Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Saudia R Apr 2020
And so I rest

as if every dream that has been




never was to begin with
Saudia R May 2019
You ever just look at an old photograph

One where you were bright eyed

Toothy grin from ear to ear

And you just stare at it

Really stare at it

and can't help but think

God




How the hell

Were you ever that young
Couldn't believe the way I used to think. The things I would say to myself. I really wish I could go back in time, not even to change anything, but to give younger me a glimpse of why she has to go through all her hardships and why it was the best thing to ever happen. #strongerforit #thankfulformysupport
Saudia R Aug 2018
Do you sometimes feel like a pillar

Like you are the last thing holding everything and everyone up

Like you are the last thread preventing everything from unraveling

So much so that you are not allowed to rest

That if you do
The hairline fractures in your foundation might widen

Might become cracks that are no longer safe

That anymore pressure will cause it all to collapse

And that at the end of the day
You are the only one eroding

The only one who no longer can stand tall and true

Can no longer be a pillar for you

To slowly become dust

Picked up by the wind
Swept away and forgotten
You can only support those around you for so long. Be selfish; care for yourself as well.
Saudia R Aug 2015
I'm stuck, and I can't get out of this glass box I've put myself in.
My destination is so clear, yet the steps I take lead me no where.
I can see, but I can't touch.
I can move, but I can't step forward.
Always in the same place, no matter how much time passes.
I am still, in an ever moving moment.
And I am scared.
Because in this glass box I am safe.
I do not move so I do not change.
Nothing can touch me when I am out of touch with the World.
For in my own Space,
my own Universe,
my own World,
I am both rich and poor, Ruler and subject.
I make my own Laws and I break them.
I see all, yet, I don't see nearly enough.
I can fly, but only so high,
and for this reason I am free within my own prison.
A prison I can shatter with a pin, but can't even crack with a hammer.
A prison that if I so choose, can unlock, with a single key.
A key, I've had in the palm of my hand, since it's creation.
And yet, I still stand in this glass box,
waiting,
  hoping,
that someone will come save me,
because I can't seem to save myself...
yet.
Saudia R Sep 2018
I am a Queen

who looked to a Prince
for the respect of a King

Never again

shall I take this crown off
to appease a man

who wont stand beside me
while I wear it
September has been a rough month. I fell for someone and had my heart broken. And for a while there I placed the blame solely on my shoulders, which I`m still struggling with, but it`s getting easier and easier to remember my value. This one is for those who have experienced the same. Queens and Kings alike. We can get through this, it gets better!
Saudia R May 2020
I've only lived so many years

Only lived in so many places

Have only met so many people
And have only experienced so many things

But I've lived more than one life through every connection


Lived in all of the places they have been

Felt every feeling one feels with their loved ones








And have seen time as they have seen
it

unwind

And though it may seem impossible



through their eyes I see me

the world



in their reflection
see yourself in this as you see it. and then ask why.
Saudia R Nov 2020
I decided to give you back

I know now



I thrive with those who see
where I begin
Saudia R Aug 2018
Have you eaten yet?
When are you getting home?
Where are you going?
I thought that we...
How long will it take?
Whose with you?
Can I come?
I'm worried.

Says, Love
How so many of the, "annoying" questions we get, are how someone in our life says love.
Saudia R Apr 2016
I am ashamed.
I have failed so many times.
I no longer believe.
Believe in myself,
in my world,
in my dreams.
This weight on my heart,
so deep and dark,
slowly crushing me from within.
It's so hard to escape,
to breathe.
So frustrating.
Sleepless nights,
stressing.
Second guessing everything;
Everyone.
Feelings I can't control...
or defeat.
A drop away from drowning;
Suffocating.
I need help.
So many hands extended,
but some wither; some fake.
Unsure of who to trust,
which hand to take.
Head pounding,
heart racing,
four am panic attacks.
I don't want to let my parents down,
but I already have.
They haven't said it,
but I can see it,
feel it.
No explanations needed.
It's not all in my head!
It can't be.
But what if it is?
What do I do?
I'm lost.
But not all those who wander are lost...
right?
I've been wandering for so long,
When will I be found?
Saudia R Dec 2019
sometimes silence is that friend you haven't seen in a long time, who you need to work past that awkward, "who are we together," stage again.
there is a comfort in silence that one must be willing to settle into. but first one must be comfortable with the fact that silence is not always silent.
Saudia R Sep 2018
You were right for my soul

But not for my head
Or my heart

That's what makes this so hard
Saudia R Feb 2018
Today I told you how I felt
How stupid I was to show you my heart
How I wish I could turn back time
and the worst part
you didn't even know I was talking about you.
Saudia R Dec 2011
Her fingers trail my arm with cold calculation,

her laughter as sweet as the deadliest sin.

