one day I will know,
the floor will not be unsteady
and it will be clear.
For I hold on to the hope
that one day
the rubiks cube will be solved
I am unsteady
Unable to cope with these thoughts
With each new trouble I'm never ready
Unprepared for what life has thrown
Feeling as if I could choke
On these memories I own
I'm not worthy of what is good
But not deserving of the evils
If I could erase the past I would
And still I can't forget what I should
i should be in a war
i should be fighting
for my own freedom
the mind is not a joke
its difficult to control
i feel like crying
but whats the use
we are all in a journey
we all know about it
just do not take me yet
let me breath for a while
let me laugh like my friends
i deserve it, this is not the end yet
telling me about how life is useless
will not help
i need to be normal
the mind is not a joke
I must know
Because some days
I can feel I am,
Shoutout to God for the amazing parents I have! I may not always think that, and I still may not agree with what they say, but honestly they're wonderful. And I'm so thankful for their encouragement and their councel and their patience. Thank you guys. And thank You, God!
Flickering on and off like a kerosene lit lamp,
I waver in the dark,
awaiting the verdict I've already given myself.
The pendulum swings back and forth,
toying with my frayed emotions,
Ripping away the little remaining sanity I have.
No matter the outcome,
I am destined to run from both sides of the coin
As I have found my solace nowhere and, yet, everywhere
the sound of silence
i tend to find
than the vile and stale taste
of unspoken words
on a blood bitten tongue