Today I turn 20
But my heart feels 80
With a face maybe 18
My mind runs on 90

I need but 3 seconds to cry
2 hours to stop
2 minutes to write
Maybe a lifetime to forget

And 20 seconds later...
The memories come flooding back.

Three-thirty in the morning and I
Can't stop thinking about you
You've taken me places that I never thought
I never thought I could be
The cool chill of the Spring night's breeze
Makes my hair stand on end
But let's not pretend
You leave the same effect on me

You know what you do to me, don't you?
When we met for the first time
it felt like its been a long long time
That I've known you
And you just took my breath away

My eyes are heavy and the world has worn me down
But with you I can never firmly frown
You've made me happier than I've been
I've been in a long long time
Like a branch in a tree
You've grown to be a part of me
It's not like I can easily be
Far apart from you

Someday I might be a story,
Maybe, just a fragment of your history,
But it is the present now,
I will seize it because I know,
Time waits for no one,
Moments never freeze,
A touch from the breeze,
And the memory is shattered,
Like it never happened,
But for now I have you,
And you have me,
And we will be,
A "you and me".

There are a million different ways to feel,
Pain and fear, before you start to heal.

Sometimes it comes all at once—
A punch to the gut, a kick to your shin.

Other times it’s like a haunting echo,
Nibbling in the depths of your mind — a soft bellow.

Late at night when you toss and turn,
It creeps upon you with a slow, aching burn.

If too much catches you by surprise—
You burst fast and bright, like fireworks against the night sky.

Try to control it and it fancies a little dance with you,
Little contractions to keep you on your toes—
slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

Never mind the anxiety you try to hide,
That feeling between Fear and Pain,
It is Agony, but you can call it any other name.

Come and play in the land of the lost
They who stay will come
They will host
They will charm

Take a stroll along the beach
Moonlight high in the sky
Trail the bank that lines the lake
Boatman glides and ripples the shine

The breeze blow across the land
Whispering trees with bent branches plan
The revelry in secret groves
In corners lost and never known

Fairies shimmer among the leaves
Imps grinning and hanging from the trees
Laughs that ****** light and low
Send me shivers across the land and though

Sleeping children are far away
Tucked tight in their beds
Their dreams hold sway
On their minds when they open sleepy eyes the next day

Again at night they hear the laughs
From a land beyond
That reality has lost

I can’t read the stars
I can’t see the future
What I can read is what is in front of me
What I can see is this moment
All I can be is me

You act like everything's okay,
So I shall treat you that way,
Until the day you decide,
That you don't want to stay away.

It's alright for things to be this way,
You're not ready yet
I won't try to make you sway.


Even if I want to -
I can't make you stay.

Sometimes.
No, almost all the time,
I think I,
When I,
Look at you hard enough,
It's almost as if you're real,
Bright, like starlight,
Shining diamond in the rough,
I see you still with my eyes shut tight.

Bright, too bright,
Painful to look at.
You scare me like that,
Yet I'm still drawn to you,
It is a fact.

Bright, too bright,
I will hide from your light.

Here I am sitting in a bus
Something so everyday
Motion in tandem
Here where thoughts stray
Where everyone drowns
In thoughts maybe not their own
Here where no eyes meet
But all eyes see
Everyone speaks without a word
Here we are, all in a bus.

In the city she faced two streets
One brightly lit and full of treats
Opposite of the first the second your attention could not keep
Life there seemed to be fast asleep
Perambulating to and fro
Unsure of which way to go
She finally stops and sits to think
Her feelings filling to the brim
Toying at the edge they sit
Taunting and daunting
Her growing fear
But she straightens her back
And holds her chin up high
Challenging her feelings straight in the eye
"I am not afraid to die.
There's nothing I fear more than living a lie."
She took the second street at a run
The blood in her veins humming.

I close my eyes to the world,
In the dark depths of the night,
To wake to the next weary dawn,
My head waits for infinite rest,
For it to come calling,
I would be glad.