She looks into my eyes with nothing but determination,

bites my lip and gives a sigh.

She takes what she wants without hesitation,

weaving her magic into the air.

At last I am told that my time is over,

she ***** my soul out without a care.
Sun
Saudia R Apr 2018
Sun
You lied
and said
you were the Sun

How foolish I was
to keep you
in my Sky
Saudia R Apr 2016
Before my time is up,
and this moment in life passes,
I want you in every fiber of my being.
So when this body withers,
and ash is dust once more,
I want my soul to be
slowly consumed by yours.
Saudia R Oct 2016
I'm glad I stayed today,
because now,
I'll be here tomorrow.
Saudia R Apr 2016
And even though our moment has passed,
like a photograph stopping time for all eternity,
the sweet pain of the memory will stay with me,
always.
Saudia R May 2020
I hate who I am

And I never want to get to the point
where I leave you


because I leave me.
Saudia R May 2016
May we meet again.
Someday not too far.
To give us time to heal,
and feel once again.
On a sunny day with wet grass.
By lakes of crystal and trees of brass.
Through burrowed Mountains we shall run,
to reach peaks of power and fortitude.
Where we two will be one,
once again whole and full,
and no longer looking to the shadows
for food.
But until that time...
let us wander a bit more,
until we are ready to come home.
Saudia R Apr 2016
I lie to your face so I can lie to my soul.
Pretending that it's you I must deceive.
When really it is myself who can't seem
to see the truth and believe.
Because if I see the truth and acknowledge it,
I will prove to myself that I'm just a fake.
Hiding behind words of fantasy
to escape my reality.
Saudia R Nov 2018
All waves

turn to smooth waters

eventually
Time can and will heal everything
Saudia R Dec 2011
Sweet scents, on a drifting wind of nothing but dreams.

                                                        ­         Swift motions, of a strong current flowing through your soul.

                                  Grazing fingers, breaking skin with a fiery touch.

    Soft moans, whispering silent promises throughout the night.

                                                         ­                            Leaving only pleasure in the Weeping Willow of our love.
Saudia R Dec 2013
Nature is my mother, my father man,
together or apart my life in their hands.
Each owns thought shape my being,
deciding, deciding, am I ready yet?
To face the world and reflect it’s thoughts.
Why am I here? Who am I? What is this box?
Never knowing the answer, but seeing through my soul.
How do they know? Why can they see me? Will I ever be told?
Then they decide who I will finally be.
Whether to hurt or protect? We shall finally see.
But I warn you,
before,
you decide that you can,
define me, refine me, change me by hand.
That I am you and you are me,
and without due care,
you might untimely see,
us shatter.
Who
Saudia R Aug 2018
Who
Who do you cry too

When everyone cries to you
As always, writing has been the strongest way I'm able to express myself and work out emotions I  sometimes can't talk about.
Saudia R Apr 2018
Our Hearts
stare
at one another

With wishes
So easily granted
Saudia R Apr 2018
Today was a bit easier
I realized that I didn't cry when I thought about you

Instead I was laughing at something stupid that I did
Remembering that moment I spilt my drink everywhere
and all you said was

Sauds

And even though I rushed to clean it up
you were right there beside me mopping up my mess

Laughing and commenting on my cleaning abilities

I felt bad that I made you wait
but you didn't care
cause that's just the type of guy you were

An easy smile and an open hand
ready at any moment to reach out
and help

I wish we could have helped you
I wish we saw something sooner
I wish I had the power to give you some of my years
cause Lord knows you would have used them wiser

But I know I shouldn't say that
think that
because it wont make the hurt go away

It wont bring you back
but that hope that you'll walk through the door is still there

I don't think it will ever go away
Today we did a tribute piece for Paolo, he was a dancer, and they redid some of the pieces he choreographed. It was...soothing, happy. The pain is still there, but it's not as sharp.
Saudia R Jun 2019
They always say home is where the heart is

but we always assume the heart is with someone else

Do you see
why that home will always be broken

home has always been with you
and will always be with you

Home is where the heart is

Home

...
is you

— The End —