There's this green monster
That lives deep inside

People tell me to get rid of it
And believe me, I've tried.

I told him I hate him
But I think I lied

So now he's running rampant
And my hands are tied.

All I want right now is rough *** and rock and roll, a hot bath and a loaded bowl.
To let loose a scream and eat chocolate ice cream.
To say "I'm fine" and have my turn to shine.

Because I detest that I need some rest, I try my best to reach the crest and keep from falling back

D
O
W
N

Close your eyes.
Pretend you're somewhere you're not
Maybe even someone you're not.

Think of something that gets you high,
Makes you fly,
Lets you soar through the sky.

That's where you'll find me.
A ray of shine on a cloudy day
Offering a hand to hold.

But it's a mistake,
You begin to shake,
And it's your soul I take.

I keep telling myself:
"I will find you in my dreams tonight"
But I never do.

Instead I'm running from
Things with sharp teeth
And an empty feeling I get...

When they don't catch up to me.

A Raven spoke to me this morning.
He asked, "follow me?"
I asked him, "where?"
His only response: A blank stare.

So I spit out more questions like,
"how do we get there?", "will we be gone long?"
He took a long breath. "My dear, your questions are all wrong."

Feeling defeated, I let out a sigh.
Eyes burning, I threatened to cry
The raven seemed to know why
And took to the sky.

He told me I too could fly,
I only need try.

Am I the only one
That loves others this much?
This instantly?
This intensely

I miss the days when we were young
And inseparable.
Friendships meant more.

I feel like I never grew out of those friendships
But they grew out of me.

All I want is for someone to text me all the time,
Invite me out all the time,
Just want to be in my presence and hang out.
Is this selfish?

I give and I give.
Until there's nothing left
But the wondering if I'm even
A good friend to have.

I had a dream last night
That you found me again
All open arms and waiting
To forgive you.

But when I woke,
The coppery taste of blood on my tongue
I knew the dream
Was just a lie.

I think of you often
Do you think of me too?
You're probably just busy
I don't want to bother you.

I find myself reaching
For the friendship we had
But I'm left grasping at nothing
And this makes me sad.

Our talks lately are empty,
Shallow and subdued
I don't know what I've done
To make our friendship come unglued

I think of you often
Do you think of me too?
I just want to say
I'll always be here for you.

Getting inked soon
To remember you.
A stain on my skin
Because the one on my heart
Was wiped clean
When you left.

By the way, I'm
Feeling sad, alone, depressed, anxious,
Frantic, and seeking medication.
But you wouldn't know, you've
Forgotten me. Lost in your domestic bliss.
Friends get out of sync sometimes.
But I'm not blaming you.
Friends
Forever

Right?

Sad? Don’t eat.
Upset? Grab a drink.
Hell, do both
And try not to think.

Stay up late? Work in 2 hours.
Angry? Get laid.
Do whatever it takes
To get yourself paid.

But in the end, don’t worry about me.
This too will pass, because I want to be free.

I've been keeping my hair short
Because you liked it long,
And I'm not strong enough
To relive the feeling I got
When you ran your hands through it.

So I'll continue to cut off
The ends that are dead
Because you are too
And it makes me feel closer to you
Somehow.

I took your picture every winter
And in the summer it would melt.

I held the pieces in my hands
So you'd understand how I felt.

You said the ice has kept you safe
From the pain shone from above.

Until (me) the sun had come to earth
and showed you how to love.

"He's been having trouble sleeping again. But then he realizes he's been laying in the dark with his eyes open."

Stale cigarettes
Is the smell of my childhood.
And how burnt out am I
To feel nostalgic at that scent.

It was all carefree
As I played with fire
And I still had you
To call my friend.

But the fire quickly
Consumed us
And our lives
Went up in smoke.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to find myself
On top of a mountain
Far away from home.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to find you
On top of a mountain
Waiting for me.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to to escape the world.
On top of a mountain
I would find peace.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
And then I'd walk 1,000 more.

It's 3am
I'm on the couch (too far from you)
Feet soaking in an old cooking ***
Filled to the brim with cold water
Fading in
Fading out.
Morning light creeps in
And I wonder if I've slept at all.

I have all these pictures
Of us smiling,
But I didn't know
They would be the only ones.

You accepted me for who I was,
I loved all your flaws,
We were inseparable
Together, we took on our teenage years.

We had dreams
To escape an inescapable town
And avoid unavoidable futures
But I'm the only one that left.

You stayed behind
Though I begged you not to
And shunned me for my desire
To grow.

We were supposed to grow
Old together
But instead we grew
A    p   a    r   t     together.

They tell me I look tired.
"Did you get enough sleep?"
"Yes".
(No).

The exhaustion I feel,
Masked with a smile.
Fake enthusiasm
Hides my haunted gaze.

They'll never know
The nightmare that terrorized me
Only to wake in the arms of my love
Broken.

Meditation, medication
It doesn't make a difference.
I wake from a fitful 8 hours
With jaw pain and a foggy mind.

Then put on a smile
As a part of my outfit.
And try to pretend that I didn't
Cry myself awake.

My mind feels sick
Filled to the brim with self sabatoge
And a non-commital attitude.

Tears right on the edge
Of running down my cheek
And I say "running"
Because even they want to get away from me.

Then there's that exhaustion again
A sour feeling on my temples
And sore eyes from looking in the mirror.

Asking the big questions
I get nowhere
Will I ever find the answer
To why I can't let myself be happy?

The past few years have been nothing
But getting pushed down
And somehow standing back up.
I don't know how I do it, really.

It's like a never-ending storm
And I don't have a raincoat.
But walking along, soaking wet
Is soothing now.

Even when thoughts of death
Clouded my vision
And I sought help
I was turned down.

How did I survive?

I'm here,
I'm alive,
I'm trying to live my best life
I'm trying to be the best version of "me".

That's all any of us can do, right?

So I brush the dirt from my knees,
Wipe my hands on my pants
And continue about my day.

Where has your passion gone?
Is it buried down deep?
Are you only letting it out
In the safety of your sleep?

I'm tired love,
Of being your energy.
Find something that fuels you
Since I fear it's not me.

I wish I could ignite the flame
That you've let die
But I'm holding wet matches
That refuse to dry.

Please dear,
Just try...