The table has been laid
The cards shuffled and spread
It's all or nothing
A bead of sweat dripping

It's a one-way street
You can’t turn around
Stop in your tracks, think
But take heed, there's no going back

Like a sword to its mark
Swinging a wide, graceful arc
Slicing through doubt with fear
Don't try to return my dear

Fly over the mountains
Soar over the hills
Find the sea yonder
With the wind in your sail

Every once I'm happy,
Twice I'm sad
Ice slides down my back
Don't do something you'd regret
My hands tremble
From the weight of my life
I am caught in my sentiment

Twice unhappy
Joy come back to me
Fly free on high winds
The damp, dark earth beckons
I push myself off the floor
Hark the shadows that awaken
Gone is my ephemeral sentiment

The moon looms
Big and bright
It has been some time
Since I’ve sat
Basking in the silence of the night
I can't believe
Being alone could be noisy
As I sink into its depths
A million thoughts whirl
Stealing my breath.

How many times?
Have I followed this line?
I can't be sure
Feelings leftover
Like wraiths they linger
Silence ringing in my ears

It's part and parcel of growing up,
The things you gain and
The things you lose.
The pain you feel
When the shelter you've had couldn't protect you
Your mind reels
Your stumble, your fall,
The feeling of losing it all;
You're not in control,
But a pawn in Life's thrall.
You're never sure,
You're surely lost,
It's better to admit it now,
Then let your pride rule and before
The higher you climb,
The faster you fall.
It is a fact, you can never have it all.

should he love you,
he will not leave.
like the spring breeze,
intertwining with leaves in trees,
your hearts are wound.

should she love you,
she will not leave.
as sure as the waves crash to shore,
as the moonlight reflects the water's ocher,
she will be there for sure.

lovers together are stronger
than the gust that separates
        the leaves from trees,
than the waves that crashes
        on the sands of time,
even though promises lie broken
their hearts still awaken
when their other halves are near

I am the weight
I held you down
Kept you from flying too far
Anchoring you with gravity

But now it's over
I've been released
I am the weight no longer
I float from place to place

I need a new anchor
Pull me back down
Don't leave me to suffer
Don't leave me to drown

I wasn't made to fly
But every balloon needs a tie
I'll be your anchor
If you'll be mine

You can be my light
Complement my weight
When it becomes unbearable for me
You'll help me fly

Curled into a ball she sits,
Too shocked for a tear to leak,
Her heart a stone
Dragging her down
To a place of forever frowns
Rough and tumble
Lay her down
Wouldn't you lift her frown?
Red blood now turned dark brown
She may never turn back around
Hearts so heavy never make a sound
As she slowly sinks to the ground
Waiting for her love,
Waiting to be found.

Hope is like a church bell ringing,
The peace that calms a childling,
Bringing everyone's soul up-lifting,
Whenever troubles come a-knocking.

Sometimes I stop and think
You're so young, so full of joy
What would you know about
The bitterness of this life

So carefree you
Sway as you walk
Never doubting the dark corners
Barreling your way through

Then I stop and think
Are we meant for each other
Or will we break together?
Floating around in pieces?

What would you know of hate?
You've barely learnt to love
Who's to say your patience won't wane
When the moon shrinks smaller?

Whenever you smile at me,
I try...
I try not to smile to myself
But my lips betray me
They move slowly over time
Corners turn upwards and curved line

When your eyes crinkle at the corners
I try...
I try not to notice
How long your lashes are
Or how your eyes reflect the light

When you laugh and double over
I try...
I try not to wonder
What made you laugh so hard
Or why I'm not laughing even harder

I try...
I try so hard to pretend not to care
When in fact I do, I really, really do
And all I need is for you
To try to notice that I need you.

Hello my old friend
It's been sometime since we spent
Time and space together
Feeling as light as a feather

Did you feel the weight of today's weather?
I couldn't help but take a breather
It's been sometime since we spent
A nice day cuddling together

When you call on me now
You're either drunk or asunder
I can't decide if I should feel like cheap leather
Part of something old, becoming a bother

Why do this now?
Does it make you feel better?
I hope it does,
So it makes one of us.

