She caught me
climbing up the stairs,
naked as an ape,
in the lonely hours
of the morning.
“You used to enjoy
these kinda sights.”
She slammed the door
and went back to bed.

Perhaps we
are both addicted
to the sensation,
the euphoria,
the madness,
of loving from afar.

The needle dances
across my skin,
again.
Writing memories
upon my body
like postcards from
another time.

I don’t know
when or where,
but I know I’ll
meet you there

I prefer
the certainty
of separation
Than the
uncertainty
of 'almost'

What could you and I
do with more whiskey and a
little more bruising?

7:07 PM
16/12/19

Kisses for you
for lunch and
for dinner-
for now
'til eternity.

The heart-strings that you pull
The plastic love inside of you
How long can you make it last?
She can’t see through your mask
Your instincts got the best of you
Why couldn’t you just let her be?
Before you know it there’s no turning back
And once it all starts to fade to black
You wonder what you've gotten yourself into
Watching as your plan is falling through
How will you get yourself out of this one?
It’s too late now, it's all been said and done

Our love is
like a polaroid-
it developed slowly and
even shaken along the way.
But no matter what our
perfect picture has endured,
it will always be worth framing
as long as you are
center frame.

The sharp claws you hide
beneath your tender fingers
do not frighten me

4:06 PM
26/10/20

Truly,
The stories and songs fall short of your beauty
Truly,
your beauty surpasses even the largest sea

Empty night
Fading light
it was raining glass
in the broken part of town
Hollow night
Dying light
The stars comes to pass
And I am going down
Like the moon
Gone too soon
Waiting on the sun
When all is said and done

It’s only been two days
But it’s true, I miss you
I tell myself it’s just a faze
To stop myself from feeling blue
but spring has never felt colder
My bed's never felt so empty
Now, all I can do is wait for summer
To bask in your warmth and all your beauty

Dear diary;
I have thought a lot
about leaving this all behind
and buying a one-way ticket
to anywhere where no one
knows my name.
I want to forget who I am
and lose myself
in another's culture.
I want to stay until I tire
and do it all again
somewhere else.

I am sick
and tired
of writing
about heartache
time and
time again.
All I want
is to catch a break;
To put down
my weary pen
and face the day
smiling in my wake

There is a park bench
where lovers sit -
where we could have sat;
I pass it every day.
There is a hotel
in Monaco
where lovers go -
where we could go,
I dream it every night.
There is a beach in town
with sun and joy abound,
where lovers lie -
where we could lie.
There is a bed
In a room, in a home
where lovers live,
where we could have lived
happily ever after.

She waits
Waiting for the phone to ring
Waiting for an end in the arguing
It keeps her up all night
but she’s gotten used to the silence
In the darkness, she finds a balance
her mind races
Each passing day feels the same
When repetition is her only game
dragging herself out of bed
hanging onto life by the thread
And out into the world she goes
but inside, she withers like a rose
Feeling like an unread book upon the shelf
Ink upon her skin, she’s an artwork in itself
standing there in her home-made dress
she sewed with the threads of distress
But she’s not dressed to impress
The perfect mess

If I could
rearrange the Earth,
all of the flowers would
spell your name.

For a few months,
you’ll think you’re making progress;
don’t fool yourself,
You haven’t even started.
Everything will smell like him.
Your pillow,
your clothes,
even the air.
You'll even still have their cards and photos
lined upon your bedside table.
You'll get drunk,
and you'll send them poems you wrote,
and songs that remind you of them.  
They'll tell you you’re a good writer,
and this will be the last real thing
they ever say to you.
You'll find you won't be able to write
if it's not about them,
they still plague your mind,
your thoughts,
and your dreams.
The first poem you write that’s not about them
will feel like victory at last.
It won’t be.
They'll always find a way
to slither back into your words.
Your friends will keep listening to you weep,
as they weep over the one that got away too.
They come and go in the middle of your favorite songs,
between each beat you see their smile,
and their beauty in every piece of art;
their beauty in every stroke.
Whenever someone asks you what your favorite color is,
you just want to say 'their eyes'.
They light up like a lake in twilight,
like the moon you shared your first kiss below.
You'll want to go back there for closure.
You still haven’t done it yet.
You aren’t ready to let go.
If you do go you know it'll only make it worse.
And for the rest of your life,
you will be hoping to meet someone
as magical as them.
Every soul that catches your eye,
you won’t really be looking at them.
You’ll be searching for them.
You’ll never find them again.