We could've met on a side walk
Or bumped in a corridor
Either way we would've crossed
Even if you're away, away, away,
The memories we had are here to stay

You jumped in with both eyes closed
Never did you think I'd know
More about you than you did yourself
But it's okay, I'm alright
I'm glad I'm standing by your side

We could've sat side by side
On a bus, a train, a bar
But what matters is our lives have crossed
Though now you're gone, gone, gone
Memories of our time are now one

You jumped in with both eyes closed
Never did you think I'd know
More about you than you did yourself
But it's okay, I'm alright
I'm glad I'm standing by your side

We met one day, some sunny day
Knowing nothing about "the right way"
To start, maybe loving again.
But there's threads connected, hearts that fluttered
We said things we never thought we'd say again.

You jumped in with both eyes closed
Never did you think I'd know
More about you than you did yourself
But it's okay, I'm alright
I'm glad I'm standing by your side

sometimes time stops
everyone freezes, expressions still
friendships hit a stalemate
one step forward or one step back?
no one wants to commit what they cannot take back

sitting on the fence
is the new way to make friends
no one wants to be bad
but no one stands up for good
everybody just wants to be a piece of the neighborhood

you can't always win
you won't always lose
but no one wants their neck in the social noose
its the art of chasing a wild goose
but you will never win if you're afraid to lose

people speak but they don't talk
i love the cold weather; oh yes talk light as a feather
on the inside they cut and grieve
but no one wears their heart on their sleeve
everyone judges, everyone leaves

you think you know but you don't
you think you've tried but in fact you won't
you think you're winning but you're not
you think you're free but you're a dead knot
you think you're getting by, but really, it's a lie.

all that glitters may not be gold
all that shines may not be mine
all that sparkles may still die
all that tempts may still wither with time.

you don't have to try so hard
I can still understand your heart
you only need to open up
i promise i won't cut you up
i will be there till the end
i will walk with you, just because, my friend.

Eyes stare dark and deep
Light leaks streaking by
Countless tunes humming by
On and on she stares
Until he has nothing left to bare

Taut and tense
That charge in the air
Fingers pulling at her hair
Her lips hold their corners curved
Mona Lisa hiding in their folds

Secrets swimming in her dress
Round she twirls amidst the stares
They watch enthralled as she turns and gaze
Her lids heavy and her hands wave
Tender touches are what they crave
But she will take her love

Fragile and frail is that love
That she holds far above
She cannot see
Neither will she feel
Until the film ends on its reel
Until she long sleeps in the field

The lady who loved and gambled
Now the lady who lost
Never to come back
Her eyes die
All fades to black
Nothingness there

If words were leaves
Rustling in the breeze
Whispering with ease
Thoughts and feelings
I will then say
There will never be enough leaves
On any tree
To express me
No words would be able to break free
To get to you from me.

I am trying to let go
But my thoughts only burrow
Digging deeper and deeper
Bringing me to places
I no longer want to go

I am fighting to let go
Each push I make is slow
Languid and shallow
Blow does the wind blow
I feel like I'm sinking low

I am hoping to let go
To and fro, to and fro
My thoughts and actions go
Back and forth but oh
Hope is a blessing and a bane
On this path I cannot remain

I am letting go
Goodbye to what I know
I'll try my hardest to grow.
The yoke is round my neck
But I shall move the plough
I can take it nice, I will take it slow

this is the place that quiets the sounds
soothes my soul and stills my mind
fast-racing thoughts slow in pace and find
their places in the compartments where they lie
in wait until i call them to life
with pen and paper
i write them line by line
without you i might have lost my mind

i sit and think in this place
my sanctuary when the world goes awry
its alright to be quiet
its alight not to smile
even better if you do not talk
but share a comfortable silence
be physically near
smell the books and their aged spines
tell their stories that came before you and i

The whir of the engine
In the dark night
Marquees blur as the car drives by
Night lights flash and fade

High on music
Lights and sound
Feeling alone in a crowded room
Bodies all around
Alive and loud but without a sound

Booming beats
Spreading numb
Becoming someone I shouldn't become
Unraveling in revelry
The threads are undone

I stand on the edge and peek
As expected it is there,
What I seek.
It is my friend, a fickle one I know-
Without some luck it'd be a foe.

I fly, I fly, it takes me high
So high I become blind
Then I fall, I fall, I free fall
There's no other way
To come back down.

Love, love, love
A thing you know
(or think you know)
This same friend
That might be your foe.

Must you go - can't you stay?
And never look back - didn't you say?
Rosy and bright - the future looked that night,
Keys clanging in your pocket as we walked on by
X’s and O’s left behind

A lone flower stays
Where the broken vase lays
Busking in the sun's dying rays.
Will it thrive or will it die?
The leaves look to the light
Petals gently curling in sight

As the sun sets
There is no room left for regret
As with all that's said and done
It is not uncertain
It cannot be undone
Don't look back and carry on.

As the flower dies,  
The stars watch the moon rise.

The nights are cold
The roads are rough
But tremble not
You know you're tough
The fact you've put in effort is enough
It's ok to sit back, enjoy, and laugh

The nights are long
The journey gets tough
You brace yourself
Enough, you think, is enough
You put your foot down
And stomp real hard
You've come this far
They'll just have to let you pass

Sometimes I try to sleep
It's a small step I take to keep
All the noise in head

Sometimes I struggle to breathe
Another step everyday
To keep the rhythm in my head

There are times I fight to keep
The white noise ringing in my vision
White lights blaring in my eye

In these times I try to stop
I fight to think, lock my feet, grit my teeth
If I fail I sink, I crash and burn

Times like these are trials I'll keep
In my pocket, a silent raging noise
I won't forget, I won't regret.

floating on air
slipping on ice
hardly hear the rolling dice
have no eyes
i cannot see
what it is i'm meant to be

drops of rain hitting the pane
rays of sun
shots ringing from a gun
have no ears
i cannot hear
what it is i'm meant to fear

petals of a flower
feather touch of my duvet cover
blades from a knife silver
have no heart
i cannot feel
what it is i'm meant to touch

i cannot see
i cannot hear
i cannot feel
what worth have i
when it is a non-being that am i

Should I let the current pull me away from land?

Breakups are like being uprooted from your home,
Pulled away from the familiar
Things you're comfortable with and things you've known
Finding yourself in the weirdest situations
Not quite comfortable in your skin

I've lost the boy who sang to me
I've lost what I thought was meant to be
I can no longer look at this place without remembering the times we had
A sin I indulge in when I'm feeling sad
I'm lost and I'm not sure if I can be found
I hope he sees this but I hope he's bound
I can't make up my mind
The words choke me up
I drown

This is not a poem
This is not a song
I can't think of either
Without my smile going down

This is not a sonnet
This is not a love song
Those were what we exchanged
But you've buried me down
Locked me up
Tied me down
I hope you're happy
I hope you won't frown
I hope you know I love you
I think you should know
Even now.

I hope you see this
But then I hope you don't
I hope you've found someone
But I hope you don't

This is not a poem
This cannot be my song
I cannot claim to keep
What was so fleeting
So transient I tripped

I'm in the middle
Of standing still
The crowd continues dancing to the beat,
I feel like I'm being knocked off my feet,
But no -
I have been stuck where I stand,
The same thing again, since I was 10.

Nothing has changed,
Dad remains
A wilful child.
Mum has left
My sisters are depressed
Emotions left undone

I sleep with my eyes open
My mind like the dawn
I think -
How much longer will this take
I am tiring of being the only one stuck
It's like I need a one tonne truck
To tow me away and away

I feel like I've been looking from afar
So detached, a door left ajar.
I'm wondering what I should do
To bring myself back to you.