Just keep climbing
until you become the sky
Just keep climbing
until you become the heavens
Just keep climbing
until you become the future
We’ve climbed these mountains
with bare hands and heavy minds
screaming at our upward battles
so just keep climbing
until you become what you seek

Hand in hand,
standing at the gates of Hell.
Nothing else exists,
but for the flames
of Turkmenistan
burning as bright
as the love
between
us two.

I've been dancing
with the ghost
of you
I've been dreaming
of the past,
it's true
Now I'm thinking
of the present,
today
But you wished it
to hell and all
away

Write down everything
you hate about them and burn
it with the photos

11:37 AM
24/12/20

One day
you will forget me.
When your sun is
no longer in my orbit,
will there still be light
upon my world?

There she was
waiting in the twilight
disguised as a pixie
in a field of
magic mushrooms.
Her aqua hair
smells of the ocean-
the kind that washes into your dreams,
but me,
I did not have to dream
tonight.

I guess I’ll go back
to being cold and alone.
At least I had the privilege of
tasting those lips a dozen times-
but, honestly, I lost count.  
All I have left is a hazy daydream,
one that I think about
more than I should.
But the truth is,
you made me feel whole
for a couple weeks and I
couldn’t be more grateful for
your warmth and affection.
Good exchange in my opinion.
Take care of yourself.

what would I do
in between kissing
and drinking with you?
I would be so lost
and alone

You long for a
flower you haven't smelt
but reminds you
of home.

She had two lovers-
the sun and the moon who fought
so hard for her heart

5:36 PM
14/12/20

She tried to stay optimistic
But it left her cold and sick
Nothing good would come her way
She wanted to wish her life away

Your apologies
are empty and I don't give
out second chances

4:32 PM
30/11/20

I juggle with the
love and hate you have for me-
what am I to do?

1:10 AM
13/8/21

Your words are hollow.
Each one can be tossed
into the sea and drift back to you.
You will never navigate
these shores again.

As the clouds as my floor
And the red sky at my door
I feel my thoughts running through
There’s only so much i can do
Hours slowly pass, the night climbs
I’ll drift to sleep to pass the time
But it doesn’t work
I’m going beserk.

Baby, we're a meteor
and we killed the dinosaurs.
We scorched the Earth and
turned all that was
into ash.
Time has passed,
and not much has changed.
To this day,
I find myself
studying the fossils
and wandering
what could have been
if we had landed smoothly.

There’s a weight on my heart
And it’s ripping me apart
There’s a pressure in my chest
Again, it puts me to the test

I dated a witch-
her magic made me wish it
had never ended

6:34 PM
13/8/19

They’ll be
no sleep tonight
Not when you’re
on my mind
the night:
It’s cold, it’s silent
But your silence:
it freezes, it screams
It’s the loudest sound
The loudest sound
I ever heard

I do not get to hold you
But in my dreams that is not true
nor can I feel your tender kiss
but the thought alone brings me bliss

I do not get to dry your tears
but one day I’ll chase away your fears  
Nor can I see your glowing smile
The one that can warm any reptile

I do not get to hold your hand
But I can sing about you in a band
Nor can I wake up next to you
But give it time, we’ll make it true

Alone in a dream,
Alone wide awake
It’s in my bloodstream
It’s more than I can take
I fell asleep with a memory
It’s always the same mistake
when dreams are only temporary
It’s more than I can take

She was beautiful,
but not like those girls on TV.
She was beautiful,
for the way she thought.
for the way her eyes
twinkled when she talked
about anything she loved.
She was beautiful,
for the way she made me
smile like no other could.
She wasn't beautiful for her material self,
she was beautiful right down the soul.

I left my heart in Belgium
I left it on her bed
I thought it’d fade like autumn
Wither like leaves until dead
She said she’d hold it close
Keep it warm throughout winter
She’d treat it like a rose
And bring it back as warm as fire

I hope wherever you wander,
you find a piece of me
just like wherever I wander,
I find a piece of you.

I’ll get by
With a broken heart
It’s always been this way
From the start

I’ll get by
With heavy eyes
This exhaustion doesn’t
seem to die

I’ll get by
with a cluttered mind
where my anxieties always
leave me blind

I’ll get by
with a lingering shame
the one that turned me
into what I became

I always
do

I navigated
a sea of dumplings
in the heart of Japan
but none of them came close
to that perfect dumpling
I shared with you
in what now seems
like a dream.

If time is
a currency,
then spending it with you
was the best investment
I ever made.

Drunk again
on a Saturday night,
reminiscing about the
memories of a life I thought
I had forgotten
long ago.

I'm still waiting
for all the promises
we made under the moon
to return in
the stars.

Love does not have to
be perfect, it only has
to be shared with you

8:28 PM
9/8/19

I have created
another illusion of
connection to you

9:40 PM
12/8/21