But coming back has its hardships too
Your heart may have stopped
Or another could then be with you
I don't know if my confidence will come through

Our minds are weary
Its time to take a break
Your heart feels heavy
Oh, how I know, it sinks.


Yet, would you still brave the wild for me?

You think I don't see you
Oh no...but I do.
You feel I don't know you
Oh no...but I do.

A mind so old
Saddled with a young soul
Deceives the sharpest eye
Passing through guarded hearts.

Oh no...just not mine.

Before I turn old and grey,
And begin to fade away,
Hold on to me tight
So I won’t slip away into the night.

You once had me in the palm of your hand,
But you squeezed too hard,
I could not breathe,
I could not shout,
And now -
I
Just
Want
To
Be
Let
Out.

I cry and scream,
Kick and flail,
Silent anguish turn into wails,
Oh how our love so frail,
Is
Gone,
Has
Failed.

By the bus stop
By the lake
By the curb beside my leg
In the sun
Or in the rain
In the cold
I'm shivering in
Wait wait wait wait
Waiting for the falling rain
In a drought has never been
I am atoning for my sin
Wait wait wait wait
Waiting for the flowers to bloom
In a winter storm has never been
I am barely holding it in
Wait wait wait wait
For the love of god
My soul to take
I cannot run from my fate
If it is to waste away while I wait

I could measure the tips
Of the mountain tops
Peak to peak
With my small hands
Minuscule they were
Those tiny mounds
Yet up close
They tower high
Peaks in clouds
In mystery and shroud
Like your mind is to mine
Your thoughts elude me
Far and high
I cannot deny
That this does terrify.

The crinkle in your eyes
Was made to never die
I can see hope reflected in them
When side by side we lie

The greatest love
Could also be the greatest hate
No one but us can dictate
Both our fates

So side by side we lay
As night turned into day
And the silence faded away

I can hear the echoes of the tunes
You sang on the first of nights
I hummed along
And before long
The tune made a home
In my head
You sang those tunes
As the strings were strummed
The crowd swooned
Please, sing me a tune.

they shine from afar
those tiny globes of light
beacons in their own right
they last on through the night

Guides in the dark
They're always there
Sober or drunk
Quietly waiting in the dark

Streams of words from your friend
Advice she gave
Friend-to-friend
Was always made to bend

Words never set in stone
They twist, yes, they turn
Like the tiny lights
Ephemerally exust from time to time

many a type of silence
will be encountered in life
some lingering unwanted
some sorely bygone and lamented

pleasant silences in happiness
silence that hums when enjoyment comes
excited silences before a crowd goes wild
smiling silences when a baby is born

then the unpleasant, miserable and down-trodden
black doom that throws gloom
rumbling and groaning drown
the sea of despairing frowns

have you heard the silence
whispering in your ear
feeding in the dark
feeding on your fear

it can hear your thoughts
the nagging worry
grief and sorrow brew
silence a black hole it grew

hiding in your blanket
your little safety net
praying it will go
but that was ages ago

before you think of a solution,
you need to regard the problem.
but where there is a problem,
there will always be a solution waiting to be found.
easy way or hard way,
it will come one day.
before your patience starts to fade away,
don’t let your mind stray.

I'll meet you by the carousel,
Where we'll kiss and never tell,
And when we leave we'll keep looking back,
Neither of us wanting to forget,
The good time we had.
We would text and we would call,
Do that same funny dance,
But that's not all.
We both know we're going to fall,
Neither can admit that right now,
It's better to just stall.

Sometimes it starts
It's faint, but quaint,
Whispering across your skin
A breath, the fog
There's no need to talk
Silence is all you need
In your conflicting state of mind.

You sit, it speaks
Volumes to me
Words can't quite convey
Your thoughts, your feelings,
The rushes of contrary
Swirling in your contradicting states of mind

You hesitate, and take a little light step
Making a mockery of grace
But then you taste the rain in the air
You decide that life's never fair
Pretty or just, both seem to rust
Leaving you with the unrestful state of mind.